God, why?

Sometimes I catch myself saying those two words. I can't question God's existence when I question God himself. I relied too much on my spirit animal sometimes. I am fearful of myself and cast my wolf's shadow in front of my true self: a broken person. In that moment of pure chaos, it was as if my spirit animal has stepped back to let my true emotions come out; emotions I haven't felt since my youth.

I've always resorted to anger. It's an easy emotion to cover up a weakness in oneself. I wasn't angry at Sam. My heart just got a pinch from her words. It hurt, but it shouldn't have brought me to hostility.

As I stared blankly at the floor between my hands, I noticed Bryan placing his hand on my shoulder. For a moment I forgot he was there. "When last have you been yourself?" he asked; his tone much calmer.

I couldn't quite answer that question. I've never truly been myself. It's as if I have transformed myself into a movie character of my own life. And I hated him. "I don't know," I let out softly as I tried to compose myself.

Bryan pulled me up by my arm and held my shoulders tightly. "You are my friend," he whispered. "What happened to you?"

I finally gave myself permission to share my past. My father, my parents' deaths, and my time spent working for the FBI. I discussed recent events with Sam. Even though it wasn't my place to share her situation, I was compelled to. I was being eaten alive by it. Bryan had a sympathetic expression on his face with no words, which helped me to relax. People acting as though they understand how I feel irritates me.

It felt... good to share everything I had inside of me with another person. I never thought it was right to make someone else responsible for your troubles, but I had no idea how much relief it could have. I felt free from the chains I'd created for myself. "Want to go outside?" Bryan asked. I nodded in response as I grabbed a packet of cigarettes from my desk.

We walked toward the forest near the university. It was quiet and peaceful with earthy aromas filling our lungs. Ben used to talk about this place. I felt content in my stride next to Bryan as we followed a small stream down the forest. The running water added to the charming setting of the forest.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier," he apologised unexpectedly. I didn't quite expect an apology. He was in the right to act that way.

"I didn't hurt Sam intentionally," I explained. "The experience was terrifying. I wasn't in control and-" l added before getting cut off by Bryan.

"I don't think Quinn knew the situation well enough to understand," he chuckled. "As long as Sam is alright with it, I don't mind what kinky shit you guys do."

I laughed at his statement. "I don't know why I acted like that when she called me a fuckboy..." I sighed.

"What do you mean?" he asked in a surprised tone of voice.

I raised an eyebrow and looked over at him. "After we had sex she thought I lied about being a virgin and it just pissed me off," I let out as I turned my head back to the stream. "I haven't felt that vulnerable before and when she said that..." I sighed as I stopped myself from continuing.

"Wolf, it's okay to feel this way," he said with a comforting hand on my shoulder as we both watched a single file of ducklings passing by us. "Your first time is a special moment... Yes, you shouldn't have acted that way, but Sam's also in the wrong here. She should've respected you more," he remarked as we continued walking.

"I don't know man..." I inhaled. "Guess we'll have to see how this pans out."

Bryan cracked a smile. "You mean to tell me the Wolf Drewitt will be 'going with the flow'?" he chuckled as he mimicked the ocean waves with his hands.

"Don't hold your breath," I laughed as I punched his arm playfully.

"I know you're probably going to hate what I'm about to say, but I'm really sorry for the loss of your parents. It's tough for me to imagine losing mine and I can only imagine it must've been gut-wrenching for you," he said in a saddened tone. "Even though your dad was a total prick," he added.

"I just wish my mother and I never got into the car with him..." I sighed with my heart feeling hurt. "I had so many nightmares since then... her face-" I said as my voice cracked. I inhaled deeply and let out, "Her face looked worse than yours."

Bryan immediately cracked a smile. It's as though he waited for me to make light of the terrible situation even though he was the centre of it. "At least I lived," he joked.

"Okay, too soon," I snapped jokingly as I eyed him. It's amazing what a few hours could do. It's as though I could feel myself healing from the inside and climbing out of the dark cave I have been hiding in.

"We should head back, maybe we can get some food with Dante and Jared?" Bryan smiled as we turned back around.

"What's been going on with Quinn and Adrian? I haven't seen Adrian in a while," I mentioned.

"Eh," he mouthed as he jerked up his one shoulder. "Probably relationship problems."

I guess he knows as little as I know.

Bryan and I came to a complete halt as we were making our way back to the university when we arrived at the parking lot. It appeared as though everything in our world had abruptly halted. With a dreadful smirked face that could certainly scare a bear and a wolf to their very core, a cunning eye captivated ours. A much more dangerous and frightening beast with dagger-like claws. We were being pursued by eyes of gold. A mountain lion has returned, and this time it's coming for vengeance.