10 June 2021
Anne Frank, the most famous diarist said that "Paper is more patient than people" or something similar with the same gist and I agree. I, Varun Malhotra want to start this journey of writing a diary, again.

-

It was a good day today.
I am currently in Rishikesh, living near Ganga Maiyya. It is my brother Siddharth's wedding with my best friend, Kiara. I, Siddharth, Kiara and Shraddha Ahuja are here for a pooja. It will be tomorrow. (the pooja)

Is my grammar correct? Nevermind, honestly.

What is love? I scribbled ahead.

Can extremely strong feeling towards someone or something can be described as love? Can palpitations on seeing 'them' can be called love?

Whatever it is, I can't afford those gloomy days again in my life anymore.

I feel inconsiderate but this is the truth.

The truth; the reality is that I don't want to keep waiting, regretting, and feel guilty my whole life.

God, I am-

I stopped writing, quickly shutting the diary close. Why is it that while I write, I accept all the facts that I keep on denying?

Why?

Maybe I write without considering anyone but me. Maybe because I know that no one is going to read this.

Why did I just accept while writing that I still like Ahuja? And I know for a fact, that no one can replace her place in my heart. But the other part of my heart says that I don't want to wait for her. She had made herself quite clear. And this time, I don't want to repeat the same story, the same mistake.

"Varun, commitments and relationships are really not my thing. Sorry"

I closed my eyes and laid down. The shade of the sky was black with a tint of blue. I was getting a clear view of the stars from my window.

Stars. Even though they are many light years away from us, they illuminate our lives

My eyes became a projector as today's events played on them.

♠️

"Well, where do you want to have dinner?" Siddharth asked us three.

"I don't want to eat anything, I am full" Shraddha replied quickly.

"Abey kuch khaya kar!" Kiara told her best friend, slapping her forehead.

"Jitna jaroori hai utna khaati hu mein!" She countered while Kiara just rolled her eyes.

"Mujhe bhuk nahi hai, aur kaam bhi hai. Tum dono jao" I added.

"Boring ho tum dono" Siddharth said and I smiled at him. Let the two lovebirds spend their time together.

I turned around and started walking. I could hear Siddharth and Kiara going. I felt someone approaching me speedily. Shraddha?

"Varun ruk" I heard my name from her voice and quickly turned back. Like a reflex. But I am not even used to the stimulus.

"Ha?"

"Want to take a walk? Don't say kaam hai because I know you denied so they'll get time together" She said with a very soft, not noticeable smile on her lips. I just shrugged with my shoulders, my hands in my pant pockets.

"Um so wassup?" Shraddha asked me nervously as she started walking beside me.

I looked at her. That's when I actually realised how awkward we had become. She didn't say anything and just looked at me and sighed. Maybe we're thinking the same thing.

Life can be so humorous when we are not able to talk with that person with whom you have spent countless moments talking and chatting about anything and everything.

"That awkward?" I asked her, laughing and she chuckled.

"Uh well, I dunno know. What do you want me to say? Kya haal chaal hai?" she asked, but this time the tone was different. It was...different.

"Nothing much. Bas kaam, kaam, thoda khaana, sona, binge watch karna aur waapis kaam karna. Tera bhi waisa hi hai kya?" I laughed before answering her hindi translation of 'wassup'.

"Sach kahu toh haa. Mera bhi yahi chal raha hai, same to same" She said shrugging.

"Tu khush hai, Shraddha?" I asked out of the blue, surprising both of us. But that was something I intended to ask her from a long time.

I could see her hesitating and figuring what to say. God, why do I blurt out stuff?

"Khush Nahi, par satisfied hu. Satisfied with how my career turned out to be" She answered and I just stared at her for 2 long seconds and then smiled. She has changed and has still managed to be the same.

She smiled back at me and I felt those butterflies in my abdomen. It was a familiar feeling years ago, it resurfaced again, right now.

It was perfect- just the two of us, talking about life under the stars.

"Varun, the stars are so beautiful and amazing, right? Even though they are light years away from us, they illuminate our lives." She said, all of sudden and I just looked at her- shock consuming me.

♠

I turned on the other side, unconsciously and saw the stars.

The stars; they remind me of Shraddha.

No, I don't want to repeat the same mistake. I am not fond of becoming any stupid Kabir Singh. I want a peaceful life. Maybe one day, I will find someone who I can love and loves me back equally.

I won't repeat the same thing again.

I don't want to fall in love with Shraddha, again.

And I will make sure I won't.

Ta-Da! How was the chapter?

I hope I could present Varun's state of mind, correctly.

Sometimes, we don't even understand but small things affect our lives. Varun, is not afraid to love someone, he is afraid of loving 'Shraddha'.

Speaking of Shraddha, anyone knows what's going on in her mind? She is soooo mysterious and most of the times confusing for the other three. Your opinion about Shraddha?

And since you are giving your opinion on Shraddha, give your opinions about the characters too! Please! <3

~ Thank you✨