Mona was momentarily horrified. Although may understanding na sila ni Baste, pati ang Ninang Sally at ang mga magulang niya, they don't talk about marriage openly. Siguro dahil sa utak nila pareho, they're each other's fail safe. May ilang taon pa naman bago sila mag-kwarenta.

"So, sino ang maid-of-honor mo, Beh?" tanong niya kay Fresia, para maiba ang usapan.

"Well, you know I love you all," nakangiti nitong sabi sa kanilang magkakaibigan, "But I was hoping that you'd do me the honor of being my maid-of-honor."

Of course she'd say yes. She was already hoping to be Fresia's maid-of-honor. Tapos, si Brandi ang sa kanya. She's still not sure who Aika would pick. At syempre, walang maid-of-honor si Brandi dahil hindi naman ito ikakasal.

She reached out and squeezed Fresia's hand. "It would be my honor."

Pasalamat na lamang siya sa hormones ng buntis dahil nang umiyak ito, panandaliang nawala ang atensyon ng mga kasama kay Baste. For the rest of the night, they talked about the details of the wedding. Fresia already had most of the details figured out. Syempre pa, siya ang gagawa ng cake. Fresia already designed her bridal gown at nagawa na iyon ayon sa dating sukat ng katawan nito. But she might make some adjustments because she's gotten a lot bigger because of her pregnancy.

Kasama sa bridesmaids sina Aika at Brandi at groomsmen sina Richard at Mickey. At the mention of Richard's name, Bullet's scowl became evident. Pero alam niyang wala nang magawa ito dahil gusto ni Fresia na isama sa entourage si Richard.

"Sino'ng best man mo?" tanong niya kay Bullet.

The couple suddenly looked uneasy. "Hindi pa finalized 'yong best man," sagot ni Bullet.

That only means one thing: may posibilidad na pupunta ng kasal si Felix.

--

When everyone already left and Mona's parents already said goodnight and headed upstairs, sila na lamang ni Baste ang naiwan. Ipinilit ng mga magulang niya na doon na matulog si Baste. So, she made the couch comfortable for him.

Bago sila matulog, nagtimpla muna silang dalawa ng gatas at saka pinag-usapan ang naganap kanina. They sat down opposite each other on the kitchen island.

"Sorry kanina, ha," sabi niya rito.

"What are you sorry for?"

She took a sip of her milk. "Sa pagpi-pressure nila. Naiinggit kasi 'yong mga 'yon kasi ikakasal na si Fresia," paliwanag niya.

Baste nodded.

"Pero 'wag kang ma-pressure. We have our own timeline naman."

"Do you want to?"

She frowned at the question. "Huh?"

"Do you want to get married?"

Napahigpit ang kapit niya sa baso. "Oo naman. Of course, I want to get married."

"I mean soon. To me."

She almost dropped the mug at the question. Bakit bigla-bigla naman yata itong nagtanong? Tinamaan ng pressure?

"Why are you asking? Do you want to get married soon?" pabalik niyang tanong.

Nagkibit-balikat ito. "Okay lang."

"Beh, para ka lang nag-aayang mamasyal nyan. Kasal 'yon. Wala nang atrasan 'yon once mag-start na ng process. You know my parents. They value family and marriage. Kapag ikinasal na tayo, 'yon na 'yon."

"Alam ko."

"Alam mo naman pala, so why do you ask me about marriage so casually?"

He put his milk down and gave her an inquiring look. "Bakit? Paano ba dapat?"

Nang hindi siya sumagot ay nagtanong itong muli. "Do you want a grand proposal? With your family and friends? Do I need to buy you a ring?"

She held up her hands to stop him from talking.

"If you're just marrying me because it's convenient, then don't."

"But we have a deal, remember?"

Sumimangot siya. Akala niya ay magiging madali lamang sa kanya ang magpakasal kay Baste, for convenience, but him asking her about it saddened her. Gusto pa rin niyang ikasal dahil mahal niya ang taong pakakasalan niya.

"Six years pa naman."

"Seryoso ka bang maghihintay ka pa ng six years?"

"Ayaw mo no'n. May time ka pa na makawala sa 'kin," biro niya. "But kidding aside, I want us both to be sure that we both want to get married to each other. Baka sa loob ng ilang taon kasi, may makita pa tayong taong talagang para sa 'tin. Last resort na lang natin ang isa't isa."

Baste looked at her intently. Sa sobrang intense ng tingin nito, napalunok siya, biglang nakaramdam ng guilt. Na para bang may kasalanan siyang hindi niya alam kung ano.

"You're still waiting for him, aren't you?"

--

How can a heart forget when it is constantly reminded of the past? How can someone heal with time when the clock stopped turning the moment he said goodbye? For Mona, living without Felix is like living in another world. There is a sense of being an outsider to her own life. Na parang hindi iyon ang buhay para sa kanya.

