Chapter 7

Closet

"Fine. Payag ako pero sa isang kondisyong isosoli mo sa'kin 'yang painting," I negotiated trying to get back the upper hand.

"Deal," he agreed without even missing a beat. He nodded at my driver who was still patiently waiting for me.

Nagulantang ako nang tumango na rin ang driver ko pabalik at pagkatapos ay walang pasubaling pumasok sa sasakyan.

"What did you tell him?" tarantang tanong ko maski may duda na sa nangyayari. Nakompirma lang ang hinala ko nang makitang paalis na ang sasakyan.

"Isasakay na kita sa kotse ko," Alec finally answered and then started walking towards the other direction. He was expecting me to obviously follow him and so I did.

"Wala sa usapan na sa'yo ako sasakay!" protesta ko habang nakasunod sa kanya sa likod.

We did not walk far. I looked up to see his familiar expensive car. He suddenly opened the door of the front expecting me to just get in.

"I'm just trying to correct my previous mistakes," sagot niya. He tilted his head urging me to go in. "Baka tumakas ka na naman kasi."

I rolled my eyes at him and went inside his car. Kahit na napipilitan ay sinubukan ko pa rin na maupo nang komportable. Hinintay ko na rin na makapasok siya sa loob.

"Give me back my painting," agarang pangungulit ko pagkapasok niya.

He gave me a mischievous smirk as he put the canvas board on the backseat. At dahil napunit na ang paper cover nito, lantad na ang ipininta ko.

Iniwas ko ang tingin at dumapo naman 'to sa leeg ni Alec. I swallowed, turned my head, and stared straight ahead.

"Let's go. Gutom na ako," nasabi ko na lang.

It was not so bad. The dinner went fine. Dinala niya ako sa isang bago but clearly expensive na restaurant, which I believed his family did not own.

"Hindi tayo sa one of the many restaurants ninyo?" I asked out of pure curiosity.

Umiling siya at hinila na ang isang upuan na para sa'kin.

"It's a friend's restaurant," aniya nang makaupo na ako. "Start up business niya and I just want to help out."

"Wow. What a good Samaritan you are," komento ko.

Tiningnan ko siya at hindi ko naman nakitaan ng pagka-insulto ang hitsura niya. He just silently sat on his seat opposite mine and we started to order.

He paid for our dinner. Hindi nakalagpas sa paningin ko ang pagkuha niya ng kanyang black card mula sa branded na wallet. Although I was not fazed by it because I was used to it, his way was different. He was doing it in a way without the scream of extravagance or pagmamayabang. Plus, his tip was way generous.

"I'd like to apologize for the way I acted back in the hospital," I told him while we were already walking towards his car.

"Ah. 'Yon bang pang-aakusa mo sa'kin na may ginawa ako sa kaibigan mo?"

I stopped and turned to look at him. Natunaw ang iritasyon ko nang makitang nakangiti naman siya.

"I didn't mean it," bawi ko. "I just panicked."

He chuckled. "You must think that I'm not a good person, huh."

"What do you mean by that?" Luminga ako sa paligid at nakita ang mga nakapalibot na maliliit na palm trees. They were surrounded with tiny colorful lights.

"You think that I'm a lousy, playboy, and able-to-hurt-a woman kinda guy."

Nagtaas ako ng isang kilay sa kanya. "Wait, you're not?" I teased and smiled. Idinaan ko na lang sa biro ang lahat at baka maging seryoso pa ang usapan.

Ginawaran niya rin ako ng ngiti. "Maybe I am all of those."

"Hindi ka naman nahihiyang umamin, ah," magaang sinabi ko sabay patid sa maliit na batong nakaharang a sementadong pathway.

"Maybe I am a lousy man," he stated with a sincere voice, "but if it's with you, I assure you that there is no competition."

I looked up and stared at him for a long time. He said it lightly and I wondered if he really meant it. The atmosphere became different. I wanted to say that it was this strong sexual tension between us but deep inside, I knew it was more than that.

"You're a playboy," sabi ko sa kalmanteng boses dahil iyon naman ang totoo.

"I'm capable of changing," he agreed. "I admit, I am a playboy and I am used to always getting what I want. "

He's probably good with words the reason why he's a good businessman. I smiled but it was with bitterness. It was probably the second time that he had promised it to me, and my feelings stayed the same.

"Paano ko naman malalaman na marunong ka ngang magbago?"

"Date me," he challenged. "If I give you promises now, you'll just say that these are just empty words."I smiled and shook my head. Still, he continued, "If you say yes, then I'll prove my sincerity with actions."

"If I date you, my parents will want me to marry you," imporma ko at baka sakaling magbago pa ang isip niya. We both knew that this was the reality between the two of us.

