Yeah, I kinda ended on a cliffhanger there. Well, now you no longer have to wait to see what happens!

Enjoy! :)

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Warning: dysphoria, internalized transphobia, and unsafe binding

(A/N: not gonna lie, I got a little emotional writing this)

Race is currently sitting in a chair in the bathroom of the newsies' lodge with his shirt off, trying to keep his face neutral. Jack is taking the time to unwrap all of the bandages (whose amount have been increasing each day) that Race wrapped around his wretched chest. Race sits silently through it. No other newsie is here; just them. 

That makes it better that no one is here; it spares Race a lot of shame and embarrassment. But it's also bad; he has no escape from Jack.

"I can't believe you did this, Race," Jack scolds him, disappointed, taking all of his anger out through words as his fingers move soft and gently. "You could have hurt yourself badly, you know that, right? As in, real bad."

Race continues to say nothing.

Some of the skin that's now exposed is red, some rubbed a little raw. Race is never going to hear the end of this, nor is he going to feel the end of this soon.

Jack's unwrapping the layers fast. "I thought I warned you against this." As he unwraps another layer, his fingers are just that much closer to the chest that Race hates with all his might. Race would only let Jack get this close to him. He doesn't trust anyone else to get this close to him. Jack continues, quickly, gently, methodically.

This is how it's supposed to be, right? Race thinks dryly. Two girls in the bathroom, helping each other with how they look. One sitting in a chair, getting all dolled up, the other doing her hair and such.

He winces out loud a little.

Stop it.

The Bad Voice continues. Because that's all you'll ever be. A girl wanting to present herself to the world and just trying to get by without causing unwanted attention.

Stop it, stop it, stop it.

Except the difference between you and those girls is that you ARE doing this for attention. This whole act is to make yourself different from everyone, trying to pretend you're special.

Race closes his eyes. A single tear escapes. Don't listen to that voice. Don't listen to it. If he repeats that enough, maybe it'll happen. With his hands clasped together, sitting as still as possible, he does nothing to stop the tear as it runs down his face. It hits Jack's finger as he's taking off the last layer.

Jack stops. "Aw, Race."

Jack goes from standing behind Race to being in front of him, then kneels down in front of him, eyes full of sadness and empathy.

"I hate this, Jack," Race's voice cracks from emotion. "I hate it all."

I know, Race, is what Jack wants to say. He bites his lip. He takes off the last of the bandages from Race's body. "Come here."

Race doesn't need to be told twice.

He welcomingly falls into Jack's embrace and sinks down to the floor with him.

They sit there in silence, not needing to say anything at all; just to give comfort and be comforted.

Then Race's breathing hitches. Not the kind that comes from binding too tightly; the kind that comes from the first cry before the heavy sobbing follows.

Jack holds Race close as Race sobs into his shoulder.

"It's okay, Race. I got you. Everything's going to be alright. Shh, shh, shh. It's okay."

It's everything that Race needs.

"It's okay," Jack repeats softly. "We're going to be okay."

Race sniffs. "I wish we were."

"Race-"

"No." Race leans out of the embrace. "We're stuck in these bodies forever. We can't do anything about it. There's no way out."

"I know-"

"Then you know how it's never going to be okay, right?"

Jack takes a deep breath in. He knows exactly what Race is going through. And even though Jack can't say that he's won that fight yet, that doesn't mean he'll let Race listen to those demons telling him he'll never make it. "I know there ain't much we can do about it."

Race starts taking deep breaths too. It's much easier now that his chest is free. He grabs his shirt and starts buttoning it up silently. He knows that Jack is going to have more to say.

"What we can do," Jack continues after a pause, "is change the way we think about it."

Race leans back in to Jack's arms. He's listening.

"You see..." Jack trails off. "Everyone likes to think that it's real simple. You're born a boy, you're a boy. You're born a girl, you're a girl. But there are those like us, who ain't like those boys and girls who know that they'se boys and girls. Well, we know that we'se boys and girls, but not in the way that everyone thinks it should be. We know that we're boys, even if the rest of the world wants to say that we're-" Jack swallows.