Baste's assumption was correct. She's still waiting for him. But at the same time, ayaw na niya itong makita pa kahit kailan. She knew that her happiness was with him, but she also knew that with that happiness comes pain. Ayaw na niyang masaktan. But how can she be truly happy without a little pain?

Fresia assured her that Felix won't be coming to the wedding. Kahit ito pa ang naging daan para magkakilala sina Bullet at Fresia, ayaw ng kaibigan niya na makita ito sa kasal nito. Sa isip ni Fresia, masasaktan siya kapag nakita niya si Felix.

It's like everyone around her expects her to still be hurting. It's like nobody believed that she's already moved on.

At dahil sa kawalan ng tiwala ng mga ito sa kakayahan niyang mag-move on, pati tuloy siya ay naghihinala na rin sa sariling kakayahan.

"I-invite mo na sya, Beh," sabi niya sa kaibigan nang mag-cake tasting ito kasama si Bullet. "I don't mind."

Fresia's forehead creased with worry. "Sure ka ba dyan? I mean, we can exclude him from the wedding. Ayaw ko rin naman syang makita do'n."

Tumingin siya kay Bullet, na mukhang naasiwa sa tinuran ng fianceé nito. "But you want him to be there, am I right?"

Tumango ito. Saka tiningnan si Fresia na salubong na salubong ang mga kilay. "He's my best friend. Of course, I want him there. Saka kung hindi dahil sa kanya, baka wala tayo dito ngayon."

"Akala ko ba napagkasunduan na natin 'to?" may inis na tanong ni Fresia.

"I don't remember agreeing to anything," he retorted. "And besides, it's been almost a year. Siguro naman naka-move on na si Mona."

"Oo naman!" singit niya. "Matagal na 'kong naka-move on, 'no!" Fresia was still skeptic. So, she added, "And besides, it was nothing serious. Laro-laro lang naman 'yong sa 'min."

--

Siya ang katu-katulong ni Fresia sa pagpaplano ng kasal nito. Bukod sa maid-of-honor siya, gusto rin niyang maranasang magplano ng kasal. Hindi niya sigurado kung magagawa niya iyon sa sarili niyang kasal. If she would end up marrying Baste, ayaw niya ng magarbong kasal. Kwarenta naman na siya. Ayos na 'yong civil wedding. Masabi lang na ikinasal siya.

The planning was momentarily put on hold when Fresia gave birth. Ilang araw rin silang nagpabalik-balik sa bahay nito para matingnan ang inaanak nila. Babae ang unang anak ng dalawa. The two decided to name the baby Fiona Isabelle, in honor of Fresia's sister.

Dinadalaw niya si Fresia para bigyan ng pagkain at tulungan ang mga ito sa pagluluto. Bullet already took a leave from work. Kaagaw ito ni Fresia sa pag-aalaga sa bata. They can't seem to get enough of their first child.

"Hurry up and make another baby para tig-isa kayo ng aalagaan," she jokingly told them one day.

"Plano namin isa lang, e," sabi naman ni Bullet. To which Fresia looked at him disapprovingly and asked, "Kailan tayo nagplanong isa lang?"

"Ilan ba ang gusto mo?" tanong niya sa kaibigan.

"Lima."

Natawa siya sa sagot nito. "Sure ka dyan, Beh?"

"Well, no. Pero ayaw ko naman na isa o dalawa lang. Tatlo sana 'yong pinakang kaunti."

"At ano'ng maximum?" tanong naman ni Bullet.

"Syempre hanggang apat o lima lang. Sobra na 'yong anim."

She nodded in agreement. "Imagine if they all eat like her. Mamumulubi kayo."

"Speaking of food..." Hinaplos ni Fresia ang braso ni Bullet at buong lambing na nag-request, "Bili mo 'kong Cerelac."

Bullet frowned. "There's already plenty of baby food here."

Itinuro nito ang estante na puro box ng baby food. Ibang brand nga lang, hindi Cerelac.

"It's not for the baby. It's for me," Fresia told him.

Bullet sighed and handed the baby back to Fresia. Saka ito humalik sa mag-ina at nagpaalam sa kanya bago umalis. Ngiting-ngiti si Fresia sa kanya nang makaalis si Bullet.

"You have him on a leash."

"Dapat lang. He got me pregnant."

"Para namang hindi ka nasarapan sa paggawa, Beh," natatawa niyang sabi.

Pinandilatan siya nito. "Gaga ka."

Her grin widened. "He's going to be a great husband and an even greater dad."

"I know." Umupo ito sa couch at inayos ang maayos nang damit ng anak. "And he's also a great friend."

Pinaupo siya nito sa tabi nito.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Kung ako lang ang masusunod, I won't let Felix anywhere near my wedding. But you know how close they are. They're practically brothers."

"I told you. Okay lang naman na nandoon sya."

Tumingin ito sa kanya nang mataman. "Talaga ba?"

"Bakit ba ayaw nyong maniwala sa 'kin?"