"They've been wanting me to pair up with you for the business. I'm pretty sure you know that." I was being brutally honest.

"Ayaw mo ba?" tanging nasabi niya. "It sounds sensible."

"You think it's okay for the business?" I arched a brow. 'Cuz maybe he agreed with the families opinions that's why he was being damn persistent?

"You want to please your family?" I asked him again to confirm my suspicions.

"I don't care about that. I just want to date you."

Natawa ako nang konti. "Hindi mo man lang ba ako tatanungin kung gusto kita?"

"Do you find me attractive?" he calmly asked.

Nag-angat ako ng isang kilay at umastang hinahagod siya ng tingin. He straightened up a bit. His shirt stretched thus, making his body more defined.

"Fine. You look hot, but you're not my type."

I expected him to get angry or at least be offended. What he did though surpised me. His broad shoulders shook. And then he laughed so hard that he had to bite his lips a couple of times just so he'd stop.

Nakapameywang na ako sa harap niya habang naghihintay na matapos siya. It was weird, seeing him laughing that way. He looked so laid back.

"I'm sorry." Umayos na siya. He cleared his throat repeatedly but the ghost of smile remained on the corner of his mouth.

"So, you like me?" I stupidly asked. "Bakit mo ako gusto? Dahil ba maganda ako?"

"Yes, I admit I find you pretty." Marahan niyang ipinalandas ang dila sa ibabang labi.

I inhaled sharply. "That's a very shallow reason of dating!"

"And you've been constantly on my mind."

"So, you love me?" seryoso kong tanong. Siyempre hindi ako totoong seryoso sa tanong na iyon. Gusto ko lang talaga siyang subukan.

He sighed and helplessly looked around the dwarf palm trees. As if they would give him some answers.

"What does love even mean?" he asked.

Dismayado akong umiling. Loko talaga 'tong playboy na 'to!

"Ihatid mo na lang ako pauwi," sabi ko at tinalikuran na siya para hanapin kung saan nakaparada ang sasakyan niya.

He followed me. I ignored him but he kept on talking.

"I don't know if I love you. We haven't even spent a lot of time together ... what's with you avoiding me." Kinuha ko ang cellphone mula sa purse at nakita ang dami ng number of missed calls galing kay mama. Nagpatuloy naman siya sa pagsasalita, "How would you expect me to love you when you don't even allow me to date you? When even just this damn simple dinner was already so hard to get from you."

Marahas kong nilingon si Alec. I breathed in. "I don't trust just anyone."

"I get that," simpleng tugon niya. "I don't fault you for that, Jia. Heck, I am even grateful dahil alam kong 'di ka basta-basta maloloko."

"What do you expect from me, really?" tanong ko sa wakas.

"I expect that you give me the least chance of earning even just a quarter of your trust," he patiently stated.

Maayos ko siyang hinarap. Our height difference was evident dahil sa lapit naming dalawa. Hanggang balikat niya lang ako kaya medyo kailangan ko pang tumingala para matingnan siya sa mga mata.

"Ayokong pareho tayong mag-aksaya ng oras sa isa't-isa," paliwanag ko. I looked away for a moment before continuing, "I've never been in a relationship before."

Tiningnan ko ulit siya para makitaan ng reaksiyon. Walang bumalandrang gulat sa mukha niya.

I arched a brow. "You're not surprised."

His eyes were soft. He gave me a small smile. "No. I've read your portfolio."

"Of course you had." I rolled my eyes and almost smacked my forehead when I realized how foolish I was for forgetting.

"Kaya ka ba interesado sa'kin?" tanong ko. "Kasi wala pa akong karanasan?"

"And now you are accusing me of taking an advantage of your innocence." Nahimigan ko ang pinaghalong dismaya at sakit sa boses niya.

Wala na akong naging ibang choice kundi ang maging sobrang totoo na sa kanya maski tungkol sa personal na buhay.

"Ang pinakaayaw ko sa mga lalake ay 'yong kagaya ng papa at ng kuya ko."

Tinitigan niya ako at napalitan ng pagkalito ang dismaya sa mga mata niya.

I inhaled sharply. "Powerful men who use what power they have over women." Huminga ulit ako nang malalim. "Look, Alec, maybe I don't have anything against you personally. Siguro, may parte naman sa pagkatao mo na mabait, I'm not judging, but it's just..."

He finally nodded as if he understood. "You are afraid of the power my family has. You're afraid of what my family's wealth would eventually do to me as a man."

Umawang ang labi ko dahil sa pagkakabigla.

"You think that I am just like your brother and father," dugtong pa niya. He smiled bitterly. "But you're a Chen. Who do you expect you'd end up marrying?"

