june 2018 : 2 years and 3 months ago

Liam was nervous about how Lily was going to look when he showed up at her doorstep for one reason: he was bound to think she was beautiful and he didn't know how to go all night without telling her that.

If he thought that anticipating her to render him speechless would result in such not happening, he was sorely mistaken. Lily answered the door looking like something out of a dream - his dreams - and he was mere milliseconds away from already losing his bet with himself that he wouldn't call her beautiful when his mind distracted itself by reminding him of the last time he was in this same spot. Him showing up here with a bundle of sunflowers, Henry answering the door.

That was so different from the present situation that it was almost comical, but Liam wasn't any less nervous this time around and the thought of Henry now being across the country was sobering. Lils was so quiet the past few weeks. Liam knew that she had been thinking about Henry, but he had been thinking about her. He spent more time than he would ever care to admit out loud hoping that she was okay.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Oh no, this is just what I wore out on my errands," she teased as she stepped out onto the porch. "I dress like this every day, haven't you noticed?"

She was careful as they walked down the couple of porch steps, taking caution not to lose her footing in her heels. But once they were back on flat ground, she glanced back over at him and gave him a small smile. "You look nice," she added more softly.

"You, too."

In the car, he wasn't sure where their conversation should go. They could talk about the elephant in the room, that he was so into her and she felt the same way according to everyone else but neither of them were doing anything about it. Or they could talk about the other elephant in the room, that Lily was most likely in a deep pit of melancholy from missing her favorite person. But Liam didn't want to make her upset or confused or uncomfortable. He wanted to spend a nice evening together and forget about their problems for a couple of hours.

"So, I'm not really sure what to expect here," she admitted.

To an extent, he wasn't either. In years past, he was always either at his parents' heels like a loyal puppy or drifting through the crowd like a ghost and trying not to be seen. But even as detached from common life as his parents often were, he still couldn't imagine them expecting Lily to be a social butterfly and talk to strangers.

"I think we can do whatever we want, honestly."

"Oh, good," she nodded. "I was hoping to get drunk and sing karaoke."

He grinned, trying and failing to envision Lils getting drunk. "Almost anything," he amended with a slight laugh.

The hotel was located in one of the most upscale parts of town, so every year since he was old enough to drive, he found himself incredibly relieved that he wasn't responsible for paying for the valet parking. He handed over the keys and opened Lily's door for her, offering his arm so that she could hook hers through the crook of his elbow.

When he glanced around at some of the other arriving guests, Liam was unsurprised to observe that he and Lily were probably the youngest, although some of them didn't look more than a few years older. But what the two of them were lacking in age they could make up for in confidence; although he never felt like he fit in at these things, already knowing his way to the ballroom through the maze-like ground floor of the hotel helped give off the impression that they belonged here.

"People go all out for this, huh?" Lily observed quietly, her heels clicking on the floor as she glanced at the people around them.

"Just wait until you see inside."

While he knew nothing more about the decor than what little was brought up in front of him and Lily, he knew his mother. She didn't settle for anything less than showstopping.

And showstopping it was. When an attendant opened the massive ballroom doors for them, it was like stepping into some sort of dreamland. All reminders of the outside world were hidden; dark curtains concealed the glass doors on one wall that Liam knew led out to a terrace only because he always ended up sneaking out there at some point in the night to get away from the crowd. The basic setup was always the same - the tables, the dance floor, the bar - but the decorations always succeeded in turning this one room into a brand new universe each year. Every source of light was like a twinkling star, from the tiny candles flickering in jars on the tables to the intricate star-shaped light fixtures suspended from the high ceilings. He could tell that an incredible amount of effort went into the execution. The lights were scattered at different heights and the ceiling itself kept cloaked in darkness so that one could look up and feel as though they were looking into the night sky itself.

