Nang mamatay si Lola Dolores, Mona took a few days off to help Fresia take care of Bullet. The poor guy can't even fix himself a decent meal. Sa Pampanga sila namalagi nang ilang araw. Unfortunately, Andrea's also in the picture.

Nakaka-depress tuloy. And the woman kinda has an evil vibe. Bumaon ba naman ang kuko sa kamay niya! It was hard to move around with Andrea watching her. To make it worse, lapit nang lapit si Felix sa kanya. He makes every imaginable excuse just to talk to her. Na nakakakilig sana kung hindi siya sinusundan ng masamang tingin ng girlfriend nito.

Pakiramdam tuloy niya ay may ginagawa siyang masama kahit wala naman talaga.

Her friends didn't seem to like Andrea as well. And the latter doesn't seem to care if she's liked or not. Basta nakabantay ito kay Felix. Lakas makapangbakod!

Sasama pa nga sana ito sa birthday party ni Aika kung hindi lang napakiusapan ni Felix na huwag itong pumunta. But that didn't stop her friends from reminding her about that woman.

"Nasa'n na 'yong anino ni Felix?" tanong ni Brandi. "Hindi ba naka-gate crash?"

Siniko niya ang kaibigan dahil nasa malapit lang si Felix.

Brandi snorted. "She still has him on a leash. Ang pathetic lang," bulong nito.

"Marinig ka, uy!"

"Bakit? Totoo naman 'yong sinasabi ko, di ba?"

"Just because it's true doesn't mean you should say it out loud."

"Ayan. Kaya ka kaya-kayanan ng Andrea na 'yon, e. You don't say anything. You don't speak up. You don't tell them what you want to say. Kaya walang nangyayari sa 'yo. Masyado kang pushover."

"Aray ko naman, Beh."

Brandi walked away, shaking her head. Nang makalayo-layo, lumingon ito at tumuro sa kanya, "Don't make me say I told you so."

--

She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to not invite Baste to the party. Alam kasi ng mga kaibigan niya na may dini-date siyang iba pero hindi niya sinabi kung sino. Sinabi lang niya sa mga ito para hindi siya magmukhang kawawa. Alam kasi niyang tutuktukan siya ng mga ito kapag mukhang umaasa siya kay Felix, even though that's what's really happening. Umaasa siya... patago nga lang.

Ang akala niya, porket may dala siyang sariling sasakyan, ligtas na siya. But Felix always finds a way to suprise her. Since she refused to ride in his car, he just followed her home. Ipinarada nito ang sasakyan sa tapat ng bahay niya saka ito bumaba.

"I'm a bit sleepy," he told her. "Pwedeng makiinom ng kape bago ako tumuloy sa pagda-drive?"

"May Mcdo sa kanto. Malapit lang. Mas matapang ang kape nila," nakangiti niyang sagot.

"Hindi ba pwedeng dito na lang?"

"It's already late. Gusto ko nang matulog, e."

"Then I'll make my own coffee."

He was about to go inside the house when she spoke again.

"Ay! Wala nga pala akong kape. Maggu-grocery pa lang ako, e. Sorry."

It was a lame excuse and she knew he didn't believe her, but he also knew that she's making an excuse because she didn't want him inside the house. Maybe that's why he gave up.

"Oh, okay. Bibili na lang siguro ako."

"Sorry, ha. Next time na lang."

"Yeah. Next time."

He was crestfallen. She wanted to take back her words. Nandoon na naman siya sa point kung saan hindi niya alam kung uurong o susulong ba siya. Loving him was hard. There are a lot of complications, but she wants to take the chance anyway, hoping that it will be worth it in the end. Pero baka hindi kayanin ng konsensya niya kung aagawan niya si Andrea, lalo na si Angela. It's not as simple as taking candy from a kid. The man that she wants is the father of a child who wants to make her family whole.

"Good night," she told him before getting inside the house. Dumiretso siya sa kwarto para matulog. She was so tired from thinking too much.

--

After rejecting him last night, Mona wasn't expecting any interaction with Felix the next day. Kalahati ng umaga niya ang lumipas nang normal. Sa kalagitnaan, may nanggulo na naman. Felix walked inside the bakeshop and up the workroom with a big bouquet on his one hand and 2 circular trays of food on the other. Magkapatong ang dalawang bilao na pamilyar ang logo na nakalagay sa ibabaw. That must be his bribe to her employees.

"Naku, Sir, nag-abala ka pa!" ngiting-ngiting salubong ni Ralph. Kinuha nito ang mga bilao mula kay Felix at dinala sa isang tabi. Sumunod naman dito ang mga empleyado niyang akala mo'y hindi pa nakapag-aalmusal at noon lang nakakita ng pagkain.