Fresia placed her free hand on her hand and squeezed it. "It's not that we don't believe you, Mona. It's just that we know that you tend to keep your feelings to yourself. Bihira kang magsabi ng problema sa iba at mas gusto mong ikaw ang nakakatulong kesa tinutulungan. So hindi mo kami masisisi kung pinagdududahan ka namin. We don't know for sure if you're really okay or if you're just keeping the pain to yourself."

She placed her other hand on Fresia's hand and said reassuringly, "Beh, I'm really okay."

"Sure?"

She smiled and nodded.

"Final answer?"

Ngumiti siya. "Oo nga."

Bumuntong-hininga ito, mukhang hindi pa rin kumbinsido pero kailangang maniwala. "I guess we'll see Felix at the wedding."

--

Habang papalapit nang papalapit ang kasal, pawala naman nang pawala ang kumpyansa ni Mona sa sariling paninindigan. Sigurado naman siyang kakayanin niya kapag nandoon si Felix sa kasal, pero paano kapag nilapitan siya nito? Paano kapag sinubukan siya nitong kausapin? Kakayanin kaya niya?

She'll be with Baste, of course. Added protection na rin niya si Brandi na baka makita lamang na aligaga siya ay susugurin na ng suntok si Felix. But she doesn't want to make a scene. Hindi rin niya alam kung ano ang magiging mas malala: ang magkita sila ni Felix at umakto itong parang walang nangyari o ang magkita sila at ganoon pa rin ang nararamdaman nila para sa isa't isa.

Dahil na rin siguro kasama na si Felix sa kasal nina Fresia, pati ang mga magulang niya ay nag-aalangan na rin siyang papuntahin. They talked about it during Christmas. The mere mention of marriage brought her back to the time where she brought Felix to meet her family. They talked about a wedding then and he jokingly told her parents that the priest won't wed them because it's Christmas.

Now, it's Christmas again. Si Baste na ang kausap ng mga magulang niya tungkol sa kasal. But she told him to not give in to her parents. They should stick to their timeline because she's not ready to commit her life to him yet.

Tama naman kasi ang mga ito. May hinihintay pa siyang bumalik. Is it too late to hope?

--

A few days before the wedding was Valentine's Day. Iyon din ang araw ng pagbalik ni Felix sa Pilipinas. Mona knew about it because her thoughtful friends told her. It was a little unnerving for her, knowing that they're both standing on the same soil and breathing the same polluted air.

She was not alone on Valentine's Day, though. Nag-date sila ni Baste. He didn't make her feel alone, but she felt lonelier because of that. Siguro ay romantiko itong tao, hindi lang sa kanya. He tries to be sweet. He succeeds, sometimes. But most of the time, it felt unnatural of him.

After their dinner, si Brandi naman ang ka-date niya. As usual, may dala na naman itong isang bote ng alak. Uubusin daw nilang dalawa. Brandi could probably sense that she's lonely. At siguro, ramdam iyon ng kaibigan niya dahil malungkot din ito. Pareho silang nag-iisa sa isang araw na hindi dapat sila nag-iisa. But they have each other and they can be alone with each other.

"So, what's your plan? Next week na ang kasal." Sinalinan ni Brandi ang shot glass nila. Ibinigay nito ang isang shot glass sa kanya.

"Honestly, hindi ko pa alam," pag-amin niya. "Depende siguro sa kanya."

Brandi drank her shot and shook her head, wincing as the liquor trailed down her throat. Ipinagsalin niya ito ng kasunod na tagay.

"Alam mo naman sigurong hindi lang kayo sa ceremony magkikita, di ba?" tanong nito maya-maya. "He'll also be at the rehearsal dinner and at the reception."

Napangiwi siya. Syempre alam na niya iyon, but when Brandi voiced it out, she wanted to chicken out. Matagal na nga ang ceremony, paano pa kaya sa rehearsal dinner at reception? Paano kung kausapin siya nito? Kakayanin ba niya?

She was in deep thought that she didn't hear her phone ring. Kung hindi pa siya sisikuhin ni Brandi ay hindi niya mapapansin iyon. She frowned when she saw that the number was unknown. Pero dahil iniisip niyang baka importante iyon, sinagot na rin niya.

"Hello? Who's this?"

There was no answer, but she could hear a faint exhale.

"Sino po sila?"

Nang wala pa ring sumagot, tiningnan niya ang screen ng phone sa pag-aakalang naputol na ang tawag. It was still ongoing. She pressed the phone to her ear again and waited. Nang makalipas ang ilang segundo ay wala pa rin, napagdesisyunan niyang tapusin na ang tawag.

"Sino 'yon?" tanong ni Brandi.

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Hindi nagsasalita, e. Baka wrong number."

Kabababa pa lamang niya ng phone sa lamesa nang tumunog iyong muli. This time, it's a text message.

'Sorry I couldn't speak. It was nice to hear your voice again, Mona. See you at the wedding.'