Could one really atone for their sins? The thought weighed on Aldeheid's mind as he dropped a handful of ether stones into the basket beside him. Was it possible to be forgiven after committing multiple atrocities, after causing death and hurt?

Aldeheid wondered if all the people he'd done wrong were cursing him from the other side. All those capes, Wenry. He deserved no less. Even though he tried to move forward, his past still had him chained, still pulled him back. He still woke up shaking, feeling as though he hadn't slept at all. Perhaps this was his punishment.

He looked up at Kitaya, wondering what stupidity had possessed her to want him as her magician. What was it that made her think him worthy of having her as his cape, on his shoulders, until death? She was strong, fearless, capable, everything a magician could want in a cape. Everything he wanted in a cape.

But what did he have to offer her? Nothing. She could make it just fine without him. She had done so for a long time. And he'd killed so many of her kind that he'd convinced himself, he didn't deserve a cape.

Kitaya had been the first to come out of a trial unscathed with him. He should've been leaping with joy. Yet he felt disgusted with himself for not turning her down. She deserved so much better.

"You look tired," Kitaya said, cutting into his thoughts. She sat across the table from him, with several books lined off in front of her, along with ink and parchment. Her brow was furrowed as her dark eyes scanned the pages.

They were sat in the living room of her quaint island home, surrounded the wicker furniture and the scent of honeysuckle. Only a rug separated his butt from the wood floor, and his legs were growing stiff from being folded for too long.

"Do you need a break?" She glanced up at him, one eyebrow arched.

"N-no, it's fine." Aldeheid sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than her. He distracted himself by picking at the bandages that covered his burnt hand.

"Then go again."

He had almost forgotten they'd been practicing his magic leeching. Though he didn't know what for. They hadn't seen any improvements in half a century. Sometimes, he got it right other times wrong. It seemed he'd hit a hurdle that he just couldn't get over. Either that or he'd peaked.

Aldeheid held up his marked hand and took a breath, reaching out with his will. The magic emanating from the ether stones tickled the edge of his awareness, but he did his best to ignore it. He stretched his will towards Kitaya, feeling for her magic instead, yet it seemed just out of his reach.

"This isn't working." He planted his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands. The beginnings of a headache tingled the back of his skull, and his body was heavy with exhaustion.

"You did it just fine a minute ago," Kitaya said.

He heard the rustle of paper as she turned the page of a book, the scratch of her quill as she scribbled something down. The sounds were loud, too loud, in his head. "I can't." And wasn't only talking about the training. He was wound up so tight, he'd probably implode at a moment's notice.

"You can. Just—"

"I can't!" he screamed, slamming his fists on the table. "This isn't going to work, Kitaya!"

"Aldeheid, calm—"

"Why?!" His fists were ball so tightly that his nails were digging into his skin. "Why would you want me as your magician? I'm a mess. I've been nothing but a burden to you and everyone else. Taking and taking but never giving anything back. That's all I ever do!" He fisted his hands in his hair and fought the tears that stung his eyes. "You could do so much better than me. I don't understand..." He exhaled a breath but it did nothing to quell the fire in his chest.

A long stretch of silence followed his tirade, and he took that time to try and pull himself together. But it was a futile effort, like trying to piece together a shattered mirror.

"Look at me, Aldeheid," Kitaya finally said.

When he did, he expected her to smack him over the head for yelling at her so. For the first time, he noticed that her books were scattered and her inkwell had fallen over. Ink stained the table and the sleeve of her robe, turning the pale yellow flowers black. It must have happened when he slammed the table. Which made him want to smack himself over the head.

Kitaya threaded her fingers together in front of her. "What makes you think I want anything from you, angel eyes?"

Aldeheid grimaced and stared down at the table. "I... don't know."

"Since I took you under my tutelage, have I done or said anything to make you feel as though you were burden? As though you were bothering me? As though I expected something in return?"

"No..." The word came out as a hoarse whisper. A lot of what she did, the decisions she made, didn't make much sense to him. But he guessed they weren't supposed to.

Kitaya cupped his chin and tilted his head up so their eyes met. "When I look at you, Aldeheid. I don't see the man that you are now. But the man that you can be with time and guidance. And that's the man I want as my magician. A man I'd be proud to have bearing me on his shoulders."

Aldeheid found himself rendered speechless by her words.

"You haven't been sleeping, have you?" she asked. She seemed genuinely worried about him, which made him feel worse.

He shook his head. "I just... thought I'd be past all this by now. It's been hundreds of years and I've been doing my best to put everything behind me."