Liam was impressed, but Lily was entranced. He watched her gaze up in wonder, her eyes sparkling and lips curved up into a crescent moon smile. It was the purest kind of awe, the same sort of enchantment one might have going into a real planetarium and getting to see the beautiful vastness of outer space for the first time.

"Wow," she breathed.

He was about to ask her if she liked it – as if he had anything to do with it and the answer wasn't obviously yes – but his attention was diverted when he spotted his mother coming their way. She hurried over in her silvery swishy gown with two champagne flutes in her hands, Dad following right behind her.

"I decided to be a nice mom and bring you drinks," she announced, already sounding a little out of breath from rushing around to see their guests.

He had no clue how she had time to grab alcohol for him and Lily in the short span between when they stepped into the room and now. He swore she had some sort of mom radar and could telepathically sense when he was in the room.

"You must be Lily," Dad smiled and held out a hand for her to shake after Mom handed over the glasses. If he was at all stressed from the pressure of making sure tonight was a success, he didn't let it on. The same charming and collected persona required to make sure all his company employees had confidence in him was the same one he usually wore at home, oftentimes making it difficult for Liam to determine what his father was actually feeling. Dad was always the sharpest-looking person in the room, proof that whoever put the idea in kids' heads that you peaked in your teens or twenties was full of BS. "It's great to finally meet you after hearing so much about you."

Yikes. Liam hadn't peeped a word about Lily to his dad, so Mom must have been talking about them. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what "so much" meant, but Lily must have prepared herself well to handle varying degrees of awkwardness and sweet talk his parents because the comment didn't appear to faze her.

She shook his hand and gave one of her brilliant smiles. "Thank you, it's great to meet you, too. It was so nice of you both to invite me," she said breezily.

"It's our pleasure," Mom assured before glancing at something over Liam's shoulder and dropping the volume of her voice. "The Gardners just came in. Your father and I better go say hi, you know how they are."

Karen Gardner was one of their most generous donors, but the woman was the most Karenesque Karen in the history of Karenenity. "Good luck," Liam muttered.

"You were right. This is by far the fanciest thing I've ever gone to," Lily giggled as soon as his parents were gone. Her eyes widened as she took a sip of her champagne. "Wow, that tastes expensive."

"I'm sure it is," Liam agreed with a small chuckle.

Some people were slowly swaying on the dance floor to the faint piano music that floated through the air while others were seated and conversing over drinks. Liam figured that Lily wouldn't want to awkwardly linger near the doors while they drank their unsolicited champagne, so he found them a table in a corner where they could stay and chat for as long as their hearts desired without being in anyone's way. But when they were finished with their drinks and a server came around to take the empty flutes, Lily's thoughts seemed to be elsewhere.

"Liam?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we dance?" she asked shyly.

His heart did a jump in his chest, both excited and nervous, but he felt the edge of his mouth curve into a small smile like his heart had been wanting her to ask that.

"We can dance." He got up from his chair and offered her a hand.

He came closer to her after leading her to the dance floor and the proximity sent his heart soaring like a shooting star, but he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss against it. She let out a little surprised giggle, but her smile quickly faltered and she glanced around at the other couples.

"I don't actually really know how to..." she confessed.

"I'll help you," he promised.

Liam carefully wrapped one hand around hers and lifted the other to her back, where his fingers delicately landed against bare skin. Goosebumps immediately formed where his fingertips touched, her lips parting slightly as she sucked in a tiny surprised breath like she had forgotten that the back of her dress was open.

"Is this fine?" he whispered without actually knowing what to do if she said no, but she gave him the smallest of nods and put her other hand on his shoulder.

It took him a moment to accustom himself to the slow rhythm of the music, but Lily was a fast learner and they were smoothly gliding along the floor in no time. She began to relax, her arm draping over his shoulder more loosely, and they could fill the silence now that she was less worried about stepping on his toes.

"So why don't you like these things?" she asked.

The words slipped out of his mouth like honey before he could fully consider them. "Well, I'm not usually with you."

