07

lacuna

(a missing part)

17th June, 2019

THE sultry weather couldn't prevent the filming crew from getting themselves to work in their best form. Sweat dripped from the tanned foreheads and the scrawny legs of the staff marched continuously, to avoid being bitten by the mosquitoes brought by the approaching evening. Ju Ho scratched his skin which had red bumps of mosquito bites all over it.

Famed celebrities all over the world, definitely stayed near to the apex of the social pyramid. In his entire life, Ju Ho had never witnessed such a grand arrangement for a single human. There was an entire truck full of clothes to choose for a single scene. He was quite sure that it would suffice his own lifetime of requirement of clothing. He watched the poor director run behind the so-called famous actor, Shin Ki Young to get him to finalize his choice. Time was running out but he seemed visibly unbothered.

The soap opera industry undeniably formed an integral part of the cosmopolitan culture of South Korea in general. Maybe, the greatest achievement of his life would be this silly national telivision appearance. He felt as if  a sharp fingernail was piercing the cover of his heart. Was that the most he could ever achieve? Still, it was better than being stuck in between four walls, doing a white colour job.

What were the possibilities of his mother watching this episode and recognising him? Would she wonder how he was doing in life? Ju Ho could feel a ghost of a smile appear on his lips as he shook off the thoughts. She was not a soap opera fan. She loathed doing anything that was not related to making his son successful. She could be running behind another child if she had somehow managed to get one, in the meantime. Rebels like him weren't worth the efforts. 

The protagonists were filming their part at that moment. He didn't have to do many retakes considering that he barely appeared for a few seconds. Somehow, he had managed to stumble across the role of a man required for comedic relief. His purple mass of hair was out of sight, thanks to the brown wig a stylist gave him. He had no room for complaints since he was allowed to stay there. As long as the filtration went on without disturbances, he was okay with doing anything.

His feet carried him to the place where his fan was. Thankfully, the blades had stopped their rotation. A sense of relief filtered into his body.  He had the freedom to go back now. He was glad that Chang Min did not try to break or throw it away while he was away. Maybe, he wasn't that bad.

Even though the bodyguard's face seemed like he was the leader of a sting operation trying to expose his vulnerable identity to the entire world, he kept it low even after the shoot. Only once, he had asked why he kept his fan's blades going on without anyone to enjoy it, with a blank face. Ju Ho just had to jokingly suggest that it was for the flowers to enjoy. Even though Chang Min had looked pretty unimpressed, he didn't press him for a definite answer after that. 

The director was quite pleased with how his scene had turned out and invited him for a drink with the rest of the team. They were planning to hit a popular drinking place after the shoot. It kind of seemed impossible because they weren't done with packing, thanks to their star actor. He had to politely refuse since he had to go back to his home with the fan. He was almost tempted to go and have a good time. However, he had to hold it in. He had priorities to take care of.

Ju Ho thought about the possibilities he could have, if he just signed with an agency, as the director had suggested a few minutes ago. It could have been a great escape from his humdrum lifestyle which he had to fight for, once. He had risked everything for whatever he had in the moment. Somehow, the path he chose for himself didn't turn out to be that glorious. He enjoyed his life profusely but it felt like there were various missing puzzle pieces. He just never really understood what it was lacking. Was it the guilt of abandoning his parents or was it the lack of humans in his personal life?

Ju Ho got the fan dismembered part by part, with utmost care. He made sure to count everything and put them inside his big bag. Now, there wouldn't be a backup if he was to even lose a small screw. Everything happening at Jeju was in his hands. Almost, actually. There were inevitable incidents which he had no hold upon.

After binding the bag to the back seat of his cycle securely, he positioned himself on the vehicle. The filming crew were packing up after the day's shoot and Ju Ho stared at them for a few minutes. This was not his passion. This was not what he had dreamt of since childhood. This wasn't something he would like to enjoy as a daily job. Or would be?

The tyres of his cycle ran on the road as Ju Ho felt himself being engulfed in a very gentle mass of air. The glowing street lights and two wheelers were in motion as he drove himself to the place, where he felt at peace the most. Ju Ho could joke about everything about life infront of someone but inside he was concerned deeply about Jung Woo.

Jung Woo was someone he always stayed worried about. He had seen him at his worst and considering his nature, he was capable enough to end his own life. He had witnessed him being determined enough to throw himself right from their high school's rooftop. Ju Ho was no philosopher but he had to go through various lengths to help Jung Woo. He had ultimately come back to the realisation that his appearance wasn't something that should end his will power to live.

The leaves of the trees of his neighbourhood, looked darker in shade as compared to the morning as the sun hesitated to leave for the day. They collided with a few neighbouring ones and rustled as a continuous series of zephyr held them captive, using charm and movement.

