C H A P T E R   15 :   S P O T   T H E   D I F F E R E N C E

My blackout time was, unfortunately, interrupted by Charles.

"Erik, this will not lead anywhere." He stated, his voice urgent. Every student he saw fighting was a punch to his heart. "A civil war will not help your cause. We do not want to fight our own."

"Then let them choose, Charles. That's all I ask of you. We didn't start this. And you know how to finish it."

In between blows, I saw Charles closing his eyes and nodding.

"I see it's the only way. Fine, they'll choose, but let them go inside the mansion, think for themselves. Away from this... massacre."

Magneto looked over at Emma Frost, who gave him one firm nod.

"Very well, then. They have half an hour. Then I want their decision." Magneto raised one hand, and the fight ceased like he was a puppeteer and everyone was hung on his strings.

"Come with me." Logan said to us students and I looked around for injuries. I helped a guy getting up, trying to support as much of his weight as I could and led us inside the mansion.

Jean and some other teachers were already leading the most injured to the infirmary while the rest protested with Logan, since Charles, Scott and Storm had remained outside to secure the situation.

"You saw what we did out there. We're prepared to fight." Bobby was saying resolutely, with some cheering him on.

"I know." Logan agreed. He didn't seem tired at all. He seemed ready to crack the Earth open. "But Charles' orders are we put you in the basement to keep you safe. Only the X-Men stay."

The crowd got divided between Relieved and Furious.

"There's nothing to choose." A girl said. "This is our home."

Logan nodded. "And no one will take that away from you, we won't allow it. But Charles and Jean bought us time by tricking Emma Frost. We have to make them believe you're actually considering their invitation. We've called in more members to evacuate you in case this is only the first wave and a tsunami follows. Our priority is keeping you safe. We will handle them. There will not be any collateral damage today."

"But you could use our help." Piotr insisted.

"And I could also use not having your deaths weighing on my conscience. I've had enough of those. So everyone that doesn't need treatment, to the basement. Now." Logan said and nobody moved. "NOW!"

Everyone moved, me included. I wasn't pleased but I was aware of the gravity of the situation and I wouldn't worsen it. The basement was big enough for all the students to stay in comfortably and I imagined it had been built for an apocalyptic scenario such as this.

"They should have let us stay and fight." Bobby muttered. "We're not kids."

"They don't want to fight." Kitty argued. "Both sides know it will be the destruction of everyone."

"But why appear now?" Rogue inquired. "All of a sudden?"

"Perhaps it would be better if we just handed them some students." Dyani declared as she cleaned some blood out of Rogue's face. "Then they'd leave us alone."

I looked at her, perplexed. I felt like I should remember something, and the sensation was so unnerving I decided to let go.

"We will never sacrifice some for the wellbeing of all." Piotr replied. "That's not how we work. The end doesn't justify the means."

"Oh, really?" Dyani snapped. "So you're willing to let everyone die? Moralism never saved anyone. Real life is not like that. In real life some have to get their hands dirty to keep everyone else clean. Some have to do the work nobody else wants to. And who knows, perhaps there are some kids here who'd actually prefer to join the Brotherhood if given the chance."

"Dyani..." Rogue said, so sad. "We know you've had a real hard time but—"

"No, you don't." She interrupted, and her voice was antarctic. "You don't know. And that's great. I would hate to know anyone has been as marginalized and mistreated as me for being different. For not being able to keep... my mutations under control. None of you have a different appearance, you don't know what it's like. Not even you, Piotr. There was a time when every part of me was covered in a different material and there was nothing I could do about it. I was freaking Frankenstein. Piece by piece of something different than me. If non-mutants are already so awful to each other when it comes to skin color, imagine what they do to people whose skin isn't skin but precious gemstones they so avidly crave. Imagine knowing your own family wonders how they could rip gold and diamonds out of your body. Imagine having to run away from your own house because they're carrying a chainsaw behind you. Imagine having nowhere else to go, no one to reach out to. Imagine constantly thinking everyone wants you for what's glued to your body and not to your soul."

I swallowed under the weight of her agony. She was right, I couldn't imagine it. I was a witness of human cruelty myself, but with me it had been strangers. Not my own family. If my anguish was already so painful, I couldn't imagine being hated and damaged by the people supposed to love us the most.