"That we're girls," Race finishes the sentence flatly.

"I can tell you're listening to that voice," Jack tells him sternly. "That one in your head that tries to tell you that this is fake. That you aren't good enough. That you'll never be a real boy."

"It's right, ain't it?"

Jack shakes his head. "Once you give in, you lose."

"...I ain't followin'."

"If you listen to that voice, you'll end up going no where. You know that you have external voices telling you that you're a boy, right?"

"It's hard to hear them sometimes," Race murmurs softly.

"I know," Jack responds with empathy. "I know. But you gotta listen to 'em. Because these newsies? Your family? They know that you're a boy. And they'll treat you like a boy. They don't care what your body looks like. You're a boy. And that's all that matters to them."

Race leans back and gives Jack a smile. He liked that. But there's still something he needs to know.

"But...how does that help with what my body does look like?" Race asks curiously. "How am I supposed to feel different about it?"

Jack sighs. "I haven't figured that out yet."

Race deflates a little. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up.

"Hey. Look at me." Jack tips Race's chin up with his finger so they're looking into each other's eyes. "We'll figure it out together."

That gets Race to feel a little bit better.

"Because I'm always gonna be here for you," Jack tells Race. "You know that, yeah? And I know that you'll be there for me. We'll figure it out together. It's like trying to sell a paper with a bad headline: you need to work with what you got. What you got ain't always perfect, but how you perceive it, how you present it, how you feel about it, that's everything."

Race smiles. Jack smiles back.

"So bind safely, okay?" Jack drives his point home. "That's one way that helps us present. It ain't the best thing we can do, but hey, it works. Just don't do something like this again, okay? I care about you. You're my brother. I can't lose you. I don't want to see you hurt. Can you maybe promise to bind safely in the future, and I'll do the same?"

Race sits quietly for a few moments. Then he leans back into Jack. "I promise."

Jack holds Race close. "I promise too."

"Thanks for all you said there, Jack. I really needed to hear that."

"Yeah, I know you needed it." And I needed to hear it too.

With nothing else to say, they sit there in silence, still in an embrace, silently reminding the other that they're valid, and in the end, everything will be okay.

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Every emotion. I hit every emotion while writing this. 

I love Jack and Race's friendship so much. They have a strong bond.

I took all of my gender dysphoria and internalized transphobia and poured it into Race at the beginning. It's hard to live with. And with no one there to tell you that you are valid...it's so much worse.

And no matter how much you tell yourself that you're valid, there's still that nagging voice that's deadnaming you or misgendering you or telling you that this is what the world sees, so what's the point in trying to be anything else? Why are you pretending to be something else when you will always be this?

It feels weird putting warnings up in most of my chapters so far. Granted, it's not that many chapters yet but still. Because I'm venturing into something deep, and it's not always light and fluffy.

Gender dysphoria is a real thing. Some feel a little, some feel a lot. You are valid no matter how much or how little gender dysphoria you feel. We need to all help each other through it. Make sure that everyone always feels validated.

Because the only thing stronger than gender dysphoria is gender euphoria. I've felt both. And let me tell you, gender euphoria is like walking on air. It's did I hear that right? DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT? and smiling until your face hurts from smiling too much and finally feeling that maybe all of that turmoil was for something, and you finally found the way out of the darkness, and so much more. It's amazing. And when you read it/watch it happen to someone else, you can feel their gender euphoria and you can get emotional from knowing that they have found their happiness and acceptance and it's one of the greatest things in the world.

I hope you liked Jack and Race's heart to heart. 

So...I may or may not be writing a back story for Jack...if I can get any opinions on that idea those would be welcome...

Please, no homophobia or transphobia, profanities, hate etc in the comment section.

Best,

~Your Beloved Author (who saw a performance of the Mean Girls Musical tour which means that they got to see Sky Flaherty in person on stage performing with their own eyes)