march 2018 : 2 years and 6 months ago

Lily pulled out her phone as inconspicuously as possible and opened her group chat with Katie and Izzy.

L: SOS

K: ?

L: IM IN HIS CAR

L: GOING TO HIS HOUSE

L: HELP

K: what???

I: GIRL HOW

I: WHY

L: FOR THIS STUPID PROJECT I'LL EXPLAIN LATER

She clicked the lock button and set her phone down in her lap, scared that if she sat there rapid-fire typing for too long she ran the risk of him glancing over at her from his spot behind the wheel and realizing that she was messaging her friends about him.

She had perhaps always been more nervous around her crushes than was normal, but Lily never fully grasped how much Ben and Jacob had messed with her psyche until now. Liam wasn't even making her talk and she still felt like she might throw up.

You are not going to throw up in this very expensive-looking car. You are not going to throw up in this very expensive-looking car.

She kept her gaze directed down on her lap, focused on quietly breathing in and out, and reminded herself that there was no reason to be anxious. No boy deserved to take this much of her emotional stability.

She didn't notice that they had stopped or that he was looking at her until she heard, "Are you okay?"

She yanked her attention back to him. "Yeah," she lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Nothing..." He actually looked concerned, which made her feel a little bit guilty but mostly embarrassed. "You just...We're here."

Oh. They were, in fact, parked in a driveway.

She opened her door and climbed out of the car so that she didn't have to find a way to explain herself. The rush of cool air that hit her face cleared her mind for a moment like her brain was simply a computer that needed rebooting, but she blanked again when she saw the house in front of her. To call it a mansion would be a slight over-exaggeration, but only slightly. Her own house was big and this made it look tiny.

Liam was wearing a confusing expression when she glanced back towards him. It was neutral for the most part, but she sensed some underlying apprehension there as though he anticipated some sort of negative reaction out of her.

"Are you okay?" she questioned.

He let the trace of a smile form on his lips, dropping whatever his weird mood was. Or at least pretending to.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he repeated her, not unkindly, and nodded his head towards the front door. "Come on, I'll show you around."

He unlocked the door and let her step inside ahead of him. The kitchen was immediately on the right when you came into the foyer. Lily noticed that although the inside of the house was as big and fancy as she expected from the exterior, it still had cozy touches that made it feel homely, like a little succulent on the windowsill over the sink and a flickering candle sitting on the counter. She wasn't sure who would have lit it - she didn't see anyone else around - but it filled the room with a clean scent.

She had no intention of lingering in one place for longer than was polite before letting him show her wherever these music books were, but her mouth hung open a little when she looked out the window behind the sink. "Woah."

Having anticipated the typical neatly-groomed suburban backyard, she was startled to see it filled with more types of plants and trees than she could count. She turned to Liam, hoping she wasn't being nosy but really wanting to go look. "Can I- Can we..."

He nodded, silently giving her permission to open the back door. She did, once again greeted by the breeze and feeling as though she was stepping into a different world as she crossed the back threshold. Okay, so maybe that was extremely dramatic. But the garden was lovely, somehow flourishing in bright summer shades of green even though it was still March.

She took another glimpse at Liam. His hesitance had returned and she still couldn't figure out the reason for it. But after her eyes lingered on him for a second too long, it finally clicked in her mind that he must have been self-conscious about all of his stuff. She didn't know why. If it were her, she would have been showing it off.

"It's..." he started sheepishly.

"It's beautiful," she assured him and then immediately questioned if it sounded weird. She was only trying to make him feel better, but she really needed to learn how not to carry a normal conversation with him and not overthink every single thing she said if she was gonna survive this project. "Really. It's great."

He looked almost relieved, but before he could actually respond to her they were interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the grass. A woman emerged from around one side of the house with a bag of mulch under her arm. His mom? No, probably not. They didn't look related. But she was around the right age, with gray starting to come in at the roots of her curly brown hair that was pulled back in a ponytail.

Curiosity flickered across her expression when she saw Lily, but it didn't feel judgmental. Whoever she was, she gave off a sort of motherly kindness. From the way she regarded Liam, Lily would have wagered that the two of them had known each other for a long time.