"But you are strong..." Rogue started, tucking a strand of hair behind Dyani's ear with her gloved hand. She was going to give her that speech but I knew words wouldn't get her peace. Dyani was beyond that, only now I saw. And then I saw something else... on her ear. It was shiny, covered in diamonds. I felt my heart drop to my stomach and then to the floor.

It couldn't be. It couldn't be. It was.

I needed to find Logan, but I had to be discreet. Gritting my teeth, I dug my nails into the palm of my hands and blood came out of it immediately. I ignored the pain. It hurt nothing in comparison to the truth.

"Fuck." I said out loud, and Bobby, Bianca and Piotr stared at me while Rogue and Kitty conforted Dyani.

"Felicia! What happened?" Bianca questioned with widened eyes. I wanted to tell them, I needed to warn them. But I couldn't say anything with Dyani so close, without her getting suspicious.

"It's just nerves. Don't worry, it'll heal soon, I just need to go to the bathroom." I got up silently to grab as less attention as possible. "Take... take care of each other."

"We always do." Bobby smiled at me but I couldn't smile back. I turned around and walked towards the door where two teachers stood guard.

"I'm sorry, but you can't get out. All students must stay inside until further notice."

I showed them the palms of my hands.

"I need medical attention." I said, offering my voice a fragile, vulnerable tone. I just prayed they didn't know about my healing factor.

The two shared a glance. I faked a cry of pain.

"Fine." One of them said. "But come back as soon as possible."

I nodded and climbed the stairs without a sound. Once out of the basement I ran through the mansion, hoping Logan hadn't returned outside. My head was so jumbled I didn't even see him before abruptly shocking with him when cutting a corner. Incredible how he was always there when I needed him, even when I didn't want to admit it.

"Felicia!" He exclaimed, holding me to prevent me from falling. He did this a lot. I wondered if it was some kind of twisted metaphor. "What are you doing here, I ordered—wait, what happened with your hands?"

"Dyani." I blurted out in between heavy breaths. I felt my whole being contracting. "She's the spy."

Logan's eyes widened, but he never doubted me.

"How did you find out?"

"Her speech, it's... it's full of hatred. She's in so much pain and I don't think anyone can reach her. She's at a point where no common sense will touch her. She also... she has diamonds in her ear. Every part of her skin that was visible was normal in the basement except for that detail. And I thought... I thought the diamonds could be the material that cloaked her, that confused Charles' power. I mean, it makes sense. She can turn her body into any kind of weapon. She could have hit me with a material strong enough to knock me out. A material whose residues were still in mine and Rylan's system, preventing Charles from accessing the memories we forgot. That... that it was her we saw."

Now it was crystal clear. The owls, calling. The wind, blowing. I, turning around. And Dyani in front of me holding a fist transformed into a giant diamond, crashing against my skull, shattering everywhere.

I felt betrayed in every cell, all the way down to my simplest atom. But still I couldn't find it in me to be mad at her. She was lost. She was doing all of this out of suffering and I knew what that was. The only thing that had kept me from falling into the exact same path was... you know what I'm gonna say next... him.

Unfortunately, Dyani hadn't found any him.

"You must be right." Logan agreed. "Emma Frost can turn her skin into a diamond form in which hers and others telepathic abilities are suppressed. She is incapable to read minds or have others read her mind when she's in that state. Those diamonds in Dyani's ear, so close to her brain... it must be what's keeping Charles away from her real intentions."

"You're right." We heard a voice behind me. I turned around. Dyani. Her tone was conflicted. "It is. Not long ago I suffered a Secondary Mutation. Remember when Storm talked about that, Felicia? It allows me to cloak my thoughts and the thoughts of others I come in contact with. I can be selective with my thinking, choosing what mind readers can access. That's how I've been able to hide my true intentions from Professor X and Jean."

"What are your intentions, Dyani?" I questioned, coming closer to her. Logan didn't stop me, and I felt weird about it. "Why all this?"

"Last night, when I attacked you and Rylan... I was reaching out to Magneto. I update him from time to time. He asked me to find out when the best moment to attack would be. I told him today, since Charles and the X-Men would be too busy finding out who the spy was, and the rest of the school too interested on the Black Cat."

I gritted my teeth. So it had been her. Dyani had leaked my identity to keep everyone distracted from a possible attack.

