Panay ang sulyap ni Felix kay Mona mula sa rearview mirror, sinisigurado yatang hindi siya tatalon palabas ng kotse. But most of the time, his attention was on Angela. Madaldal ang bata kapag kay Felix. Hingi nang hingi ng candy. Tanong nang tanong kung saan sila kakain. Hindi siya makasingit dahil pakiramdam niya, iisipin ng batang nakikihati siya sa atensyon ng daddy nito.

So, she kept quiet until they reached the restaurant. It was a fancy place, mukhang mamahalin. Parang gusto ni Felix bumawi. Or maybe he was really intending to take her there, hindi lang kasi siya nakikipagkita.

Kapapatay lang nito ng makina ng kotse at akmang bababa nang magsalita si Angela.

"Daddy, gusto ko spegetti!"

"Sabi mo gusto mo ng steak? You said you wanted to eat like a grown-up, right?" mahinahon nitong tanong sa bata.

Angela leaned towards Felix. Nakanguso ang bata. "Spegetti na lang, Daddy..." himutok nito.

Alanganing tumingin si Felix sa kanya, parang humihingi ng pasensya ang mga mata. Angela followed. She was suddenly put on the spot. Kung magpupumilit siyang sa steakhouse kumain, baka isipin ng bata na sinasalungat niya ito. So she had no choice but to take Angela's side. Bata naman, e, dapat pinagbibigyan ng mas nakatatanda.

Nginitian niya ang dalawa. "Spegetti rin ang gusto ko," sabi niya.

She hoped to please Angela with her answer, but didn't get the smile she was hoping for. Nakatingin lamang ito sa kanya, hindi kumukurap.

Felix sighed and buckled his already undone seatbelt.

"All right. Where to, Mcdo?" tanong ni Felix sa bata.

"Jollibee!" masayang sagot ng bata.

Felix smiled and pinched the little girl's cheek. Saka nito muling pinaandar ang sasakyan para maghanap ng pinakamalapit na branch ng Jollibee.

--

Nang makarating sila roon, agad silang naghanap ng bakanteng table. Felix left Angela with her. Ito na raw ang o-order. But before he could go to the counter, tumayo na ang bata at hinabol ito. Ayaw yatang maiwan kasama siya.

In a way, it relieved her. Kasi kahit madaldal siya, hindi pa rin niya alam ang sasabihin sa anak ng crush nya, na ngayon lang niya nalamang may anak pala. How does someone deal with that? Honestly, gusto na niyang umuwi. Nahihiya siya sa bata.

Kung si Andrea lang, kakayanin pa ng konsensya niya, e. Felix must have some reason why he's like that with Andrea. But if that reason was a kid... hindi na niya alam. Sa ngayon, kailangan niya ng paliwanag kung bakit at paano nabuo si Angela.

Sandali lamang naman siyang naghintay. Dahil sa fast food chain sila kakain ng lunch, mabilis lang ang service. In a few minutes, Felix and Angela were already back to their table. Dala ni Felix ang tray ng pagkain, kasunod ang isang crew na may dalang isa pang tray. Si Angela naman, may bitbit na laruan.

When everything is settled and they could finally eat, biglang tumayo si Angela at lumipat sa kandungan ni Felix. Nagpapasubo ng pagkain ang bata. Felix didn't mind so she assumed that this was a regular thing for them.

Kahit medyo awkward na pinanunuod niya ang mag-ama habang nagsusubuan ng pagkain, she also found it sweet of Felix. He wasn't embarrassed by the fact that he already has a kid. Halatang spoiled dito si Angela. He's really sweet with her, it's heart-melting.

Halos hindi na siya makakain sa panunuod sa dalawa, which Felix soon noticed.

"You're not hungry?" he asked.

Ngumiti siya at umiling nang bahagya. What her stomach feels isn't important at the moment.

