A/N- conan gray "the other side" references
in this poem <33

[ the girl's pov ]

the wind meets your hair like a lover
weaving through it with threads of
⠀⠀⠀⠀autumn sky and
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀mid-november

autumn is the death of summer
for summer loved winter so much
to give up clementine sunsets and
dream scented lavender meadows
for
⠀⠀summer would let
⠀⠀winter kill it slowly

"do you go there often?"

your voice is wavy lines in concrete
molded by rain and bitter sunlight
flecked with gravelandhoney and
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀whispers
⠀⠀⠀⠀of "iloveyougoodbye"
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀between the
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀lines

[will our lives get better when we
make it to the other s-i-d-e]

maybe in another universe we could
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀be
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀happy
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀in our own wonderland
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀maybe maybe maybe maybe
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀maybe maybe maybe maybe

key: ( ) - unsaid words

"i come three times in a while, (to
cry my soul out to water the trees
and sky and to reminisce
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ reminisce
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ reminisce)
to clean the greenhouse glass
and sit at the piano (remembering
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀everything)"

your empty eyes are stained with
explosions of color that will never
root themselves into your mind
i see a f⠀⠀⠀u⠀⠀⠀r
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀l⠀⠀⠀r⠀⠀⠀y
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀of emotions
trying to make it
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀to the surface

"to remember the time when we were
y⠀/⠀o⠀/⠀u⠀/⠀n⠀/⠀g
when the world treated us like children"
you say softly

i nod and i look you in the eye and for
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a second
i become part of you
your eyes are
w⠀nd⠀rl⠀nd⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
 o⠀ e⠀ a⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
and i am alice⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
iama1ice⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
iama1ice⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
and i want to drown with you

the greenhouse glass shines like a
lighthouse
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀inthedistance
an epitome of mystery
enshrouded by an ocean of deciduous
and evergreen
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀trees

-[ 🍂 ]-

the piano legs swirled with rusted
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀gold
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀swirls
its sides like bottomless pieces of
s
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀k
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀y
the top covered with tattered green
lace worn and faded from the times
⠀⠀⠀i dipped it into a nearby stream
to get rid of the dust and memories
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀it collected

winter jasmine climb up rusted grids
scraping against the glass roof
tired of trying to reach the sky
⠀⠀⠀toofarbeyond
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀theireach
a row of 5 pansy pots line the base
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀of the piano
like rainbows kissing ebony darkness

outside, summer continues to die
and autumn fades little by little
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀d
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a
⠀e v e r y

shades of flame coral aureolin
citrus sunshine gold russet ginger
shades of flame as autumn burns
and burns and burnsandburns and
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀b⠀u⠀r⠀n⠀s
burnsssssssssssssss
and when november kisses october
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀good(bad)bye
the flames will retreat into white ashes

"do you play?" a smile dangles on
your lips
like
a balloon hanging on to the edge
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀of a cloud
or a small child clinging to his
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀mother's legs

"i've sure tried,"

your eyes don't leave mine as you
lift the piano's lid
revealing black and white streaks
that make rainbow colored music

i stand behind you as you sit down
and with delicate intensity, you press
a note into the keyboard

your fingertips dance like raindrops
colliding into the earth like planets
and stars who couldn't resist each
other's gravity gravity gravity gravity
the music curls around
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀my existence
growing primroses
spotting lilac grass
blue balloons kiss the green clouds
then falling down
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀down
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀d
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀o
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀w
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n
d-d-d-d-d-downnnnnnnnn

"did you like that song?" you ask softly
i hadn't realized it had ended

"yes," i say "(i loved it),"

"i composed it," your smile almost
seems to reach your eyes

"it was (the most) beautiful (thing
i've ever ever ever heard in my life)"

"i could play summer by joe hasaishi,
would you like me to play it with me?"

"i told you, i don't know how to-"

amusement tinges your eyes and you
say "sit down,"

you step over the chair as i get in it
i place my unskilled hands on the
k⠀e⠀y⠀b⠀o⠀a⠀r⠀d
you lean
c⠀l⠀⠀o⠀⠀⠀s⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀e⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀r
c⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀l⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀o⠀⠀⠀s⠀⠀e⠀r
and then you are so close that we
are breathing the same air and your
arms rest on my shoulders and your
fingers cover mine and electricity
fills my veins and your presence
condenses the air into my lungs
into liquid concrete
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀and i can't
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀breathe-

and then our fingers become one
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀pair of hands
and the music is part of me
part of me⠀part of me⠀part of me
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀part of me
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀part of me
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀part of me
part⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀of⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀me

and i gasp as the memories explode

[ flashback ]

"roselin," she says, "rosie,
the seasons come and go like
versions of you
and i miss you
yet i want to know the future you"

mother's eyes are the colore of the
seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
so blwue
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀blueblueblueblueblueblue
the wind blew

i am five years old today

"i want it to be summer all year long
yet i miss dancing in rosy spring rain
and i always crave shades of flame
and pastel blue september skies"
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀she says softly
i don't know half the words she says

i am mesmerized by her face
i imagine dancing over the hill of her
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀nose
and
jumping the fweckles on her cheeks
like lily pads
flying over her eyes far and weeeeee

her cheeks had begun to turn hollow
recently
her skin pale
but she's always the pwettiest girl i know

mama starts playing the piano
her fingers brushing the keyboard
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀like summer rain
and i want to taste the music
i thought it'd taste like
cotton candy clouds
and chrysanthemum swaying in
the wildflower scented breeze

"when you grow older, take care of
this piano, rosie?" mama said softly
i hadn't realized the song had ended

"promise me, roselin," there is urgency
in mama's voice and im so frightened
because adults are never this scared
and if mama is this afraid-

before i can answer i am falling
falling
falling
falling
falling forward through folds of time
and then

i am crying and i feel arms around me
arms like cotton candy clouds and
chrysanthemum petals and i see
your face through the tears and

you hold me and hold me and hold
me and holdme and holdmeandhold
meandholdme as i crycrycrycrycrycry

my tears drench your gray jean jacket
you're keeping me from drowning

and you tell me it was just a memory
and that everything is going to be alright
and we both know that you're lying but
its enough for me
enough for me
enough for me that you care enough to lie