Jakoby

This girl confuses the hell out of me.

Even when she was so drunk and confessing that shit she did, I still wanted to get her in my arms and hold her forever. I still kissed her. She said a few things that I don't understand, but she said something that I am pretty sure I can figure out. Drunk Ruby speaks the truth. Drunk Ruby was upset because she saw Garrett and Bet making out. He picked her. Why does she care? As far as I am aware, they are just friends. Roommates. So why was Ruby so worked out about this?

I tucked her into her bed after I got her some water, and she wanted me to stay. A part of me wanted to stay and do all the things to her I've been thinking about for weeks, but she was so drunk. And my mind was racing, thinking about all the things she said. So I left.

Even though those words are still in my mind, I trust her. I believe that she just got too drunk and freaked out about what she was feeling. But I know she didn't mean to confess that to me, which is worrisome. I need to talk to her about all of this.

*

"So, why'd you need to go save your girl?" Johnny asks me, the next morning.

I don't want to rehash all of this with him. It was almost midnight when I left here, telling him that I just had to go pick up Ruby. "She was drunk and just wanted to go home."

"Didn't you say she didn't come here because she was tired?" Johnny questions, giving me a look that I don't want to see.

"Yeah. I don't know why she went to that party but... I tucked her into bed and came back home."

"You got in at 3A.M... Jak," he accuses me.

"Yeah. It was a long walk to her apartment and then home again. I'm tired." I walk around him to get to the coffee maker.

"Is this girl worth all of this?" Johnny wants to know. "And, by the way, I haven't even met her yet."

"Yes. She is. I really like her," I tell him, starting the coffee. This is still true. "You will meet her soon."

"Okay. Pour me a coffee while I get ready. I have to get going in a few minutes," he finishes and with that, turns and leaves the kitchen.

Ruby's words are tumbling around in my head for the rest of the day. I know she's at work today and I really should get my ass downtown to play a few songs. I need to make money. But I'm tired and I'm confused and more than anything, I miss Ruby already. God, did I want to stay with her last night. But I can't ignore the elephant in the room. She needs to explain herself before I can really let her in again. I'm in no place to let myself fall for this girl who isn't all in.

We both have a day off a couple days later, so I invite Ruby over to hang out. I know my roommates will be around, and I'm looking forward to them getting to meet her. This will be a big step for me. I've dated casually over the last year, but nothing was serious enough to introduce any girl to my roommates.

The last two days were sort of limbo for Ruby and I. We texted a few times. I asked how she was feeling the next day. She said she was sorry for being so drunk and that she was embarrassed. I was waiting for the right time to get together and try to talk this out with her. And today she agreed to come over.

She texts when she's downstairs and I buzz her up and tell her the apartment number. I'm nervous for a number of reasons and I'm sweating like a mad man. Wiping my hands on my jeans, Johnny lets out a laugh.

"Chill, dude."

I force a smile at him and go towards the door to let her in. I want the guys to like her. I want her to say she didn't mean any of the shit she said when she was drunk.  I want us to be okay. I can't chill. I can't stop fucking sweating.

"Hey."

She's smiling her real smile when I open the door and I can tell she's nervous, too. But she's happy to see me. I nod and step back so she comes in and the door closes behind her.

"Hey, how are you?" I ask, once she's inside and glancing around.

By standing at the door, you can't really tell what a tiny apartment it is. As soon as I lead her into the main room, it's more obvious. She doesn't seem fazed, though. I've told her about it. I've made it known that I sleep on a mattress in the would-be dining room. I made sure to clean up the main room this morning and pushed both of the mattresses up against the wall.

"I'm good. Thanks," she says quietly just as Johnny makes himself known.

He stands and strides through the room so he's right in front of us. I look short next to him and Ruby looks even smaller. Holding out his hand to her, he begins, "You must be Ruby. I'm Johnny."

Ruby nods. "Nice to meet you."

"Yes. You too. I've sure heard a lot about you. We were hoping to meet you the other night at my-"

   "Johnny," I stop him and he gives me a look, and then smiles at Ruby again.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it," Ruby tells Johnny anyway. "Happy belated birthday."

    "Thanks. You two have fun," he tells her - and me - before disappearing down the hall.

I know that Topher is home and David will be back from work soon. This could turn into an entire afternoon of me just introducing her to my roommates, but right now I have a few minutes alone with her. I lead her through to where our couches and TV are, and we sit. She leaves some space between us, and I'm so torn. I know I was the one acting standoff-ish that last time we were together. But she was so drunk and I didn't want her to think I would ever take advantage of that. Now, she's being a bit shy.

    "So, thanks for coming over," I say, to start us off.

She licks her bottom lip and nods slightly. "Yeah, um, thanks for inviting me."

    "It's not much. I mean, as you can see. This is it, besides the two rooms down the hall and the bathroom."

She looks around for a second but then turns her attention to me again. "It's nice. Cozy."

    "Yeah, I guess," I say and smile at her. As I open my mouth to speak again, she talks, too. "Ruby, I-"   

"I'm so sorry for how I acted on Saturday, Jakoby."

I swallow hard and nod, and look down at my hands. "Yeah, I know."

    "I know you probably don't want to hear about it, but... I am really sorry. I wish we could just pretend that never happened." She takes in a deep breath and her shoulders rise and fall again.

