Everything is better than Mona imagined. Did her luck finally arrive? He was so good and ardent and hot. Minsan demanding, minsan mapagbigay. It felt like she was kissing him for forever when in reality, segundo pa lang ang lumipas.

They momentarily stopped to catch their breaths. Pareho silang humihingal. Siya, naka-kwelyo sa damit ni Felix. Si Felix, nakakabit sa bewang niya.

She knew he was turned on. His pupils were dilated, like hers.

She didn't want to speak, afraid to cut the experience short, but she has to know kung 'yon na ba 'yon o may kasunod pa.

Lumunok siya. "So... good night?"

Felix nodded. "Good night."

But they didn't move. Ilan pang segundo ang lumipas habang nakatingin siya rito at ito, sa kanya. Pagkatapos, walang sabi-sabi itong muling humalik sa kanya. Mainit. Mariin. And she responded with the same intensity.

He pushed her backwards until her back hit a wall.

Nang mapagsawa ang mga labi sa mga labi niya, leeg at gilid ng mukha naman niya ang pinugpog nito ng halik.

"Are we doing it?" he whispered.

"'Wag mo 'kong tanungin. You already know my answer."

He straightened up, caressed her face, and smiled. "Where's your bedroom?"

--

The trip to the bedroom was short. Halos takbuhin kasi nilang dalawa. Tatanggi pa ba naman siya? It's been years since the last time. Years! Sa sobrang tagal na, halos nakalimutan na niya kung ano ang pakiramdam!

She knew the way to her bed. Memoryado na niya iyon kahit pikit o tulog siya. But Felix didn't. So he had to open the light. Imbes na dumiretso sa kama, binalikan niya ang switch sa tabi ng pinto para pataying muli ang ilaw.

Humiwalay sa kanya si Felix. Lumiwanag muli sa kwarto. Nakita niyang nakakunot ang noo nito. "Bakit mo pinatay? Wala akong makita."

"Kaya ko nga pinatay," sagot niya.

Akmang papatayin niyang muli ang ilaw nang harangan nito ang switch. "Let's leave the light on."

Kinagat niya ang labi. "Pero kasi—"

"Ano? Don't you want to see me?"

"Do you want to see me?" pabalik niyang tanong.

Lalong lumalim ang pagkakakunot ng noo nito. "Bakit naman hindi?"

"E, kasi..."

He might not like the stretch marks, 'yong mga marka sa katawan niya na dulot ng pagbanat ng balat dahil sa dagdag na taba. He might not like her love handles, which aren't so lovely.

"Kasi ano?"

"Hindi kasi ako nakapag-prepare. Hindi ko naman alam na may ganitong ganap. Kiss lang ang hiningi ko."

"So kiss lang talaga ang gusto mo?"

Syempre hindi. Gusto niya all the way! But her clothes were her armor. Without them, she feels vulnerable. Lumalabas ang insecurities niya.

"Nagpahatid ka lang pala sa kwarto mo." He began fixing his dress shirt. "Nahalikan naman na kita, so uuwi na 'ko."

Tumalikod ito at akmang aalis nang pinangunahan na naman ng bibig ang utak niya.

"So gano'n na lang? After turning me on, you'll just leave me like this?!"

Bumaling ito, mukhang iritado na rin. "You think you're the only one unsatisfied?!" he retorted. "Huling tanong: gusto mo o ayaw mo?"

Napakagat-labi siya.

"Ano?"

"Syempre gusto!"

Humakbang ito palapit sa kanya. "Then act like it," he said through gritted teeth.

Bakit kahit magseryoso, ang hot pa rin nito? He's the kind of hot that might burn her if she gets too close, but he's also the kind of fire that she's willing to be consumed by.

"Lights on, clothes on?" she bargained.

"What the hell is your problem?" he asked, halatang iritado na sa pag-iinarte niya.

"Baka kasi ma-turn off ka," mahina niyang sagot. "Ikaw lang naman ang inaalala ko."

"Hindi ako mata-turn off, 'wag kang mag-alala."

"Sabagay, I guess it's all the same to you, guys. Sex is sex, right?"

She wanted to slap herself for saying that. Ano ba? Gusto naman niyang may mangyari pero bakit parang ipinagtutulakan niya si Felix palayo? Kapag nagsalita pa siya, baka tuluyan na itong mainis at iwanan siya.

Kung bakit naman kasi nakisabay pa ang insecurities niya. Sumakto pa kung kailan may posibleng mangyari. Can't she just be insecure some other day?