Hindi na siya nakigulo. She maintained her position in front of the decorating table. She still has three trays of cupcakes to decorate.

"Morning." Tumabi si Felix sa kanya. Iniabot ang mga bulaklak. "For you."

"May hawak ako, Beh." Itinaas niya ang piping bag at cupcake. "Pakipatong na lang dyan."

He obliged and put the flowers in an empty space on the table. Saka ito bumalik sa tabi niya.

"Nag-breakfast ka na?"

"Oo."

"Merienda?"

Nilingon niya ang mga empleyado. "Mukhang di na 'ko aabot, e." Kumakain na ang mga empleyado niya, kanya-kanya ng lagay ng pancit at pork barbecue sa paper plates.

"Lumabas tayo sandali para kumain."

"Ha? E, medyo busy ako, e."

"Come on, Mona. Give yourself a little break. Besides, you still owe me coffee."

Bumuntong-hininga siya. "You're not going to stop asking, are you?"

Felix smiled. "No."

"Sumama ka na, Anak. Kami na ang bahala rito," sabi naman ni Tatay Ben. She's sure he already spoke for everyone. Nasuhulan na, e. And besides, pinu-push talaga ng mga itong magka-love life na siya. Nandyan na nga naman, kusang lumalapit. Bakit pa nga ba siya tatanggi?

"Okay. Can you wait downstairs? Magbibihis lang ako."

Mukhang tuwang-tuwa si Felix sa sinabi niya. If not for her conscience, she would have smiled back.

Tinungo niya ang opisina, dala ang bigay nitong mga bulaklak, para magpalit ng damit.

--

While she was in there, she called Baste for help. Kasi nga, gusto naman na talaga nyang umiwas kay Felix. Ito lang ang makulit na lapit nang lapit. Kapag hindi pinagbigyan, mas lalong gagalingan ang pangungulit hanggang pumayag siya. Alam pa naman niton mahina siya pagdating dito. Her no doesn't exactly mean no. It means not now. That's how it is to Felix anyway.

"Baste..."

"Sebastian," pagtatama nito. "Ilang beses ko bang kailangang ulitin sa 'yo?"

Ngumuso siya. "Sa gusto kong Baste, e. Arte nito."

Baste huffed. "Should I end this call then?"

"Arte talaga! Okay, fine! Sebastian na kung Sebastian."

"Why did you call?"

"Busy ka ngayon?"

"Oo."

"Hindi nga?"

"I'm at a convention," sagot nito. Medyo rinig naman niya ang ingay sa background kaya makukumpirma niyang nagsasabi ito ng totoo. "Bakit ba?"

"Free ka ng lunch?"

"Are you asking me out?"

"Yes," walang kaabot-abog niyang sagot. "So, free ka ba later?"

"Hmm..." He paused to think. "May group lunch kami, e."

"Dinner?"

"Well, I don't have plans ye—"

"Okay. Let's have dinner later."

"Wait. I didn't say ye—"

"You don't have to say yes. Sapilitan 'to, Beh. Sorry. Babawi na lang ako sa 'yo some other time, okay?"

Bumuntong-hininga ito. "Kinukulit ka na naman ba?"

"Oo."

Baste knew how persistent Felix can be. Kahit ilang beses na niyang sabihing may dini-date siyang iba, hindi pa rin sumusuko si Felix sa kanya. Hindi naman niya masabing boyfriend niya si Baste dahil siguradong magtatanong sa ibang taong malapit sa kanya si Felix. And she can't ask those people to lie for her. It will be burdensome.

"Why can't you just tell him no, para wala ka nang problema?"

"I already told him no too many times."

"Baka hindi ka convincing."

"Oo, alam ko namang kulang sa conviction 'yong pagtanggi ko sa kanya," pag-amin niya. "But that's not the problem right now, okay? I need my days to be occupied. So kung wala kang gagawin, pwede bang lumabas tayo araw-araw? Kahit libre na kita every other day."

"Wow."

"Para rin makapag-catch up tayo, di ba? Para in case na tayo ang magkatuluyan, at least hindi awkward."

"Are you serious?"

"Desperate times, Beh."

Nai-imagine na niya ang kunsumido nitong hitsura. They don't see each other often, pero madalas silang mag-usap sa phone. They were slowly going back to the way they were before.... best friends.

Baste still doesn't want to be bothered, but he really doesn't have much choice.

"All right. Fine. But what are you going to do about lunch?"

Napaisip siya. Brandi's busy. Fresia's busy with Bullet. Aika has Austin... and Mickey to worry about. Baste has his convention. Wala na ba siyang ibang kaibigan?

Napasapo siya. She's probably taking too long. Baka umakyat ulit si Felix para madaliin siya.