"You should have told me you were bringing a friend over," the woman told him, letting the bag of mulch plop to the ground by her feet. Lily's stomach did a weird flop on the word friend. "I could have made snacks or coffee."

"Sorry, change of plans," Liam explained tightly. "We have a school thing." Lily guessed his wording was meant to point as subtly as possible to the disappointing reality that they were not, in fact, friends. Or more than friends. Shut up brain. "Jo, this is Lily."

She didn't know that there was anything particularly interesting about her name - she honestly thought it was kind of boring - but she saw something of an amused twinkle in Jo's eye when Liam introduced her.

"Lily, huh," Jo mused, her eyes drifting to Liam and then back to her. "We'll have to show you our lilies sometime. They're his favorites."

Lily didn't know why that made her blush, but it did. Liam quickly stared down at the ground and sort of looked like he wanted to die.

"I, um, yeah. I'd like that," she said stupidly. Jesus Christ. She wasn't helping anything.

Jo seemed to be holding back a smile, like she could plainly see that Lily had a crush on him and was trying to present an excuse for him to invite her back over. She felt her cheeks turn even rosier.

"I'll let you guys get your work done," Jo said, picking the bag of mulch back up. "But Lily, I'm happy to show you around sometime if you ever want to see everything."

"Thanks," she squeaked.

Jo faintly hummed something to herself as she walked off. And then there were two. The awkward teenagers, standing a few feet apart and not quite knowing what to do with themselves. Or each other.

"Is that true?" Lily quietly asked, letting her eyes flicker up off the grass under her feet and back over to him.

"I mean, yeah..." he faltered.

He likes lilies. That's sweet. She didn't know why that of all things was what got her heart thumping, but it was a cute coincidence. Yet the poor guy didn't need any more pressure on him right now and Lily certainly didn't need any more awkwardness, so she did her best to hide the fact that this information made her happy.

"I'm more of a sunflower person myself," she admitted. So much for no more awkwardness.

He gave her a charming little half-smile when he caught her looking at him. He must not have noticed what he was doing. There was no way he would look at her like that on purpose. Right? Right. But his eyes were still thoughtfully observing her. For the first time this afternoon, the two of them weren't glancing away from each other the second they accidentally caught each other's eye.

His voice was a soft, low hum. "I'll have to keep that in mind."

I'll have to keep that in mind???

Lily opened her mouth like she meant to say something but no words came out. Fortunately and unfortunately, Liam seemed to realize what he said at the same time she did and he abruptly ended whatever this not-really-a-moment-but-kind-of-a-moment was. "We, um. The books. They're upstairs."

"Right. The books." The freaking books. The whole reason they were here.

No more distractions, she scolded herself as she silently followed him back inside and upstairs. This paper isn't going to write itself.

He opened a door on the second floor. Even though she just told herself not to get distracted, Lily hesitated in the doorway as she took it all in.

It made a lot more sense now why he would have random books on jazz; there were probably books on just about everything in here. All of the walls were lined with shelves and all of the shelves were packed with books. The lazy glow of the evening sun seeped through the windows, inviting her in and casting a warm hue on what was clearly the centerpiece of the room: a piano.

Lily wasn't much of an instrument person. She knew nothing about pianos. She couldn't have told you what any of the nice brands were, what characteristics differentiated a good one from a bad one. But there was something undeniably satisfying about the glossy black surface juxtaposed against the ivory keys.

She walked over to examine it. It must have been very well taken care of because it looked pristine, almost like it had never been used. She instinctively reached out to touch it, wondering if it would feel as smooth under her fingertips as it looked, but stopped herself and retracted her hand. People didn't like other people touching their expensive stuff.

"It's nice. Is it yours?" Lily asked but instantly shook her head. "That was dumb. You're in Izzy's music thingy. What do you guys do in there, anyway?"

Liam's footsteps barely made any sound against the wooden floor as he came and joined her by the piano, sitting down on the bench. "Would it surprise you if I said play music?"

"Very funny," she mumbled. With his shyness starting to melt away, he was beginning to sound more like he did on Friday night. "What do you like to play?"

He raised his eyebrows slightly. "What do you want to hear?"

Her heart thumped a little faster, but she swiftly veered towards logic to stop herself from thinking about her messy emotions. "How am I supposed to know what you know?"

"You don't. But try me."

