Ruby

I'm walking down the sidewalk, wobbling and stumbling, when I get to a bus stop. There's a big glass shelter and I raise my hand and lean against it, needing it for support. Shit, I'm drunk. I still feel like I'm going to throw up and I sort of want to get it out of the way before Jakoby finds me, but -

"Ruby?" A voice comes from behind me.

  I spin my head too fast and have to shut my eyes to not throw up, for real. I can't quite focus as I look out towards the voice.

  Thankfully, it's Jakoby. He found me. Lifting my other hand, I wave at him as he gets closer. I watch as he looks me over and then grabs for my hand, because I'm stumbling again.

"Jesus, you're not a little drunk," he says, like he's disappointed in me. "How long have you been out here?"

"Well... hello to you too," I spit out and lean into him for support as we start walking further away from the house where the party was.

  I'm drunk enough that I don't even care that it's cold outside. I'm just in a sweater and jeans and Jakoby's wearing a winter hat and a vest over his sweater. He looks so damn cute that I really wish I hadn't messed tonight up for us.

"Ruby," he says my name again. "You're smashed."

"Yeah... I dunno how that happened..."

  He's using all his strength to keep me upright as we keep walking, but I don't know where we are. I wonder if he knows were we are. I wonder if he even wanted to leave his friend's party to come and rescue me. But I'm happy he's here and I'm trying not to fall over or puke, so I don't say anything else.

"There has to be some reason you were drinking so much," he says, and even though I'm drunk I can tell he's accusing me of something.

  I stop walking and turn to face him, but I stumble again. He catches me and holds both of my arms at the elbows, looking right into my eyes. His expression is a mix of pity and wonder, and it's the first moment I realize I really messed up by going to that damn party with Garrett.

  Suddenly it's like a dam that's breaking and the water is flooding out, destroying everything in it's path. It's so much water and destruction. I'm  the destruction.

"At first it was fun," I start, and Jakoby's watching me carefully. "We had a few beers, Bet and I were talking and laughing and Garrett was drinking with his co-workers... his friends. But I went off on my own for a few minutes and..." It's like I have verbal diarrhea and I know I shouldn't say all this out loud, but I can't stop. "When I went to find them again, they were making out...Garrett and Bet... and so I went and had some more drinks with these guys that I don't even know, and Garrett was hiding me from them... I don't know why he was doing that... And-"

"Ruby... slow down." Jakoby says this slowly and loudly, so I stop talking for a second.

  He looks confused. He looks like... he wants to hear more about it but also like he couldn't bare to listen for another second. For some reason, I keep going.

"Garrett... he's just so confusing. But then I called you. You aren't confusing, Jakoby. You're perfect. You said you'd come."

"I did come. I'm here," he says, and then looks away for a second. He looks so fucking torn when our eyes meet again.

"I fucked up," I go on, getting his attention again. "I really fucked this up. He picked her. I knew he did. So why did I come to this stupid party?"

"What are you talking about, Ruby?"

  I look away so I don't have to see his face and his reaction to my words. I know I said too much. One hand covers my mouth and the other pulls away from him. I practically fall to the ground but Jakoby grabs me before I hit the pavement. What did I just say? Why the hell did I say that out loud?

"Hey... just talk to me," he goes on, his voice soothing.

  He came to save me. Jakoby came, even though I lied. He left his roommate's party to pick me up and even though I'm drunk and saying stupid shit, he's still being sweet as pie. And I know that I can't say any more about that. I should know better. Swallowing hard, I link my hand into his. But the words keep coming out of my mouth.

"Garrett doesn't want me. He never really wanted me..." I'm mumbling and for some reason I feel like I'm just telling myself this.

  Drunk me doesn't realize that Jakoby can hear me. He stops walking again and brings my face up so I'm looking into his eyes again. I'm confused as to why he's doing this. What is he looking for?  He looks like he has so much say, so I wait. I love looking into his eyes. God, I want him to kiss me.

"I need to get you home," he finally says.

  I lean back onto the bus shelter and pull him with me. His eyes are dark and he looks a bit angry but also like he's trying to hide it. I glance at his lips, those lips that I kissed in the alley behind the bar, in the movie theatre and when we were were lost on the trail. This was the best week of my life and I messed it up.

"Will you just kiss me?" I ask him, because it's all I can think about now.

  Jakoby looks so torn, once again. He wants to, I know it. But something is holding him back.

  "You're really drunk."

"You don't kiss drunk girls?" I ask, completely serious.

"I don't make a habit of it."

"I'm sorry, Jakoby." I sigh. "I know that I... I should have just gone to Johnny's party with you."

"Ruby's, it's okay." He says this casually even though I'm still holding him, our faces an inch apart.

"I wasn't lying when I said I really like you, you know? I wasn't lying. And you make me feel safe and good. Jakoby, you know that?"

Tears fill my eyes all of a sudden and everything is crashing down around me. I'm too drunk. I shouldn't be here and I'm cold and Jakoby won't kiss me.

"Ruby, I know. I like you too, a lot." He manages a smile, but I can see the wheels still turning in his head. He's thinking about all the stupid shit I just said about Garrett. He's wondering if all of this drama is really worth it. He's questioning everything that's happened over the last few weeks.

  I don't hesitate. I just pull him closer and press my lips against his. He warms me up. He unthaws my frozen body. My hands whip into his hair and I pull him even closer, somehow. My tongue is in his mouth and I want more. His hands hold my sides, keeping me vertical as we kiss. His eyes are closed. He wants this, but he's still hesitant.

"Let's get you home," he whispers as he pulls away.

The cold, long walk sobers me up a bit. Everything is coming back to me in waves. I lied to Jakoby about staying home. I went to the stupid party where I didn't know anyone and I got way too drunk, because my jealously got the best of me. I saw Garrett's eyes when I told him I was leaving. He was daring me to go. And he stayed, he chose Bet. He's been choosing her for weeks, just as I've been choosing Jakoby.

  Fuck. I told Jakoby things that I should never have said.

  It's after 1A.M. when we get back to my apartment and the heat blasts my face as we step inside, compared to the cool air outside. I pull Jakoby's hand and drag him down to my bedroom, not even taking off our shoes. I'm still drunk and my head hurts and I really hope I don't puke now. Jakoby doesn't need to see that.

   "Lay down," he says calmly. "You need to sleep."

   "Stay," I tell him. It's a request. I don't want him to leave now.

   "I'll go get you some water," he answers, ignoring me. When he comes back with a glass of water, he puts it right into my hand, since I'm still sitting up. "Drink it."

  I do as I'm told and when it's empty, I place it on my night stand and look up at him again. "Please, stay."

   "I can't, Ruby." The words slice through my heart.

    He can't or he doesn't want to?

  I lay down because the room is now spinning and he pulls up my blanket, tucking me in. My eyes are closed when he leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead. And then he's gone.