C H A P T E R   34  :   A B O V E   A N D   B E Y O N D 

"I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you
Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy
After the war is won
There's always the next one
I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

I do what it takes to make this right
But we got to stop before the regret
After the war is won
There's always the next one
I'll do what it takes to make this right"

Logan's POV

I took a long drag on my cigar and slowly blew the smoke out, watching as it gradually faded in the cold air of December. I was supposed to have started the class five minutes ago, but Scott had gotten on my nerves that morning and I needed my solace. Besides, the kids didn't seem to be in a rush to train in such a low temperature, chatting casually among them.

I was trying not to hear their conversations out of respect, which didn't prove to be difficult as I found myself staring at Felicia. She and some other guy seemed to be flirting, and my jaw involuntarily tensed.

I cursed under my breath and looked away, trying to block whichever way my heart insisted on feeling. That stupid ticker never chose well, anyway. Why her, out of everyone? She was my student, she was impossible to figure out, and she was more than a hundred years younger than me. But then again, wasn't everyone?

I knew I shouldn't be thinking so much about her, and yet I couldn't avoid it. My mind went back to her birthday weeks ago, to when she had made our claws touch and a dormant side of mine had awaken. And now I had no fucking idea what to do with this permanent prickling in me that kept craving her. Felicia was the closest thing I had to getting drunk. And the more I wanted the hangover gone, the more it stayed.

I shook my head to disband these untamed thoughts, relishing on the warm smoke invading my lungs, but my ears perked up at the sound of familiar steps making their way towards me. Suddenly there she was in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop my brain from processing her entirely, from her hands shoved into the pocket of her hoodie to that scent of hers that I couldn't quite name. Orchids, perhaps, with traces of vanilla and spice, maybe cinnamon.

"What?" I blurted out, my bad mood getting the best of me. "Can't kids these days wait for more than five seconds?"

She offered me her sly smirk in response, and only then did I notice the other students behind her, looking at us expectantly.

"We were thinking maybe we could train inside today? It's freezing cold out here."

I raised an eyebrow and pointed at the other kids with my chin.

"They sent you to ask me that?"

"They said there was a greater possibility of you accepting if I was the one asking, but I think it's the other way around. You always seem to have so much fun telling me no."

Something in her words burned inside me and made my lungs falter, far more than the smoke itself. I took the cigar out of my mouth and noticed her eyes trailing my every move. I knew she didn't like me smoking but that was another thing I couldn't quit. I had the tendency to like what killed me.

"Let's go." I said, because suddenly it was unbearable staying in my own head. Felicia raised her eyebrows but followed me along with the rest of the students towards the mansion.

"I knew you could do it." I heard one of them say. "If there's anyone that can persuade Wolverine, it's you."

I gritted my teeth, annoyed at how it was true. I couldn't afford having soft spots. Especially since Felicia was the hardest one of them.

"Ok, kids," I said once we were all inside of the mansion. "I decided we're gonna do something a bit different today. Follow me."

"You could have decided that earlier instead of making us wait out there in the cold all this time." Felicia caught up to me. I gave her a side glance and decided it was a bad idea. Just being in the same place as she was a bad idea. But if there was anything I was good at, it was at bad ideas.

"You didn't seem all that bothered when you were flirting with that guy." I said and she lifted one side of her lips, a cheeky glare on those dicey eyes.

"You were watching me?"

I snorted. "I was just making sure his pheromones stayed inside his body."

Her smile grew sneakier. "Maybe you should worry about yours instead."

I huffed and ignored her, stopping in front of a door with a big X.

"Alright, most of you already know this place, it's called Danger Room. We're gonna train here today, I wanna see how your fighting skills are in the field with seemingly real opponents. You know how it works, we get in, there's going to be a holographic scenario that replicates images, scents and sounds with accuracy, we kick ass and then we get out 'cause I have better things to do. And no, before any of you asks, you can't use any other powers other than your physicality, so don't try to play smart or I'll kick you out. Today's about how well you can do without them."