"I guess I don't have a choice."

"You don't have a choice o gusto mo rin?"

"Syempre, gusto ko rin."

"Then go. Enjoy your lunch date."

"Ano pa nga ba?" Enjoy today, regret it tomorrow. That would probably be her new motto. "Sige na. Baka hinahanap ka na sa convention nyo."

"Right."

"'Wag mong kalimutan 'yong dinner natin, ha," paalala niya.

"Fine."

He hung up. Siya naman ay nag-retouch bago lumabas ng opisina. Baka kasi magtaka si Felix kapag bumaba siyang hindi man lang nag-aayos, considering na napatagal siya sa office niya.

--

Felix was chatting with Annie when she went downstairs. Ngiting-ngiti sa kanya ang manager nang bumaba siya.

"Let's go?" aya niya.

They took his car. Probably para hindi siya bigyan ng choice in case gustuhin niyang umalis nang maaga. Medyo malayo rin ang coffee shop na pinuntahan nila. Mukhang sinadya ni Felix na layuan. Ilan na rin kasi ang nadaanan nila pero hindi naman nito itinigil ang sasakyan.

"Alam mo, nag-aksaya ka lang ng gas," sabi niya rito nang makababa sila.

Nagkibit-balikat lang ito.

Pagkapasok nila ng coffee shop, hinila siya nito sa may counter. Gusto niyang bawiin ang kamay niya, syempre. Pero kada hila niya, lalong humihigpit ang kapit nito.

Pagkakuha nila ng orders, naupo sila sa isang table sa sulok. Hindi lang kape ang in-order ni Felix. May pagkain din. Mukhang magtatagal yata sila.

"Hanggang anong oras tayo rito?" tanong niya.

"I don't have work today so..."

"At ako? Pa'no ako?"

"They'll survive without you."

"Wow naman, Beh."

He smiled gently. "Araw-araw ka na nilang nakakasama. Ako, ngayon lang uli. Kung hindi pa kita pipilitin, hindi mo pa 'ko pagbibigyan."

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. Kumuha ng sandwich, na sa katarantahan at pagkabalisa, hindi pala sa kanya. Kaso, nakagatan na niya iyon bago niya ma-realize ang maling pagkuha.

"Ay, sorry! Sa 'yo pala 'to."

"Let's share. I don't mind." He took the sandwich and took a bite at it. Ang simple-simple ng gesture pero kilig na kilig siya. Buti na lang na-master na niya kahit paano ang poker face niya.

After taking a bite, he gave the sandwich back to her so she could eat. She shook her head and took the cup of coffee instead.

Felix put the sandwich back on the table and sighed.

"I never should have told you about Angela," he said.

Hindi siya nakaimik.

"Ever since that day, you always have your walls up. I can't get through you anymore."

"If I'm that obvious, then why persist?"

Tumingin ito sa kanya. "Because I like you, Mona, and when I like someone, I can't stop. I can't stop until they like me back or break my heart."

Well, she can't like him back. She shouldn't like him back. Does this mean that she has to break his heart?

--

That question hung above her head the whole afternoon. They spent the whole morning talking about feelings. Some parts were too cheesy that she's sure Brandi would not stop cringing if she heard them.

Felix talks about his feelings openly, na para bang hindi kabawasan sa pagkalalaki nito ang umamin. And she admires that about him. He's honest.

Unfortunately, she couldn't return his honesty. She remained passive and tried to lessen her reactions. When Felix sensed that she's not really into the conversation, he offered to take her back to the bakeshop.

Akala niya, doon na matatapos ang araw niya. She already broke his heart, even a little. He's probably taking some rest to recover from her countless rejections, right?

Wrong.

He came back at around 5PM, asking her out. Good thing Baste already agreed to have dinner with her. May excuse siya.

"May date ako, e."

Agad na nawala ang ngiti ni Felix.

"Oh. Si Baste na naman?"

Pilit siyang ngumiti. "Yeah. Sorry."

"Akala ko ba, busy ka?"

"Oo, pero... naplano na kasi, e."

"Kailan?"

"Uhm... ano..."

"You told me you had plans so I stopped asking. Pero bakit kapag sya ang nagyayaya, pumapayag ka kaagad?"

Hinila niya ito sa likuran ng bakeshop dahil gumagawa na sila ng eksena. Nakikitsismis na lang ang mga empleyado, hindi na nagtatrabaho.

"Kasi—"

"Why can't you give me a fair chance, Mona?"

"Felix... kasi..." Kinagat niya ang ibabang labi. Sasabihin ba niya?

"Kasi ano? Don't tell me you don't like me. I won't believe that."