Natigilan ako at sa huli ay nagkibit ng balikat. "Maybe if I try harder—"

"You're Chinese, your family won't allow you to just marry anyone."

"And who do you expect that they'd allow me to marry? You?" deretsahang tanong ko.

He looked away and his jaw clenched. "I told you I'm not dating for a marriage match."

"That's good then, 'cuz I am not dating you."

Sa huli ay pareho kaming tahimik na pumasok sa sasakyan niya. It was so awkward for the both of us inside his car again. Last minute akong nag-insist na magpasundo na lang sa driver pero ayaw niyang pumayag dahil for the last time ay ihahatid daw niya ako. Bago pa kami magtalo ulit, pumayag na lang ako.

We were in the highway when my cellphone rang again. This time, kinabahan na ako nang makita sa caller ID ang pangalan ni papa. Though I was nervous, I still answered it.

"Where are you?" pambungad niya matapos kong sagutin ang tawag.

"Uh... Pauwi na po." Sinulyapan ko si Alec na tahimik lang na nagmamaneho.

"You made your mother worried the reason why she kept on calling me!" His sharp remarked made me tremble. "Alam mo bang nasa kalagitnaan ako ng meeting kasama ng investors dito sa US?"

I used my other arm and wrapped it around myself to ease my tremble. Hindi ko alam kung naramdaman ba 'yon ni Alec pero pinahinto niya ang sasakyan sa gilid ng kalsada.

"What's wrong?" he gently asked while looking at me with a worried expression on his face. Matalim na rin siyang napatingin sa cellphone na nasa tainga ko.

"Who are you with?" Si papa sa kabilang linya. "I heard a man's voice."

I closed my eyes, both from fear and weary.

"Jia Chen, I swear if you are acting foolish once again..." Hindi niya kailangang tapusin ang sasabihin para hindi ko malaman ang nagbabadyang banta sa dulo nito.

Because of both fear and pride, I had no choice but to answer him. "I'm with Alec Von Cua, Papa," I softly said. "We just had dinner together."

There was no response from him from another line for a while. When he finally responded, it was very calm and tamed.

"All right. I'll tell your mother about it."He exhaled sounding contented. "Good job."

I felt guilty and ashamed after my father hang up. Ni hindi ko makuhang sulyapan si Alec ng ilang minuto. I knew he'd heard me mention his name.

Good job daw. Mapait akong napangiti sa sarili. Great! Now my father thinks that I am finally getting a Cua.

"My entire family probably knows by now that I'm with you," saad ko sa gitna ng katahimikan. Nagpatuloy na kami sa biyahe.

"Don't worry about it," Alec answered calmly. "I'll just tell them that you got turned off because I was being disrespectful."

I scoffed. Kumalat ang pait sa sikmura ko. "Not sure if that would even matter."

"I'm sorry." Naramdaman ko ang awa sa likod ng pagkakasabi niya nito.

"You probably pity me,"saad ko. "Iniisip mo siguro kung gaano ka worse ang pamilya ko lalo na dahil sa nasabi ko tungkol sa kanila kanina."

"You should meet my family so we can compare notes." Ngumiti siya pero hindi abot ng mga mata niya.

I was about to ask him for further explanations but was interrupted when his cellphone rang. I looked out the window when he aswered.

Hindi ko narinig na tumugon siya ng ilang minuto. Nalaman ko na lang na natapos na ang tawag nang sabihin niya ang simple "okay."

"Ayos lang ba kung may daanan tayo saglit?" bigla niyang tanong na nagpabaling ulit ng tingin ko sa kanya.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa pagtataka lalo pa nang makita ko ang pag-aalala sa mga mata niya.

"May problema ba?"

"Nothing that would concern you," mabilis na tugon niya. I nodded and with that he increased the speed of his car.

I never imagined that we would end up going to what seemed to be a Bahay Ampunan. Oo, alam kong bahay ampunan ang establisyementong pinuntahan namin dahil hindi iyon ang unang beses na nakapunta ako sa ganoong klaseng lugar.

Nadadala ako ni mama sa iilang charity functions at isa na sa mga ito ang ganoong institutions. Kaya medyo pamilyar na sa akin ang ganoong set up. The building looked old but definitely not untended.

Nasa bukana pa lang kami ng malaki at lumang double doors na gawa sa kahoy ay sinalubong na kami ng isang madre. She looked like she's in her sixties.

Nahalata ko ang gulat sa mga mata nito nang sulyapan ako. Ginawaran niya ako ng tipid na ngiti bago niya ibaling ang atensiyon kay Alec.

"This is Jia," Alec introduced me to the nun.

Tahimik lang na tumango ang madre at hindi na nang-usisa pa kung ano ako sa buhay ni Alec.