Most students grumbled at this, but a few grinned, including Felicia. She had the upper hand in this and she knew it.

"What's the point of having powers if we can't use them?" The guy who had been flirting with Felicia asked. Did he make a bet with Scott to see who could piss me off more or something? 'Cause he was very close to winning.

"What's the point of having a brain if you don't think?" I snarled, probably giving him a harsher answer than what he deserved. "Look, the point is, you never know when your powers may fail. Something or someone may be able to block them and if it ever comes the time when all you have is your body to rely on, I want you to be prepared. So, no powers. Let's go."

***

Felicia's POV

From the accustomed looks on everybody's faces, I could see I was the only one that had never been in this room. At first it was just an empty, greyish-blue room with a viewing deck on the ceiling where I assumed the controls were, but once the holographic situation started, it was like we were somewhere else. It felt so real, from the wind gusting our clothes to the water falling from its spring. We were in the mountains, surrounded by a forest that stretched as far as the eye could see.

Our mission was to find a cabin in the woods and retrieve its content safely without any losses, but in order to do that we had to pass through a barrier of stocky soldiers that were guarding it. They all looked the same and had guns in their hands. I inhaled sharply, trying not to get triggered.

Dammit, Logan, did you really have to choose this simulation?

But I knew I would have to face this sooner or later. The world out there was dangerous and unpredictable and the school was preparing us for it. It was too idealistic of me thinking there would never come a time where I wouldn't be face to face with men holding firepower again. I already had, in New York, but here I couldn't count with my power to divert the bullets.

At least I knew here no one would die for real.

"Felicia!" Logan shouted as everyone else had already grouped to discuss the plan of attack. "What are you waiting for?"

Huffing, I joined them behind the trees and Bobby brought me up to speed. "We're going to disperse in the woods and lure the soldiers out of the circle so some of us can get inside the cabin. You and Piotr are our best fighters, so we're thinking you two can go first to lure their best ones out. Ok?"

I nodded. I had been slightly befuddled at first, but now that my system had adjusted to the new environment, I was ready. I looked over at Piotr, who gave me a firm nod, and the two of us sped up towards the soldiers while everyone else kept hiding in the bushes, waiting for their best shot. We didn't have any weapons with us, so the first smart move to make was trying to get a hold of one of theirs. I was afraid of what my reaction would be if I had to grab one, so I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to that.

Our move was slightly effective, as it drew some of the soldiers out of the circle, but most of them stood in their place, clearly not considering us enough of a threat. As soon as Piotr and I started fighting them, they realized their mistake. These were well trained troops, but Logan was our teacher and he was one of the best fighters out there. Besides, Piotr was incredibly strong, and I was incredibly driven.

I had fought people like this in the past, real people with just the same emotionless eyes and methodic strikes. My style of fighting was the complete opposite, swinging from a gracious ballerina to a vicious beast. I didn't follow a pattern to prevent my opponents from guessing my next move, and since I was such a wild card, had a large set of skills and could choose from a wide range of different fighting styles, it wasn't difficult to confuse my rivals and finish them quickly. Once we did, Piotr and I handed their guns to the students who were running towards us.

"Take one." Piotr said, handing me a pistol. "You may need it."

I shook my head in refusal. "If I need it, I'll rather be dead."

Soon enough, more soldiers were coming towards us and while some students came out from the trees to help us out, others moved to the cabin. Looking to the side, I noticed two of them struggling by the river, trying to neutralize a much bigger guy. Without a second thought I ran towards him and trapped him in a chokehold from behind, forcing him to drop the weapon he was pointing at my classmates. One of them was Tara, and I quickly handed her the soldier's gun.

"Turn around and cover me." I told them before releasing the soldier from the chokehold, swiftly grabbing him by his hair instead and smashing his head against the rocks at the river's edge. This might have been a simulation, but the shrieking cracks in his skull and the blood gushing out of his wounds felt very real. His warm blood painted my hands red, but I didn't have time to care, because all of a sudden, the ground trembled dangerously and the air turned orange as granades exploded nearby, forcing us to take cover and abandon our positions.