"I didn't want to harm you or that kid." She continued, and her voice was so honest, she truly believed in what she was saying. Was it lying if one thought they were saying the truth? If we believed in a lie, did it become a truth to us? "You two just surprised me, you weren't supposed to be there. Wrong place at the wrong time, you know? It hurt me a lot hurting you."

"Where is Lewis?" I asked in turn. "What did you do to him?"

"He's our bargaining chip. He's okay. Magneto ordered me to kidnap a kid we could use in case things went wrong. A student to persuade Charles, since his students are his weakness. I thought about taking you, but I... I couldn't. When Rylan saw me trying to communicate with Magneto, I had no other option but to knock him out. I threw him into the lake to gain time and hid. He woke up with the impact of the fall and I watched him struggle. I didn't want him to die but I..."

Her voice broke. I swallowed. I felt betrayed but most of all I felt empty.

"I didn't know he couldn't swim. I was going to take him out when you showed up. I was so relieved. You were there and you were going to save him. I thought about taking you, but you were my friend, it couldn't be you. Then I saw Lewis coming out of the maze behind you, and there was my chance. I couldn't take Rylan because he was just an innocent kid, everyone would suspect he had been kidnapped. I couldn't take you because you matter to me. But Lewis? He's a rebel and a loner. No one would make a fuss out of his disappearance. Everyone would just think he had left on his own. Nobody would care."

You're wrong, I thought, I care. But I was not going to tell her that. Emotions were easy weapons to turn against us and kill us if we showed them to the wrong people.

"Why, Dyani?" I asked instead. "Why?"

She smiled at me, and there was a constellation of feelings in that smile.

"Because, Felicia, haven't I told you? Everyone loves villains. They are the ones with the guts to do what the world needs. The ones with a clear sight and enough discernment to see reality as it is and not as we wished it was. We have to work with what we have. Words take us nowhere. The world is cruel, Felicia, and kind people die because they think they can fight fire with water. They can't. We have to fight fire with fire, give them a taste of their own medicine. Non-mutants need to be put in their place. They need to pay for what they did to me, to everyone like me. They accuse us of being freaks, but they're the ultimate freak show. We have an extra gene, which make us greater. Isn't that what our species is called? Homo superior?"

I shook my head, dispirited. How did I not see her before? This was the real Dyani. How could my instincts not warn me? I guessed we really believed in what we wanted to believe in.

"When?" I questioned. "When did we lose you?"

Dyani smiled again, this time just sadly.

"You never had me, Felicia. I simply have the ability to turn my heart into a rock and my brain into a mirror. I can trick everyone, including myself. For so much time I lied to me thinking things would get better. That I'd forgive, that I'd let go, that I'd found the good the X-Men says exist in the world. But I can't see it, my eyes are opaque. Then the Secondary Mutation happened and I felt lost. And Emma Frost and Magneto appeared to me, right when I needed help the most. They showed me what I could do with my powers, all of the things this school was preventing me from achieving. They didn't try to suppress my urges. They want me to embrace them. They allow me to be the real me. With them I feel comfortable in my skin, I don't have to fake. Charles has done a lot for me, I know, but he simply can't look out for everyone and I'm out of his grasp. I don't want to compromise this school, it's a necessary place. But there is more than these walls. I want to see the world. I want others to have the opportunity to do the same. We deserve a second option. We deserve to choose. Magneto is providing us that, can't you see?"

I remained quiet. I could see the temptation. I could see how easy it was for someone in despair to want to grab it. I wished Dyani had managed to be her own savior instead of longing for a new one.

"You could join us, Felicia." She sang, like a mermaid calling me to my death. "You're the only one I can ask this, you're the only one who understands. You have it in you too. The darkness. The thirst for blood. All the pain. You could come with us and be a villain too."

I thought about my claws. My flaws. I thought about how none of that defined us. How we couldn't let that define us, because every human was bigger than a word.

"I may be multifaceted, yes, but I will not bow to a definition." I said firmly. "I am who I am and I don't need any label."

"You're right, you don't." Dyani agreed, taking some steps towards me. "Come with us and you can be anything. Everyone will know your name but no one will know you."

Not even yourself, she forgot to add.

I shook my head.

"No, I don't want that. I don't need a dictator to tell me who I am or to lecture me into how the world should be. I don't need someone trying to shape the world in wrong parameters and then justifying it by saying no one else has the courage to do it. That's bullshit. You want to rule it because you're complexed. Not because others are too coward to act on their supposed wishes of domination."

