09

marcid

(incredibly exhausted)

21st June, 2019

THE incessant monsoon rainfall had been pelting the roofs and roads of Jeju since the break of dawn. The hospital had discharged Ye Bin almost an hour ago but they were unable to leave immediately. They were cooped up inside the reception with many others. The roads were nastily moist and tiny droplets from the dark masses of clouds still threatened the residents.

"This is our cue to leave." Ju Ho looked at Ye Bin who was sitting on the sofa, all huddled up.

"Is it still raining? I can still hear the rain drumming on the rooftop."

"It has reduced its force considerably. We don't know when the skies would open again. We need to leave when it's not raining at an alarming rate. I got two umbrellas from the nearby store."

Ye Bin nodded and picked up the jute bag in which her discarded clothes and report rested. She was dressed warmly as compared to the clothes she was wearing the day before. Ju Ho had been sensible enough to pick proper ones. He handed her one of the transparent umbrellas he had been holding for quite some time. She was glad to leave the suffocating building that smelled highly of disinfectant.

The weather outside was really dull and the rain water had accumulated everywhere including the parking lot . It was highly chilly due to the rain and everything seemed to be painted in monochrome colours. A ball of gloom seemed to have gobbled up the usually vibrant Jeju Islands.

"We have a cab waiting outside. We should hurry before we are caught up in the rain again. You need proper rest at home." Ju Ho walked close to Ye Bin in case she felt unwell again. The cars of the patients and the booked ones were waiting outside.

"Why did you book a cab for this?" Ye Bin halted. She couldn't stop the formation of a crease on her forehead. Her mind was already calculating how much it was going to cost. Fainting wasn't a part of her plan afterall.

"Do you expect us to crawl like babies on the road to go back to our house? Or do you want to faint again midway, while being on my cycle? It's raining too." Ju Ho retorted with mock grimace. He was not in the mood to explain how he wouldn't mind spending some money on her. He knew it for sure that this reassurance would become a daily cycle.

"Okay. I get your point." said Ye Bin with a defeated sigh. He was being rational.

Ju Ho showed her the way to their booked car. It was a plain one, a picture uncanny to the dozens of cabs you see running on the road daily. Yet, very expensive to freelancers like her.

She was about to open the door of the car but Ju Ho was quick to reach it before her. He held the handle of the opened door and motioned her to get inside.

After making sure that Ye Bin was comfortable inside, he got inside and closed the door properly. Their moist umbrellas were now resting on the floor of the car. The driver repeated the address he had been told to be sure again. Ju Ho added his approval and they started moving on the asphalt road smoothly.

Ju Ho stared at the blurry window that gave him a glimpse of the scenery outside that was being swept by the rain. The coolness of the air conditioner made him feel drowsy. It was a perfect weather to sleep without batting an eye with the problems in one's life. He had somehow slept on the floor of the reception last night. He barely had anything more than two minutes of peace there because of the screaming infants and the chatter of the others.

He turned to Ye Bin to see if she was alright. Funnily, she was catching up on her sleep with her head resting on the window, unlike him. She looked drained out of energy and very eminent dark circles coated the layer under her eyes.

Ye Bin reminded of himself. A bit too much. She was stubborn and didn't try to rub off her sharp pride at the slightest. Holding onto a fragile strip of fabric called confidence, at extreme odds required a great deal of courage. The dream to thrive gracefully in a pond full of mud and insects surely invoked a feeling of uncertainty at some point.

Ju Ho couldn't peel off his eyes from her colour-drained face. Someone facing a scathing attack from life had evoked a deep sense of empathy in him. She had no kith or kin holding her hand or giving her moral support. Ye Bin was just like the young Ju Ho from a couple of years ago. It was as if he was re-watching a movie that always left him feeling like a tensed toddler.

The dire need of money to even breathe freely, can drive the most sane man on Earth, insane. In this world, there are just dancing insane clowns like them who remain desperate to etch their names on the soil while being alive. They do not realise how this vicious cycle  makes them claw their own skin and smear their blood on themselves. They are murderers. They murder their own selves. They murder that innocent child  living inside them. How lucky are those who manage to make enough money out of what they dream to be!

Ju Ho still wondered whether he would make a different choice if he could turn back time. Knowing what the outcome would be in the future, would little Ju Ho remain unchanged? It was not that he was extremely unsatisfied with what he was doing but from time to time he was left concerned. Was this the most he could become? Maybe, he just wanted to seek refuge from the terrifying white collar jobs and competitive examinations. He didn't plan much about what he was trying to achieve.

Now that he was out of the teenager phase and free from being influenced by the elders, he had turned out to be more indecisive. The irony is that he ended up being trapped within four walls which he desperately wanted to avoid. A total failure.

The coarse voice of the cab driver telling him that they have reached their house, brought Ju Ho back to the present. He stared at the face of the driver which was battered by numerous rough lines as the badge of old age. He was quick to fish his wallet out of his pocket and pay him.

Ye Bin was still sleeping soundly. Ju Ho had no intention to wake her up abruptly but he couldn't help it. He was about to shake her shoulder blade but opted for using his voice instead.

