Happiness!

--

Then

"She won't sleep!" I said. Brittany's laugh came from the other end of the phone. She had already been through this with Jordyn who is now four. "What am I doing wrong?" I asked Brittany above Charlie's screaming. I grabbed a pacifier and tried to stick it in her mouth, but she spit it right back out.

I huffed and leaned back trying to collect my thoughts. I hadn't slept in what felt like forever. I think this was day three of not showering. My hair was greasy, my breath stank, and my shirt was covered in a couple days worth of spit up. I felt disgusting.

"If I was there, I would help you," Brittany said. I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. At least Charlie wasn't full blown crying anymore. It was short bursts of whimpers here and there. I looked up to see her sucking on her tiny fist. I sighed and rubbed my eyes.

"She's drooling an awful lot," I mumbled while taking a cloth and gently wiping the drool from her chin. "She's probably teething," Brittany said through a yawn which caused me to yawn too. "I know you're tired. I'll let you go. Thanks sis," I said before hanging up.

I leaned forward and gently grabbed Charlie and laid her against my chest. She sighed contently and I heard her deep breathing instantly. I slowly slid my way down the couch until I was laying flat with a pillow behind my head. It wasn't the safest way to sleep with a baby, but I didn't care at this point. I just wanted a couple hours of sleep.

I closed my eyes for what felt like mere seconds before Charlie's screams woke me up. I jumped before sitting straight up and clutching her to my chest. I looked at the clock to see seconds were actually hours. Three hours to be exact. I guess it was better than nothing.

I laid Charlie in her bouncy seat long enough to go make her a bottle. Walking away from her just made her cry harder. I sighed while mixing the bottle wondering when she was gonna give up. I came back into the living room to Charlie's screams getting louder.

"Shh," I whispered as I picked her up and cradled her to my chest. I placed the bottle between her lips and she sucked greedily. Her cries quieted instantly as she drank the bottle. I laid my head back with a sigh. Silence, it was the little things in life.

Soon Charlie finished the milk and I laid her on my shoulder to burp. After a few small ones she slowly fell back asleep. I looked at the clock to see that it was six in the morning. I was wide awake while she was sound asleep. I placed Charlie lightly in her bouncer before picking up the bouncer and carrying it to the bathroom.

It was as good as time as ever to get a shower while I could. I grabbed a comfy change of clothes and turned on the water hoping I wasn't going to disturb Charlie. I turned the water on as hot as I could tolerate it and let out a deep sigh as I stepped under the hot water.

Scrubbing shampoo and conditioner through my hair and soaping up my body with some lavender body wash made me start to feel halfway human again. I shaved before rinsing my body of all the soap. Shutting off the water and opening the curtain I saw that Charlie was still sound asleep.

I smiled and dried myself off before changing into fresh clothes. I put my hair up in a wet bun and brushed my teeth before looking in the mirror. I actually felt way better now. I grabbed Charlie from the bouncer and put her in her room in her crib. I closed the door slightly and walked back into the living room.

I sat down on the couch and decided to turn on the TV to pass the time. The Today Show logo popped across the screen and I left it there figuring I wasn't going to be paying that much attention. The host came on the screen with a smile on her overly make up'd face.

'"This next guest is someone who has been appearing in a lot of shows and movies and making a rise in Hollywood. Please help me in welcoming Jeffrey Dean Morgan!" the host stood up as Jeffrey wlaked on stage waving at the crowd. My eyes couldn't tear away from the screen. I couldn't believe he was on my TV right now!

My hand itched for the remote but I couldn't bring myself to turn it off. My eyes were looking him over through the screen. He looked good, extremely good, but he also looked tired, like he hadn't slept in two weeks. The host started asking him questions, but my brain wasn't processing what was being said.

All I could do was stare. I felt something warm hit my arm and that's when I realized that a few tears slipped. It had been a little over a year since I walked out of what used to be our apartment and didn't look back. I wondered how he was doing.

I wondered if he ever thought about me. I quickly grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. I groaned as I dropped the remote on the coffee table and ran my hands through my hair. Maybe watching TV wasn't such a good idea after all. Now I felt terrible again.

~~

Now

I looked down at Charlie who was sleeping contently in my arms. Today was the day of her field trip. She had barely slept the night before because she was so excited. By the time she had fallen asleep I was wide awake to the world. I had laid out our clothes and packed a small bag with some snacks before I had turned in for the night feeling exhausted.