A second wave of shock jolted the trees and threw me violently through the air, and I felt the water invade my lungs as I fell into the river. All of my system convulsed in protest against the sudden intrusion and I moved my arms desperately to try to pull my body up, but I was too heavy. Feeling my throat closing in on me, I reached for my trainers and took them off, cursing my luck once again.

Freed of some of my weight, I propelled my body again and reached for the surface, my nose and mouth gasping for air as my lungs twitched in my chest. Looking around, I noticed everyone was struggling and recovering from the impact of the explosions. No one had managed to enter the cabin and more soldiers were appearing from the woods, but from were I was I had a clear path towards the cabin and no soldier was paying me any attention as they thought the near drowning had drained me. For such experts, they sure did plenty of miscalculations, but I guessed you couldn't expect more from simulations.

I tried swimming as silently as I could towards the edge, looking around to make sure no one was in imminent danger. Then, swift as an arrow, I got out of the water and ran to the cabin, punching a soldier in the chest as hard as I could to the point where he fell backwards and hit another two while I did a front flip in the air and flew over the three of them, landing with a powerful spinning hook kick to the third guy's back. Bullets sliced the air behind me just as my body crashed against the window of the cabin, glass cutting my skin as I rolled over myself and landed smoothly on my feet.

I paralysed once I looked up, though, taken aback by the content we were supposed to retrieve. It was about ten kids, and they could have been picked up right out of my memories, all equally young and scared.

"Watch out!" One of them screamed just in time for me to divert from an attack of the soldier to my left. There were four guards inside, each in a corner of the room. I placed an uppercut to the chin of the first one, making his head crash against the wall, and then used the wall to thrust myself onto the shoulders of the next one, trapping his head in my legs and closing my ankles around his neck to suffocate him. When his body fell lifeless on the floor, I threw myself to the third one viciously and struck him with the palm of my hand, crushing his trachea. Maybe this wasn't real now, but it had been then. And now, now I could do something about it.

A bullet soared over my head and I stopped dead in my tracks. The last soldier had finally reacted and was aiming at me, and there was a high risk he could hit one of the kids. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the door swung open, exposing us to the students and the remaining soldiers outside. The one who had opened the door pointed his gun at me, but was quickly shoved aside by Piotr, who secured the entrance and prevented others from getting in.

"Felicia!" I heard someone shout and I turned around just in time to grab a pistol someone had thrown at me through the broken window. I took it without thinking but feeling its weight and the metal against my skin pulled me back years. "Take him down!"

I raised my arm automatically and steadied it with the other, my feet shoulder-width apart, every part of my body forming the perfect shooting stance. I knew all the steps by heart, and yet, my heart refused to step in.

"Felicia, what are you waiting for, kill him now!"

"Piotr isn't going to last much longer, and they're going to kill the kids!"

"Goddammit, girl, how hard can it be, just pull the damn trigger!"

There were voices shouting at me from every direction, but all I heard was theirs. Subject 666. Kill the man. Kill him or we will. Kill the girl.

Kill the girl. Kill the girl.

They had wanted me so badly to kill the girl in front of me, they failed to realise they were killing the girl in me. I was dying at the same time they were ordering me to kill. And right now, I didn't feel the difference. The soldier on the other side of the cabin had moved his gun from me to the kids, and it was that sight more than anything else that made me realize I couldn't do this. Even after all this time, I couldn't pull a simple trigger. Maybe I could have if the kids weren't there. But innocent people changed everything. Their watery eyes were pleading, just like before. And even if now they were not the targets, if I shot and failed, they would become victims anyway.

"I can't." I let out above a mere whisper, my arm shaking violently as tears fell down my face. My knuckles were turning white at how hard I was grasping the gun, but still it trembled precariously in my hand. "I can't do it."

Sobbing uncontrollably, I dropped the weapon to the floor loudly and ran out of the cabin as fast as I could, hearing the trigger being pulled right before the shots and the screams pierced the air behind me.