I'm so happy to have her here, besides me, that I am so ready for forgive her. I mean, I already have. I'm not mad that she lied or didn't come to Johnny's party. That doesn't matter. We both know the weirdness between us now is about what she said about Garrett. I wish we could pretend it didn't happen, too. But I know we have to at least address it.

I scoot closer to her and reach for her hand, and she happily lets me slip it into mine. As soon as we are close, and touching, I feel her relax.     "I guess I just wanted to talk about... us," I say, hoping she doesn't shut down.

For a split second, she seems to be surprised. Her eyes open wide and then she relaxes again, as I squeeze her hand a bit tighter.

   "Are you mad that I went to that party with Garrett?" she asks, suddenly. Her voice is quiet and she seems like she's holding her breath as she waits for me to answer.

    "No. I'm not. I just... do you remember any of the stuff you were saying... when I first found you on the sidewalk, down the street?"

She takes in another deep breath and then trails her fingers of her other hand down my arm and rubs some small circles on my hand. She knows I like that. "I can't explain why I went to the party instead of coming here, but... I want you to know that I didn't mean it, what I said. I don't care about Garrett and Bet. I don't."

It's hard to say these next words because it could blow up in my face, but I really want to know the answer. I want to believe she doesn't care about Garrett in any way besides a friend. "You used to have feelings for Garrett? Like, romantically?"

She sucks in a quick breath this time and bites her bottom lip, which gives me my answer. I still want her to say it. "Yeah. It was two years ago."

Two years ago. Okay. I want more details but I'm not sure I'm ready to hear them.

"So nothing has happened between you two, since then?" I ask, hoping she'll be honest with me now.

I don't like the thought of her living with him since I know they have history, but I will choose to trust her. It's all I can do. She's being open now, and I still believe we were meant to find each other like this. It's not like I get to control what she does just because we're, maybe, together.  

   "Nothing has happened between us since then," she repeats my words. "We're friends. Roommates." Her fingers are moving again. My skin aches for her touch. I shiver as she runs her fingers back up my arm.  "I swear I want to be with you."

"I want that, too, Ruby," I tell her.

There's still a part of me that's unsure, since she didn't address the things she said that night. She didn't explain what she meant by Garrett picked Bet or Garrett doesn't care about me. I'm still wondering what these things mean when her lips go to my chin and cheek and then my lips. That's all it takes for of the uncertainty I've been feeling since Saturday night to be washed away with her mouth on mine.

Kissing this girl is the best feeling I've experienced in a long time. The way she melts into me is as if I'm the only guy that could never make her feel this. Her hands go into my hair and she's straddling me a minute later. My brain shuts off because being with her like this is all I've wanted for weeks. I've gotten to kiss her in an alley, and a forest and a movie theatre, but this is in my apartment. I mean, yeah, we're in the middle of the living room, but I couldn't care less. We don't break away, even when she's lifting the bottom of my shirt and pulling it over my head. Her hands all over me is exactly what I want and need and I'm growing hard, beneath her. There's no logic running through my head, just the primal need to kiss her and touch her.

    "Jakoby..." she purrs, mumbling against my mouth.

    "Yeah," I say back, but it's barely even a word. I'm kissing her again and my hands are up her shirt, touching her sides. Her skin is so soft and warm and, god, I want more.

She doesn't say anything else as she continues to kiss me, basically grinding her lower half against mine, through our pants. She knows what she's doing and I am not about to stop her now.

   "Mm," she whispers, as my mouth leaves her and trails down her jaw line to her neck.

I pull up her shirt next and toss it to the couch beside me. Clearly I'm not thinking straight because I've been wanting to show Ruby how I feel about her. I've been hoping she is an into me as I am her, and this is what I'm doing now. Her hand goes down and she runs it along the ridge of my erection, pressed against the zipper of my jeans. Shit. I bring my mouth back up to hers as my fingers slip into the top of her bra, grazing the soft skin of her breast. I want her, all of her, so bad, and she's showing me this is exactly what she wants, too.

   "Should we... go somewhere..." she whispers, when I pull away for  a second to look at her.

And that's when it hits me. There's no where to go in this damn apartment. This is it, the couch. My make-shift bed is leaning against the wall at the moment, but it's not still private. There's no way I can have sex with her in this apartment, since I don't have a bedroom with walls or a door.

I kiss her again, deep and hard, before pulling back again. I look down at her in just her bra, her body so small and beautiful. The way her hips are moving to rub against me, her hands still in my hair - she's fucking perfect. I have to stop this.

    "I don't have a bedroom, remember?" I tell her and then laugh lightly.

She rubs her forehead against my cheek and grunts and then pulls back and looks into my eyes. "Right. I knew that."

   "Are you disappointed?" I ask her without thinking.

She shrugs and kisses me again. "I'm okay with what we're doing."

   "Just okay?"

   "I'm more than okay with this," she whispers and then kisses me again.

I get lost in her again, as her hand goes back to my erection and rubs up and down a few times. I'm going to have to figure out where we can be alone, since it's not here or her apartment, obviously. I will have to book some time with the roommates to make sure they aren't going to be here -

   "Shit, sorry." It's David, suddenly standing three feet from the very couch Ruby and I are making out on, now half naked.

I didn't hear him come in.