08

lítost

(a state of torment created by the
sudden sight of one's own misery.)

20th June, 2019

THE music and the soft vocals of a popular singer streamed through as Han Ju Ho swiped the card of the last customer for the day. He stared at the retreating figure of the high school student who exited the cafe after adding a sweet compliment about the donuts. The clock was close to striking nine and his neighbourhood was quiet already.

The cafe was bustling with customers till an hour ago. A good day of business usually set his mind in a good mood but it didn't happen so that day. The glass displays barely had anything left in them. He picked out the leftover cherry cupcakes and put them in a packet. Ju Ho had decided to give Ye Bin a visit, considering he hadn't really caught sight of her lately. He could make out that either she was a homebody or she was in trouble.

He walked out of the cafe and stretched his limbs, taking in the sight of the freshly showered trees. The smell of wet mud made him want to sit in the garden and sip some warm coffee. His body seemed to have aged a bit after all the straining events he had been facing.

The lamp post was still flickering. Ju Ho couldn't help but make a face. He really needed to get it fixed. Ju Ho hated how he had been ignoring every possible work because of how drained he was, emotionally. He still couldn't find the courage to approve of what Jung Woo was planning to do. Maybe, just a few more days. Maybe, he would slowly start accepting his decision. Jung Woo really needed to get his life going on, smoothly. Who was he to interfere?

Gangnam was a reputed place for plastic surgeries. Teen girls and celebrities went under the knife every now and then. Foreigners came to get their job done too. There was nothing to worry about. Absolutely nothing. However, he still felt a dark cloud of uncertainty loom around him. He had never taken Jung Woo for a cheapskate. He would definitely do his research and spend enough money.

Overthinking would result into nothing. He was being unreasonable and he knew it. Maybe, immersing himself into work would get him relief. Letting his mind wander around, would just get him grey hairs at the ripe age of twenty nine.

He ran his finger through the locks of his hair to put them in a neat shape. It wouldn't hurt much to pay a visit to the woman. Maybe, she had finally found a way to be independently pursue her goals. Having a nice chat might also clear out the fog of worries in his mind.

With some light steps on the trodden staircase, he reached the first floor. To his surprise, the door of her floor was left open. To be a decent guy, he called out her name thrice loudly. There was no response. He tried again and failed to understand why she was not coming out to greet him.

Without thinking much, he stepped into the living room to see if she was alright. To his utter horror, in the dark room, Ye Bin's body was lying flat on the floor. She was unconscious. A raw scream erupted through his throat. What in the world was going on?

Ju Ho bent down to inspect, his heart threatening to come out of his throat.  His fingers hesitated for a few seconds before touching the skin of Ye Bin's wrist. A weak pulse rate.

Ye Bin was still breathing, thankfully.

What did that first aid article say again?

His mind went blank momentarily and he led out a frustrated groan. He had the weakest of memories at times of need.

Ye Bin was already dressed in loose clothes so thankfully Ju Ho did not have to loosen them. He found a pillow from her bedroom to elevate her legs. He tapped her cheeks to call her but she remained unresponsive.

He brought a bowl and sprinkled some water on her face before going back to calling her loudly, shaking her shoulders.

He could feel dread spreading in his system as he rummaged through his pants to get his cell phone. His shaky fingers tentatively dialled 911. That's what he was supposed to do.

Right. Call the ambulance.

He hit the call option and held the screen on his right ear.

"He - Hello?" Ju Ho's voice wavered as the phone was picked up on the other side.

"We have an emergency here. I found out that my neighbour has somehow fainted in her room. I can't seem to revive her through first aid. Please make it quick." Ju Ho added the address after that.

Everything that happened after that were just blurry memories. Ju Ho had no idea how he managed to stay sane till the ambulance arrived. He had not given up on trying to get her up till he had heard the sirens.

The team of paramedics rushed inside, looking emotionless. Even their feet and the rest of their bodies seemed synchronised. They must see such cases everyday. Too many to even remember. They had grown accustomed to them.

Now that Ye Bin was being lifted by the paramedics, Ju Ho couldn't help but notice her scrawny legs and arms. How was she living like that? Her face was pale like snow and her lips barely had any colour on them. She looked like an old washed out photograph.

He felt a pang of guilt hit him harshly as he remembered how Ye Bin had previously hinted towards her declining financial support. He should have understood. He should have offered to help her. Why did he have to be a complete idiot and just give her a plant from his garden? What good would that plant do? Just give her a little more oxygen and flowers for a better mood. He must have looked like a total nutjob to her.

He was way too engrossed in thinking about Jung Woo. This was a reality check. He really forgot about the present. As a neighbour, he had been negligent. He was also dumb and not a good observant.   

