15

selcouth

(unfamiliar, rare, strange and
yet beautiful)

[t.w. : this chapter contains mention of dermatillomania. proceed accordingly.]

THE clock hanging on one of the walls of Ju Ho's bedroom, was about to strike six as it seem to patiently wait for the tinge of midnight blue to spread on the evening sky. The last rays of the setting sun were playing on the the window panes, not yet ready fully to be dragged out from the surface of the glasses for the day.

Han Ju Ho was standing right infront of the wind loop cupboard, his hands crossed against his chest.

He always loved seeing how some of the pictures along with the names disappeared from the list everytime the wind was filtered. The time taken by every person varied significantly. Problems in one's life can't suddenly be solved altogether, afterall. Also to his dismay, not every person could return back to being a happy person again just because everything was going well in their life.

Human minds were like empty palettes to Ju Ho. They were to be coloured by different shades in every division as one's life's progressed from the stage of infancy. Some managed to collect more colours on themselves while the rest barely managed to go beyond the different hues of grey.

The picture of an elderly lady slowly caught on fire, reducing into fine ash that slowly disappeared from the surface of the board. It was just as he had been expecting.

Ju Ho sighed heavily. She was gone. Gone from the surface of the earth forever. He had been unsuccessful to remove her name from the board since the last two years.

She had a heart twisting story for the earth to hear. However, she became an unheard voice like many others who had to let the passage of time consume her entirely. An unsatisfied quench to see her dead son again, ate her from the inside constantly till her death.

A motherly figure who was once so adored in the heart of Jeju had to meet her death abruptly. She had been severely ill since the couple of days. Probably, a handful knew about that. 

A quiet funeral by immediate guardians or blood relatives were not possible because she had barely any ties in the world.

Ju Ho knew the moment he had seen the buds of white chrysanthemums sprouting in his garden. He knew instantly that one of the people in his list was going to meet death. It had always followed that pattern.

Like a shadow, he had been a part of Mrs. Lee's life. He had even pulled strings to become her newspaper man for a while to keep an eye on her. To think that a lady who was so warm to others had to die without a soul mourning for her was just too upsetting.

However, her wish was finally fulfilled. She was now on a trajectory as a star, approaching another one to unite again. A mother yearning for her child was something that Ju Ho had never quite understood. How could someone love their child so much that their death destroyed them internally?

Still, he couldn't help but feel that he had been partially responsible for her death too.

Ju Ho was stuck in a loop. The entire system always left him caged in a perpetual feeling of despair. The feeling of responsibility towards others made him suffer and no one knew that excluding himself.

The sound of the doorbell brought his consciousness back to the present again. Petting Marble lightly, he locked the door to make sure that his sudden presence didn't scare off the intruder.

He could make out from the figure standing behind the glass door that it was none other than his neighbour upstairs. With a pull, he opened the door to meet Ye Bin's profile who was holding onto a huge canvas covered with papers. 

Ye Bin didn't care much about greeting him. She motioned him to give her space and went inside almost immediately, carrying the big canvas with a great deal of efforts. Ju Ho had to follow her closely, confused about her sudden appearance altogether.

"Look what I got you!" Ye Bin chirped happily as she placed the huge canvas on the floor, its body leaning against the wall for support.

"Is that my painting?" Ju Ho's hands were already on his mouth, his eyes almost identical to tapioca pearls. That was the only possible explanation that occurred to him.

Ye Bin nodded as a titter left her mouth. She brushed off the dust from her hand.

"That was quite heavy, goodness." her hands reached her back as she stretched, lines forming on her forehead and at the corners of her eyes.

"Why did you carry it all alone? I was just one phonecall away." he scolded as his neighbour just returned him a guilty grin. "I wouldn't want you to get a muscle sprain because of such a trivial thing. You need to complete your commission work too."

"It isn't trivial." Ye Bin dismissed his words with a single wave of a hand. "I'm done with that work too. It's all good and done."

"Are you serious?" he gasped and earned an affirmative nod from Ye Bin.

"I did it, finally." she gave him a sparkling smile, the hint of satisfaction and happiness radiating from it.

"Congratulations, goodness. How about I treat you to something?" Ju Ho was absolutely enthralled.

"I can do with a glass of water now. It's very hot today." Ye Bin squinted her eyes.

He shifted himself from his position quickly, getting her a glass of iced water from the counter. Beads of sweat were resting on her skin, the ceiling fan's blades trying their best to give her body comfort again.

Ye Bin was pulling her shirt to and fro to let the cool air nestle in the creases of her upper body. A look of gratitude washed over her face immediately as she took the glass from his hands, the chilly outer layer of it causing her blood vessels to constrict immediately and cause a sharp pain on her clammy palm.

Ye Bin was quick to sip a considerable amount of the cold water and return it back to Ju Ho immediately. Seeing her wince as the water went down her throat, Ju Ho couldn't help but ask if she was alright.

"I'm not used to having iced water." she shrugged. "I rarely touch ice because I catch colds easily."

Ju Ho immediately apologised. "I'm really sorry about this. I should have asked you beforehand."