The mountains and the forest disappeared as quickly as they had appeared and we were back into the Danger Room, a recorded voice announcing my failure to the whole class.

Simulation uncompleted. Mission failed.

***

Logan's POV

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. FUCK.

There was no better word to describe my emotions as I watched Felicia run out of the cabin, a sinking feeling lacerating my heart at the sound of her tears. What the fuck did you just do, Logan?

"Felicia!" I called after her as the simulation disappeared around us, but she didn't slow down or turn around, her hurried steps echoing in the hollowness of the Danger Room.That name had never made as much sense as now. "FELICIA!"

She ignored me as I knew she would, and I ran after her, trying to catch up to her before she left the room, only mildly aware of the confused students I had left behind. There was only space in my mind for her at that moment and all I could focus on was this primitive instinct to protect her, even if I had been the one to put her in danger in the first place.

Because I had been a fucking asshole and come up with the worst possible idea. Yes, bad ideas were my specialty, and I didn't usually mind them – as long as they didn't harm the ones I loved. I could handle all kinds of pain as long as I knew they wouldn't suffer one bit.

Fuck, what was I thinking? I had been trying so hard to immerse myself in something else and take my mind off of Felicia, I completely neglected and overlooked my students' needs. Hers. And now I was more pissed off than ever, and it was impossibly hard when all my rage was directed towards myself. When all my hatred was against me and I didn't have an opponent on whom to unleash it. One way or another, it always came down to this: I was my own common enemy.

"Felicia..." I caught up to her as she crossed the door to the metallic hallway, grabbing her elbow and trying to make her turn around. She shook my hand violently and picked up the pace, but I grasped her arm again.

"Leave me alone." She demanded through gritted teeth. I could see her entire body was tensed, on full alert. The simulation had shaken her to the core, and now my guilt was rising to maximum levels.

"Felicia, please." I pleaded, not daring to spin her around. I was afraid the slightest move would make her snap. "Let me—"

"I don't wanna talk to you." She cut, her tone colder than ice drilling through everything in me. Suddenly I felt emptied of myself, as if she had dumped my sense of existence. "Leave me alone."

She freed herself from my grip more brutally this time and walked away harshly, but I wasn't going to listen to her. There was something speaking louder and it had no words. I couldn't leave her alone. Not right now.

I ran after her again, leaving behind the metalized section of the mansion and entering the normal hallways, crowded with students.

"Logan, leave me alone!" She shouted, making heads turn our way as we passed by them. I tried to grab her again but before I could, someone grabbed me instead. My eyes fulminated the arm that had dared stopping me before reaching the head it belonged to.

"Logan, what's going on?" Jean asked with concerned eyes.

"Oh, the usual," Scott intervened, wearing his very smug and very puncheable face. "Logan pissing off his students. Making people cry."

"Shut the fuck up, Summers." I warned him, my voice at its lowest tone. This unbearable energy I was carrying could very easily be passed on to him if he didn't start minding his own business.

"Though, I don't recall you running after them to apologize. That's a new."

My fists clenched tightly as I tried to hold my rage within the limits of my own body. Not that Scott deserved my pathetic attempt at self-control but getting in trouble with him would only slow down my way to Felicia, and I wasn't going to let anyone come between us.

And I meant, anyone.

"Logan... talk to me." Jean asked. "Are you okay?"

"With you two in my way, no, I'm not. Go back to the room you were in and leave me the fuck alone." I looked down, to her hands that were still holding me. "Also, Jean, let go of me."

She did, more out of shock and hurt than anything else. Scott's jaw immediately clenched and he took one step towards me, his index finger pointed at me in a ridiculous threat.

"Listen to me, you little—"

"Fuck off, One-Eye." I spat, hastily walking away from them as I had already lost too much time. Now I had lost her and had no idea where she could be.

I focused on my senses, trying to get a trace of her steps or heartbeat or even her scent. Goddammit, Felicia, where are you?

