chapter seven,
rapture

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  WHEN MARLENE FOUND OUT ABOUT the Halloween party, she lost her mind.

She's intensely passionate about parties. After all, it's her true calling in life — the blinding lights and copious drinking being just the thing to make her heart sing. The tacky couture of uncoordinated dancing mixed in with foreboding hangovers may make others feel uneasy, but Marlene's mantra is that it's all part of the fun. Character building, even! Nobody can deny that she's the life of every party she steps into, a crooked grin stretching over her face that can instantly revive a room in mere seconds. Although, putting all of these magical ingredients for a perfect party aside, getting all dressed up is by far the highlight of any night out — especially when there's a costume or theme involved.

Lily, on the other hand, isn't nearly as enthusiastic.

She peers at herself in the mirror uncertainly. Her auburn hair is in neat curls that frame her round face nicely, crimson face paint drenching her skin and dress to give off the eery illusion of blood. There's a spray rose corsage wrapped around her wrist and a thin silver chain twinkling on her neck, a lightweight pashmina shrugged lazily around her elbows. A pale pink dress that reaches down to her ankles hugs her tightly, her costume paying tribute to Carrie — a book she'd read a few halloweens ago and completely adored!

  While Lily admires Marlene's visceral dynamism, which in itself is an anomaly so infectious it may as well be classified as a plague, she just can't help but feel like a fish out of water.

Her own insecurity isn't her problem until the sun rises tomorrow morning, she supposes. For that night, she'd just have to soldier on and have a good time, even if it is a few hundred miles outside her comfort zone. She always ends up squashing her doubt into a little ball and throwing it into a dusty corner of her black-hole brain.

On the other side of the room, Dorcas sets down her makeup brush with a pointed click, fluffing up her hair and pursing her lips. "Oh, bollocks. Is my eyeliner uneven?"

Mary pauses to swallow the last of her vodka cranberry. "No, you're fine, love."

Lily flops down onto her bed, her hair a siege of fire spread out on the fluffy blankets. She's probably getting fake blood all over her sheets, but she supposes that will just have to be a problem for future Lily to handle. Merlin, maybe that's her mantra.

"My costume's shite," she mumbles exasperatedly, admiring all of her friends solemnly. She'll allow herself this one shadow of doubt before she drinks it all away.

"I think you look fab, Lil," Alice chimes in, turning away from the mirror where she'd been concentrating on charming a white stripe into her dark hair.

"Who are you even supposed to be, Ally?" Dorcas asks through fake vampire fangs. "Don't get me wrong, you're stunning, but..."

"Oh, I'm the Bride of Frankenstein and Frank's going as Frankenstein's monster, of course. It was my idea!" she answers excitedly.

"Aw, bless," Mary giggles. "That's so sweet."

  Marlene bounds over to Lily's bed, flopping down next to her unceremoniously. She starts to tap her freckled forearm in a raggedy pattern that makes no sense but brings comfort all the same.

  "What's the matter?" she ventures. "You've gone all gloomy."

  "I'm not gloomy!" Lily frowns.

"You totally are," Mary hiccups, her devil horns slightly askew on the crown of her head. "Denial is the first stage, you know."

  Her brows furrow. "Of what? Grief?" she adds in disbelief.

  "Can't remember," she shrugs.

  Marlene adjusts the feathery wings protruding from her snowy babydoll dress so she can sprawl herself on Lily's quilt more comfortably. "Really, though," she ventures. "What's the matter? Boy problems?"

  Lily almost laughs at the irony. "Something like that," she mumbles.

  "Talk to me," Marlene insists, tugging at her arm. "I bet I can help!" 

  "It's nothing— well, I mean, it's just whenever... he's around I get all up in my head and end up being really nasty instead of being lovely to... him like I want to be."

    Mary's sat herself on the edge of the bed, her head tilted in wonder. "Is it a confidence type of thing, do you think?"

"What is this, twenty questions?" Dorcas giggles. "Let the girl breathe."

Lily wants to scream. She wants to tell them the truth but it always gets tangled in her throat and she chokes.

  I'm scared of my feelings. It feels wrong to be so madly head over heels for a girl so I deflect everything I feel for her. Christ, I'd be a pariah if I tried anything and she turned me down. Why don't I fancy boys like the rest of you? What's wrong with me?

Instead, she goes with: "Yeah, I bet I'm just nervous about it. It's not a big deal."

  Alice squashes next to Marlene, reaching over to squeeze Lily's hand reassuringly. "Just be yourself around him, my love. That worked when I was first going out with Frank."

The him stings at her heart like barbed wire.

  "Yeah but Frank fancied you since First Year, so that hardly counts, babe," Mary interjects.

  "Can someone zip me up?" Dorcas shouts from the bathroom.

  Time flies past, yet Marlene and Lily stay curled up on her bed as the other girls exchange compliments and laugh together. They stay in their own little bubble contentedly, invincible to the world around them so long as they stand by each other. Lily's too afraid to say anything because she knows how Marlene can read her like a book, so they lie facing one another — listening in to the conversations around them to avoid having one of their own. Nebulae dance in Marlene's starry eyes as she studies her best friend's face, worry notching in the crevices of her soft features.

  "What's really wrong?" she asks after a while. It's expected, but it still hits her like a bullet train.

  "I don't know what you mean," Lily replies quietly, doing everything to avoid eye contact.

  "We've been mates since the dawn of time," she sighs. "I can tell when somethings bothering you and I'm certain it isn't a daft thing like a boy."

  "You're so dramatic."

  "Don't avoid the question, Lily."

  Lily feels like having a good cry. "You wouldn't be able to look at me the same if I told you."

  "Don't say that," Marlene huffs, her halo hairband wobbling precariously. "You must be properly thick if you can't realise that I'll be your friend no matter what. Till death do us part, innit?"

"Those are wedding vows," Lily points out.

She gasps in offence. "I know what I'm talking about, thank you very much. I'm very wise, don't you know!"

"Well, something definitely has to fill that big head of yours."

"Cruel."

"You love it."

"Alright, come on, Carrie White," says Marlene, pulling her to her feet. "Enough chitchat. We've got a party to go to!"

author's note

bit of a short + depressing chapter lol but it's just supposed to be a kind of insight into lily's struggles w comphet and to include all of her friends bc they haven't made an appearance yet!!!!