A rosy hue floated to her cheeks. "Oh yeah, I'm sure a clumsy dance partner really helps."

"I don't care if she's a good dancer," he murmured, his inhibitions lowered as he got distracted by noticing the trace of shimmer in her eyeshadow when she blinked, like she herself was something of the stars.

"And besides, you're picking it up really fast," he added lightly. "You're basically a pro."

He lifted his hand and carefully twirled her around. "But if you want an honest answer," he offered. "I never really feel like I fit in with my parents' stuff. I guess it's just more elaborate than I could ever get myself to care about as much as they do. But they enjoy it, so I try to."

Lily contemplated that for a couple of seconds. "Do you guys ever do anything like...normal?"

Liam couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Not a lot. I know they're trying and they mean well, but...I don't think they've ever really known what to do with a kid," he confessed. Although that truth was hard to deal with sometimes, he had acknowledged it a while ago. "So I just try to meet them halfway."

"I don't think they should be mad if you don't," she told him softly and he thought he felt her hand tighten around his ever-so-slightly. "I think you're pretty great where you are."

A warm feeling settled in his chest. "Thanks, Lils."

As everything outside of him and her began to gradually melt away more and more, it became increasingly difficult for him to concentrate on the dance steps. He lost track of how many songs they stayed there for. He didn't realize how full his heart would feel when he had Lily in his arms, even if at a modest distance.

All of his senses were overwhelmed by her and only her. The light, sweet smell of her perfume and the smoothness of her skin against his fingers. The way their hands fit together. The luster of the star lanterns hanging above was reflected in her brown eyes, sparks of amber dancing in her irises as their bodies danced across the ballroom floor. It took him back to that night in Ezra's kitchen where he looked into those eyes for the first time and knew that he very well might fall in love with this girl.

Liam wondered what she would do if he held her closer and simply whispered all the things he felt about her right here. If it was wrong of him to hope that she might melt into his embrace and stay there all evening like it was where she belonged.

He reminded himself over and over again that his parents could be watching him and he therefore most definitely could not lean in and learn if that champagne tasted the same way on her lips as it did on his. So instead he focused on the golden sun pendant that was resting just below her collarbone and how fitting he thought it was. He couldn't think of a more radiant being than the one right in front of him.

Their footsteps slowed to the lulling tempo of the music. When her eyes fell closed for a lingering moment and the impression of a smile painted itself on her lips, he couldn't keep himself from daring to believe that maybe she was as blithely content right now as he was.

"I know you're gonna be mad at me for saying this," he hummed. "But you're beautiful, Lils."

Her grip on his hand slackened as her eyes blinked wide open. His hopes plummeted from heaven all the way back down to earth as she let go of him and dropped her hands to smooth out the fabric of her dress despite there not being a single thread out of place.

"I'm-" she breathed. "I'm gonna step outside for a minute."

"Wait-"

She darted off into the throng of people before he could fully react. Liam followed her after a stunned second of hesitation, his bliss now completely shattered by the panic that started rising in him at the thought of him screwing up so badly that yet another person in his life decided they didn't want him anymore. Please not Lils. She was too precious to him.

He wove his way to the edge of the crowd just in time to spot her waterfall of dark hair disappear as she slipped out onto the terrace. He rushed over as quickly as he could without drawing too much attention to himself, his hand reaching behind him to close the door as quietly as possible after he stepped outside.

There wasn't a single star to be seen in the sky. The once lovely portrait of oranges, yellows, and purples had already collapsed like a black hole into an empty void. The only stain of its beauty left behind was a smear of bloody crimson at the horizon line, the color as distraught as the girl in the front of him.

He was startled by how rapidly she deteriorated, now staring at the ground and anxiously wringing her hands as she paced back and forth with her frenzied thoughts.

"You can't say stuff like that," she said sharply, the sudden animosity her voice grating along his heartstrings like a razor.

"Why-"

"Because you're going to make me doing something freaking stupid like fall in love with you!"