No, Lorde, not everybody wants to rule the world.

And I'm just trying to rule myself.

"I'm not going anywhere." I concluded.

"So you're willing to stay on one side without giving the other one a try? Isn't that stupid, limited thinking?"

"I don't need to get shot to know it will hurt." I replied sharply. Dyani sighed in defeat.

"Is that your final answer?"

"First and last." I nodded. Dyani's eyes locked with mine and I felt like my chest was an oven and my heart was being cooked. This was what happened when we cared. We either left or were left.

"I respect your decision as long as you respect mine." She said, passing by me. "I'm not going to ask for your permission to go."

"I'm not going to stop you either. As long as you don't hurt anyone else."

"I'm not going to fight you." She paused, and I felt a shift in the air. "But Logan will."

Dyani disappeared into another corridor before I could say anything else and I turned around, the hair on my skin standing up. I had completely forgotten Logan was there, and I never, ever, managed to ignore his presence. It always had a seat in my brain. Logan smiled at me.

Clearly something was wrong.

"You're not Logan." I declared, mentally slapping and kicking myself. What had I been thinking? Logan would never have stayed quiet for so long without intervening. He would have never given Dyani a chance to tell her side of the story without trying to reason, or argue, with her. But I had been so commited on uncovering the real Dyani that I didn't even stop to think about Logan's strange, long silence.

He smiled again, and then, in a matter of seconds, he was somebody else. If my eyes hadn't witnessed it, I would have never believed it. In front of me stood a woman. Blue, red, yellow. Mystique.

"You see what you want to see." She said simply. "You have really accurate instincts. A good sixth sense. Didn't Charles teach you to rely more on them?"

I recalled my previous sensations, how I had felt weird around Logan, and if there was one thing I didn't feel around him, it was weirdness. At least not in the sense of something being off. On the contrary, everything was always too on when I was with him.

"Where is Logan?" I inquired. I felt like Dora, the freaking Explorer.

"In your mind." She answered and tilted her head, examining me attentively. "In your heart... perhaps?"

"It was you the other night. In New York." I opted to ignore her. I remembered how Logan had stormed out of the training room. How I had caught the word physique. "Disguised as Logan, entering a hotel."

She nodded. "Yes. And you're the one who ruined my plan by telling it to the real Logan. You gave us a hard time, the X-Men stopped one of our missions because of your insightful pretty eye. You might have ruined my plan once. That won't happen again."

And just like that she shifted back onto Logan, the claws coming out of her in my direction at a seriously dangerous speed. I jumped, taken aback. Of course she could not only turn into someone, she could also replicate that person's physical attributes.

She came to me again and I let my claws come out. A part of me was relieved Dyani hadn't forced me to fight her. The other part hated her for leaving me here to fight someone that looked exactly like Logan but was nothing like him. Nothing like mine--

Stop thinking and focus on the freaking fight.

Our claws produced a strong metal noise when they clashed against each other. Wolverine's claws were longer but mine were thirstier.

I had devoided them so much of their purpose already... now it was time for them to breathe.

Mystique pressed against me and I held her strength. It was so weird seeing Logan's eyes but not seeing him in there. Now that I was staring into those eyes I cursed myself again. How had I not seen before that it wasn't him in front of me? No one could ever replicate Logan's intensity. Or better said, the intensity he evoked on me.

Mystique gave up on the claws once she realized it would take us nowhere. The claw-wrestling was a draw. She decided to use Logan's body to fight me, which perhaps wasn't the wisest choice. I was already used to fight him, but I wasn't going to show her that.

I could see she was very skilled. Better, more experienced than me. But she didn't fight with rage, and I had enough to poison an army.

"You're good." She let out as she attacked and I dodged. Even the voice sounded the same. But Logan always used a different tone. People were made in details like this. "But not excellent. I'm the Cat here. And you are my mouse."

Just like every villain out there, she talked too much.

I threw an upper hook to her chin that would turn her into an astronaut by the amount of stars she would see.

"I see Logan taught you well." She said, spitting out blood. She came at me again, stronger. I was breathing heavily from all the effort, I didn't know how much longer I could put up a fight. Against Logan I couldn't use my best abilities because he had them too.

We balanced each other out.

"I'm a fast learner." I told her, narrowly missing another one of her hits.