"She went towards the forest." I heard a collected voice behind me say. I turned around to find Lewis leaning against a wall, his expressive eyes the only betrayer to his otherwise fully impenetrable mask.

"Uh... thanks." I said, slightly taken aback that he would help me out. Most likely he was lying, but I was a desperate man, and desperate men believed in lies as if they were holy.

"I'm only telling you this because I know she doesn't like to be alone when she's upset, and since she refused my help, I know it's bad. I'm hoping you'll sort things out and not make it worse. But I swear, if you've hurt her, I don't care if you're a teacher or even Wolverine, I'll—"

I tried to swallow over the lump in my throat but it was like trying to swallow my Adam's apple.

"You can't hurt me more than I've hurt me for hurting her." I interrupted him, my anger abruptly replaced by misery. "Believe me, you can't make me feel worse than what I'm feeling right now."

Lewis moved away from the wall and shot me a death glare that would give mine a fight. Maybe all these years I had underestimated him.

"Try me."

I nodded at him, respecting his urge to shield her. It just completely fucked me up that he would feel the need to shield her from me. But then again, didn't I get it? When Felicia also shielded me from me?

"If I end up making things worse," I said, "I'll let you beat me myself."

***

Felicia's POV

I had come to the forest in hopes of being calmed down, but if anything, I only felt more aggravated. The nature around me couldn't control the nature in me. Now it was not so much as desolation and helplessness, but wrath. At me, at him, at everything in between.

I tried to focus my attention on the gentle chirping of birds, but my mind kept going back to that stupid make-believe setting and my humiliation in front of the class. Why would he choose such a scenario? Was he testing me, see how far I could go? See if I was completely over my past? He should know, though. No one is always completely over something like that.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't hear steps approach me from behind, and when I finally became aware of them, it was too late.

"I'm not letting you go this time." Logan said at the same time his hand clasped my wrist gently. I tried to fight the shiver that ran up and down my spine, but it was of no use. His touches sent me over the edge. Or above.

"That's not up to you to decide." I released myself from his grip and started walking away, my heart drumming in my ears. I couldn't believe he had followed me all the way here when I had specifically told him to leave me alone. But maybe he had listened to the unspoken.

"Felicia, stop running away!" I heard him beg, something akin to despair pounding in his voice, and the next second his hand had clutched my arm more firmly, turning me around swiftly and making my back collide against a tree. I felt the oxygen being stolen from my lungs at the sudden proximity, his eyes infiltrating mine for inspection.

I wanted to close mine so badly, but all I could do was let him see me.

Somehow, he always did.

"There you have it. I'm not moving. Happy?" My voice was unruffled and veiled, almost taunting. I was trying to choke back so much, and I hoped he wouldn't notice just how strained I was.

"Yet you're still running away." He let out, his eyes scrutinizing mine so deeply I had to look away. Otherwise he'd drown us both.

"What do you want, Logan?" I cut, not in the mood for our games. He realized the shift in my tone, his features morphing into urgency.

"Look, Felicia, I'm sorry, ok? I really am."

I stared at him, impassive. I didn't know which emotion to feel first. My body was so disordered its parts didn't agree with one another.

"Ok." I said and went around the tree to escape him. Surely this cat and mouse chase would tire him enough for him to give up. And yet suddenly there he was again, his hands gripping both my arms, his breath fanning the nape of my neck, my back protesting against his chest in quivers.

"I know what you're doing." He said lowly. "And you're not going to win. Not until you listen to me—"

That was it for me. I turned around aggressively, my voice in upheaval, my feelings slapping themselves.

"Stop, Logan, stop! If you want me to explode, you know damn well I will! I mean, why did you make me do this?" I shouted, my eyes prickling at the nearing of tears. "Why would you make me go through that when you knew... you knew what they..."

"No." Logan said softly, his eyes filled with an empathy I didn't want to accept. "No, I didn't."