Her eyes were glossy when she glared at him, like she was about to cry. Had calling her beautiful really done that to her? It made him want to close the distance between them and hug her and promise her that it was going to be okay regardless of the fact that he didn't understand why it upset her so much. But one word rang in his head like the harsh crack of a bell and kept his feet grounded where they were. Stupid.

He almost stormed off to be alone with his anger, but it was his total lack of understanding that kept him there. She was allowed to not reciprocate his feelings. As much as that hurt him, the last thing he wanted to do was damage her soul by pressuring her and trying to mold it into something it wasn't.

But the details never aligned. He could still feel her kiss on his cheek from a couple of weeks ago and couldn't comprehend why Henry would have put her in the crossfire like that and advised Liam to ask her out if she truly disliked him so. There was some piece he was missing and he didn't think he could go another day without hearing her tell him her feelings – whatever they were – out loud, so his voice came out in a desperate sigh.

"Would that really be such a terrible thing to you?"

"It could be," she said shortly.

With those three little words, the calamity of what he had done crashed over him like fire and singed his eyes with tears as he was faced with the prospect that the happiest chapter of his life was quite possibly burning to the ground. He never should have let himself fall for her. He never deserved it.

But she'd made him feel like he did.

"Then why did you come this far, Lily?" his voice trembled. "Please just talk to me."

He must have looked as upset as he felt because he saw her start to reach towards him as if she wanted to put a comforting hand on his arm, but she stopped herself. "I didn't mean- Not because of you. It's me. I'm crazy."

Crazy? The word sent his thoughts tumbling back into that pit he was stuck in back when he was with Caroline. The nights he spent staring up at his ceiling and wondering if he was insane because no one else seemed to have a problem with what she was doing to him. He had thought he was crazy, too.

Liam's distress winnowed away into empathy. He came over and tried to put his hands on the sides of her shoulders, but she resisted him.

"I know crazy, Lils," he tried to explain himself, softly shaking his head. "And I know you well enough to know that you're not."

"You don't know..." she whispered. When he met her eyes, he found them brimming with tears.

"Then tell me." He carefully raised a hand to brush her tears away. "I want to understand."

She took a step back from him as if ashamed. "Fine."

He could tell that she tried to say it flatly, but her voice wobbled with trepidation like she was genuinely scared of him knowing whatever she was about to say.

"I have this fun little thing no one's ever heard of called schizoaffective disorder," she began numbly. "And I'm such a mess, Liam, I-" She faltered and took a deep breath. "I see and hear things that aren't real. I get manic and then depressed. I get up in the mornings and take a bunch of meds just so I can get through the day sort of like a normal human being."

He opened his mouth to tell her that it was okay, that he wanted her as she was, but she kept talking and pleaded with her eyes for him to not interrupt.

"There was this guy in high school, Jacob. He was the only person I've dated since I..." She stopped to wipe at her own tears, her voice coming out in shakier breaths as she tried to tell her story even though it was making her cry. "He couldn't handle it and I just- I don't know if anyone can. I barely can. You're perfect and it's going to break me if you break my heart like that so I can't let you, Liam, I can't. I'm so sorry."

She tore away from his gaze. "I can get a ride home," she mumbled sadly and tried to walk off, but he frantically reached for her hand.

"Lily, wait-"

She looked at him like he had five seconds to say whatever he was going to. He wished he could convince her that she wasn't crazy, but he knew he wouldn't be able to. Not yet.

So he did what he could. He took her hand in his and guided her fingers under the cuff of his sleeve that thin raised line on his wrist.

"You wanted to know how I got this," he told her quietly. "I'm guessing you probably heard some stuff." An uncomfortable knot formed in his throat like it always did when he attempted to talk about this out loud, but he shoved it down. "It was a piece of glass. She, um, she threw a bottle."

