Chapter 34

Pursue

"Ate Jia! Ate Jia!"

The spell was broken. Tinanggal ko ang titig kay Alec at ganoon din naman  ang ginawa niya. Sabay kaming nagbaba ng tingin sa batang tumatapik sa braso ko.

"One na po! Puwede na po bang buksan ang regalo namin?" he asked.

I looked around. Doon ko pa lang napansin na pinulot na pala ng mga bata ang regalong inilapag nila sa sahig kanina. They were looking at me expectantly.

I smiled. "Oo naman. Sige, buksan na ninyo!"

Sa abiso ko ay nagsimula na sila sa pagbubukas ng kani-kanilang regalo. Dumako ang tingin ko kay Leslie Ann na medyo hirap pa sa pagtatanggal ng gift wrap. Lalapitan ko na sana siya para tulungan nang naunahan naman ako ni Alec.

Nahihiyang ipinaubaya na ni Leslie Ann kay Alec ang pagtatanggal ng gift wrap. When it was almost done, at mas madali na lang ang pagtanggal, muli na itong ibinigay ni Alec sa bata.

I admired him more for letting the little girl feel that she's still the one opening her present.

He smiled at her and then his gaze went back to me. Hindi na natanggal ang ngiti niya.

Hindi ko na maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. It's like I didn't know how to act in front of him anymore. Good thing the kids saved me. Naging abala ako dahil sa sunod-sunod na pagyakap nila sa akin. They were expressing how grateful they were for my gifts.

"Gustong-gusto ko po 'tong may remote na toy car!" excited na saad ni Reymund pagkatapos akong mayakap.

"Masaya akong marinig 'yan," tugon ko habang nakangiti.

Pinakahuling lumapit sa akin si Leslie Ann. Her small steps were hesitant at first. I gave her an encouraging smile to tell her that it's okay.

Nang makalapit na siya ay niyakap niya ang manika na ibinigay ko.

I crouched a bit to get to her eye level.

"Nagustuhan mo ba?" I asked.

She nodded shyly. Nanatili siyang nakatingin lang sa akin. Napansin ko ang pagtitig niya sa pisngi ko.

I closed my eyes and leaned forward. She then gave my cheek a soft kiss. Unti-unti akong dumilat na may ngiti sa mga labi. My eyes caught Alec looking at me with happiness in his eyes.

I awkwardly cleared my throat. Tumayo na ako nang maayos. The kids started getting busy with their presents. The moment was awkward for me dahil wala akong pinagkakaabalahan. I glanced at Alec's way and found him having a conversation with Sister Helen.

Nilapitan naman ako ng taga kitchen at ipinaalam niya sa akin na dumating na ang caterer na inabisuhan ko. Nakahanda na rin daw ang mga pagkain.

Sister Helen called the attention of the kids and informed them to prepare for dinner. Nagsilabasan na ang mga bata. Naiwan naman kaming dalawa ni Alec.

Dahan-dahan siyang naglakad palapit sa kinatatayuan ko. He smiled at me.

"Merry Christmas," bati niya.

"Merry Christmas din."

"How are—"

We both chuckled. Nagkasabay pa talaga kami.

"How are you?" I asked him again.

"I'm... good. You?"

"I'm doing well."

He nodded and stared at me for a while.

"Yeah. I can see that," he finally decided.

Nagkatitigan lang ulit kami dahil para bang wala ng masabi pa sa isa't isa.

I gestured at the door. "We should go and join the kids... or may iba ka pa bang lakad?" I chuckled. "You might be celebrating Christmas somewhere else."

He quickly shook his head. "Wala naman. Pero puwede naman akong maki-celebrate kasama... kayo, 'di ba?"

"Of course. I mean... gusto ka rin namang makasama ng mga bata. For sure, they've missed you."

Tumango siya. He looked at me wistfully. "I've missed them too."

Natahimik ulit kaming pareho. Napansin ko ang muling pagtawag sa amin ni Sister Helen mula sa pintuan. Alec and I both nodded at her and finally stepped out of the room.