That sounded like a challenge. And Lily liked winning. But what would he definitely not know? Her mind briefly scrambled for answers before landing on the obvious one. When in doubt, turn to the queen.

"Taylor Swift," she decided, feeling quite smug for a second.

But a second was all she got. An unexpected grin formed on Liam's lips and he started playing something without hesitation. Lily was so caught off guard that she didn't immediately realize what it was and then couldn't stop the surprised laugh that came out of her once she did. "Oh my God. Is that-"

"Do I hear Shake It Off?!" Jo's voice called excitedly from somewhere nearby.

She arrived at lightning speed and poked her head in the doorway, looking back and forth once between Lily and Liam. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Told you so."

Lily didn't know what that was supposed to mean. It must have been some sort of inside joke because Liam stopped playing and rolled his eyes at Jo, but Lily swore she saw the faintest pink tint appear on his cheeks.

"I'm heading out," Jo added. It was obviously mostly directed at Liam, but she gave Lily another kind smile. "It was nice to meet you, Lily."

"You, too."

She disappeared, leaving Liam and Lily alone once again. His eyes were on her, expectant. She tried not to melt under his gaze, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult.

He was attractive and would play Taylor Swift songs for her? She was done for.

"Okay, you win," she conceded.

An almost smug look danced in his eyes and he raised his eyebrows. "What's my prize?"

What is up with him?! It took every last ounce of her willpower to hold back the squeaking noise that almost came out of her. Think! Breathe! Do anything other than gape at him like a dead fish!

She crossed her arms. "It's not gonna be an A on this paper if we don't get going," she huffed, her cheeks burning. Please don't notice. "Where are these books?"

She thought she saw his chest vibrate with the tiniest chuckle as he stood up and walked over to one of the shelves in the corner, next to a pair of leather chairs. She grudgingly followed. I'll take nervous Liam back, please, she thought. I don't know how to handle this one.

Katie and Izzy were going to lose their minds when they heard about this.

He pulled five or six different books off the shelf, passing Lily half of them. She sat down in a chair and set the books on the side table next to her, glad to finally be starting their project and ready to get this part over with. It had only been a little over an hour since she met him outside the library, but even in that short amount of time she felt like she had gone on an emotional rollercoaster.

If only she hadn't slept so poorly last night. She didn't notice how tired she had been this whole time until she grabbed the top book off of her stack and started skimming the first pages. It didn't help that half of her brain cells were still occupied by him. He sat in the other chair, only speaking up when he found something he thought they should include in their paper.

This sucked. She didn't want to talk to him about jazz music. She wanted to ask what he was getting at, why he was behaving how he was. He didn't like her, right? No, she needed to stop thinking like that. She barely even knew him. The sporadic one-off comments didn't necessarily point to genuine interest in her. But he said he'd keep in mind that she liked sunflowers. She imagined a knock on her and Katie's door, her hopping out of bed to find him there with flowers...

Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. Meddling with flirty boys was a one-way street to disappointment and best and heartbreak at worst. She wouldn't. She couldn't. But Liam seemed like more than that. He seemed sweet. He had asked in the car if she was okay, like he cared. Ugh.

Skimming the important-looking chapters of a few books and jotting down broad bullet points in the notes app on her phone should not have felt like too much to handle. But whenever she was really tired and still required to be productive, Lily got grumpy. Irritable. Easily upset. Dramatic. So one minute started to feel like ten. Getting through one paragraph seemed as daunting as a whole chapter. Forget offering Liam any useful commentary; it was taking her two passes just to barely process what she was reading.

She was genuinely trying to be helpful; it just wasn't working very well. But she was going to be a little humiliated if he got way more done than she did in the same amount of time, so she grabbed the blanket draped over the back of her chair and stretched out on the floor to make herself more comfortable. Liam didn't appear to care or even really notice. Unlike her, he was actually concentrating on his book.

A long period of silence - or maybe it just felt long - passed during which she didn't look over at him at all. She was on her last book and was determined to stay focused. But when she had been staring back and forth between her pages and the phone screen long enough that her eyelids became heavy and it was difficult to focus her vision, she knew she was going to have to cave in and step back for at least a few minutes.

"Can we take a break?" she asked shyly. They had been quiet for so long that the sound of her own voice was jarring.