Lily's eyes widened. He kept talking. "I haven't been the same since then," he admitted, almost relieved to do it if it could help her feel a little less alone. "I get anxious and I have panic attacks and I get paranoid that other people are gonna hurt me. I...I don't understand everything you're talking about. I don't wanna pretend I do. But I know what it feels like to feel trapped by your own mind."

"Oh," Lily sniffled.

Liam had no way of knowing exactly what was going through her head or if she needed time to process everything he just said. But he knew exactly how he felt. He had spent weeks going over what to say with her once he got the chance and nothing she said tonight diminished how spectacular he thought she was.

"Lily," he told her softly, lifting his thumb back to her cheek to gently stroke it. "I promise I'll never let that get in my way if you just give me a chance."

She hurriedly shook her head. "Please don't say that," she said meekly. "That's an impossible promise."

"I know what I'm getting myself into-"

"No, you don't-"

"And I'm saying it's okay, Lils," he murmured. "I promise. It's okay."

He could still hear the muted sounds of the party inside. People laughing. Fingers tinkering on piano keys. Maybe he should have wanted to be back in there where the air carried with it the scent of perfume and champagne and giddiness, but he didn't need it. He was going to be the happiest person in the world if he could just begin to convince Lily of how much he believed in her. In them.

She hesitated, her eyes scanning his for answers that he hoped she was finding. He could be patient, but his breathing was unsteady as they looked into each other. Even when tear-stained, her face was one of the loveliest sights in the world.

"You can have a chance if you really want it," she decided. His heart started to sing. "But if you're gonna let me down, please just do it gently."

"I'm not gonna let you down."

"I really hope you're right."

It was perhaps one of the most ironic moments of his life. Liam had been waiting to make a move for two months but when the moment came, Lily abruptly kissed him before he got the chance.

It took him by surprise for only half a second before his hands found their way to her back, his fingers running along the bare skin as she draped arms around his neck. It was a desperate kiss, their lips continually finding each other again and again between shallow breaths as they were intoxicated by the sweet release of finally being together after wanting each other for so long. But it was undeniably worth the wait, their lips melding together perfectly like they were never meant to know any besides each other's.

Their breathing was much heavier by the time they let it end. "You, um...wow," Liam said stupidly, totally flustered.

Lily stifled a giggle and buried her face in the front of his shoulder like she was embarrassed, reminding him of earlier in the night when he dreamt of her doing just that. He gingerly rubbed her back and soaked in this feeling as much as he could.

"Were you, um...did you actually want to go home?" he asked reluctantly.

Lily silently pondered this for a moment and then simply removed one of his hands from her back so that she could intertwine her fingers with his. When she looked back up to his eyes, the excited sparkle had returned to hers.

"I'd still like to dance," she proposed softly.

He could barely hear the muffled sound of the piano from here. "Do you wanna go back in?"

She opened her mouth as if to say something but then quickly clamped her jaw firmly shut, the corners of her mouth threatening to turn up into a smile.

He felt himself start to grin. "What?"

"I was about to say something ridiculous."

"I like ridiculous."

She shook her head like she was exasperated with herself. "I just-" Another tiny laugh escaped her and although the lighting out here was dim, he still caught the tinge of pink that fluttered to her cheeks. "Your parents are in there."

It took his dense brain a second to understand what that meant. Ah. He leaned in again to plant another fleeting kiss on her lips. "Good point."

"You must think I'm kinda cute or something," she mumbled.

He felt his chest vibrate with quiet laughter. "Lils?"

"Mhmm?"

"You're kinda cute."

She snuggled into the crook of his neck. "You're kinda cute, too."

So tonight was not the end of them after all, but only the beginning.

And what a beautiful beginning it was. He pressed a kiss to her forehead as they slowly started to move to the tune of the music once again and it didn't take long for them to sink back into their own little galaxy where nothing else could bother them. They stayed there and danced until the rest of the world around them had dissolved into stardust and all that was left of it was him and her, gently swaying to their own song of sweet kisses and moonlight.