18

paroxysm

(a sudden outburst of emotions)

3rd August, 2019

THE floor of the bakery had been thickly coated by the stains of mud painted shoes of different sizes. The drizzle in the afternoon had left the neighborhood soiled with mud and brimming potholes. Ju Ho had to make to some strenuous efforts to rub them off to bring back the glow of the ivory tiles.

He was still going around from corner to corner with a mop in his hands to make sure that he had not left any spot uncleaned. He was almost done with the last round of inspection and had to increase the speed of the fan to get rid of the sweat patch that had formed on his back.

The door of the bakery was pushed roughly, the bell attached to it jingling in the process. Ju Ho whipped his head, only to spot Ye Bin rushing towards him with hurried steps. She seemed like she had been lying on the bed for a while considering her loose locks and the choice of clothing.

"Wow. Wow. Go slow. The floor is totally wet. I don't want you to break some bones and end up in the hospital." Ju Ho raised his hands to signal her to slow down.

"This is insane." Ye Bin exclaimed, waving her hands frantically. His words had probably not reached her ears considering how she was going towards his direction. "I have to show you something."

"What? Is something wrong? Are you feeling unwell? Do you need any translation?" Ju Ho looked alarmed at how she was red in the face and unusually excited. He prepared himself to catch her incase she slipped.

"None of that. Look at this." she held her phone to show him the screen as soon as she reached the counter.

She had been scrolling through her Instagram apparently and somehow had ended up seeing a clip from the soap opera he had acted for. It was particularly his scene where he was pretending to be a barista. Ju Ho couldn't refrain from gasping at how the view count was nearing a million. He had no idea why he was suddenly an internet sensation.

"The guy looks like you." she muttered, peering intently at the screen. "Or, you look like him. You have a doppelganger!" People are going crazy over this scene."

"Well," Ju Ho scratched his ear, shyly. "I'm the guy. There's no doppelganger."

"Excuse me?" she scrunched her nose, not quite catching his words properly.

"It's true." he asserted, emphasizing on the last word. "Do you think that such an unique face would have another copy in Korea?"

"I thought that you run the bakery. When did you become an actor? Are you pulling my legs? Why would be doing such a small role?" Ye Bin was not convinced enough.

"I do run my bakery but I acted for this particular show, sometime back. It's only for this role I swear. The director himself casted me out of the blue and I agreed to do it just for the fun. I had no idea that this would blow up."

"Wow." she mouthed as she took back her phone. "You're all over social media. I was so surprised when I saw your face. I instantly got up to show you this. I thought that you would be surprised too but that's not the case, I guess."

"I don't know whether I should feel happy about it. I did it without giving much thought behind it but it turned out that people think that my face suits the television screen."

"You definitely do. I mean, you got the proper looks and the charisma. You fit this persona. Who wouldn't accolade such a beautiful shot?"

"I do?" he raised his eyebrow playfully, amusement gleaming all over his features.

"God, Ju Ho." Ye Bin covered her face to show mock displeasure.

Ju Ho hummed to demand a definite answer from her as he moved his face towards hers to continue teasing her. He thoroughly enjoyed squeezing out a reaction from her.

Through the gaps between her fingers, Ye Bin could spot the fine lines of his countenance, placed together like a meadow of incandescent scratches of pencil and swatches of paint. A cheeky grin was hanging on his lips like a contemptuous threat to whatever she had said.

She was tempted to put down her hands and reach his face to whisper that she actually meant what she had blabbered about, without thinking much. Her carefully arranged and collected demeanor wasn't enough to belie the profound effect of the proximity of their bodies. She feared that she wouldn't be able to hold in her desire to cup his face with her hands. 

"The brown hair looks lousy and unnatural." Ye Bin commented suddenly, to fob him off and also to shove his stature out of her nearest sight. That was the only thing that occurred to her in such a short span of time.

It was effective. Ju Ho's spine was no longer bending down to reach her level. He was already considering her take on his appearance seriously and standing upright with a confused pout.

"It's a wig. I thought that it looks quite exquisite. You can't even tell that I have dyed hair in reality."

"Well, you can still know considering how sloppy of a work it looks." she pointed it out. "I mean, it just doesn't fit you properly."

"Are people discussing about it though? I'll become the 'sloppy wig guy' in no time then. That's a bad thing I would say." Ju Ho's hand unconsciously tugged  the roots of his hair.

"Don't worry about it. It's just that I see you everyday. Maybe that's why I couldn't adjust to that wig." Ye Bin went on her toes to hold his wrist and gently brought it back to its resting position.

Ye Bin's fingers slid down the edge of his fingers as she retrieved her hand. Ju Ho was almost enticed for a split second to hold onto them and put them back on his wrist. He wasn't supposed to like that little of a physical contact they had but he did. Her fingers had left an imprint on his skin and he could feel its trace as if it was a second skin. She was just looking out for him again. Even though she did not voice it out but she was keeping him away from his scalp.

"So, are you planning to opt for more acting gigs?" she prompted, seeing that his eyes were searching for something on her face silently. Her cheeks were heating up even though the cool air of the ceiling fan was gently hitting the surface of her skin all over.

Ju Ho shifted uneasily, his feet finding it difficult to fixate themselves on the floor. He cleared his throat to bring back his attention to the conversation they were having.