Dumausdos si Angela mula sa kandungan ni Felix. Kumuha ito ng tissue at pinahid ang amos sa gilid ng bibig. Kinuha ni Felix ang tissue mula sa bata para malinis nang maayos ang dumi.

"Daddy..." Tumuro si Angela sa kiddie playground na nasa gilid ng fast food chain. May mga batang naglalaro roon.

"Gusto mong maglaro?"

Tumango si Angela at ngumiti.

"Kumain ka muna."

Nawala ang ngiti ng bata. Napalitan ng pagnguso. "Gusto ko maglaro, Daddy..."

"Hayaan mo na. She'll eat when she's hungry," she told Felix.

Tumingin sa kanya si Angela. She's usually good with kids, but she couldn't even get a smile from this one. All Angela did was stare when she talks. Lalo tuloy siyang naiilang. Good thing, Felix allowed his kid to play.

Nang sila na lamang dalawa, saka niya naramdaman na pwede na siyang magsalita.

"Anak mo talaga?" tanong niya. "Sure ka?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... sure ka? Proven ba?"

Ngumiti ito. "Oo naman. I already took the necessary tests."

"Ah..." Nilingon niya si Angela na abala sa pakikipaghabulan sa ibang bata na nasa playground. "Ilang taon na sya?"

"Four," he answered. Itinuro nito ang pagkain niyang halos wala pang bawas. "Bakit 'di ka kumakain? Sige ka, baka mamayat ka nyan."

She made a face. Pumisang siya ng burger steak at kaunting kanin.

"Pwedeng magtanong?"

Tumango si Felix. "Hinihintay ko nga, e."

Huminga siya nang malalim. Well, here goes nothing.

"Uhm... paanong—I mean... kailan... uh—bakit..." She couldn't even formulate a proper question! But he kind of understood.

"Angela?"

She nodded.

"'Yong kailan... 4 years ago. 'Yong paano at bakit, medyo kumplikado." Bumuntong-hininga ito. "When Andrea slowly became obsessive and clingy, unti-unting lumayo ang loob ko sa kanya. It got to a point na sobrang nasasakal na 'ko. I asked for space, which she couldn't give me. Lalo akong nasakal. Until one day, I decided to break up with her.

"She begged for a chance. Sabi nya magbabago na sya. Ako naman, syempre mahal ko pa, pinagbigyan ko. Nagbago sya nang ilang linggo. Medyo lumuwag sa 'kin. Tapos may incident na nangyari. Nagka-client ako dati. Sobrang ganda. Tapos single. Pagkatapos ng renovation ng bahay nya, she decided to keep in touch."

"And Andrea got jealous?" She could already imagine the faceless Andrea pulling the hair of the faceless client. Oddly enough, parehong kulot ang dalawa sa imahinasyon niya. Naka-pencil skirts at matching coats ha hapit sa katawan. High-heeled shoes ang suot at may naglalakihang hooped earrings.

Napasapo si Felix, parang naiinis sa naalala.

"Sobra! Kahi ano'ng paliwanag ko, ayaw nyang maniwala sa 'king wala lang 'yon. Sinugod pa nya 'yong babae sa bahay nito."

Medyo naiintindihan niya 'yong side ni Andrea. Kung may sobrang gandang babae ba namang aali-aligin sa boyfriend niya, magagalit din siya. But she would handle things differently, for sure.

"Maybe she had something to be jealous about?"

"I kept it professional, Mona. Ni hindi ko sinasagot 'yong tawag o niri-reply-an 'yong texts."

"But you were tempted?"

"Of course!" he admitted. "But things were going okay between me and Andrea. Ayoko rin ng dagdag sakit ng ulo kaya hindi na 'ko pumatol. It's hard enough to manage one girl. Paano pa kapag dalawa?"

But you're doing it right now, she wanted to tell him. Pinigilan lang niya ang sarili kasi baka mainis ito.

"Tapos, ano'ng nangyari? Did you break up with her?"

Tumango ito. "Sabi ko ayaw ko na."

