C H A P T E R   52 :   F U T U R E   L O O K S   G O O D

"'Cause there's still too long to the weekend
Too long till I drown in your hands
Too long since I've been a fool

We're alike, you and I
Two blue hearts locked in our wrong minds
So can we make the most out of no time?
Can you hold me?
Can you make me leave my demons and my broken pieces behind?"

"Felicia?" Jean asked me one day later, when we were back in the mansion. I had just finished my breakfast and was about to head to first class when that sea of red appeared in front of me like a flag of warning. "I wanted to talk to you."

Oh, shit, I thought as my heart started beating like a techno mix. I tried to read between the lines of her face, but Jean knew how to compose a perfectly indecipherable expression. Please don't be about Logan, please tell me you didn't find out.

"Okay." I said and started walking down the fields around the mansion with her. Logan and I had barely talked since the day before, except for him telling me he wouldn't ask Charles right away about ending our private lessons and make me his partner in the group ones because that could raise suspicions as to if something had happened in the school trip.

"I wanted to apologize." She declared, her face opening in a small smile of embarrassment. "For how I treated you when you got here and so on. I know I wasn't always the kindest to you, and I'm sorry. I don't usually judge people, but I admit I did let my... jealousy get the best of me. All I saw when I looked at you for the first time was the cat burglar the news talked about and I knew you deserved a second chance, everyone does, but I couldn't bring myself to see past that. I was harsh and unfair to you. But now... now I see there's so much more to you, and you're strong and fought bravely against HYDRA. So I really am sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

I didn't say anything for a while. It was as if suddenly I didn't know how to speak anymore, the words clashing ambiguously inside my brain.

"I... I'm sorry too." I ended up saying, and her eyebrows skyrocketed to her hairline. "I wasn't fair or nice to you either and you didn't deserve it. I'm a different person from when I first got here and everyone in here has helped me change. Including you."

"So I'm forgiven?" She questioned, a warm smile spreading across her lips.

"Yeah. Am I?"

"Of course." She said, and then winked. Jean Freaking Grey winked at me. And for a moment there, I saw why Logan had fallen for her. "Honestly, despite not looking like it for a long time, I am happy Logan found someone like you and that he has you in his life. You're good for him. And I know he's good for you too."

Her voice was casual and laidback, as if she was just talking about two friends. It didn't seem like she knew, and I let myself have a sigh of relief.

"Yes. We are. But you two are good for one another as well."

"I guess that's just how humans work." She shrugged. "We need each other to see the good in us."

***

One week later, Logan finally talked to Charles and to my surprise, he was not only okay with the idea but also very supportive of it. My schedule got adjusted, and I had more free time now so I could help Logan with his classes. But of course we had to face some resistance. First it was Scott, who wouldn't stop complaining about it and finding arguments to persuade everyone it was a bad idea, but surprisingly, Jean took our side and told him to shut up. Then, naturally, it was Tara.

"Ok, everyone, I got something I wanna tell you." Logan started, bringing his hands together to draw everyone's attention in class. We were outside by the outdoor gym, the late sun of March bronzing our skins. "As of today, I'm going to have someone to help me train you, someone who has some good experience on the field and that can help you think and act strategically and realistically. Felicia, wanna step forward?"

I noticed the student's eyes widening when I stood beside Logan and the whispers and murmurs being exchanged between them.

"Thank you, God." I heard a guy say.

"Yes, this is going to get so much more interesting." Another one added.

"I can't wait to workout with her, I wanna try her fighting moves." A third one whispered, making Logan's irritation grow considerably stronger. I assumed he hadn't considered the possibility of having to deal with comments like this, but he'd have to control his jealousy if he didn't want people to find out.

"So you're just going to stop being a student and become a teacher? What's the logic in that?" Someone else asked.

"I'm not a teacher, just an assistant. A trainee, if you'd like. Honestly, don't you prefer someone that isn't always in a bad mood bossing you around? I'll go soft on you. I'll make Logan go soft on you as well." My eyes darted to his and he looked at me with 'As if' visible on his stare. I simply smirked back at him and clapped my hands. "Alright, what are we waiting for? Let's get started, there's a lot of asses to kick!"

***

The training was going surprisingly well, with not many students complaining about the abrupt, weird change. Most of them, as I could tell from the line of people in front of me, were happy they wouldn't have to deal with Logan as much. Or maybe just happy they had an opportunity to fight with me.

