Ruby

"Visiting hours are ending, but I brought in your friends for a quick reunion," nurse Molly says, as she pushes open the door to my room, a bit later.

There, at the foot of my bed, are Ryan, Kaylee and Garrett. I'm so happy to see them. I'm so happy to be alive. My heart is beating and I'm okay.

Garrett rushes to my side and falls down onto me, wrapping himself around me right away. He's crying and holding me and while I knew he was scared - he must have been terrified finding me unconscious like that - I don't feel bad for him. When he pulls away and stands up, I avoid his eyes.

"Shit girl, you really scared us," Kaylee says and nervously moves from one side of the room to the other.

   "I'm sorry," I tell her. "I really didn't mean to."

"We're just so glad you're okay," she tells me.

I smile and nod and then look at Ryan. He looks worried, like he knows what I'm about to say. Garrett stays close to my side, even though I'm ignoring him at this point. I'm far too overwhelmed right now to tell him now I feel, but he'll have to hear it eventually. I'm not just mad at him. I'm done with him.

"Where's Jakoby? The other nurse said he was here," I ask, looking between Kaylee and Ryan.

   "He was. A lot. Like so much. But they wouldn't let him in to see you at all and... he didn't know they were moving you down here. He'll be back tomorrow," Ryan explains.

Tomorrow? No. I can't wait til tomorrow to see him. I need to tell him how sorry I am. I need to make sure he knows I fucked up and that all of this was a big, stupid mistake. Tomorrow is too far away.

"You can come home tomorrow, if everything's okay overnight," Garrett tells me, drawing my attention to him again.

I look at him but I just stare. He doesn't feel like my best friend anymore. He feels like someone who betrayed me. Sure, I kissed him back. Yes, it was a two-way street. But he started it. He should have known better.

I glance at Ryan. "What about my work? Did someone -"

"I went in and talked to your boss," Garrett answers instead. "She knows you are in the hospital and I said you'd call her when you are able to."

I nod at him but don't reply. I know Garrett would do anything for me. He'd drop anything to be at my side. But he took it too far on Saturday night. None of this would have happened if he hadn't have pulled that shit.

"Have you guys been here this whole time?" I ask Ryan and Kaylee, trying to piece all of this together.

I've only been awake for less than six hours and I feel like I'm missing a lot of information. 

   "We've been driving back and forth every day," Ryan says and then shrugs when he sees I'm surprised by this. "We'd do it again."

I tear up and squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them again, nurse Molly is back and telling them it's time to go. I don't want them to go. Well, I want Garrett to go. But I'd like Ryan and Kaylee to stay a lot longer.

"As long as things are the same overnight, discharge is 11am. Someone will need to be here to pick her up," Molly tells them, after telling them they need to leave.

  "I'll be here," Garrett says quickly. He looks at the nurse but then his eyes settle on mine. "Ruby, I'll be here. Okay?"

I nod at him again and then hold my breath as I watch them all shuffle out of the room again. Ryan says he'll call me in the morning to check in, motioning at my phone on the table beside my bed. I didn't even know it was there. And then I force a smile and watch them leave.

Reaching for my phone when the room is quiet again, I unlock it and open my texts. No new messages. Why didn't Jakoby stay? Why hasn't he texted me? Does he even know I'm awake and okay? My heart is beating way too fast as I think about the possibilities. Does he not want to be with me anymore? I mean, I wouldn't blame him. I basically cheated on him, right after promising him I didn't have feelings for Garrett. Why did I fall for it? Why did I let Garrett screw everything up? And why was Jakoby at my apartment that night? He came here to the hospital, apparently a lot, but didn't stay long enough to come in to visit. I'm so confused.

I lay there in that too-bright room, looking at the ceiling for a long time. It's after 10P.M. when I reach for my phone again.

I go back and forth about whether it's a good idea or not, but I finally send the message that I type out. I have nothing to lose at this point.

Jakoby, I'm so sorry. My heart is aching knowing I hurt you. I understand if you don't want to talk to me or if you want space, but I am so so sorry.

Then I put my phone down and squeeze my eyes closed, praying for sleep.

