june-july 2018 : 2 years and 2 months ago

Lily seemed to think of herself as this stormy person who trudged through life with a perpetual rain cloud over her head. Yet to Liam, she was the sun. He couldn't describe exactly what it was he felt when he looked over at her. It wasn't quite like anything else he experienced before. He saw her and it wasn't just that she was beautiful, although that was definitely the case. But there was something else to her that shone out from beneath the surface—it was like she radiated goodness in a way that somehow only he was able to see. He didn't know why he was the one who got to see it, but he counted himself lucky. And he thought it was incredibly fitting that sunflowers were her favorites.

As stupid as they were for not dating sooner, he really enjoyed getting to build off the friendship that had formed while they were both too scared to make a move. The slow mornings where they sat outside and had coffee together didn't feel too different from those they had spent in the Starbucks on campus, with the obvious exception being that they didn't keep their feelings bottled up anymore. They went on more long drives to talk about whatever was on their minds and had more picnics in the garden.

Liam worried for a fleeting moment at the beginning that he overestimated how good of a boyfriend he could be for her and was bound to fumble under the pressure of trying to do everything right. But she never expected him to be perfect. She didn't expect him to hand her the world. She let him be him and he let her be her and it was much more freeing than he ever anticipated.

Upon finding his old Wii that he hadn't touched since middle school, Lils was insistent that they play Mario Kart. She totally obliterated him and was smiling the whole time while she did it. He didn't know why that silly game brought her so much joy, but it was both adorable and hilarious to see how excited she got every time she rammed him off the track and sent him spiraling to 12th place.

It wasn't at all like last summer. He was going off on some sort of exhilarating adventure every week. They just spent time together doing whatever they felt like, simple or not, but that was an adventure in itself because he was learning so much about her. He began to understand that you got to know people best not during the grand moments, but in the little ones. And he was learning just as much about himself in the process as he was about her.

He realized, for example, that he was always more of a homebody when left to his own devices and it was only when other people lured him out that he strayed away from that tendency. But Lily, he noticed, spent time with the people she liked in whatever way they wanted her to. She morphed to other people's preferences, an instinct which seemed to stem both from her own genuine lack of strong inclination on the matter and her desire to please others and keep the peace. She bounced back and forth from social activities like going out to the mall with Katie and Izzy to then coming over and silently curling up on the couch with him.

It didn't bother him per se that she wanted to make everyone else happy. Liam himself was incredibly guilty of giving in to others even when it was hurting him. It wasn't at all that he wasn't also a people-pleaser but that he had already been made aware of it through learning some very painful lessons the hard way and then talking them all out in therapy. Lils was not quite as certain yet in the art of drawing boundaries or speaking up for herself. He was grateful that he picked up on this fact early so that he could remind her sometimes to tell him what she actually needed. He wanted to give it to her, but they couldn't always understand each other's minds without some help.

Relating to each other's mental struggles wasn't as effortless as he hoped it would be on that night at the beginning of June when they were on top of the world and their minds were clouded by a champagne haze. They were both still a little timid, a little secretive with it despite knowing that the other wouldn't judge them. There was no malicious intent—they weren't trying to hide on purpose. It was just early. He wanted to get to know her better and enjoy being together without marring it with too much emotional baggage too fast.

She had her stuff and he had his stuff. But because his was sparked by a particular series of events, his progress was linear—not always a straight line, but linear. Lily's, meanwhile, was a cycle. It was neverending, not something she could move forward and distance herself from in the same way he could. Rather, the cycle was always repeating itself and the most she could do was learn how to move through the bad parts as swiftly and healthily as possible. The most he could do in response was try to understand as well as he could and be patient if she wasn't ready to help him do that yet.

The rosy tint of those sweet early days was stained with a tinge of melancholy blue, for they both knew that Liam couldn't quite fill that Henry-shaped hole in her heart. But he was content with the fact that dating her wasn't perfect. The hard parts were still meaningful and it comforted him to know that they were capable of working through hiccups. Considering his track record with relationships, Liam had doubted his own ability to confront problems instead of running away from them.

But he had grown up in the past year. And now he was here. And he was happy.

It didn't take Liam very much time to learn that any time his girlfriend said she wanted to watch something, it was Lily lingo for wanting a long cuddle while they only sort of paid attention to said thing. So when she told him she wanted to watch the stars, he pulled out a hammock that had been sitting untouched in one of their storage closets for ages and set it up out back.

It was a good night for stargazing. The sky was a smooth, cloudless sheet of deepest blue freckled with stars and the occasional blinking light of passing planes. It was one of those classic pleasant summer nights that made you think of good memories and possibility, of going on car rides to nowhere and rolling the windows down to feel the whistle of the breeze on your face. Where neither the past nor future seemed to matter but the present felt like a blissful infinity you wouldn't mind staying in forever.