"What's this?" Logan's voice boomed from beside me as he eyed the punching bag in front of him and the lack of students in his row, mainly formed by Tara and some other girls. Then his eyes moved to my row, much bigger and formed by students either looking relieved, flirtatious, or both. "I said half of the class with me, the other half with Felicia. Maths is not my forte, but it looks more like ninety-ten, not fifty-fifty!"

God dammit, he looks so hot when he's grumpy. Which is a good thing, since he's always grumpy.

"Can you blame us?" A boy on my line murmured. "Felicia's hot and much nicer. Not to mention she doesn't look like she's going to kill us most of the time."

"You know I heard that." Logan muttered between gritted teeth, giving the poor guy a menacing death stare.

"And that's exactly what I was talking about." The boy replied in a thread of voice.

"What about we get started instead of wasting time with unnecessary things?" I asked, mimicking Logan's stare and directing it to him. I felt a sting to my heart when I saw his features instantly softening, as if being mad at me was asking too much of him. Stop looking at him, my mind screamed. You're gonna give yourself away if you don't!

"Fine." Logan agreed, a small, cunning smirk gracing his mouth. "But then we'll switch places."

Needless to say, everbody's shoulders on my row fell and complaints filled the air.

***

"I really don't understand why Logan decided to do this." Tara told me at the end of the class, when everyone else was already leaving.

"Well, maybe because I took down hundreds of HYDRA agents within two days." I replied nonchalantly. "I don't need classes anymore."

"Then leave the school, don't become a teacher. You're not better nor more superior than us just because you seem to have some weird privileges. You're too young to be a teacher. Or to be anything else to Logan, really."

"Ok, I'm going to stop you right there 'cause I'm sure I'm not going to like what's to come." I turned to her, fortitude burning in my eyes. "Tell me, Tara, how old are you? Seventeen? I'm twenty-two. But for two years, when I was HYDRA's, I was ageless. Faceless. Nameless. I know you have been in captivity as well, and as hard as I'm sure that was, staying in a cell for a few weeks with a bunch of other kids before Logan rescued you can't be compared to what I've been through. Because of the pain I had to endure, I would grow more in a day than most people grow in years. Because that's the thing. It's not time that measures your age, it's pain. So don't tell me I'm too young, or to immature or whatever. Just don't."

I didn't wait for her reply. I was sick of having to lecture some sense into this girl's head. I turned around and walked away, because sometimes the best fight is the one we didn't start.

***

"Oh my God, is that Captain America?" I heard someone say at lunch while groups of students were scattered across the picnic tables outside, enjoying the mild day. My head snapped in the direction of the sound so fast I thought it would fall off my neck and roll on the floor.

"Shut up, is that Black Widow?" Another one asked, and I followed their widened stares to the most stunning mirage I had ever seen, Steve and Natasha walking side by side through the fields towards us, their attire casual and their postures proud and strong. The sun shined in Natasha's red hair and Steve's baby blue eyes with the same intensity, as if even the sun bowed to their friendship.

Then the mirage got even better when Logan walked towards them and shook both of their hands in an atypical, amicable gesture.

"What are they doing here?" Alex asked, a forgotten fry on its way to his mouth.

"Recruiting, maybe." Roberto said. "Even though I don't understand why they'd come into X-Men's territory for that."

"Or maybe they're..." Alex stopped talking once the three imposing adults started to make their way towards our table, several hearts beating faster when they stopped right in front of us, covering the sun as if they were it. From the corner of my eye I saw literally everyone checking them out, but I couldn't blame them since I had done the same and still was.

"Hello, guys." Natasha said with an easy smile, eyeing our trays of food and putting several people in serious danger of passing out. "That looks good."

"Want some?" Roberto instantly asked with his natural, confident smirk.

"Maybe later, I'm on duty now." Natasha answered, winking at him.

"Natasha." Steve's firm voice was heard from beside her, his head tilting slightly in a warning. "We're not here to flirt with students."

"Always the same killjoy." She rolled her eyes but then smiled at him, obviously joking. My mind, however, was buzzing with possibilities. Why were they here? Did something happen? Did they find James? Was he okay?

When the three of them looked at me, in that overdose of hotness, I seriously thought I was going to die from sunstroke or heat exhaustion.

"Hello, Felicia." Steve greeted with his usual politeness. I swear I could hear several girls sighing upon hearing his voice.

My throat went dry. I felt uncomfortable under his stare, because it was as if every time he looked at me he knew I was omitting something. As if it was written on my face that I had met James and hadn't told him.