Dumating kami sa dining area at tumambad kaagad sa amin ang mga bata na maayos nang nakaupo sa kani-kanilang puwesto. Bakante ang upuan na nasa kabisera at ang katabi rin nitong upuan sa gilid.

Alec pulled the chair for me. Tahimik akong naupo rito. The kids turned so quiet as they looked at us. Ilang sandali pa ay sumunod na rin si Alec sa pag-upo sa kabisera.

I looked at the foods. Napakarami nito at alam kong ito ang mga paborito ng mga bata. I picked the menu with Sister Helen's approval just to make sure that the kids would enjoy them.

Sister Helen led the prayer as we bowed our head. I closed my eyes and went on with it.

The dinner went well. Napuno rin ng usapan at tawanan ang mesa dahil sa mga bata. I listened to each one of them as they spoke animatedly. Ganoon din naman siguro ang ginawa ni Alec. I couldn't be sure because most of the time, during the dinner, I would looked away everytime I would feel his heavy gaze on me.

Sa tuwing binabanggit ako ng mga bata sa kuwento nila, parang magnet naman na dumidikit sa akin ang tingin niya.

When dinner was over, we all went outside. Sabay naming lahat na hinintay ang pagpatak ng alas dose. Alec told the kids that he had a surprise for them.

"Si Santa Claus ba 'yan, Kuya?" pabirong sugyot ni Ayla.

I saw how Alec grinned at her. "Akala ko ba puwede na 'kong si Santa?"

Ayla smirked and then turned her attention to me. Pansin ko na rin ang pagbaling ng tingin sa akin ni Alec.

"Si Ate Jia ang Santa kasi binigyan niya kami ng mga regalo," tugon ni Ayla. "Magandang Santa!"

My cheeks heated. Tinakpan ko ang hiya ng mahinang pagtawa.

"Tingin mo, Kuya? Mas gumanda ba si Ate Jia ngayon kaysa dati?"

Lalo akong natawa. Ang batang 'to talaga!

"She's always beautiful to me, Ayla," naisagot ni Alec.

It shut me up. Tumikhim ako at bahagyang umayos sa pagtayo.

"Ay. Nakakakilig naman," bungisngis ni Ayla.

I turned to look at her. "Sa'n mo naman natutunan ang salitang 'yan?"

"Kay Ate Feng. At saka hindi na ako bata, ano! Alam ko na ang mga ganyan!" Nakapameywang pa siya nang sabihin niya ito.

Umawang ang labi ko. I looked at Alec, willing him to step in. Kahit naman medyo pilya si Ayla, nakikinig pa rin siya kay Alec. It was hopeless of course when I saw him just looking at Ayla proudly.

I shook my head and laughed. I stared at the dark sky waiting for Alec's surprise just like the kids. And then we all saw it. How it shot straight up before exploding. The sparks before the sound had hit. It shattered into thousands if sparks. Like a scarlet waterfall. Colors mixing in the air.

The sky stilled again. And then suddenly another burst of sparks. The kids cheered loudly.

They enjoyed it of course. It was beautiful and mesmerizing. Tumagal ito ng ilang minuto. Sa tagal, akala ko nga wala ng katapusan.

And then we became busy greeting one another with a Merry Christmas. Naging abala ako sa mahihigpit na mga yakap ng mga bata sa akin. They hugged Alec too.

The last hug that I received was from Ayla. It was a tight one. It felt nice.

"Merry Christmas, Ate Jia," she whispered right below my ears. "Wish ko... sana magkabalikan na kayo."

Bago ko pa siya masita sa sinabi ay kumalas na siya sa yakap. She ran towards the other kids. Masigla silang nagkuwentuhan tungkol sa napanood na fireworks display.

Nakapamulsang lumapit sa akin si Alec. Banayad siyang ngumiti sa akin.

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," sagot ko. And then we looked at the kids.