"I have no plans as such. I like the exposure but I don't think that it would be like that forever. I like this corner. It feels like a space of my own. Something I really love to do. Acting might look tempting for now but I don't think that I can survive in that industry. I have a weak heart."

"Do you?" Ye Bin was now the one questioning his choice of words with the glint of a teasing tone.

"Are you doubting me? I would cry if you make me watch a horror or a sentimental movie. You cat bet a great deal of money on it."

"You seem like one now that I think about it carefully." Ye Bin advocated his view with a smile curving her lips.

"Was that an insult?" he furrowed his brows to reflect grimace at her derision.

"Find it out yourself. You brought it up, by the way." she shrugged, nonchalantly.

"It feels like one. Having a soft heart is not always bad. It can easily warm up to others and maybe grow affection quickly." he replied tenaciously.

The last few words hit Ye Bin like the bullet of a mortar crafted especially for her. A part of her mind wanted to freely wander around and discern what that actually meant. However, her logical and rational part wouldn't allow any such attempts. She was not even in the position to stop and and think for a while. Standing infront of her was the man in question.

"People seemed to like you for your charismatic presence on the screen. You are quite good at going along with the script too. Did you learn acting somewhere?" she put her phone in one of the pockets of her track pants, changing the topic.

"No. I barely did anything in life." he gave her a rueful smile. "I had completed my high school somehow and left home. All I ever learnt was this particular craft of baking. It is enough for subsistence to me. Also, a pleasure I love to indulge myself in. That's what I would like to remember from that remote past. "

"Oh. I'm sorry." whispered Ye Bin, sounding almost inaudible. She was not expecting him to reminisce about his past out of the blue. "Are you not in contact with your family?"

"No. Not at all. I'm a loner. Figuring out my life on my own. Running away from problems."

"Aren't we all?" Ye Bin pulled a chair to give a break to her legs. "I am running away from my problems too. Not everyone has the courage to face them with a straight face and come out unscratched."

"True." he agreed as he looked at the ground.

"You might get recognised on the roads now. Like, your clips have gone viral." she exclaimed suddenly to change the air of gloominess looming in the room.

"Thanks to all that, my account is blowing up." Ju Ho stated as a matter of fact. "Also, my bakery too. I have seen how many are talking about it."

"Are you getting more customers? You should expect a crowd tomorrow."

"Almost thrice the usual number. I mean, the show aired when the sun was about to set and trust me, the locals found out even before I did. It was hard to manage such a big crowd today."

"I just saw it right now. I'm late, then." Ye Bin looked a bit disappointed about it. "I was working and didn't get the time to go through social media. I ran to you as soon as I saw it."

"It doesn't matter. The thing is that you couldn't recognise me at once. You thought that it was someone else." he chided.

"Goodness. You're really petty for saying that. How do you expect me to understand immediately? You have a wig on and also, you were never an actor."

"You said that it was lousy and unnatural." he reminded her, trying to look as cross as possible.

"I take it back, then." she laughed, not quite finding an excuse to counter the attack.

The bell attached to the door of the bakery, jingled again for the second time in that particular hour. A big group of middle-aged women walked inside, chattering loudly. Some even exclaimed certain remarks cheerfully after noticing Ju Ho.

"We're about to close for the day." he apologized as he bowed. "Please come back tomorrow."

"C'mon, we came here straight from the market. We barely find time for something else other than our businesses. Aren't you going to spare a few extra minutes for us? We have a star in our area, finally." spoke a woman with grizzled hair, earning collective nods from the rest of the group.

"Say yes. I'll help you." Ye Bin prodded him in the stomach. "Don't let the opportunity of a day of good business slip out of your hands. They seem like a pretty big bunch."

"I don't have much of the goods left. What am I going to sell?"

"Explain it to them when they order. I don't think that they would be offended. Everything you make is a delicacy. You can deliver their orders to their houses directly too, later. You do deliveries, right?"

"I do but it's pretty late. I should do tell them now or I would be wasting their time." he leaned to whisper it to her before proceeding to approach the mass.

Ye Bin watched him closely as he tilted his head and smiled warmly to the group, explaining how he wouldn't be able to give them proper choices of his creations. The women did not budge and dismissed his warning within seconds.

"They're going to eat here. They offered to buy everything I have left for the day and enjoy my presence." Ju Ho returned to the counter with a faint smile lingering on his lips. He was definitely not expecting that.

"See! You shouldn't waste such chances to make money. They look like they're already your fans. I can see how they're looking at us with twinkling eyes. Well, maybe not towards me exactly but you." said Ye Bin as she eyed them briefly.

"It feels surreal. I did not know that people might be so interested in me oneday. Good thing is that my business is blooming."

"You definitely deserved this spotlight. I wonder why it took so much time. You might think that your presence and popularity as an actor would subside soon but this might be for the permanent. You will receive more customers and trust me, they would keep coming back here. You have skills worth investing upon."

Ju Ho had been staring at Ye Bin for the past few minutes and her words seemed to have opened up a passage inside him. He did not know that he had been craving for validations as such. Having a well wisher felt so endearing.

All the years of efforts to walk on that particular road seemed like a proper choice again. It had been a long time since he was feeling lively in a genuine way. Maybe, trying to choose a path for himself was not a bad decision and did not prove itself to be futile. Afterall, the word 'success' is a diverse concept and Han Ju Ho was beginning to take baby-steps towards his definition of it.

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