"Hi, guys." I said, and now I could feel the stares on me too, the silent questions. I heard someone whisper 'of course it had to be something to do with her' and that pissed me off. I wanted to turn around and shout 'well, it's because of me that you're able to appreciate such a nice sight, so shut the hell up and just enjoy the view!', but restrained myself from doing so.

"We apologize for interrupting your lunch, but we'd like to talk to you." Steve continued, always in that formal, good-mannered tone he didn't seem to be able to turn off. He knows, I thought. He knows.

"I would certainly like talking to you." I heard someone say and it sounded an awful lot like Romeo.

"Privately." Steve added in a resolute, solid tone.

I nodded, a lump forming in my throat. They wouldn't have come here personally if it wasn't something important, and I just hoped James was okay. That was all that mattered. They could find out about everything as long as James was safe.

"Sure." I said, and looked over at Logan, who tried giving me a reassuring smile without really smiling, but I could see he didn't know what this was about either. Then he turned his attention to the students around us.

"Go back to eating." His voice came out loud and strong. "Now."

He didn't have to say it twice. No matter how attractive the situation was, no one dared disobeying him, especially when he talked in that tone of voice. He gave me a glance of 'you know where to find me if you need me' and walked away as I got up, noticing Steve and Natasha share a quick, knowing, almost amused glance. Oh, crap. Hiding something is so much harder when it's written all over our bodies.

"Shall we?" I asked in an upbeat tone and started walking with them in the direction of the lake, feeling everyone's stares on our backs.

"We know you met Bucky." Steve broke the silence after we were far enough from everyone's ears, and my heart immediately started doing the Limbo and the Hula dance in apprehension. If they knew, did it mean S.H.I.E.L.D. did too?

"S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't know." Natasha said as if reading my mind. I was wearing Dyani's earring, but that did nothing against super trained spies.

"We have been searching for him on our own, that is to say, clandestinely." Steve informed, and his neutral voice was betrayed by a slight sadness to it. "He's a fugitive, and if S.H.I.E.L.D. or the government or any other organization got a hold of him, he'd be locked and trapped for good. And..."

"And you don't want that." I finished for him. He nodded in agreement.

"While S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't exist anymore, they still have teams and eyes everywhere. We help them sometimes, like we did in the battle against HYDRA. But I can never trust them when it comes to Bucky."

"How did you find out?" I asked.

"The Soldier might be a master strategist and spy, but so am I. You covered your tracks well, but for somebody that knows him, that knows how he thinks... it wasn't that hard to figure out that you had had help and that it had come from him." Natasha stopped, a solemn, timeless tone in her voice. "I'd known James in any form, anywhere. Once I stopped to look at it, it wasn't hard for me to recognize him in your steps, your plan."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to apologize for omitting his presence." I declared. "It was his will, and he had his will ignored for too long for me to just disrespect it again. I couldn't do it."

"We understand." Steve said, and both of them nodded in comprehension and even pride. Because they would both do the same if they were in my shoes. "And we admire you for that. But you have to understand... I've been searching for him since Washington D.C. last year, and finding out that you've met him and been with him and that I actually stood inside the same building as him... losing him even before seeing him..."

"If it's any console, he left earlier to save enprisoned kids." I said, my heart aching in empathy for them. James had been a home for both of them in different times of their lives; I could see they were homesick. "He couldn't stop thinking about them. He's such a good man and he doesn't give himself a chance to see it. I did see him again afterwards, told him about you guys. I think he wasn't ready to face you even if he had seen you."

Steve shook his head, but his anger was mild compared to the love plastered on his face. Beside him, Natasha was silent, like a statue. If I didn't do the same, I'd never know she was suffering.

"I could have helped him... I would have helped him..." He mumbled and I took a step forward, in a foolish attempt to give some James back to him.

"I know, Steve. I know you would have helped him in everything you could. I know you want him back, you want him safe, but in a way I get him. I get the broken him, the side of him that's not ready to face, that needs to run away. Because he doesn't want to be a burden, he doesn't want to cause you pain, he doesn't want you to stop a whole country for him. He isn't ready yet, he needs his space, to breathe and to heal."

"You're right." Steve said, and Natasha put a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. He brought his hand up and caressed hers absentmindedly, lost in a world of his own. Natasha looked at me and smiled, a smile of heartache and past history and saudade.

"How is he?"