Now I was laying here watching the clock waiting for the alarm to go off telling us we had to get ready. I sighed and decided to go ahead and start getting ready. I slowly slid out from under Charlie and tucked a blanket around her. After a shower I wrapped my hair in a towel and went into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

I knew Brittany and I were going to need it to deal with these kids all day. After drinking one cup I put the rest in a travel thermos and headed back to the bathroom to keep getting ready. I peeped in on Charlie on my way back to see she was still snoozing.

I went back in the bathroom and started on my make up first. I kept it simple knowing that it would most likely be a little warm and I didn't want it melting off my face. I decided after blow drying my hair to leave it with its natural wave. I grabbed a hair tie and put it around my wrist just in case I needed it for later.

Looking in the mirror one last time I was satisfied with how I looked. I walked quietly into my bedroom trying not to disturb Charlie. We needed to be leaving for Brittany's house in about forty minutes. I had plenty of time. I picked out a pair of ripped jeans and a red and black flannel.

I grabbed my boots in the back of the closet. God only knows what we were going to be walking around in. I looked up the weather on my phone to see that it was supposed to warm up today. I decided to grab a t-shirt to wear under the flannel. I blindly grabbed a gray shirt and threw it over my head seeing I only had twenty minutes to get Charlie and me out the door.

I shrugged on the flannel and rolled up the sleeves before going to gently shake Charlie awake. "Charlie, baby," I said while gently rubbing her shoulder. She grumbled but rolled over and looked up at me. Her eyes became wide with excitement.

"Momma! It's farm day!" she said while jumping out of bed. I chuckled as she instantly ran to the bathroom. I followed behind. She had already got up on her stool and was brushing her teeth. I grabbed a brush and ran it gently through her hair.

"Do you want pigtails?" I asked her as she spit her toothpaste in the sink and put up her toothbrush. She nodded and stood still while I quickly fixed her hair in two pigtails. She hopped down when I was done and took off to her room. I followed right behind her with a smile on my face.

By the time I got to her room she already got her pants on and was struggling with her shirt. "Here let me help." I said as I put her arms through the holes and helped her pull the shirt down. "Alright, baby, let's get your boots so we can get going. Aunt Brittany. Jordyn, and Baby Al are waiting on us," I said.

Charlie ran out the door. I grabbed my bag and Charlie's jacket before locking the door behind us. Charlie was already at the car. "Come on, momma!" Charlie said while pulling the door handle. I unlocked the car and Charlie scrambled into the backseat. I dropped my bag in the floor board and helped Charlie into her booster seat. I climbed in the driver's seat and pulled out of the driveway to head to Brittany's.

~~

We were currently on the school bus heading towards the farm. Charlie and Jordyn were sitting in the seat in front of us. Charlie's little leg was bouncing anxiously as she looked out the window. "She is so excited," Brittany said as she bounced baby Al on her knee.

I nodded. "I know. I'm afraid she won't want to leave when it's all over," I said. "Jordyn was like that the first time too," she said. "Momma!" Charlie's squeals interrupted our conversation. I looked out the window to see the bus was stopping at the farm.

"Holy shit," I said. It made me receive a pointed stare from one of the teachers causing Brittany to laugh. Charlie bounced up and down excitedly. "I wonder if the owner will be here," I said. Brittany shook her head. "He won't be. He never has. His, ranch hands, if that's what you want to call them, say that his regular job makes him travel a lot so he hires people to help," she said.

I huffed, So much for potentially meeting a good looking farmer today. Brittany patted me on the shoulder with a laugh before standing up. We ushered the girls out in front of us and exited the bus. I breathed in the fresh air and looked around me.

It was absolutely breath taking. "This place is beautiful," I told Brittany as we followed behind the teachers and kids. Brittany nodded. "I know. It seems like it goes on for miles," she said. Soon the teachers took over and introduced us to our tour guides.

The parents were split into teams of two and were told to keep track of six kids per group. Brittany and I had Jordyn and Charlie pick out two friends a piece and we took off with a slightly bigger group to start doing activities. This was going to be a wild day.

Bailing hay, learning to milk a cow, and picking chicken eggs were just some of the activities on our lists. After a few hours of activities the classes all gathered in a big open field to sit on blankets and enjoy their lunches along with homemade ice cream made fresh on the farm.

Brittany was sitting with half of our group helping them eat while I was with the other half letting them burn off some energy by running around and playing tag. The sun was almost hiding behind some trees giving us some slight relief from the heat.