"Sorry," sabi niya nang hindi na ito magsalita. "Can we start over?"

Bumuntong-hininga si Felix. Naupo ito sa gilid ng kama.

"Kaya pa ba?"

"Tingnan natin."

He patted the space next to him. Naupo siya roon.

"Sorry, ha. I'm just not comfortable at being naked with someone. Ang tagal na kasi."

"Why would you be uncomfortable?"

"Kasi... mataba ako."

Pinasadahan nito ng tingin ang kabuuan niya.

"You're not that fat."

"You're just saying that."

"No, really, you're not that fat. Medyo malaki ka lang kesa sa definition ng society na sexy, pero hindi ka naman mataba. Chubby lang siguro."

"Are you trying to make me feel better? Kasi medyo hindi umiepekto."

Felix chuckled. "I'm being honest with you."

"Honesto pala dapat ang name mo."

His chuckle escalated into laughter. "Corny!"

Tumuro siya rito, 'yong turong nang-aakusa. "Tumawa ka!"

He became hysterical, as if she just blurted out the most hilarious of jokes. Nadala siya sa tawa nito. Napangiti siya.

She felt like he said those things not because he was trying to make her feel good or to get into her pants, but because that's just how he sees things. He tells them as they are.

--

Since the electrifying mood kinda waned down, they decided to have some more wine to get it going. Ayaw kasi nilang i-let go ang pagkakataon. Parehas yata silang nanghihinayang. So, they took a bottle of wine to the bedroom and sipped from their wineglasses while they ask each other random questions.

"What was Andrea like?"

Umiling si Felix. "Pang-third date na yan."

"Sabi mo pwede nang mamersonal?"

"Personal, hindi intimate," pagkaklaro nito.

"Pwede bang third date na natin 'to since technically naman, natapos na kanina 'yong second date natin?"

"Tapos na?"

"Oo. Nag-good night na tayo, e."

"Inuutakan mo lang yata ako, e," natatawa nitong sabi. "Pero sige, pagbibigyan kita."

He sipped his wine and said, "She was like many things. You'd have to be more specific."

"O, sige, ito na lang: Why did you break up?"

"Pang-fourth date 'yan."

She huffed. "Grabe mapang-dodge ng tanong!"

Ngumisi ito. "How about this, for every question that I can't answer, I'd drink wine? Tapos kapag ikaw, gano'n din ang gagawin mo."

She tsk-ed, but said okay. It's better than being completely shut off. Baka naman makatyempo siya ng mga tanong na masasagot nito.

"Magaling ba syang magluto?"

"Oo."

"Totoo?"

"Oo nga. Kaya ko nga sya nagustuhan, e. Palagi nya 'kong dinadalhan ng pagkain. She even used to bring food to our house kaya nagkasundo sila ni Mama."

"Pagkain talaga ang weakness mo, 'no?"

Lalong lumapad ang ngiti nito. "Yeah. Saka maalaga."

"Maalaga sya?"

Tumango si Felix. "Sobra. Magkakasakit pa lang ako, may nakahanda na syang gamot."

"I'm assuming na maganda sya?"

He nodded again. "Campus crush sya no'ng college. Pangarap ng halos lahat ng lalaki sa lower batch."

Wow. Samantalang siya, swerte na kung hindi mapansin. Kasi kung mapapansin man siya, palaging negatibo ang dating. Dahil malaking bulas siya. Dahil mataba. She learned to love being a wallflower because that is so much better than being the elephant in the room. Sa kaso niya, para siyang literal na elepante kung ituring.

"Matalino?" Baka naman kasi mahina ang utak. Some guys don't like stupid girls, kahit gaano pa kaganda.

"Dean's lister for four years."

Tumaas ang kilay niya. So talagang wala siyang panama, gano'n?

"So bakit kayo nag-break?"

He poured himself another glass and drank the wine.

"My turn to ask," he said after. "Do you date?"

"Oo naman. Kanina ngang tanghali, may date ako, di ba?"

"Ano nga palang nangyari do'n?"

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Ayun."

"Ayun?"

She made a face. "Nakakapanibago sya, e. Hindi ko feel."

"Nakakapanibago? So kakilala mo?"

"Yeah. Kababata ko. But I haven't seen him for more than a decade. Nasa U.S. kasi sya until recently. Ayun."

"Pangit?"

"Gwapo."