"But a slow winner." She retorted, and shifted back to Mystique. I instantly relaxed. Punching Logan hadn't felt as good as I always had imagined. And Smurfette here needed to be punched in her true form to learn to stop stealing identities. At least I only stole jewels.

We continued our fight, and the more time it passed the more she was able to hit me. My defenses were getting low, I felt so tired. I hadn't had a proper rest in these last few days and was only fighting with a spare tire.

Mystique kicked me in the stomach and I bent down automatically. She used the wall to jump to the stairs and started pushing a bookshelf to throw at me from the superior floor. I watched in horror as it fell but I was paralysed. I closed my eyes, preparing for the impact. Instead I was pushed to the ground by something else, my eyes opening abruptly when my head collided against the ground, making me seeing stars. Or just one.

"You need to stop making me save you." Logan let out as he pinned me against the floor to protect me from flying debris. He was my shield, my bulletproof vest, my armor. Yet he never made me feel like a damsel in distress. Despite the mess we were in, I smirked. His light brown eyes were dangerously close to me; I felt like Icarus touching the sun.

"Admit it, Wolverine, I'm the only fun you get."

"Yeah, and one day you'll get me killed." He grumbled, getting up. He handed me his hand to take which I gladly did, trying to find Mystique in the midst of the shattered wood.

"Aww, the wolf only has one life?" I mocked, but I was so relieved. Sometimes we needed help. And it didn't make us weak admitting it.

"Where is she?" Logan inquired, and then Mystique jumped in front of him, shifting to Logan again. Oh, great. I watched as the Logans spinned and fought. I felt like a tourist being tricked by a street magician, trying to find the dice under the equal cups.

Now you see me... now you go to hell.

One of the Logans pushed the other against the wall, his hands on the other one's neck.

"FELICIA!" The strangled one managed to shout. "Don't just stand there, do something!"

Automatically I did. The sight of Logan, any Logan, in danger was enough to make me act without thinking. I pushed the strangler Logan away violently and helped the other, who started strangling me instead.

Lesson learnt.

I choked, my feet raised above the ground. I used the momentum to bring my legs together and hit Mystique hard on her stomach. Payback time.

She recovered quickly though, and came to me, claws smiling. I prepared to defend myself but then the real Logan finally got up from my push and threw himself in front of me, stopping her claws with his own.

I had to admit it was one hell of a sight.

As the two confronted each other I grabbed the real Logan's shirt and scratched his back to rip it. I needed something to distinguish them.

"What the fuck, Felicia!" He shouted when my nails dug into his back.

"That's not gonna work." Mystique said as the same marks of my nails started appearing in the fabric of fake Logan's shirt. She grabbed me by my collar and threw me in the air like a rugby ball.

I fell harsh on my back and when I got up, I no longer knew which one was one. Again. I groaned. My patience had a limit and it had ended when I was born.

Each Logan had their hands around the other one's neck. They were suffocating one another and I could only save one.

I observed them as I came closer, trying to detect the slightest variance. It was like a living 'Spot the difference' game. I stared at one. Then the other. I had to choose quickly.

Both of them were glancing at me with the same desperate appeal in their eyes. And Mystique could replicate exactly how Logan looked. But not how he made me feel.

I got closer to one of them, stared at him right in the eye. His heart kept still, the other one didn't. I curled my fingers into a strong fist and smacked him in the head so hard he fell into unconsciousness, his body turning blue as Mystique fell onto the floor.

I sighed of relief.

"How did you know I was I?" Logan questioned, impressed.

"Her gaze didn't burn me." I smirked, but then turned serious. "She can fake expressions but not their... effects."

Logan's eyes narrowed. "You're too insightful. Mystique is very, very skilled; usually people can't tell the difference."

"That's because people can't distinguish between the aspect of something and the sensation that something gives you."

Please, please don't ask me what sensation you give me because I don't have a word for it. Or I have too many.

Logan shook his head. "No, it's more than that. It's your sixth sense, isn't it?"

I shrugged. "Perhaps. Also... your heart. Your heart was faster."

I couldn't see his face because he bent down to grab Mystique.

"Well, I was afraid you'd choose the wrong Logan again."

I smirked at him.

"When it really matters, Logan, I'll always choose the real you."

A/N: Picture is Piotr "Peter" Nikolaievitch Rasputin aka Colossus played by Daniel Cudmore.

About Dyani... I'm sorry, but it had to happen. I hope I made her reasons clear, though!