"So Angela came a little later than that? Paanong may nangyari kung break na kayo?"

His smile was bitter when he said, "Napikot ako, e."

Napanganga siya. "H-Ha?"

"She asked to see me. Sabi nya huli na raw. Pinagbigyan ko. We had dinner at her place and drank some wine. I didn't know what she put on my drink. Wala akong masyadong maalala. Paggising ko kinabukasan, pareho kaming walang damit na nakahiga sa kama nya. I wanted to wake her up but I was confused. Hindi ko alam kung magagalit ako sa kanya kasi hindi ko alam kung ginusto ko rin 'yong nangyari. So I left while she's sleeping.

"Ilang linggo akong walang narinig mula sa kanya so I thought we were done for good. Tapos... bigla syang pumunta sa bahay nina Mama. She told them that she's pregnant. Agad akong kinausap nina Mama. Tapos gusto kaming ipakasal."

Okay... habang humahaba ang kwento nito, lalo niyang nakikita kung paano kabaliw si Andrea. This is a classic obsessive ex act! "Hindi ka pumayag?"

He shook his head. "I was angry with her. I thought she was just framing me. Hindi ko tinanggap 'yong bata. I even told her to..." Umiling itong muli. "Umalis ako sa 'min nang ilang linggo. Nang mahimasmasan ako, bumalik ako tapos sinabihan ko syang patunayan na sa 'kin 'yong bata. She did prove it, so I agreed to keep the child.

"Hindi ko sya nahiwalayan kasi ayaw kong pabayaan 'yong bata. Saka tuwang-tuwa sina Mama na magkakaapo na sila. Andrea got even closer to them. Kasal na lang talaga ang kulang. Nang makapanganak sya, lagi syang nasa bahay. They took turns in taking care of Angela."

"Tapos naging okay kayo uli?"

"We were civil for a while. Minsan, sa sobrang ayos ng lahat, naisipan ko na ring ibalik 'yong dati. I even considered marrying her for Angela's sake."

There's a but there somewhere. She was hoping for it.

"But I didn't want to marry her on an impulse. Kapag pinag-iisipan kong mabuti, bigla akong napapaayaw. So I didn't marry her."

Naalala niya 'yong sabi ni Bullet. Kapag daw gusto nito, gagawin nito. Kapag hindi, well, there's that perfect example.

Nagpangalumbaba siya. "Did you regret having Angela? I mean, kung hindi dahil sa kanya, malaya ka na from Andrea, di ba?"

Felix looked at the playground for a long while. When Angela emerged, he smiled affectionately. "I guess I don't. She's the only good thing that ever came out of that relationship."

Parang nagkabikig sa lalamunan niya dahil sa sinabi nito. Tumikhim siya.

"Alam nina Bullet?" segwey niya.

Bumaling ito sa kanya at ngumiti. "Oo naman. Ninong nga 'yong dalawa, e."

"At wala man lang nagsabi sa 'min?"

"Hindi naman kasi napag-uusapan. And I don't want you to be turned off."

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "Habit mo talaga ang magpa-asa, 'no?"

Felix chuckled. "Sino ba'ng may sabing pinapaasa lang kita?"

Itinuon niya ang tingin sa pagkaing hindi na niya magalaw-galaw. Minsan talaga, kahit sobra siyang kinikilig, mas gugustuhin niya kung magpapasakalye na lang si Felix. Iba kapag direkta. Hindi makailag! And she didn't know what to think, if it's even okay to assume, if it's worth to hope... because she still doesn't know where she stands!

"So bakit mo sinabi sa 'kin lahat 'yon?" nangunguso niyang tanong.

"Because I know that I have to tell you everything if I want to be serious with you." His hand reached out to touch the tip of her fingers. Binawi niya iyon bigla nang patakbo silang nilapitan ni Angela. Mukhang gutom na uli ang bata.

His attention immediately went back to his kid and she once again felt like an outsider. She suddenly felt the urge to cry.