"Sino'ng mas gwapo—"

"Ikaw," sagot niya kaagad. "Pero biased ako kasi crush kita."

Tumawa si Felix.

"Choosy ka ba kaya wala ka pang boyfriend?"

"Hindi naman sa choosy. I just don't want to be with someone just because I have too be with anyone, you know? Gusto ko, gusto ko."

"So, in short, ako?"

"Wow naman talaga!"

Humalakhak ito. Siya naman ay naiiling na natatawa na rin.

"May nakapagsabi na ba sa 'yong ang yabang mo?"

"Marami."

"Hindi ka tinablan?" taas-kilay niyang tanong. "Ah. Siguro hindi. Makapal mukha mo, e."

--

For every snide remark, his laughter seemed to grow louder. They're getting a little bit too drunk as well. Nakakalahati na nila ang bote. Gumagaan ang pakiramdam niya. It's as if her head was being lifted to the clouds. This is what she loves about drinking... this light feeling that comes with it.

"I have a serious question," she told him a while later. "Don't laugh. It's really serious."

"Okay. Shoot."

Ininom niya ang natitirang alak sa baso at saka nagtanong, "Can I touch your butt?"

His reaction was priceless. Napanganga ito, parang hindi alam kung pagtatawanan o siseryosohin ang tanong niya. "What?"

"Sabi ko... pahipo."

He went with the former. He laughed out loud.

"Tsk. Sabi ko huwag tatawa, e!"

"I'm sorry. It's just... you always take me by surprise."

Kinuha nito ang kamay niya at idinikit sa pang-upo nito. He's the one to talk when he always take her by surprise!

"How was it?"

"Matambok."

Tumawa itong muli. He removed her hand from his butt cheek and placed it on his crotch. Para siyang pinakain ng sili. Biglang pinamulahan ang buong mukha niya.

"How about this one?"

"U-Uhm..."

Tumawa ito nang mahina, the kind of sexy laughter that could turn any woman on like a flick of a switch. He then put his wineglass on the bedside table and took hers and put it there too.

Hinalikan siya nitong muli. But it was slow this time, na parang bang hindi nagmamadali. Na parang walang hinahabol na oras. Every fiber of her being could feel it. This is the kind of kiss that can make someone feel alive!

Halos mabaliw siya nang masuyo nitong kagatin ang ibabang labi niya.

"Be mine tonight, Mona."

"O-Okay."

She didn't say a word when he took off all her clothes. Sa mata lamang nito siya tumingin. Ayaw niyang makita ang sarili at mag-isip ng kung anu-anong negatibong bagay.

His eyes never left hers, even when he took off his own clothes.

And that night, with the light on, she became his.

--

Madaling-araw na nang maalimpungatan si Mona. Dalawang oras pa lamang yata siyang nakakatulog. Hanggang sa panaginip niya, may continuation ang exercise nila kagabi. It felt too real, she almost didn't want to wake up. But she's awake now, all because he's been moving around.

Bumangon siya at nakita itong nagbibihis.

"What time is it?" she asked sleepily.

"Four," sagot nito. "Uuwi na 'ko."

"Why the rush? Matulog ka pa."

Ngumiti ito sa kanya. "I don't want to overstay my welcome."

Nagsimula itong magsapatos. Siya naman ay kinuha ang shirt at underwear na nasa sahig at saka isinuot ang mga iyon.

"Hahanapin ka ba nya?" tanong niya.

"Ni Andrea? Palagi naman ako no'ng hinahanap."

"I mean, may usapan ba kayo today kaya ka nagmamadali?"

"Wala. We're on a break, remember?"

Hindi naman niya nalilimutan. "Ah."

She fell silent watching him put on his shirt. Sinuklay nito ang buhok gamit ang mga daliri saka bumaling sa kanya.

"Matulog ka pa."

"Gising na 'ko, e. Mahihirapan na 'kong matulog nito."

"Sorry I woke you up."

She shook her head. "Okay lang. Umaga na rin naman."

Tinungo niya ang closet at kumuha ng pajama.

"Kumain ka muna ng breakfast bago ka umalis."

Felix frowned, as if she said something that bothered him.

"Mona, this is not—"

She held up her hand. "I know." Ngumiti siya. "I'm not expecting anything from you. I just want to thank you for last night."

Maybe it's the only night they'll ever share. Hindi naman siguro kasalanan kung patatagalin pa niya ang oras na magkasama sila?