Feeling restless in the suffocating silence, he rang the bell of his cycle. He kept ringing it with regular intervals even though he was cycling in an area which barely had people or moving vehicles.

Silence often felt terrifying. Silence was always something that appeared before an upcoming storm. The thought of jeopardy hitting someone that you really care about, can eat you up with vengeance. Ju Ho had nothing in his hands. Only a silly little fan could just temporarily fix his friend's mind. What after that? What was there in the future? Seoul was not really a place where the sick mentalities of people would change overnight.

His eyes were fixated on the road infront of him. The structure of his house's roof was slowly coming into his view. He could feel the sweat of the day's work making his t-shirt moist.

He needed to ring Jung Woo's phone and check on him. Maybe getting the fresh wind into his body's respiratory system and a chat with him could get him to think straight.

The ombré hues of the evening that were masking the sky's face, had already started to unite themselves, to form only one dark shade. The moon would be the queen of the sky in no time, holding her daily court infront of the infinite twinkling stars.

The light post infront of the boundary of the house flickered, trying its best to keep the light stable. A group of insects were flying around it, lovestruck as usual. Crickets were back to their  periodic choir singing session with enthusiasm.

Ju Ho clicked his tongue automatically as he stared at his light post, halting near it, displeasure running inside his veins.

Groggy from a headache, he told himself that this could wait for a bit even though it needed proper attention as quick as possible. The upstairs lady stayed cooped up in her room all day and barely showed her face. She wouldn't probably even notice the light. Sometimes Ju Ho wondered how she was surviving without grocery shopping. There was no way she was equipped with food supplies that would remain fresh throughout the entire week.

The entire island of Jeju was supposed to be experiencing a better day. A surge of happiness was to flow in every direction. However, the reason it was occuring, was deeply displeased. Ironically, he couldn't fill himself with happiness.

Deciding to postpone the fixing of the light, he hurried back to his familiar space. Marble was quick to detect his scent and came running like the little ball of joy he was. As usual, he snuggled into his embrace and expressed his love with a thick coating of saliva on his face and neck.

Ju Ho imprinted a kiss on Marble's forehead and realised that Marble urgently needed a bath. He tilted his head to show grimace. Jobs were piling up and he had no idea why they're so in sync when he clearly needed a break. More like, a holiday at a hill station.

He held Marble's face to meet his bead like eyes. "You have a bath scheduled tonight, boy."

As soon as he mentioned 'bath', Marble freed himself from his hold and ran away to the nearest room. He clearly loathed the idea of bathing in general.

Giggling at how he ran away, Ju Ho pulled out his cellphone. This is why he adored Marble. He could manage to pull out a smile even on the days when he barely managed to exist.

It was time to face the reality of the present. Jung Woo's number appeared on top of the list of his recent calls. He tapped his finger lightly on the name before pressing the phone onto his ear.

"Hello?"

"It's me, Ju Ho. How are things? Do you have a composed state of mind now? I was wondering if we can meet up right now, at my place."

"I am on my way back to my apartment in Seoul. I left for Seoul early in the morning."

"What?" Ju Ho was taken by surprise. If he was already in Seoul, the filtered wind has had no effect on him. He was already out of the boundary when the fan started filtering the air.

"I'm sorry for contacting you after going back. I didn't have the courage to tell you that I was running away again. I just couldn't tell my father that I had to quit my job. He would have just taken my name off the family register before going to the hospital because of a heart attack." a bitter chuckle resonated from the other end of the call.

"What are you planning to do there?" Ju Ho massaged his throbbing head, his hands and feet growing colder. He was trying his best to hide his concern. He didn't want to see the rooftop incident reoccurring when he wasn't even present there, to stop him. 

"I am thinking of trying plastic surgery and some weight loss programmes. It's the twenty first century and I don't think going under the knife is something uncommon. I have some money saved which my family isn't aware of. I can take care of everything. I can explain to them when all the scars heal."

"Are you being serious? Are you aware of the side effects and the results? Your parents wouldn't like it."

"You are talking as if you listened to your parents. Don't worry, Ju Ho. I will back as a new person even before you realise it. I got all the research work done thoroughly. I'll make myself lovable and get back to a new life. I am confident that I'll get another job where no one knows me. It's the only way I can think of, right now. I can't just let my life shatter and break apart without even trying to prevent it."

Ju Ho locked eyes with a man sitting opposite to him. He looked really tensed, his forehead creased and lips parted as if he was trying his best to mutter words of disapproval.

He realised that he was just staring at a reflection of himself on the mirror, looking like a terrified sheep.

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