"It's not going to go away on its own, unfortunately. I'm not qualified to help you, but I know someone who is. We'll see her when we get to Kon." Kitaya began stacking the fallen books in a neat pile.

Aldeheid frowned. "I don't know..." Talking to a complete stranger about his problems didn't seem like the best – or most desirable – course of action. He didn't even enjoy talking to Kitaya about them. On top of that, he was an adult. He should be able to sort his problems out.

"There's no shame in getting help, but I won't force you to." She rose and stretched. "Take a break, get some air. It's nice out today."

"I should help you clean this up," he said, gesturing at the ink-smudged table.

"Go, Aldeheid."

After a moment's hesitation, he rose and shuffled out the front door. He dodged a pot of fragrant spices that hung from the porch's rafters before descending the steps into the front yard.

Kitaya had made her home on a group of mountainous islands southeast of Aiisha's desert region. Her house sat on its largest, in the belly of a valley surrounded by dense jungle. Humans had once made this island their home, but fled after the thin space and threats from Magika became a problem. Their village was abandoned on the island's eastern side. It stood as a testament of just how desperate their lives could and would become if Magika and earth continued to merge.

Aldeheid walked to the spring at the house's north and sat down on its rocky side. The still clear water, mirrored a morning sky dotted with clouds. He dipped his feet in the cool water and lied back, watching them drift by.

For a moment he lost himself in the endless sea of blue, allowed it to take him away. To a place where his past couldn't find him and couldn't torment him. Perhaps Kitaya was right. Perhaps he needed to get some real help. He thought immersing himself in his training would've helped. Or at least be a proper distraction. But after nigh 300 years of that, he felt no better. No saner.

Aldeheid rubbed his eyes and closed them for a second, listening to the gentle laps of water and the humming of insects. He wasn't sure when he'd dozed off but woke up sometime later to someone poking at him.

"Get up, Aldeheid. I need someone to beat up."

His cheek was being prodded, which he did not appreciate. "Go away, Leandyr," he grumbled throwing his hands in the Swordmaster's general direction.

"No, get your sword. We're going to get a spar in before we leave." When Aldeheid didn't budge, he was dragged through the grass by his collar. "You'll have plenty of time to slack off when you know how to use that sword properly."

"Hi Aldeheid!" Lady Hiroh came into his line of vision. He almost didn't recognize her without her armour on and her dark waves pulled back to her nape. "You're looking well."

"Thanks," Aldeheid said. "It's nice to see you—" His words were cut off when Leandyr hoisted him up and tossed him through the front door. He crashed into Kitaya's living room and slid across the rug. He was tempted to just lie there, but someone grabbed him under the arms and pulled him to his feet.

"Can't you ever just knock?" Kitaya asked Leandyr, but there was no malice in her tone. She was already dressed in her enchanted gear, ready for the road. The box was atop the table and so were both their bags.

Leandyr grinned and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "It's good to see you, my darling. This free time has done you well. You're looking relaxed."

"What? No hug and kiss for me? I just get thrown through the door." Aldeheid rubbed a blooming bruise on his shoulder.

"Give him a break, Swordmaster. He's been... having a rough time." Kitaya picked a leaf from his hair. "Make haste and get ready, angel eyes. I want to be through the thin space before nighfall."

Leandyr lounged off in a wicker chair and put his boots up on the table. "Jayer and Jetei should be right behind us. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you, angel eyes."

A scowl twisted Aldeheid's lips. "You didn't tell me he was coming." He wasn't mentally prepared to deal with Jayer's presence.

"No, fighting please," Lady Hiroh said. "I will chain you both up if I have to. I still haven't forgotten the last time."

"Neither have I." Jayer walked through the door then, with Jetei as a flowing blue cape on his shoulders. "Aldeheid." He gave a curt nod.

The sight of him brought up painful memories. The cold bite of a dagger sinking into his back. The beatings. The branding. And the brutal winds of the tundra. Aldeheid clenched his fists and exhaled a hot breath before turning and going upstairs.

A few days on the road. That's all it was. Once they got to Kon, he wouldn't have to be subjected to Jayer's presence anymore. He could survive it. So long as Jayer didn't talk to him. Or look at him. Or breathe air.

Who was he kidding? This was going to be a long trip.

[AN]: Is Aldeheid's meltdown a little too extra? Even as I was writing it, I was like: Geez, calm down. Also, I updated twice so make sure you didn't skip over Chapter 4. Thanks for reading!