Jakoby

I wake up and go to work and spend the day trying to focus. By mid-week there's always a bunch of new demos to listen to, so half the day is spent in the sound booth with Doc, just listening. He asks my opinion a bit but not a lot. Then he tells me to finish up my work and spend some time writing. He never gives me time in my work day to write, so I jump at the chance. Especially since I'm completely broken inside and pretending like I'm fine.

I read that text from Ruby last night at least fifty times already. I can't reply. Not yet. I know she's probably back at her apartment with Garrett by now. He's likely taking care of her. She doesn't need me. She feels bad for what happened but I don't know what else to say. Everything hurts. At least I can write about it.

My broken heart is in two thousand pieces on the floor

I can't even begin to think about you anymore

There's far too many angry thoughts swirling around in my head

Thinking about you with him fills me with so much dread

So why do I miss you? Why do I want you? Why am I dying inside... without you?

I slam down my pencil and push away the piece of paper. I mean, that's how I feel. Leaving it there, I head to the bathroom. After washing my face and taking a few deep breaths, I go back out to the table I was working at. Doc is standing there, that paper in his hand. He looks up at me with dark eyes.

"What happened, Jakoby?"

   "Nothing. I'm fine," I say quickly.

"This is not fine." He holds out the piece of paper. "This is sad. And broken. It's good. But If you want to talk-"

   "I'm okay," I spit out. "Thanks."

"Okay. Keep writing. Go home if you need to."

I nod and plop back down at the desk. I'll finish this song in ten minutes at the rate I'm going. All these emotions are right at the surface waiting to come out, like a tidal wave ready to wash away the shore.

My phone is ringing a few minutes later, so I pull it out and see that it's Ruby. I ignore it and push it back into my pocket. I finish the song. I walk down to Doc's office and hand it over and then I tell him I'm leaving for the day.

Two hours later I'm at home and Johnny comes in from work. He looks exhausted but he comes over and sits down next to me on the couch anyway. He was probably working one or two twelve hour shifts. I was only at work for half a day, but I still feel completely wiped out.

"Dude, you look so rough." Johnny says this with a smile, like he's teasing me. He doesn't know everything that happened to me over the last few days.

   "Yeah." I don't bother arguing or being offended by that. It's the truth.

"What's going on?" he wants to know.

   "A lot. Too much," I say, and shake my head.

"Jakoby, talk to me."

   "I don't know what to say. You were right. Ruby was trouble and I should have seen it. But I loved her, man."

"Loved? Or love," he wants to know.

   "I don't know anymore." I shake my head. I don't know what else to do.

"You were so damn happy when you were with her." He's so fucking right.

   "Yeah. But she..." I can't say it. "I don't know what's going to happen now."

"Take it one days at a time. Yeah?"

   "Yeah."

"Is she okay now?" he asks, surprising me a bit.

Johnny works at the hospital where she was taken. He heard about the girl who overdosed on sleeping pills in the ICU. He figured out it was Ruby when he saw me there, over the weekend. I had to explain to him what happened, but I left out some of the details.

"I think so. Her brother texted that she was asking about me."

   "Okay. So, go see her. You can't leave it like this."

"I..." I punch the couch beside me, anger boiling again. "I don't think it can be fixed."

   "You're angry at her?"

"I'm not. I don't feel anger towards her. I feel regret and pain and heartache. I'm angry at him."

I told Johnny the gist of what happened that night, but not every detail. He knows that I walked in on Ruby kissing Garrett.

"Give her a chance to talk. Maybe sit down and try to actually talk about-"

   "About what? What's there to say?"

"You said she brought up her past and you didn't know how to react because you were fuming, right?" I nod. "Give her a chance to talk to you about it when you're calm."

  "That night... she asked about my past, too. I haven't been open with her about my mom," I admit.

Johnny sighs and reaches oven to pat my back. "Dude. You already know what you have to do. But in case you're dumber than I thought... go see her. Tell her everything. Let her tell you her pain. And then you can see if you can heal together."

"It seems like... I might be too late."

   "You're not. I saw how she looked at you when you were together. I'm going to bed."

And with that he stands and leaves the room, turning down to go to his bedroom. When I hear the door shut, I pull out my phone. I re read her text from last night. I hope I'm not too late.