Oooooooooohh Jack Kelly's backstoryyyyyyyy

Enjoy! :)

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Warning: transphobia, dysphoria, unsafe binding (plus unsafe situations--I don't know how else to describe it)

Jack Kelly was never fond of the name he had throughout his childhood. It never sat right with him. It didn't fit him. Not that he could tell anyone that. No one would believe him.

He doesn't have the fondest memories of his childhood. His mother died before he lived half a decade. His father wasn't the kindest soul. Money was tight and food was scarce.

But somehow, the two of them got by.

He still didn't feel right though.

It was his ninth birthday when he told his father that he didn't want to be a girl anymore. He was scared. Really scared. How would his father react?

For awhile, his father sat there in silence. Then, he told his son that he could start going by Francis instead of Frances, and wear boys' clothes--temporarily. He figured that this was something that might be grown out of. 

(A/N: common misconception among adults/parents/people in general. Identifying as trans is NOT a phase. Maybe you change your mind and decide that there's a different term that fits better. Having any queer/gender-non-conforming identity is NOT a phase.)

Young Jack, not knowing about all the thoughts going on in his father's mind, was absolutely thrilled. Even if it was going to be for a few months. He was a boy. No one could take that away from him.

The name Francis wasn't right, though. Making it a masculine name instead of a feminine name was...better...but it wasn't what fit. He didn't particularly care; as long as he got to live like this.

For a little over a year, it was just like this: a father-son duo against the world.

Until it all fell apart.

A lot of bad things went down.

His father got in a fight.

He was only trying to protect his only son.

But there were some things in his history that wouldn't just vanish into thin air.

Jack doesn't remember much about that day, aside from learning that his father was going to prison. That was when he learned that he would never see him again.

That was when New York began to lose its appeal.

He held on to a brochure his father gave him not too long before, one with cowboys on the cover advertising a magical faraway land known as Santa Fe. His father promised to take him there one day. Now Jack vowed that he would make it there to escape New York and all the bad memories for good. He had no clue if anyone or anything was waiting for him there, but there had to be something, right?

Seasons go by, with nothing but his dreams of Santa Fe and figuring out his next meal to help him through it all.

Until something goes wrong.

He got caught stealing food. He was sent to the Refuge. He had nothing but his name, a name that didn't even feel right. For as long as he could, he made sure that they only thought of him as a boy.

Until they found out that he wasn't.

The warden would look at him differently after that fact was found out.

Jack knew that he had to get out.

So he escaped.

He had a sweet getaway too.

He got a ride off the back of Teddy Roosevelt's carriage.

The story became legendary in time.

He stayed low after that. He changed his name. To something that he wanted.

Francis Sullivan was a part of the past.

It took some time, but then one day it hit him: Jack Kelly.

He doesn't quite recall how he thought of it.

He just knows that all of his bad feelings went away instantly.

Names are powerful. Jack knew that.

From that day on, he went by Jack Kelly.

He would puff out his chest with pride every time someone would call him by his name, by his true name: Jack Kelly.

Things...got worse when that chest did things Jack didn't want it to do. Same with everything else that came along with it. It was his worst nightmare. Because now he would have to face the fact that he actually wasn't a boy. And he couldn't bear that thought.

There was no way that he would ever go back to being a girl.

And so, to make sure that no one would ever find out, he would wrap his chest in bandages to hide it. It hurt, a lot, but it worked.

Not too long after, he discovered the Manhattan Newsies' Lodging House and the people who resided there. They welcomed him in. 

And, for the first time in a very long time, he felt like he belonged.

When he was around thirteen, he found someone like him. He bumped into a kid, who couldn't be more than two years younger than him, who refused to give Jack his name, who at first wanted nothing to do with him. Once they realized that they were alike in many ways, the kid stuck with Jack. Jack brought him back to the lodge, and gave the kid a home like the newsies did for him not too long ago.

The kid would be known as Racetrack.

Jack knew that that name was the right one for Race when he saw how happy it made him. That's when he knew he did something right for sure.

Throughout time, the other newsies would refer to Jack as Cowboy, given how much he wanted to run off to Santa Fe. He let them call him that; it's something that he always wanted. But no matter what, he always holds the name Jack Kelly close to his heart.

Even as he was helping Race and his identity, he struggled with his own. 

Some nights, he would stay awake, plagued by thoughts and voices and fear, all telling him that he'll never be the boy that he's *pretending* to be. He couldn't silence them.

Some of the only people Jack trust with his secret other than Race were Kid Blink and Mush. He would tell him about his troubles, and they would tell him about theirs. They didn't reveal that he wasn't born a boy, he doesn't reveal that they're together romantically. Not blackmailing; just a system of trust.

But Jack would still have those voices in the back of his mind, no matter how much people tried to help.

It got worse as the years went on. 

He would use more bandages to hide his chest, only wear clothes that didn't fit his figure. He would hurt his chest.

It was when Race got to be that age that Jack realized that he wasn't doing things right. If he was going to keep Race from ending up like him, he had to set an example. He taught Race how to bind in a safe way just after discovering one way himself. It worked for both of them.

Race looked up to Jack. Jack was happy to have a younger brother.

He still regrets betraying him during the strike.

There were too many things going on then.

It was revealed to everyone in that court room what Jack's real name was, a name that he never wanted to hear, ever again.

He disappointed David, too.

David.

His selling partner.

The boy he ended up falling in love with.

The boy who he wanted so badly to impress, the boy he wanted to make sure never had any reason to not like him.

He knew that night in the court room when David learned the truth about his past that things wouldn't be the same. It didn't matter that it wasn't the whole truth. It didn't matter that there were some important details left out. The damage had been done.

Pulitzer threatened him in a lot of ways that night. He knew Jack's secret. And he said he would hurt David. Jack had to make sure that that would never happen.

So he betrayed the newsies. His family. And David. His best friend. And it broke his heart.

When it was all over with, though, when Jack and David and Sarah and Les and Crutchy watched Spot and Race disappear into the distance in Roosevelt's carriage, Jack and David finally had some time to talk.

They had a deep conversation. About their feelings, and about Jack's past. He finally was able to open up and trust another person. And it's one of the best things that he ever did. Because when he said that he loved David...David said that he loved him back.

Finally, he had something else besides Santa Fe.

Life's not perfect. It never will be. Jack will always be haunted by his past. He won't ever be happy with the body that he has. But he has the newsies. He has Race. He has David. He has them all.

These are the people that make it all worth it.

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I've been wanting to write that for some time.

To me, Jack seems like the kind of person who could get very gender dysphoric, and I couldn't empathize more.

I don't have much to say here.

I knew that Francis was a gender fluid name (kinda), so I did some research. "Francis" and "Frances" are the same name, but just masculine and feminine. It would make sense for him to have been born Frances, and just change the letter when he wanted to be a boy.

So now you have Jack's back story, and Race's backstory.

And now that we know their history, now we can keep moving forward.

It's been a little heavy lately. I promise, it will get lighter, at some point. For the all of us, I hope it's soon.

Please, no homophobia or transphobia, profanities, hate etc in the comment section.

Best,

~Your Beloved Author (who is writing this at 2:40 am if this is bad writing please cut them some slack please)