It was almost one in the morning when we finally bid goodbye to the kids. The nuns had advised them to go to bed even though they protested. Gusto ng mga bata na hindi na matulog dahil pasko naman daw. I laughed a bit.

Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Alec sa labas. There were empty chairs in there and we sat on them. There was an awkward silence and it was a good thing that Sister Helen returned after making sure that the kids were tucked in bed.

"Maraming salamat sa inyong dalawa at talaga namang sobrang tuwa ng mga bata." Ngumiti sa amin ang madre. Napuno ng emosyon ang mga mata niyang bumaling sa akin. "Napunan ang pangungulila nila sa mga magulang nila," dugtong niya.

"Kumusta si Ayla?" si Alec. Some kind of understanding passed between him and Sister Helen.

Napasulyap muna sa akin ang madre bago nito ibinalik ang tingin kay Alec.

"Ayaw niyang sumama sa Tita Ana niya." She sighed. "Ewan ko ba sa batang 'yon."

I leaned forward. This was news to me. "Kinukuha siya ng kamag-anak?"

Tinanguan ako ni Sister Helen. "Noong nakaraang buwan pa siya sinusuyo nito."

"Bakit ngayon lang?" I asked curiously. "Why now that she's already grown..."

Sa halip na sagutin ang tanong ko ay bumaling ang matandang madre kay Alec.

"After the accident, Ana came to me," Alec explained. "Nakiusap siya na kung puwede tulungan ko si Ayla. Reason why I brought her here."

Nagtagpo ang kilay ko. "You knew her personally?"

"She was a waitress in one of my restaurants."

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi para sana pigilan ang susunod na itatanong. But curiousity got ahead of me.

"When Ayla's parents' died because of the car accident, bakit hindi siya kinupkop no'ng Ana?"

"She had an abusive partner. Ayaw niyang madamay ang bata. My guess now is that Ana and her partner had separated."

I slowly nodded, taking it all in.

Tumayo si Sister Helen at ngumiti siya sa amin.
"Maiwan ko na muna kayong dalawa at i-che-check ko lang ang mga bata."

Both Alec and I nodded at her. It was quiet when she left.

"Paano kung ayaw talaga ni Ayla na sumama sa Tita Ana niya?" pagbasag ko sa katahimikan. "Can't she just stay here instead?"

"She can stay here until she's turned eighteen. Naghahanap din naman ako ng mga pupuwedeng kumupkop sa kanya."

I stared at him in amazement.

"She can't stay here forever, Jia," he gently stated. "Eventually she needs to have a foster family."

I looked at him again in a different light.
"You always think about the others," I could not help but comment. "You've always been kind, Alec."

"You know that's not true," tanggi niya.

I shook my head in protest of his modesty.

"Even in the past, with me, you were always selfless," pagpapatuloy ko. I gave him a sad smile. "Lagi na lang ako ang inuuna mo. Sa lahat lahat. Loving me was so hard for you. It brought you so much pain."

He slowly licked his lips. He was about to say something when I stopped him.

"I don't want you to blame yourself anymore for what had happened in the past," banayad kong sinabi. I was taking it as the moment to finally say everything to him. Dahil naisip ko na baka sa pagbalik niya ng Europe, hindi na naman kami magkita ulit.

"None of it was your fault. None of it was mine." My voice was filled with conviction. I've reflected on it the last two years. It was what my therapist had taught me. It healed me.

"Jia..."

"I want you to know that I've healed. Maybe not completely because the scars remained, but I've learned to live past them," sabi ko. "At gusto ko rin na magpasalamat nang sobra sa'yo dahil kahit sa kahuli-hulian, tinupad mo pa rin ang kahilingan ko. You let me go."

"What if I tell you that I want to hold your hand again?" he softly asked after a moment. "And holding your hand again is not the only thing I want."

Umawang ang labi ko. I was not prepared for his boldness.

He did not look nervous. Instead, he looked so sure of himself.

"Two years ago, you asked me to be selfish, Jia. Ang sabi mo, isipin ko naman ang sarili ko."