With nightfall, the overpowering humidity of the day had simmered down to a lingering presence that lightly draped over their skin like a blanket. The summer air hummed with the buzz of insects and fireflies flickered here and there, glowing like little stars cast down from the galaxies above. Even though the 4th of July passed a couple of days ago, fireworks could still be heard crackling somewhere in the distance.

But all of these sensations slipped away from him and off into the night as other ones took their place at the forefront of his mind. The mingling scents of flowery perfume and coconut shampoo. The rustling of the fabric under them any time either of them shifted in the slightest and the creaking of tree bark against the cords that held the hammock up. Soft lips that brought with them the sweet flavor of strawberry chapstick. Fingers trailing along skin and tangling in hair. The quiet sound of their breaths when she pulled back from the kiss and planted a quick peck on his cheek before laying her head on his chest, her long hair fanning out around her and tickling his arms.

There was something indescribably comforting about having her snuggled up to him, of being able to feel the warmth of her body and her steady breathing. Liam supposed he was soothed by seeing her at peace because he knew it was something she often struggled to find. And to think that he could offer it to her made him like himself a little more.

When she tilted her head just enough for her brown eyes to peer back up at him, he saw that an inkling of curiosity had made its way into her expression. "I have a weird request," she said quietly.

"What is it?"

"Tell me more about Natasha."

That wasn't what he saw coming, but it wasn't entirely out of nowhere, either. They had recently gone ahead and given each other the basic rundown on their exes since they already knew about the worst parts of each other's prior relationships, anyway. He would never say it to her out loud, but he couldn't help but be a bit grateful that Henry was far away after he learned what he was talking about when he told Liam to ask about the first guy that got on her bad side.

But he wasn't sure what else Lily would like to hear and was equal parts confused and amused. "So, um, just to clarify—we're in the middle of making out and you wanna talk about my ex?"

She lightly smacked him. "Well, when you say it like that it sounds terrible," she grinned, but her expression slid back into one of contemplation. "I was just curious."

"About what?"

"Well...I don't know what it's like to have dated someone who isn't a terrible person," she admitted, her fingers absentmindedly drawing little trails along his arm. "I just thought...does that make it hurt more or less?"

He didn't have to think about that one. "Definitely less."

Being with a good person made it disappointing at best and heartbreaking at worst when you didn't work together, but he would take a dozen breakups as amicable as his one with Natasha was over another one as traumatic as what he went through with Caroline.

But he supposed the answer to the question would depend on the circumstances. He and Natasha weren't together for very long and he hadn't been thinking much about the future at the time, so his thoughts were never plagued by too many what-ifs.

"Have you talked to her at all?" Lils asked softly.

He could hear in her voice that she was attempting to gracefully walk along a fine line, incredibly curious about the matter while also trying not to be too pushy. But he never felt any regret about letting Natasha move on ten months ago, so there wasn't much he wouldn't be willing to tell Lils.

Liam shook his head.

The next question was more hesitant. "Do you think about her much?"

Last summer was perfect at the time and he would forever look back on his trip to the stars fondly, but neither his time in orbit nor his plummet back to Earth seemed all that significant now that time had passed and he had the sunshine girl at his side.

He shook his head again. "I don't need to wonder about her."

One of his hands moved up to gently brush some strands of Lily's hair back, the gesture already starting to become second nature. There was something relaxing about the repetitive motion.

"She's one of those people who always knows what they want and works at it until they get it," he explained. "So I'm sure she's out there doing exactly what she set out to do."

For some reason, the corners of Lily's mouth curved up into a small smile.

"What?" he murmured.

"It must be nice to be that kind of person," she mused.

"I tried to be," he confessed. "But I couldn't. That's why we didn't work."

"Hmm," Lily hummed. "It's a good thing you're dating an insecure mess then."

He regarded her infinitely more highly than that, but he couldn't blame her for feeling that way about herself when he looked at himself the same way. So perhaps embracing the fact that they were both messes was better than trying to act like they weren't. He was a mess. She was a mess. But they worked.

His fingers brushed against her ear as he tucked the hair back a final time. "I like to think we're less of a mess when we're together," he offered quietly.

She raised her eyebrows. "Liam?"

"Mhmm?"

Lily had a playful glint in her eyes as she propped herself up just so that she could lean back in tantalizingly close to his face. "Are you trying to sweet talk me so that we can get back to what we were doing?"

He swallowed. "No, it's true," he promised, his voice coming out fainter than he expected. "But, um. Maybe a little bit."

"Well," she mumbled, delicately running a thumb along his jawline. "It's working."

Liam wasn't completely naive. He knew that relationships didn't stay exciting forever. Yet when those strawberry lips found their way back to his, he couldn't help but wonder how this feeling could ever possibly grow old.

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I know that this was just a simple cute chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it! I sometimes feel weird about posting slower chapters like this one because they can feel like pointless filler chapters, but in this case I think it was needed just to get their relationship started :)