"Pasensiya na," malumanay na patiuna ng madre kay Alec. "Hindi ko inaasahan na makakapunta ka rito agad."

Tumango si Alec at sinulyapan na ang loob ng pasilidad. "Where is she?"

Nagpakawala ng mabigat na buntonghininga ang madre. "Naroon na naman ulit."

Alec nodded as if he already understood.

Naglakad na kami papasok at tahimik lang akong nakasunod sa kanilang dalawa sa likod.

Nilingon ako ni Alec. "You can stay in the waiting lounge. I'll just talk to one of the nuns here."

Tumango ako at hindi na sumunod pa sa kanila. Tahimik akong naupo.

They left and walked towards the hallway. Nang mawala na sila sa paningin ko ay inabala ko naman ang sarili sa paggala ng tingin. The walls looked newly painted. Kulay dirty white ito at may iilang larawan ng mga batang nakangiti. Sa tabi naman nila ay ang mga madre.

Tahimik ang pasilyo siguro dahil na rin sa gabi na at natutulog na ang mga nanunuluyan dito. Ilang sandali pa ay nainip na ako dahil sa katahimikan kaya napagpasyahan kong sumunod kina Alec.

I went towards the direction where they went. I stopped on my tracks in front of a room which looked like a huge closet when I heard a child's cry followed by a gentle voice coming from Alec.

" 'Di ba nag-usap na tayo? Tahan na," si Alec sa nang-aalung boses.

Kuryoso, sumilip ako sa siwang ng pintuan. Nakita ko si Alec na nakaluhod ang isang tuhod at sa harapan niya naman ay ang isang batang babae na umiiyak. Sa isang corner ay may maraming nakasandal sa bandang pader na walis at mops.

"G-Gusto kong umuwi sa'min!" hagulgol ng bata. "Gusto ko si mama at papa!"

Alec heaved a deep sigh. I wanted to step inside the room and intervened. I wanted to tell Alec to call the little girl's parents but Alec's next words stopped me.

"Wala na sila, Ayla," alu ni Alec sa bata sa basag na boses. "Hindi na sila babalik, pero sina sisters, ang mga bago mong kaibigan, at ako nandito para sa'yo..."

Parang nilukot ang puso ko sa narinig. Nanlabo ang paningin ko sa nagbabadyang mga luha. She was still so young. Did her parents die? Losing her parents at a young age must have been devastating.

"S-Sana namatay na lang din ako kasama nila!" Hiyaw ng bata. "Mag-isa na lang ako!"

Kinuha ni Alec ang kamay ng bata at tiningnan siya.

"Hindi totoo 'yan. Hindi mo dapat sinasabi 'yan, "marahan pero may diing sabi niya. "Nandito naman kami, hindi ba?"

Lumakas pa ang paghikbi ng bata. Alec hugged her. She looked so fragile and small in the arms of Alec.

I hugged myself like I felt the child's loneliness as well. Ilang minuto silang ganoon ang ayos. Pinabayaan lang din sila ng madre at tahimik itong naiiyak habang pinagmamasdan ang dalawa.

Unti-unti ay kumalma ang bata. Nilingon ni Alec ang madre. Mabilis akong nagtago sa likod ng pintuan para hindi niya makita. I felt like I was intruding a private moment.

I wiped my tears using the back of my hands as I made my way back to the lounge. Ayaw kong mabisto ni Alec ang ginawa kong paninilip.

Bumalik ako sa inupuan kanina at kinalma na ang sariling emosyon. I stared at my hands. When I finally looked up, I saw Alec walking towards me.

"Pasensiya na kung pinaghintay kita," aniya sa kalmanteng boses. "Ihahatid na kita sa inyo."

I remained on my seat. Tinitigan ko siya at pilit na hinahanap sa mukha niya ang bakas ng nakita ko kanina. He looked normal as usual. As if what I had witnessed earlier was just my imagination.

"Anong ginawa mo sa loob?" I glanced at the hallway just to check if it did really happen.

"Wala naman," he lied. Wala siyang malay sa ginawa kong paninilip kanina. "May kinunsulta lang si sister. You ready to go?"

I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out. If he wanted to keep it, I would respect it. Tinanguan ko na lang siya.

Lumabas na kami at tahimik lang na nagtungo sa nakaparada niyang sasakyan. Alec seemed lost on his own thoughts, but not lost enough to open the car door for me.

"May problema ba?" tanong niya sa akin nang makitang imbes na pumasok ako sa loob ng sasakyan ay nanatili lang akong nakatayo habang nakatitig sa kanya. I finally saw him in a different light.

"Let's date," I said as the face of the child earlier etched on my mind and her cries echoed