I narrowed my eyes at his words, and then felt a thud in my heart. He was right, he didn't. Despite the fact that I had told him about most of my time in captivity, I had purposely omitted this part.

Because some doors were better kept locked for good.

"But now I think I do, and Felicia, I'm so sorry—"

"About what?" I instigated, my tone sour. "How they would put kids and elders in front of me, hand me a gun and give me one single order? Kill until it is as easy as breathing? Or the fact that you and your stupid simulation made me relive all of that again?"

Logan blinked several times as he processed the information. Clearly his guess had fallen short of reality, because he looked completely outraged now. His muscles were tensing up, the veins in his forehead and neck dangerously prominent.

"You're right." He said. His voice came out scuffed and he had to clear his throat. "And I regret that so fucking much. I mean, kids, I..."

"If you think I didn't pull the trigger now because I pulled it back then, you're wrong." I said, my voice faltering. "I never... I didn't..."

I never got to finish because Logan pulled me into a tight hug, his breathing uneven and his fingers pressing sturdily against my back as if desperate to offer me some kind of armor, any kind, and at that moment, I wasn't sure who needed the hug the most. I just knew his embrace felt right. It felt like somewhere I could belong to.

"I didn't pull the trigger." I mumbled feebly against his chest. I didn't know how it was possible to feel so vulnerable and so strong at the same time, but Logan opened up all the conflictions in me. "But they died anyway."

"Fuck this." He let out, utterly enraged. "Fuck everything. I can't say sorry enough. I should have known. Even if I didn't know about this before, it's no excuse. I knew about the rest. I knew about your father and your training and... I should have foreseen what this kind of scenario would do to you. The soldiers and the guns..."

"It's not your fault." I told him. I didn't want him to beat himself up over this any more than he already had. "You're a teacher, your job is to prepare the students for missions in the real world. I shouldn't have let my personal story interfere with it and I'm—"

"Don't." He interrupted in a firm tone. "Don't you dare apologize, Felicia. This is on me."

I stepped away from him, my body instantly protesting against the absence of his, as if abruptly kicked out of its house.

"But I'm too fucking complicated!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "And you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells just to preserve my wellbeing. You can't compromise an entire class for me."

"I can and I will." He said. "I don't care how many people I'll piss off. Right now, I'm pissed off. I feel very close to losing it and just go on a killing spree. See if the motherfuckers beg for me to kill them as well."

"And yet all the victims would stay dead and I would still be afraid." I stated. "They did it to break me, you know? To make me so bare and devoid of everything I would give in to them and give them anything. They wanted me to enjoy inflicting pain."

"What you're saying is not helping decrease my thirst for blood."

"What I'm saying is they failed. But every time I see a gun and paralyze, they win a little more."

Logan tilted his head to the side, his fury giving way to curiosity.

"So, you're saying you want to make them lose? You want to overcome that fear?"

"Yes. And I want you to help me."

His eyebrows shot up to his hair. "Are you sure of that?"

"Don't make me ask again, Logan." I couldn't help but smile a little. "I know that if there's anyone that's gonna do it, it's you." It's always you. "I'm sick and tired and I refuse. I refuse to let this control me any longer. Yes, maybe you could have had a little more tact when choosing the simulation, and yes, a small heads up would have been nice too, but at the end of the day, it helped me realize that this fear can clearly be a matter of life or death in the real world. And I'm saying it's enough. They can't have that kind of power over me anymore. I won't let them."

Logan leaned towards me, a pleased smile gracing his lips.

"Neither will I."

***

Logan's POV

"So, what am I supposed to do?" Felicia asked me, hesitantly eyeing the selection of guns I had laid out in front of her. We were back in the Danger Room, this time alone, and I grabbed a semi-automatic pistol from the table and started inspecting it.

"You're supposed to shoot me."

Felicia's neck snapped in my direction and she looked at me with those blue-tinted eyes opened wide. I knew it was a risky move, but it was the best I could come up with to make her brain process that not all bullets made victims; that the problem wasn't the trigger, or the bullet, or the gun, but the person behind it. That she could decide how to pull the trigger, and for which end. If we knew how to use them, weapons couldn't make the choice for us. She needed to feel in full control of her will and movements.