She turned her head to see him and noticed that he was beginning to look a little weary, too. He closed the book he was holding and put it back on the stack with the others.

"Five minutes," he slowly nodded, rubbing his eyes and letting out a small sigh like he was just as tired of this as she was. "Then we should get back to it. We're almost done."

"Five minutes," she agreed.

Lily stirred, gradually coming to her senses. The wooden floor was cool against her cheek. She could still feel her phone at her side where she had left it a minute ago. But why was it so dark all of the sudden? The room was nearly pitch black. She could barely make out the shape of the book a few feet away from her, still open.

Her heart dropped to her stomach. If it was dark outside, that meant-

She grabbed her phone and pressed the lock button. The intense burst of light forced her to squint as she peered at the screen. Oh my God.

How could she possibly be idiotic enough to screw up this badly? How were they idiotic enough? The last thing she remembered was Liam's voice mumbling from over in the corner that they could extend their five-minute break to ten.

It was now 11:01 p.m.

Her lock screen was flooded with several missed calls and messages from Katie.

8:35 p.m: hey do you know when youll be back

9:00 p.m: yes no maybe

9:28 p.m: lmk as soon as you can

9:47 p.m: everything ok? you always answer your phone

10:00 p.m: if your phone died i swear-

10:11 p.m: ok youre starting to freak me out

10:23 p.m: oh my god he better not be an axe murderer

10:33 p.m: girl you have 30 mins before i panic text henry

Lily frantically formed a reply as fast as she could and hit send.

L: OH MY GOD IM SORY IM ALIVE DONT TEXZT HENR I FELL ASLEEEP

Three dots immediately appeared, indicating that Katie was typing something back.

K: LILY HOW?????

K: H O W

K: GET BACK HERE

L: I WILL I GOTTA WAKE HIM UP

She had yet to actually look at him, but the fact that she fell asleep and stayed that way for freaking hours meant that Liam must have, too. She sat up, now wide awake. A dim light from outside - a streetlamp, probably - trickled in through the window and offered just enough illumination for her to see him. He was somehow still upright in his chair, only his head slumped. He was mostly just a silhouette, but the beam of light peeking in between the curtains landed on his face and accentuated the planes of his cheekbones, his nose, his closed eyes. He was like a marble statue, composed only of sharp dark shadows and smooth silky whites. And he was nearly as still as a statue, too, his shoulders barely rising and falling with his breaths.

"Liam?" she whispered, scared to raise her voice too much lest anyone else be home and hear her.

No response.

"Liam?" she tried again, this time hesitantly nudging him with her foot.

He suddenly straightened in his seat, lifting his chin. "Lily?" The slight hoarseness in his voice from having just woken up sent an unwanted shiver down her arms. "Did we-" He did the same thing she did: reach for his phone to confirm the worst. "We fell asleep."

"I noticed that, Sherlock, but thank you."

He muttered something Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would very much not approve of under his breath and stood up. "I'll drive you back."

"Oh no, I was definitely planning on walking home. I just woke you up to tell you how much I enjoyed my nap on your floor."

Liam was unamused, letting out a frustrated breath as he strode past her to the door. She scrambled to her feet and followed him.

"Is anyone else here?" she hissed.

"I don't know."

"How helpful."

"If we're gonna argue about this, can it at least wait until we're in the car?!"

Lily inwardly recoiled when he snapped at her even though she wasn't being any better than he was. She wasn't even mad at him. She was mad at herself. She swallowed a lump in her throat. "I'm sorry. Let's just go."

He cracked the door and put a finger to his lips as if it wasn't already obvious that they needed to be quiet. They slipped into the hallway, but it was just as dark out there as it was in the study. Liam might have known his way around here in the dark, but Lily certainly didn't. She didn't want to do something dumb like trip on the stairs and blow their cover, but too worried to raise her voice at all and point this problem out, she had no choice but to reach out for his arm so she could feel where he was going. He seemed to realize what the problem was and didn't shake her off.

Good thing he can't see you blushing in the dark.

She grimaced with every creak of a floorboard or tiny echo of their footsteps. They were being so loud. No we're not. You're just nervous.

He came to an abrupt stop at the bottom of the stairs, nearly causing her to stumble into him.