"He's hanging in." I told her. "He's stronger than he thinks. And he... he remembers you. Both of you. It's not very linear in his mind, his memory, but... he knows how he feels. It's always easier remembering feelings than words or images anyway. Especially when they're this strong."

Natasha's eyebrows rose, her lips a straight line even though I could hear her heart running in circles at the hidden meaning behind my words.

"You... you know?"

"We formed a strong bond, we trust each other. He told me some things about him, I told him some about me." I answered, deliberately vague.

"Is he okay? Safe?" Steve asked, raising his head up abruptly, and the urgency in his eyes took me aback. But I guessed when you went through war, you really only had one way out, to come back of it stronger. Steve and James' bond was like that too.

"Last time I saw him, he was. I haven't heard from him since, though." I faced both of their analytic eyes impassively. They could be great readers of character but I was a master of disguise. If James didn't want to be found, I wouldn't be the one betraying him. If he didn't want them to know where he had gone next, I wouldn't say anything. And I guess that's why he had told me and not anything else; because I didn't know the old him. I didn't have any expectations or hopes. He could be whoever he wanted with me, discover the new him without being held back by the strings of his past.

"Even if you had, would you tell us?" Natasha asked in a cryptic tone.

"If that's what he wanted. Look, if he reached out to me, and he was in trouble and needed help, I would tell you. Otherwise, I doubt it, unless that's what he wanted." I said truthfully. "The only reason I'd betray his trust is for his safety, it's the only thing that matters more to me."

"You're a loyal friend." Steve said, nodding his head in appreciation. "We admire that."

"I'm sorry I can't help you more. You're going to keep looking for him?"

"Yes. But actually we think you could help us. If you joined us." Steve said, his expectant eyes making me want to say yes immediately.

"Join you? In the search for James?"

"Joining us... the Avengers." He said with a small smile.

"W-what?" I blurted out automatically. My eyes widened at Steve's suggestion. Never in a million years did I think I would ever be invited to join the Avengers. Someone like me – a cat burglar, an antihero, a broken demon, a lost soul.

"Is that such a horrible idea? Spending time with us?" Natasha chuckled.

"No, it's just... my past... I don't exactly have a clean record. And I'm not special like you guys are."

"I don't have a heroic past either, believe me." Natasha said darkly, and this time it was Steve to put a hand on her shoulder in comfort. "But the Avengers helped me seeing I could still try to have a future that was. We all make mistakes. It's how we live with them that counts. What we learn from them, what we use them for."

"We've seen you're doing better already. Helping James with HYDRA, fighting crime in New York... it's admirable." Steve added, flashing me a proud beam of pearly whites. You should be doing Colgate ads, buddy.

"Still, the Avengers are... it's a big thing."

"You don't think you're up for it?" Natasha inquired, one brow raised in defiance. "Judging by how you feel about Logan, I thought you liked challenges."

"I do, but I don't think I have what it takes to be an Avenger."

"Why not?" Steve tilted his head to the side, genuinely curious. "You've got the skills and powers, but more than that, the qualities. Bravery and astuteness and the nerve to fight for what you believe in."

"You sounded like the Sorting Hat trying to place me into Gryffindor when I'm clearly a Slytherin." I joked, but clearly neither of them understood the reference. "I just don't want to be in the center of attention like you guys constantly are. Maybe it seems selfish of me, but the vigilante, neighborhood kind of thing is more my type. I'm not a team player, and I work better in the shadows. You're right when you say I fight for what I believe in, but what happens if that collides with what you believe in or others or the public opinion? Besides, I really enjoy working on my own without anyone to boss me around. Even if that person is you, Captain."

Steve rubbed his nose, trying to hide a smile, and he and Natasha shared a glance.

"We we're expecting that." She acknowledged. "And we understand. But you shouldn't waste your potential, not as a superhuman and especially not as a human. Just because you have a dark heart doesn't mean it's not a good one. So we would like to count on you – to fight, no matter if in the shadows or in the daylight, against what's wrong. We have no right to control you or tell you what you should do, but it's an advice from friend to friend, from a person with a hard past to another. You want to be useful – I think in this you can."

I bit my lip at the sensitive subject. I had been avoiding going back to New York and help Peter out of fear I'd draw some unwanted attention before dust finally settled, but I could feel the tingling in my body, that need for action. I needed meaning in my life. I had been so many things throughout my existence, most of them without my consent – orphan, burglar, lab rat, killing machine, destruction. Victim, witness, culprit. But all those labels, they didn't define me. I wasn't made of words or other people's perceptions on me. At the end of the day, only I met myself inside my mind. I knew who I was, and I needed to take charge of my own life, to create something different.