"It's not your fault. C'mon, I could see the floating ice myself. I was just too thirsty to point it out."

"Still, I have been running a bakery for so many years. It's my duty to ask the recipient about their preferences."

"Don't worry about it. I should thank you for fetching me water, actually."

"Can I take a look at it right now?" Ju Ho questioned, looking at the structure of the paper wrapped canvas expectantly.

"Why not? Go on."

Ju Ho carefully untied the rope that kept the extra papers tied against the surface of the canvas. He pulled them out and let out an audible gasp as his eyes inspected his gift.

The was a visible admiration in his gaze as he lightly traced his fingers on the surface of the canvas, his body almost wanting to be inside the painting itself. The way her brush had dragged itself on the texture was so endearing to him. He could almost visualise the painter, pouring out her coloured thoughts on the white material. It was definitely magical. A fantasy captured in a small rectangular canvas. It was just as he remembered seeing in her post or rather even more beautiful.

"This is beautiful." he extolled. "Way too beautiful."

"I added some extra finishing touches to make it look better. I owe you a lot." Ye Bin explained.

"It was definitely worth it." he said, his eyes fixated on the painting entirely.

The excitement in Ju Ho's eyes was totally unparalleled to all the past reactions she could recall of. Ju Ho was such a lively individual that it was hardly noticeable when he breathed out vivacity. However, Ye Bin could still make out a difference after observing him for a while. He seemed pretty enthusiastic for such a mediocre painting.

"I'll take good care of this, I promise. This will be hanging right here." Ju Ho pointed at the wall behind Ye Bin. "You would be able to see it everytime you visit me."

Ye Bin nodded with a grin tugging at her lips. He seemed content with the entire thing. She had been stressing about it since she had started packing it. To her, Ju Ho's approval somehow meant a lot and really assuring.

"Now that you're here, I want you to enjoy a snack before you go upstairs again. Also, do you want to meet Marble right now? I feel like it would be a good time to see him."

"That would be great. I can do use some relaxing session here and meet your dog."

"Come this way, madam." Ju Ho motioned with his hand to ask Ye Bin to follow him.

Ye Bin followed him in a dark passage, passing by different locked rooms. Ju Ho's taste in the interior design was surprisingly minimal in nature. She was surprised to see miniature gramaphone and replicas of some of Leonardo da Vinci's paintings hanging on the wall. There were tiny pots kept on a table, their green plants looking well cared for.

After stopping infront of his bedroom, Ju Ho proceeded to unlock the door. Marble was quick to peek out of it and approach Ye Bin.

Ye Bin bent down to feel the soft fur of the dog, evidently happy about meeting him. She seemed oddly friendly while trying to get Marble's attention. Marble had already licked her face and was wagging his tail. It was rare from him to meet a new human being in the house.

"Why don't you take a seat? I will get something for you in the meanwhile."

Nodding, Ye Bin went further inside the room which looked well supplied with various furnitures. His cologne was lingering in the air and Ye Bin couldn't help but like it.

"Are you taking a day off? Why isn't the bakery open today?" She made herself comfortable on a sofa seat.

"I wanted to take a day off suddenly. I had to deliver a massive supply of goods to a birthday party of an old customer. I'm left with almost no energy to make more for my daily business." he explained.

"Understandable. You are handling the bakery alone afterall."

Ju Ho took off his slippers to sit on the sofa opposite to her and put his legs entirely on its surface. As soon as he left his slippers alone, Marble snatched one away, holding its surface with his teeth.

With an exasperated sigh, Ju Ho got down to approach his beloved dog and get him to negotiate.

"Marble, you gotta give that slipper back to me, boy." Ju Ho scratched his mane, trying to persuade the furry creature to return his footwear.

The golden retriever was not to be fooled easily. He kept dodging and ducking his head, trying to avoid Ju Ho's attempts to take the slipper away from his hold.

"C'mon, honey. I can't walk around like this." his owner whined, totally aware of the fact that Ye Bin was looking at them with a fond smile on her face.

Ju Ho looked like he had almost lost to Marble. He was totally drained out of energy while Marble was total contrast to his situation. He was still reluctant to challenge the dog and catch up with his dodging session.

"Just leave him to be. He'll come around soon." Ye Bin suggested as she watched him closely, grappling with the golden retriever with all his might.

Ju Ho shook his head to deny the idea. "If I do, my slipper would be completely destroyed today. I don't want to splurge on slippers again."

Marble was quick to slip away from the room, in the meantime. As soon as Ju Ho noticed his disappearance, he called out his name, his voice raised an octave higher.

"You have no idea about how many new slippers I have sacrificed due to his sudden burst of energy every now and then." he commented as he left the room, leaving Ye Bin alone. He was probably back to the field again to win against the intelligent dog.

Ju Ho turned up a few minutes later, after a long episode of running around his beloved companion. Ye Bin ears had not missed out on the series of foreign noises and the promises that Ju Ho had voiced out to Marble in the background, while he was totally out of sight.