Unti-unti akong tumango.

"Can I be selfish now?"

My emotions were suddenly all over the place. I was flabbergasted, speechless, afraid.... and then suddenly I felt giddy.

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

"Gusto kong manligaw ulit."

Lito ko siyang tiningnan.

"Sa'yo," he clarified. "Gusto kitang ligawan ulit. Kung papayag ka."

Ngayon ako naman ang napalunok.

"Hindi ba masyadong mabilis?" I blinked at him. "We just met again for the first time after two years..."

"Technically, we're still married," he pointed out. He chuckled lightly. "Kailangan pa ba dahan-dahanin?"

Bumagsak ang panga ko sa pagiging magaan at pilyo niya.

Umayos siya at biglang nagseryoso ulit.

"Not that I'm taking our marriage as a leverage. We can still push through with our annulment if that's what you really want. I'm just saying that even if we get annulled which is probably in like ten to fifteen years from now which is a long time..." Now, he's just blabbering nonstop.

The corners of my mouth quirked up.

"All I'm saying is that, I still want to pursue you... kahit pa nakabinbin na 'yong annulment papers natin," pagtatapos niya.

Tiningnan ko lang siya. And then I burst into giggles.

He had the audacity to actually look shocked to see me giggling. And then he grinned wickedly.

The corners of my eyes were wet because of too much laugh I actually teared up a bit. I just realized how ridiculous our situation was.

He's my ex. Technically, sa papel, mag-asawa pa kami. On going ang process ng annulment namin. And now he wants to court me.

Sa una, akala ko magiging masakit at seryoso itong reunion namin pagkatapos ng dalawang taon, but now, I'm grateful because it was as if something heavy was lifted off of me.

I tamed my giggles and forced myself to look at him seriously. He turned serious as well, mimicking me. I just now realized na sobrang lapit na namin sa isa't-isa. His chair has scooted a bit closer to mine. We were facing each other quite closely. My knees were almost touching his.

Masidhi niya akong tiningnan. His eyes never changed. Their intensity still captivated me. His gaze in my eyes had lowered down to my lips. And it stayed there for a long time before it went back to my eyes.

"Is that the reason why you're back?" I asked in a flirty voice. We were literally flirting at the earliest time in the morning. "I mean..." I chuckled. "Ayaw kong mag-assume."

"I'm tired of being away from you anymore. Pagod na 'ko na magpanggap na hindi kita nami-miss. Pagod na ako na lokohin ang sarili ko na hindi ka para sa'kin."

My stomach did a quick summersault.

"Hindi ka na ba aalis ulit?"

"If it's what you want."

I groaned inwardly. "I don't have any hold on you, Alec."

"You hold my heart, Jia."

Para akong dinala sa alapaap ng naging pahayag niya. He is still so good with his lines.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil hindi na nakayanan pa ang nanghihina rin na tingin niya.

"Let me think about it." I bit my lower lip.

"Okay." His voice was hoarse.

We were interrupted when my phone rang. I took it from my purse and saw on the caller ID that it was Kai who was calling.

At dahil sobrang lapit lang naming dalawa ni Alec sa isa't isa, he saw who it was. Despite his knowledge, there was no hint of anger nor disapproval in his eyes.

I excused myself and stepped away for privacy to answer the call.

I spoke with Kai. He greeted me for Christmas. Kinamusta niya ang pagdiriwang ko ng pasko kasama ang mga bata. Hindi ko binanggit si Alec sa kanya. I was planning to tell him about it in person.

I spoke with Willow as well and greeted her. We chatted for a bit.

Naibaba ko na ang tawag nang napalingon ako dahil sa paglapit ni Alec sa akin.

"That was Kai and his daughter Willow," imporma ko sa kanya. "From Malapascua."

"I know." He nodded. I waited a bit before he continued, "It's good that you still keep in touch with him."

"Yeah. We... reconnected."

"Is he courting you?"

I gulped because he knew. "Oo. Nanliligaw siya, pasensiya na..."