There was a light coming from the kitchen.

"Liam?" a woman's voice called softly. "Is that you?"

There wasn't time to hide. She stepped into the hallway and turned the light on, confusion quickly making its way onto her face as she was greeted by the sight of her son with some random girl clinging to his arm.

Lily let go of him. Just end me now.

"Oh, who's this?" his mom asked.

She was remarkably pretty even in her current ensemble of a tee shirt, pajama pants, and a fuzzy robe. She had long brown hair and eyes much like Liam's. A trace of steam rose from a mug of tea in her hand; that must have been what she was in the kitchen for.

"A classmate," he said more calmly than Lily expected him to considering the current situation. "We were working on a paper. I'm driving her home and then I'll be right back."

His mother clearly wasn't buying that excuse, but simply pursed her lips and didn't comment on it for the moment. She was probably too polite to contradict him with Lily right there. "Okay. Be safe."

He made a beeline to the front door without another word to his mom and Lily didn't hesitate to follow suit.

Both of them were silent as Liam pulled his keys out and unlocked the car, but they started trying to speak at the same time once they were in their seats.

"I'm sorry-" they both blurted.

Great. This isn't cringey enough already.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," she mumbled, fiddling with her fingers and not looking up at him. "I should have asked to leave earlier. I just...I was trying to be helpful but I didn't sleep well last night."

A small sigh left his lips, but he didn't sound irritated with her anymore. "Me either. It's okay."

Lily relaxed slightly in her seat, relieved. The engine purred to life and Liam pulled them out of the driveway.

"I'll explain it all to her tomorrow," he added. "It'll be fine."

Lily felt like she was the more guilty party in this situation, so she was surprised to hear a twinge of regret in his voice. She glanced back over at him, but she couldn't see his face well now that they were back in the dark. "What is it?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. It's just that...well, I don't really know when my parents are ever gonna be home. I didn't mean to snap at you when you asked. I just really didn't have an answer for you."

Her heart sank. She shouldn't have assumed that his life was as tidy as the fancy house would have it look.

"I shouldn't have been rude in the first place," she told him quietly. "I wasn't even annoyed with you. I was annoyed with myself for letting it happen. It's not your fault."

"It's not yours, either."

They settled back into silence after that. Lily texted Katie that she was on her way back, watched out her window at the passing streaks of light, and listened to the gentle hum of the car. She rubbed her arms. She would have worn a warmer shirt if she had known she would be staying out so late.

"You cold?" his voice asked softly from her left. Goosebumps formed on her skin that were entirely unrelated to the temperature, but she nodded. He reached over and turned the temperature dial more towards warm.

After another quiet minute, she heard him laugh to himself. "What?" she asked.

"I guess it is a little funny," he admitted.

Her lips curved up into a smile. Now that she was on her way home and they had cleared the air between them, she could giggle at how ridiculous the whole situation was. "Yeah, it is."

When he pulled the car into the drop-off loop in front of the dorm, she almost didn't want to get out. You already spent way more time with him than you bargained for.

"Thanks," she muttered as she got out of the car. But something suddenly occurred to her before she could close the door.

"We didn't finish the research..."

Liam gave a small shrug like he couldn't be bothered to care at this point. "We were almost done. I got it," he assured her. "It's fine."

"Oh, um...thanks." Lily brushed her hair behind her ear. "I'll make it up to you."

That didn't sound weird or anything. Earth to Lily. Stop. Talking.

"I mean, I'll, um, see you in the morning. In class. Goodnight. I mean, bye. Thanks for the ride."

"Goodnight."

Cold air nipped at her cheeks as she hurried up the front steps of the dorm, but she felt surprisingly warm.

Liam should have been annoyed with her for everything. For not telling him she was too tired to keep working, for falling asleep, for the fact that he now needed to explain to his mom that they definitely weren't a thing, for needing to be driven home so late. She was annoyed with herself.

But in that moment when he said goodnight and she closed the car door, she caught one last glance at him through the window.

And he wasn't looking at her like she was annoying at all. 

____________________

Much tension. Much awkwardness. Much cringe. But also some cuteness? Let me know your thoughts or any predictions you have <3

Thank you all so much for getting this story to 1k reads! :D