He was breathing heavily as his left hand was clutching onto the slipper tightly. He was still looking around just to make sure that Marble wasn't planning to pounce on him.

"Where's Marble?" Ye Bin couldn't help but enquire.

"He's busy eating right now." Ju Ho sighed, a ghost of a smile lingering on his dainty face. "I had to negotiate to bring back my slipper."

The marks of Marble's teeth was already adorning the edges of the slippers. It was too many for her to count.

"You slipper is now a work of art." remarked Ye Bin as her eyes travelled on the surface of the soft material.

"I beg to differ. If you ask me, you, Miss Yoo Ye Bin would be better at it." Ju Ho

Ye Bin stared at him blankly, not quite understanding what he meant by that. As the realisation flowed inside her, she looked at him with a shocked face as Ju Ho giggled.

"You're unbelievable." Ye Bin retorted as she gasped incredulously. "Am I a dog?"

"No, you're an artist. Am I wrong? Seeing how good you are with your hands, you might as well as create a whole scenery using your teeth. You should try it someday." he prodded.

Ye Bin was about to grab the nearest item to her and hit him. However, she had to control herself because it was an expensive looking remote. It was either going to break and cost her a fortune or hit Ju Ho right on the head and cause a considerable amount of chaos.

"It sounded so wrong." she pointed it out, believing that he didn't think about the other side of his view.

"Don't ruin your innocence here then, madam." Ju Ho proved her wrong as he guffawed.

Ju Ho collapsed on the sofa opposite to Ye Bin's, appearing tired. He accumulated all his loose strands and held them to get rid of the sweat. Ye Bin's eyes did not miss out certain details when he did that. She had to doubt her vision at first but then got up to examine. 

Ju Ho could feel his heart drop as he watched Ye Bin get up and walk towards him with a creased forehead.

There's no way she saw them.

A shiver jolted up Ju Ho's spine as Ye Bin propped his chin to see his scalp properly.

She definitely did. It was a mistake. A big one from his side.

Ju Ho knew that Ye Bin was currently staring at the scabs on his scalp, his mind filling itself with apprehensive thoughts instantly.

They were so well hidden by the mass of lavender hair that it rarely came to someone's notice. Well, to frame it better, no one till that date.

The look in Ye Bin's eyes pierced through his soul as she asked him. "What have you been doing, Han Ju Ho? What exactly are these?"

"I don't know exactly." Ju Ho found himself speaking. "I have been picking on certain spots of my head, unknowingly. I keep finding it enjoyable. I know that I sound ridiculous but I can't say anything more about it."

"Ju Ho," Ye Bin's voice was smooth and calm. "Please don't do this to yourself. You're hurting yourself. It's damaging the skin of your scalp. The condition of these red spots look terrible. Some look like they have been bleeding."

"I know."

That was the only answer he had.

"Have you visited a doctor?" Ye Bin backed away and sat down on the sofa.

"No."

"I am not supposed to intervene but I couldn't just turn a blind eye to this. You are not going to pick on those again. Got it? Whatever the reason might be. Just don't. I might not be acquainted with medical knowledge but I don't think picking on them would do you any good."

Ju Ho's breath remained even. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing flowed out of it. Instead, his hands curled themselves into fists and unknowingly he pressed them on his thigh. He had nothing to say. Nothing to defend himself. He felt emotionally naked suddenly. His cool persona game had come tumbling down like a castle of cards. It wasn't as strong as he believed it to be.

It was like being caught by one's mother after stealing sweat powdered milk for many days. He couldn't manage to make up an instant excuse.

"I'm sorry." he breathed out after a few moments of pensive silence.

"Why would you say sorry to me?" Ye Bin stared at his hunched figure, with a big frown resting on her face.

He was looking dejected and embarassed. Ye Bin saw a foreign expression looming on his countenance.
She couldn't help but think if she had actually crossed the line. Confronting him about his own issues wasn't something she was entitled to do.

However, she still couldn't come in terms with how Ju Ho had been engaged in this. She had somehow missed this detail about him.

"I know what you are thinking right now but I swear, I can't seem to control myself. I keep scratching and picking on these. They do bleed at times but I feel an internal urge to continue doing this. I have tried to maintain myself properly but I couldn't overcome this."

"You're not determined enough then. Why would you do this? I can't seem to understand your reason."

"I don't know, Ye Bin. Lately I have been a mess. I don't know why I'm left feeling unsatisfied about everything. I barely manage to enjoy anything and find solace in the lame jokes I crack. They do make my mind feel light momentarily but then it is consumed by a ravaging emptiness. It feels as if there are so many overlooked knots inside me and I don't even know what they are."

"Then try to find out." she urged. "Only you would know the most about yourself. If you don't, try to do it. Put some effort and you might be grateful that you didn't let yourself slip away in silence. I wouldn't like to see you suffering."

Ju Ho looked up to see her staring at him.
Her face looked unreadable. He suddenly wanted to seek refuge in a different room and be alone for a while to collect his thoughts. Someone was confronting him about something after a long time and he didn't know how he was going to speak to her normally again.

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