Mona didn't even realize how badly she was shaking until they were already on the road. Kurap siya nang kurap, umaasang mapapatigil ang mga mata sa pagluha. Pero walang nangyayari. She was weeping silently while Brandi was driving.

"I told you not to go. Ang tigas kasi ng ulo mo, e," pangaral nito.

"A-At least, I got out alive, di ba?" pilit na biro niya.

She heard her sigh. "Barely."

Brandi let her cry while they're on the road. A part of her was regretting that she didn't let Felix speak. Gusto rin niyang malaman kung ano ang sasabihin nito. What if he wanted to apologize to her? Pero may parte rin ng pagkatao niya na ayaw nang makarinig ng isa pang pangako. Ayaw niyang makarinig ng isa pang 'sorry'. Ayaw niyang malaman na hanggang doon na lang talaga.

Mas mabuti nang hindi niya alam kesa naman madismaya siya sa sasabihin nito.

--

That weekend, pinilit niyang lumabas sina Baste at Brandi. She knew she made a promise to Fresia that she'd come by often, but she didn't want to think about it yet. Gusto muna niyang maglasing. Humanap ng lalaki. Makalimot sandali.

And that's exactly what she did. She wore the skimpiest outfit she could find in her closet. When the two Bs saw her, halos mapapalakpak si Brandi sa tuwa. Si Baste naman, kunot na kunot ang noo.

"Why are you dressed like that?" tanong nito.

"What?" She looked at her outift. "What's wrong?"

"Dapat ang binibili mong damit, 'yong hindi nagsi-shrink kapag nilabhan."

"Bagong-bago 'to," she told him, smiling. "Bagay ba?"

"You look bangin'!" Brandi commented. "Let's get you laid tonight!"

Baste grunted. "Can you not encourage her, please?"

"Why not? Matanda na sya. Let her enjoy her life."

"She can enjoy her life without getting STD."

She huffed. Hindi niya alam kung consarvative bang pinalaki ng Ninang niya itong si Baste o talagang rigid lang talaga itong tao. Kumapit siya sa tigkabilang braso ng dalawang kaibigan.

"Can you not argue, mga beh? Hindi pa nga tayo nakakaalis, sisirain nyo na kaagad ang gabi ko."

Hinila niya ang mga ito patungo sa kotse ni Baste. They're taking his car and leaving their cars in front of her house. So that means that one of them is not going to get drunk that night. Mukhang si Baste iyon.

--

The plan was to attract as many guys as possible, and then, take home the best looking one. Medyo feel na feel ni Mona na ang ganda-ganda niya nang gabing iyon dahil silang tatlo ang nilalapitan. Hindi lamang si Brandi. Hindi lamang si Baste. Kundi pati na rin siya. Pero si Baste na siguro ang nakakuha ng pinakamaraming offers, kasi magkahalong men at women ang market nito.

But she doesn't actually have the courage to take someone home yet, so she began filling her insides with alcohol. She related the bitter taste to her moving on experience. Sa una lamang naman mapait ang lasa ng alak. Once you've had enough, you wouldn't even mind the taste, just the heady experience. You will feel lighter. You will feel happier.

That's what moving on feels like. Sa una lang masakit, pero kapag nasanay ka nang wala 'yong tao, pasasaan ba't gagaan at gagaan din ang pakiramdam mo.

The only difference is that alcohol can only offer a temporary release from the threshold of emotional pain. After the experience, you will go back to square one and will soon crave for that escape again. Thus, the never-ending cycle.

She hopes her pain isn't a cycle. Sana... sana may katapusan iyon.

Of all the guys who came up to her that night, isa ang pinakang-nagustuhan niya. Afam. Matangkad. Gwapo. Commanding ang presence. At maganda ang katawan. For someone who's only after sex that night, Mona found the guy the most delectable.

She drank her nth shot of tequila and was about to approach the guy when Baste stopped her.

"Are you fucking serious?" he asked with a scowl.

"I am fucking serious. I want to fuck that guy!"

Mukhang hindi nito nagustuhan ang tabas ng dila niya. He was being overly protective. Magkasingtanda lang naman sila!

"Let her be kasi!" protesta ni Brandi. Inalis nito ang kamay ni Baste sa pagkakakapit sa braso niya. "Let her have a good time. She deserves it."

"I can't let her have sex with someone she doesn't even know the name of!"

Brandi let out a grunt. Tumayo ito at hinila 'yong lalaking type niya. Dinala nito ang lalaki sa table nila. Ipinakilala nito iyon sa kanya at siya, sa lalaki.

"There!" sabi ng kaibigan niya kay Baste. "Magkakilala na sila."

Baste raised his hands. "You're unbelievable!"

"Bakit? Gusto mo bang ikaw na lang?!"

Nabigla siya sa tanong ni Brandi. Hindi pa rin nawala ang kunot ng noo ni Baste. Mas lalo pa ngang lumalim. Pero hindi ito nagsalita. Hanggang sa pinaalis na sila ni Brandi.

She took two more shots of hard liquor to make her head spin just enough so she can stomach what's going to happen that night.

And then, sumama na sya do'n sa lalaki palabas ng bar.