"It's okay, Jia." He smiled understandingly. "You're beautiful, so I am not surprised that somebody else would court you. Ayos lang sa'kin na may karibal."

Karibal talaga!

He glanced at our cars on the parking area. Kunot-noo siyang napasulyap sa suot na relo. I've noticed that it was a different one. Not the familiar Rolex.

"Makakapagmaneho ka pa ba?" he suddenly asked sounding worried. "Aren't you tired?"

"It's okay. Hindi naman ako inaantok."

"Deretso na ba ang uwi mo?"

I nodded and smiled. "Ikaw?" I added. "Wala ka bang after party na dadaluhan?"

"Kanina pa ako dumating. At wala masyadong nakakaalam sa flight details ko."

My eyebrows met. I looked at him quizically. "Galing Europe? Dumeretso ka rito?"

Pasimple lang siyang tumango na para bang hindi isang malaking bagay ang ginawa niya.

"You should get home and rest," sabi ko na may bahid ng concern. I could not help it.

"I am resting." He was looking at me as he said it.

I didn't understand what he meant so my eyes narrowed at him.

"Hindi pa naman ako pagod kaya hindi ako nagmamadali na makauwi," he explained.

"I see."

He cleared his throat and straightened up.
"Are you free tomorrow for lunch or..." He looked a bit hesistant, "may iba ka bang schedule?"

I was about to tell him that I am free when I suddenly remembered the call I had with Kai and Willow earlier. I promised them lunch tomorrow.

"Actually, magla-lunch kasi ako bukas kasama sina Kai at Willow," I told him.

His face fell but he was quick enough to mask his clear disappointment.

I saw him swallowed. Kung pagmamasdan siya ay kita ko ang uhaw sa mga mata niya para sa detalye.

"Next time then."

"May sasabihin ka bang importante?" I asked. "Kasi pupuwede akong mag set ng schedule para makipagkita sa'yo."

"I'll probably be free at dinner... if it's really something important," pahabol ko. "Or lunch the next day," I added as an afterthought.

He gave me a long look. His face unreadable. At ilang sandali pa ay umangat na ang sulok ng labi niya.

"Hindi naman yata masyadong importante. Gusto ko lang sana na simulan na ang panliligaw sa'yo."

"Oh." Napakagat ako sa labi. I probably blushed profusely. Hindi ako kaagad nakaimik sa pagiging deretso niya.

"P-Puwede naman."

His eyes twinkled with delight. "Puwede na akong magsimulang manligaw?"

"Puwede naman?" My own statement sounded like a question. I cleared my throat. "Free ako sa dinner bukas... o lunch na lang sa susunod na araw." I almost closed my eyes at the sudden eagerness I see in his eyes. "Or for coffee," I added lamely.

"Hindi ba puwedeng all of the above?" Now his tone was completely taunting.

Uminit nang husto ang pisngi ko.

He chuckled. "Ayos lang ba kung dinner ang hingin ko sa'yo?"

"Uh... sure. Free naman ako. Wala akong ibang gagawin."

"Thank you, Jia."

I nodded and glanced at my car.

"I should probably go."

"Is it okay if I tail you?" aniya sa maingat na boses. "I just wanna make sure that you go home safely."

Naibalik ako sa nakaraan dahil sa sinabi niya. Sa mga panahong hinahatid niya pa ako dati pauwi ng mansiyon.

"I'll be fine pero kung gusto mo talaga wala namang problema."

There was a ghost of smile in the corner of his mouth.

"Gusto ko talaga." There it was again, the playful taunting.

"Ayos lang ba sa'yo?" My eyes narrowed at him.

"Na bumuntot sa sasakyan mo?"

"No." Bahagya akong umiling. "Na may isa pa akong manliligaw."

"Kahit sampo pa 'yan, walang problema."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. He grinned.

"This is fine, right?" he asked.

"Fine what?"

"This," he said while pointing a long finger at the little distance between us. "You and I."

"Yes," I agreed and smiled. "This is fine."