"I like you," she admitted. "But—"

"But what? Dahil ba kay Angela? Is that it?"

Nagbaba siya ng tingin.

"Mona, I cannot go back in time to change my past. And if I could, I still wouldn't do it. I love Angela. But don't you think it's unfair that you're not giving me a chance because I already have a kid? Ganyan ba kababaw ang tingin mo sa pagmamahal ng tao? Na porket may anak, porket may nakaraan na, hindi na pwedeng magmahal ng iba, gano'n ba?"

"Ayoko lang kasing... ayoko lang maramdaman nung bata na inaagaw kita sa kanya. She wants you and Andrea to be together. Ayoko namang hadlangan 'yon."

"Pa'no naman ako?" tanong nito. "Pa'no naman 'yong gusto ko?"

She braved to look him in the eye. Big mistake. He looks so sad. Gusto na lamang niya itong yakapin at umiyak para rito. She knew how hard it is for him to father a child he didn't want before. Naiintindihan naman niyang mahirap ang sitwasyon ni Felix. But she just can't stop thinking about Angela. She didn't want the kid to grow up in a broken family, a family that could still be okay if she's not in the picture. Probably.

"But you have to put her needs first, di ba? Ikaw na rin ang nagsabi. Mahal mo si Angela. You can't be selfish."

"If I am selfish, I wouldn't have fathered her," he said grimly.

"Okay. I'm sorry if I assumed wrongly. Pero kasi, hirap din akong pagbigyan ka kasi inaalala ko 'yong bata. I know you wish I wouldn't, pero hindi mo maiaalis sa 'kin 'yon. And I want you to respect that. Give me time and I'll give you time to sort things out."

"How can I give you time if I know that you're spending it with him?"

Napamaang siya sa tanong nito. Wala siyang maisip na magandang sagot.

"Be fair, Mona. If you want me to stay away, then don't be with someone else while I'm away."

"I..." She shook her head. "I can't do that. I'm sorry."

Baste keeps her sane. With him, there is a past that she could revisit, and a future that she could uncover. They're friends, but they also have the potential to be something else. And that means a lot to her because that's the only reason why she's doing it in the first place.

Mahirap makahanap ng love life. Mas mahirap i-maintain ang love life hanggang pagtanda. Ilang taon na lang at kwarenta na sya... and she's still single, walang anak, walang boyfriend.

Right now, her future looks grim. Mababaw man para sa ilan, pero ayaw niyang tumandang mag-isa. Kahit pa sabihing may pamilya at mga kaibigan siyang nagmamahal sa kanya, at the end of the day, all of them have someone and she has no one but herself.

Felix sighed.

"Then I'm sorry to, but I won't stay away from you."

--

He literally didn't stay away. He stayed at the shop. Hindi naman niya ito magawang itaboy kaya hinayaan na lamang niya ito. He said that he needs to have his heart broken for him to stop, so maybe that's exactly what she'll do. Break his heart. Sana nga lamang ay maging cooperative si Baste.

Since Felix cannot bake nor decorate, she placed him in front of the shop. Pinatulong niya ito kay Annie sa pagmamando ng counter. Annie was ecastatic, of course. Sina Tatay Ben naman, hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin. Siguro naramdaman ng mga itong wala siya sa mood na magpatukso kaya nananahimik ang mga ito.

Pasado alas syete nang dumating si Baste. He called her so she knows. Paparating pa lang ang sasakyan nito ay nasa ibaba na siya, naghihintay. Felix was looking intently at the door. She saw him tensed when Baste's car parked outside.

"When it rains, it pours talaga!" kumento ni Annie nang pumasok ng bakeshop si Baste.

Dire-diretso ang lalaki sa tapat niya. Yumuko ito at hinalikan siya sa pisngi.

"Let's go?"

Narinig nilang may tumikhim nang malakas. Baste straightened up and faced Felix. Halos magkasingtangkad lang ang dalawa. They also almost have the same built. Mas suplado lang tingnan si Baste. But if they would walk in two opposite directions, malilito ang mga babae kung sino ang hahabulin ng tingin.

Lucky for the ladies present at that moment, the two were just standing side by side.

"Sebastian, this is Felix," pakilala niya. "Felix, si Sebastian, kababata ko."

The two shook hands. Tiim-bagang, nagsusukatan ng tingin.

They didn't exchange pleasantries, just grunts and nods.

"Sasama raw syang mag-dinner," sabi niya kay Baste.

The latter raised his eyebrow. "Aren't you too old to have a chaperone?"

Biglang umakbay si Felix sa kanya. "You're right. She doesn't need a baby-sitter. So why don't you just go home and eat dinner with your mom?"

She rolled her eyes and mentally groaned. This is going to be a long night.