"What? Are you out of your mind? I'm not going to shoot you."

"Yes, you are." I retorted, handing her the gun. Felicia just stared at it like it was a fly falling into her soup.

"No, I'm not." She objected, her voice acquiring that unyielding tone that looked so good on her. But fucking hell, everything does.

Sometimes, I really wished my thoughts had their own set of claws so they could slash themselves.

"You asked me to help you. I'm helping you."

"This is not what I had in mind!" She flipped out on me, and it made something in me ache for her like never before. What is wrong with me? "What kind of solution is that? Are you trying to make me punish you or something?"

No, but I gotta admit I kinda like the sound of that.

"Well, I'm sure you've wanted to kill me several times before." I told her, throwing her my signature smirk. "You have your chance now."

"Logan, this is serious!" She said, her incensed tone and the inescapable pull in her eyes making every hair I had stand up. "And I'm not going to let you volunteer as tribute."

I sighed, running a hand through my bearded chin. Luckily for me, I only knew one person as stubborn as her and that was me.

"Felicia, do you trust me?"

Our eyes were clashing against each other, and yet I felt no barrier. No resistance. Just that friction that was constant between us.

"I do, but... ugh, why are you being such a masochist?" She huffed. "Why not setting up another simulation or use paper targets or something that doesn't involve you getting hurt?"

"I'm not going to get hurt. Bulletproof skin and super healing factor, remember? I'll be fine. Besides, you need to feel it's real, to know you're in control. I think we need to make your subconscious understand not all bullets kill. That some people can survive. That the outcome can be different this time."

I watched as she bit her lip, considering my arguments.

"Fine." She ended up saying. "But I'll only do it if you let me use my power afterwards to take away any bit of pain you might feel."

I felt my spine shudder at the idea of feeling her power on me again. That night by the lake, she had made me feel new. Like I could still have all the first times one last time. Among many other things, Felicia made me feel like I was witnessing Big Bang.

"Deal." I handed her the gun again, suddenly agitated. I couldn't let this turn into another bad idea. "It's gonna be alright."

She took the gun from my hand with renewed grit, her eyes looking up at mine with that spark that never flickered.

"I know. I trust you, Logan."

***

Felicia's POV

I took a deep breath and let my body guide me into the right stance. Suddenly, with those unwavering eyes of his in front of me, I didn't feel so afraid. Logan was right. I needed this. I needed to pull the trigger with my fingers so I could conquer the one inside me. My fears didn't own me; I owned them. And they couldn't breathe if I didn't give them the oxygen.

Logan took a few steps back but stopped within close range.

"When you're ready." He said, his tone safe and soft. "Shoot me."

It was just me and him there, not a single shadow from my past. Logan didn't bring me back to them, but to me, and if anything, he moved me forward. This was a man that was asking me, face to face, to shoot him so that I'd overcome my fear of guns. A man who was willing to turn himself into the target so that I'd stop feeling like one. A man that was sacrificing his body for me without having any idea he already had my heart.

"I'm ready." I told him and pulled the trigger. The first bullet hit his abdomen; I still couldn't risk aiming at his heart. I sighed of relief when it fell to the floor after leaving a circular mark on his shirt. Logan let out a low grunt and took a step back, but then made a motion with his index finger.

"Keep 'em coming." He said. "Until you feel avenged."

He didn't have to say it twice. This time, the bullet hit his chest right where his heart would be and somehow, I felt it working. Holding the gun, having the control. Not having to share it, or to fight to get it. Knowing I wasn't damaging him or me. I pulled the trigger again and again until I lost count and his shirt was more holes than fabric, the powder rested in the air and the bullets adorned the floor, expelled from his skin.

With every shot, his body jolted from the impact, his breathing became heavier, his growls louder and my fears quieter.

Soon enough the chamber was out of bullets, and my nightmare out of fuel.