The entire neighborhood had gathered outside. Hearing the ambulance sirens weren't a usual thing, afterall. They remained in groups talking in low voices as Ye Bin was taken inside the vehicle. Ju Ho assured one of the medical staff that he would be following them after getting some necessary things.

He followed the ambulance with the help of his cycle after he had grabbed her cellphone and a set of decent clothes. It didn't take much time to catch up with the white vehicle. The typical chill of monsoon hit his face as he paddled fast to keep up with the ambulance.

The road had stretched itself somehow and it felt like an unusual long trip. It had probably added an additional kilometre in itself without anyone knowing. Minutes passed slowly and it ate him out. Ju Ho felt helpless. The ambulance seemed to go slower than usual. The only good thing was that there was no major traffic jam on the way. The sound of the sirens were torturing his ears and brain altogether. He was almost convinced to get her out of the vehicle and paddle towards the hospital alone.

To his relief, the building of the nearest hospital came into his view after sometime and the ambulance came to an halt. It seemed that Ye Bin had already regained consciousness. The paramedics had made efforts to get her up on the way. They dragged her to the interior of the hospital on a stretcher.

Ju Ho followed the group, taking long strides on the white marble floor of the hospital, after parking his bicycle. He registered her in the reception as the paramedics got her a bed in the shared general inpatient room.

The receptionist informed that Ye Bin had collapsed because of the lack of food in her stomach. She had been forcefully starving herself with only using the minimum to consume everyday. Everything was suddenly clear to Ju Ho. It made sense.

The general care room was crowded. There were people getting their wounds dressed by professionals and their family waiting for them. Ye Bin was the only one who was lying alone on a bed. Her hand was injected with a saline channel. She seemed fine, staring at the ceiling aimlessly.

"Are you alright?" Ju Ho panted, holding his knees after reaching her.

"What are you doing here? Why am I here?" Ye Bin had turned on an unreadable flummoxed face.

"You collapsed because of the lack of food in your stomach. I am here because I ended up discovering you. You were lying unconscious in your living room. I was visiting you because I had some extra cupcakes and found your door to be open. To check that you're alright, I went inside and -" Ju Ho stopped mid-sentence, the fresh memory trickling back into his mind.

"Oh." she replied vaguely. She was barely audible and she didn't make much of an attempt to talk properly.

"Why did you give up eating?" Ju Ho raised an eyebrow. "Were you trying to kill yourself?"

"I told you already. I ran out of money." Ye Bin lips moved slowly, her voice strangely hollow. "I thought I was obvious enough."

"Listen, woman. Do I look like a grim reaper or devil? You could have just approached me for food. I don't think I would have turned you away. You are only one human being. Your three meals per day wouldn't have made me bankrupt." Ju Ho went on without even stopping to take a breath.

Ye Bin stared at him blankly before closing her eyes. "Were you unaware of my condition? I remember hinting about it. I couldn't ask for help. It would have made me look like a beggar asking for alms. We didn't even know each that well."

"Are you being serious?" Ju Ho tapped his feet in frustration. "Fine. You did tell me about your lifestyle. I was just caught up with something important in my life. I didn't pay much attention to it. I am in the wrong for doing that. What about you? Would you just give away your life because you don't want to ask for help? Are you stupid? I was downstairs for god's sake. I was not living in a different city."

Ye Bin stayed silent. She couldn't find any answer to that. She had been holding it in. All her troubles, all her worries and needs. The last thing she would have wanted was to faint out of the blue and get chewed out by her neighbour. Jeju was nothing but a new place to her. How could one expect her to rely upon a man who had dyed hair?

Ju Ho sniffed and pressed his palms onto his face. He really couldn't make out what was coming after Ye Bin had confessed about her situation in an  ambiguous way. The worst happened, much to his chagrin. Something that really hadn't crossed his mind. In his defence, he had not much to say. She was being logical in a way.

"I should apologise for not being able to read in between the lines. After you're discharged, I'll be sending you meals three times a day. Don't even try to complain."

"What about the cost? It's not easy to spend that much for another person suddenly. There's no need to help me. I will find a way for sure. I can't put a burden on you like this. It would hurt my pride."

"Stop it. You can't even engage in physical labour now. You can always pay me later. I'll add only the cost of the ingredients in a notebook and get it checked by you. I'll not incur the charge of cooking because I need to cook for myself too. You should take it slow and focus on recovering."

"Thank you. I'll work hard and make sure to pay you back. You are not really at fault. I am to blame for what I did to myself. I am incapable to support myself."

"Why would you frame it like that?" Ju Ho sighed before positioning himself on the bed beside Ye Bin's to talk more freely. "We are living in the twenty first century. Making a place for oneself in a totally different country is definitely difficult. You just need to hold onto your passion and courage. Time will put you on the right road eventually."

Ye Bin nodded. That's what she could do at the moment. Accept help and push away her sense of pride.

It's a 'do or die' situation.

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