--

Mona couldn't even barely remember what happened that night. She wasn't sure if she was roofied or drugged. Hilong-hilo kasi siya nang lumabas ng bar. Ang huli niyang natatandaan, nang makasakay siya ng kotse, bigla siyang nakatulog.

And when she woke up, well... she wasn't expecting this.

She's still fully clothed, and blanketed. Nagising siya sa sarii niyang kwarto, which was really odd. Did she not sleep with the guy? Wala bang nangyaring kakaiba? O baka naman doon sa bahay niya sila may ginawang kababalaghan at dinamitan lang siya ng lalaki pagkatapos?

But there was no trace of the guy in her room. Maayos ang mga gamit. No discarded clothes anywhere.

Napapitlag siya nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng kwarto.

"Good. You're awake."

"Bakit nandito ako? Bakit nandito ka?" tanong niya kay Baste. He was wearing the clothes he wore last night. Someone pushed him aside. It's Brandi.

"Nandito ka rin?" takang-taka niyang tanong.

Bumangon siya at kumuha ng pamalit na damit. She headed to the bathroom to change into comfier clothes. Saka siya nagmumog at nag-toothbrush. Uhaw na uhaw din siya. Puro alak lang kasi ang ininom niya kagabi.

When she's feeling slightly better, she called the two Bs to the kitchen. May nakahanda na roong almusal. Brandi pointed sideways to Baste when she asked who cooked. Ah, right. No one in her squad cooks besides her. Magkakasunugan muna ng kusina bago mangyari iyon.

"So, what happened? What are you two doing here? Akala ko ba kasama ko 'yong Afam kagabi? And did you guys go home? You're wearing the same clothes," tuloy-tuloy niyang tanong.

"Hindi ba masakit ang ulo mo? Wala kang hungover?"

She shook her head. "Konti lang. I think medyo nasasanay na akong maglasing." She let out a laugh. "Okay. Pakisagot na ng tanong ko, mga beh, at ako'y nagugulumihanan na."

"He didn't let you leave with the guy," sumbong ni Brandi. "And he called your mother."

Napanganga siya sa sinabi ng kaibigan. Baste didn't even look guilty! Para bang hindi nito pinagsisisihan ang ginawa nito.

"Bakit mo ginawa 'yon?!"

"Because you're acting like a fool and because I was with you last night, I will be held accountable for your stupidity," he reasoned out.

"He must have forgotten that I was also with you last night and I gave you my full consent to act as stupid as your heart wants you to."

"Mas matagal kitang kilala," ani Baste. "Mas dapat kang makinig sa 'kin."

"Mas kilala kita," sabi naman ni Brandi.

Napasapo siya. Bakit ba nagpapatigasan ang dalawa? Hindi naman ito usapang sino ang mas matimbang na kaibigan. Ang pinag-uusapan dito, involved na ang parents niya!

And as the unwanted cherry on top, someone called Baste. He told her that it was her dad. He accepted the call and gave her the phone.

"Dy..."

"Bebe, may sinabi sa amin si Baste."

Napabuntong-hininga siya. "Dy, kasi—"

"Bakit hindi mo sinabing naghiwalay na kayo ni Felix? Mahigit isang buwan na raw."

Kinagat niya ang ibabang labi. Ano ba ang sasabihin niya sa ama? Nakita niyang sinenyasan ni Baste si Brandi. Kumuha ang dalawa ng pagkain at saka nagtungo sa sala para bigyan siya ng privacy.

"Dy, ayoko kasing ma-disappoint kayo. Alam kong gustong-gusto nyo sya—"

"Okay ka laang ba, Anak?"

Napanguso siya. Bigla-bigla niyang na-miss ang ama. Gusto niya itong puntahan at yakapin.

"H-Hindi po," pag-amin niya. Her lips quivered.

"Gusto mo bagang umuwi muna?"

Pinahid niya ang luha. "M-May trabaho kasi ako, Dy."

"Mona, Anak, makapaghihintay iyang trabaho. Saka nandyaan naman si Pareng Ben. Hindi nay-on pabababayaan ang bakeshop mo."

"Nak..."

Lalo siyang napaiyak nang marinig ang boses ng ina.

"Hindi na kita mamadaliing mag-asawa, basta umuwi ka laang," pangako nito. "Kahit ilang araw laang, 'Nak."

"Nami-miss ka na rin ng mga kapatid mo."

"Mona, umuwi ka, ha? Ayaw naming nag-iisa ka diyan. Mas lalo kang malulungkot, Anak."

Sumubsob siya sa lamesa at tahimik na umiyak.

Of course, she wanted to come home. But she didn't want to disappoint her family. Alam naman niyang gustong-gusto ng mga ito si Felix. Kahit nga noong kumanta ito, tanggap pa rin ng pamilya niya ang lalaki. They liked him probably because they saw how he made her happy.

Ano na lang ang mukhang ihaharap niya sa pamilya? Ngayon na si Felix din ang dahilan kung bakit siya nasasaktan?

Hindi siya tinigilan ng mga magulang hanggat hindi siya umu-oo. At dahil mga sigurista, pinakiusapan ng mga ito si Baste na ihatid siya sa kanila. Para raw masigurong uuwi siyang talaga.

"I hate you," she told Baste after the call.

"Hate me all you want today. But when you're finally okay, don't forget to thank me someday," he said to her.