"Reload." Logan said, not a line of bending in his voice. "And do it again."

***

Logan's POV

With every bullet that hit my torso, I couldn't help but step backwards from the impact and let out an animalistic groan. Every time my body spewed out the small pieces of metal, I took a step closer to her, out of instinct.

From the other side of the barrel, Felicia smiled at me.

"Why do I have the feeling," I gasped, "you're having too much fun with this?"

I heard her finger move away from the trigger instantly, but she still had the nerve to smirk at me and, boy, what a sight it was.

"I do have a bone to pick with you."

I rolled my eyes at her. "That's an unfortunate choice of word—"

I shut up abruptly when she shot me again, making me step back heavily. My fists clenched and I groaned fiercely, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Sorry, Logan," her smirk grew wilder, and so did something in me, "can't hear you over the sound of my success."

The next bullet grazed my shoulder as I stepped to the side, my muscles tensing, but not from rage.

"Felicia." I warned, making my way towards her in resolute steps. "You're venturing into dangerous waters."

She tilted her head to the side, that dancing smirk of hers driving me mad.

"Come and get me, Captain."

Fuck, what those words did to me...

She pulled the trigger again, but I dodged the bullets swiftly and caught both her wrists with one hand, disarming her before she could react and taking the gun away from us because clearly there was something else at stake now.

"Can you hear me now?" I asked, aware that my body kept gallingly leaning into hers, like a sunflower towards the sun. She looked down and bit her bottom lip and when she glanced up at me again, every pore in me pulsed. I was so screwed. Why the hell does our salvation always come in the form of damnation?

"Loud and clear." She answered, before releasing her hands and unexpectedly moving them up my torso, getting rid of the remaining shreds of my shirt. "Thank you for what you did for me, Logan. So, please, accept this in return."

Her fingers pressed tightly onto my shoulders and my breath got stuck in my throat when I realized what she was doing. There it was again, that overwhelming sensation I couldn't describe, warm and fresh at the same time, both a luxury and a need and that fulfilled my every vein to the bone, wiping out any trace of hardship. My pain bowed to this new feeling and let it take the reins, and I fell to my knees, giving in to it.

Most of the time I was dominant but something in Felicia made me want to submit.

She kneeled down in front of me and closed her eyes, the effort wrinkling her forehead and making a single drop of sweat drip down her face. I reached out to it instinctively and she arched her back at the contact, and suddenly the sensation rose, not just in me but in both of us.

My fingers clasped around her arms, I didn't know if to support me, her, or the weight of this moment. It wasn't just the absence of pain, but the presence of everything else. It was the closest I had felt to being drunk or high in a really long time, that's how addictive she was. Euphoria wasn't enough to describe it, because it was beyond. That was the word, beyond. If the horizon had one, it was this.

And it wasn't just now. Felicia always made me feel above and beyond.

"Felicia..." I let out as the discomfort from the wounds continued to leave my body, but I could also feel she wasn't just taking away physical pain.

"I know..." She whispered delicately, opening up her eyes to greet mine, and there it was, the Big Bang all over again. "I know."

No, you don't, I thought. Because you think you're unlovable and you have no idea... no fucking idea.

Feeling her power stretching inside me, the relief crawling through every single one of my atoms, I wondered if it was possible for two people to make love without having sex. I wondered if this was the difference between them, the fact that it's not your body that needs to be naked for you to create love; it's your soul.

"If everyone has a horizon", she ended up saying, "you're mine."

Yes, I agreed. I'm yours.

"I'll be you escape
I'll be your safe place
I'll be your shelter
Your shelter yeah

Maybe I'll crash into you
Maybe we would open up these wounds
We're only alive if we bruise
So I lay down this armor
I will surrender tonight
Before we both lose this fight
Take my defenses
All my defenses
I lay down this armor
I lay down this armor for you"

A/N: Song is 'Armor' by Landon Austin, perfect for this chapter. Picture is just a simple graphic I made for this story :)