It seemed that she was not deeply asleep, much to his surprise. She got up after he called her name a few times. Ju Ho explained that they need to get out of the car as he opened the door of the car and walked out first. He offered his hand to Ye Bin which she accepted without any protest. There was no way he was going to let her go back to the first floor without help. She still seemed to be in a daze.

With the dripping umbrellas held over their tousled hair again, they quickly marched towards their house. The little ponds of water filling the vacant holes of the wet soil made sure to splash bits of mud on their ankles and trousers.

Ju Ho made sure to get Ye Bin back to floor safely. He rushed downstairs to get her breakfast ready. Marble was probably waiting for him eagerly. It was a good thing that he had given him enough food last night.

The dark rooms of his floor bloomed again after he switched on the lights. Marble was sitting near the door looking upset. Ju Ho pulled him in his arms for a warm hug. Marble groaned a bit and left his embrace quickly. He was sulky after being suddenly left alone.

"I'm sorry, my baby." Ju Ho rubbed his hands together and kneeled before the magestic golden retriever. He got up and then filled his dish with his favourite snacks to seek for forgiveness. Marble dig into the bowl without paying heed to Ju Ho's existence. Sometimes, it seemed that Marble would betray him anytime for some treats.

His tired feet dragged him to the kitchen. There was no time for him to laze around. The cafe was obviously closed for the day because he got no time to prepare anything.

His hand pulled out a milk carton from the fridge. After going through his cupboard, he finally found honey and other necessary ingredients. The boiling porridge brought back a sense of deep nostalgia. It had been years since he had tried to cook something for someone who's sick.

Ye Bin welcomed him warmly when he reached her floor again with a bowl full of warm porridge. He let her be informal and try feeding herself on the sofa.

"I wouldn't go overboard because you have been discharged from the hospital no more than a couple of years ago. The porridge might taste a bit bland but I swear I will bring you tasty food once you are back on your feet again. It's for the best to stay away from too much spice and flavours for a few days."

"I didn't question about that." Ye Bin looked up to meet Ju Ho's eyes as she mouthed a spoonful of the porridge again. She seemed grateful, her eyes gleaming. 

"I mean it's just not that good." muttered Ju Ho who was left a bit flustered. His gaze shifted towards the ceiling of the room.

"I can even eat garbage. It tastes wonderful. I am grateful for whatever you're doing for me. I mean it." Ye Bin started aimlessly dipping the spoon in the porridge. "Sorry. I am just not that great at receiving help. I am not used to it. I already troubled you enough by asking your permission to use the backyard."

"Hey," began Ju Ho. "That isn't an issue. I use the backyard only for gardening. It's just a hobby. You can continue using it."

"Thank you. Thank you, again." Ye Bin beamed at him.

"Don't mention it." Ju Ho waved both his hands quickly. "I will take my leave then."

Before Ye Bin could approve of it, he was out of the door and sight. As he trudged downstairs, a gruffy voice caught his attention. Mr. Hwang, the landlord was talking to a neighbour while standing near the gate of the cafe. The mere sight of him made Ju Ho want to cry and roll on a bed. He had no energy left to converse with the grumpy old man.

The noise of his slippers against the surface of the wooden staircase caught the attention of Mr. Hwang immediately. He bobbed his head around to bow for  Ju Ho who smiled at him uneasily before returning his greetings.

"It's been a long time, Mr. Hwang." Ju Ho clasped his hands together, forcing a smile again."What brings you here today?"

"Young man, is the first floor lady at home today? I think you are coming down after meeting her."

"Do you have anything important to say to her?"

"Don't get me started." Mr. Hwang tapped his foot on the soil impatiently. "The tenant was supposed to pay the rent by the tenth of this month. It's the twenty first already. I came to check up on her myself. Maybe she has not gone through the terms of our contract properly."

"Mr. Hwang," Ju Ho pressed his lips together, tightly. "You see, Ye Bin isn't exactly well to greet and talk to you now. She was just released from the hospital today. I would say that leave the message to me. I will relay it to her after a few days."

"I thought so." he mused. "Something must be up with her then. Well, I survive because of the rent I earn from my buildings. However, I can't force her to talk to me when she's confined to her room. I want the online transfer of money before the end of this month. Please tell this to her when you see her again."

"Of course, Mr. Hwang." Ju Ho nodded as if he was completely on his side and understanding where he was coming from.

Ju Ho could feel a weight in his heart because of the sharp hatred he had for Mr. Hwang. The man had only job and that was grilling his tenants everytime they missed the deadline of paying the monthly rent. Ju Ho himself had gone through a lot because of the man standing infront of him. Business wasn't always the same and blooming throughout the year.

It was not as if he had a family to feed. The monthly rents he earned from all his buildings combined were enough to run a huge joint family. Yet, he was always ready to make more fortune. He was nothing but a miser who knew nothing about how people dealt with their jobs.

Though he was giving up on his chance to give a lecture to Ye Bin for the day, Ju Ho couldn't help but loathe him for coming all the way. It was not as if he was aware of her situation but he should have had given her some time to settle down properly.

"Would you like to come in for some tea?" offered Ju Ho politely. The old man could totally do without it but it was just manners. He wasn't expecting a negative response.

Mr. Hwang just smiled and turned down his offer, to his delight. The day seemed brighter and better to Ju Ho suddenly.

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