But I would do it on my own – without the attention, without the rules. That's why I loved working with Peter, because I could be the power to his responsibility.

"I think I'm good where I am." I ended up saying. "But if you ever need an extra help, you know where to find me."

"And the offer remains open, though, if you change your mind." Steve voiced out.

"I appreciate it. And I want to thank you for not having completely destroyed my city in 2012. In my opinion, the world is safer with you all."

Even if Steve had probably heard those words a million times, still he seemed slightly surprised and his lips twisted into an adorable smile. "Thank you."

"I wish more people thought like you, would have save me the headache that is paperwork and government calls." Natasha added, rolling her eyes.

"See? That's what I don't want to deal with. Besides, somebody needs to keep an eye on all these new vigilantes that are appearing in New York."

"I guess we should get going, then. It was nice seeing you again, Felicia." Steve smiled, that boy scout smile that was prior and superior to any war. "Don't hesitate to call us if you need anything, or if you have reasons to believe Bucky is in danger."

"Of course." I nodded. Captain America took a step forward and handed me his hand to shake. I bit my lip to stop me from laughing at that gesture, and from what I was going to ask him next. But I couldn't let this opportunity pass. "Can I give you a hug?"

Steve stopped dead in his tracks, perplexed. Natasha let out a low chuckle and pushed him forward gently. "Come on, Steve, it's not that hard."

He smiled clumsily at me but opened his arms and let me wrap mine around him, his strong muscles engulfing me in a warm, bear hug.

Forget the Colgate ads. You should be a professional hugger.

"Some of this affection comes from James too." I murmured. "Don't give up on him, Steve. He needs you, more than he thinks he does."

I felt his arms squeeze me harder, making me feel less worried about James. As long as Steve lived, Bucky would never be alone.

"Don't worry, Felicia, I won't."

"Okay, enough, or I'll get jealous." Natasha spoke up and for a second there I thought she was was jealous of me, but instead she pushed Steve away from me and embraced me in a strong, protective hug I never expected her to give me. Natasha was like one of those petit gâteau that looked rough on the outside but were soft and warm on the inside. "Take care, Felicia. And thank you for... taking care of James."

"He's easy to love, isn't he? Even though he thinks he's so hard."

"Yes." She said faintly, stepping away from me with a sad smile. "I hope one day he'll see it too."

"I'll keep an eye on you." I told them, a teasing smile on my lips. "Once in a while I'll check on Google what you're up to."

"Don't believe everything you see." Natasha lectured, while Steve frowned, probably in an attempt to understand what Google was. "And you should come to the Avengers Tower one day. Would love to introduce you to the rest of the crew."

"Well, I can't resist a good party." I winked at them and then walked them out of the fields and towards the road, waving as they got inside the car and drove away. A smile grew on my face when I returned and found Logan there, leaning against a tree, waiting for me.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes." I answered, and that was enough for him, the anxiety on is face dying down.

"Good. For a moment there I thought they'd want to take you away from me."

"Nah, no one can do that." I retorted, unconsciously leaning closer to him.

"Wanna train? At least there we won't have to worry about standing at a socially acceptable distance from one another."

"Sure, but are you sure you're up for the challenge, old man?" I asked as we walked side by side and entered the empty gym, my hand reaching for the hand wrap. "I don't want you to get back pain or something."

"Well, if that happens you can give me a massage." He said, in that devious smirk that always made me want to be very bad.

And then he came closer and crashed his lips against mine, getting us lost in a world apart, in a world of our own, a world where everything made sense and Logan and I belonged to each other, a world where the lone wolf and the cat burglar had a place, and a past, and a present, and most importantly, had a future. 

And perhaps for the first time in both of our lives, the future looked good.

"You make my heart shake bend and break
But I can't turn away
And it's driving me wild
You're driving me wild

Leave this blue neighbourhood
Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh
And it drives me wild
'Cause when you look like that
I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh
It drives me wild

You're driving me wild, wild, wild"

A/N: Song is "Wild" by Troye Sivan and Alessia Cara.

And now, question of the day: have you seen Captain America: Civil War? If you have, share your opinions with me, I'd love to hear them! I honestly think it's one of Marvel's best movies ♥

Now I don't know whether to use Andrew Garfield or Tom Holland as Peter Parker/Spider-Man xD

Lots of kisses and stand with #TeamCaptainAmerica! ;)