I had braided my hair to the side halfway through the day trying to keep myself cool. I was glad that Charlie was enjoying herself. I hadn't seen a smile on her face like this in a while and it made me happy. Giggles were rising as all the kids finished their lunches and all started playing one big game of tag.

"Momma!" Charlie's voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked down to Charlie's little face was covered in vanilla ice cream. My eyes became wide. "Oh honey, let's go get some wipes from Brittany," I said grabbing her hand and starting to lead her to Brittany.

"Ronnie?" I froze. I recognized that voice anywhere. I slowly turned around while looking at the ground. His black boots were speckled with mud. My eyes slowly moved upward. His relaxed jeans had a few muddy stains along with a few rips at the knee.

My eyes continued upward to his torso where a black wife beater sat under a blue and white flannel shirt. I kept looking up. A black cowboy hat was resting on his head. "Hi Ronnie, I thought that was you," his hazel eyes connected with my brown ones.

My breath caught in my throat. Charlie fidgeted beside me. I looked down at Charlie. Her eyes were wide. "You're the guy from-," but I clamped my hand over her mouth. I knew she recognized him from the photo that I kept wedged between the pages of my book.

Jeffrey crouched down at eye level with Charlie and took off his hat. "Hi sweetheart, I'm Jeff. Are you having a fun time on my farm?" I bit my lip. Of course this had to be his. Charlie nodded excitedly as I removed my hand from her mouth.

"Charlie, why don't you go find Brittany?" I asked. "But m-," "But nothing, now," I said. Jeffrey placed his hat on Charlie's head causing a smile to form on her face. "Go on, sweetheart. Miss Ronnie will be right behind you," he said while standing back up.

Charlie ran off holding the cowboy hat on her head. It was quiet between us both. Jeffrey stood close but not too close to draw suspicion. I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes so I could avoid having to actually look him in the eye. I bit my lip slightly.

"I texted you," he said finally breaking the silence between us. I tucked my hands deep in my pockets not knowing what to do with them now. I looked straight ahead trying to avoid eye contact. "Ronnie," Jeffrey said. I breathed out through my nose softly.

"I know," I said softly. It felt like I didn't even recognize my own voice. "You never responded," he said. I huffed lightly. "I know," I repeated myself. I watched from the corner of my eye as Jeffrey ran a hand through his sweaty hair pushing it out of his eyes.

"How are you?" he asked. I let out a chuckle. "I think we've already had this conversation," I said trying to keep the bitch face from popping up. "We did. But things are different now," I instantly shook my head at what he had said. "Things are not any different than what they were five minutes ago," I said.

Jeffrey's head snapped in my direction. "We have to talk about this eventually," he said. I closed my eyes and sighed. "I know, Jeff. Just not here and not now," I said. Jeffrey nodded. "Okay, I understand," he said. A whistle broke through the air and I looked up to see all the kids taking off for the busses.

"I have to go," I said and walked away without giving Jeffrey a chance to respond. I hopped on the bus and found Brittany sitting in the same seats we were earlier. "You look like you've seen a ghost," she said as she let me in to sit by the window. I swallowed trying to avoid the comment,

"Momma saw the guy from her pictures," Charlie piped up before turning around in her seat. Brittany looked at me with wide eyes. "Jeff's here?" she asked and I nodded not exactly trusting my voice quite yet. "Yeah, he, uh, owns this whole place," I said.

Brittany pulled a face. "What a small world," she said. I rested my head on the window and looked outside. All the farm workers were standing off to the side waving at the kids as the busses drove past. My eyes were glued on one particular person.

His hand stopped mid wave as his eyes locked with mine. He nodded slightly. I quickly turned my head and wiped away a tear hoping no one would see. I looked straight ahead, but that just made it worse. All I could see was that damn cowboy hat sitting on Charlie's head.

--

DUN DUN DUN!! So that was a pretty long chapter! I felt terrible for leaving on such a cliffhanger that I had to update earlier and make a longer chapter! What did you think of the "Then" chapter? Ronnie is having to deal with seeing JDM everywhere now!

Now: They visited who we learn is JDM's farm where JDM is introduced to Charlie but doesn't realize the connection. Do you think Ronnie was a little harsh to him about not wanting to talk right then? Did JDM seem excited that she was there? Surprised? Potentially hurt or shocked? Predictions and go!

Comment, vote, fan, follow, add to reading list! Spread the word! Reedus kisses for everyone! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx