Ruby

I don't know if I'm glad that we were interrupted or not, but I know Jakoby and I were so close to having sex the other day, on his couch. It felt so right and knowing how he feels about me made me want to do it. It's been two years since I've had sex and I never really thought about it much until I met Jakoby. I've been thinking about it a lot lately.

He doesn't know everything about my relationship with Garrett. He only knows what he does know because I was so drunk and couldn't keep my mouth shut. He doesn't know that I was in love with Garrett. He doesn't know we had sex a lot before he ended it, breaking my heart. He doesn't know that I was sexually abused as a kid and also as a teenager. I do think we should have these conversations before we jump into sex, but I was so ready that day earlier this week, that if we hadn't been interrupted, I'm sure we would have done it.

When we left his apartment, we went for milkshakes and ended up making out in Garrett's car, in the parking lot. That wasn't very mature of us. It was the middle of the day and anyone could have seen us. But it felt amazing. It felt like he was trying to prove to me how much he likes me. I don't know why he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet, but I'm sure we're at that point now.

That was two days ago. Yesterday, we met at the coffee shop when I was done work. We held hands across from each other and talked and drank our coffees. We shared a cookie. And then he drove me home - since he had Johnny's car - and we made out in the parking lot of my apartment building before I got out and went inside.  I almost told him that I want us to be exclusive. I almost said the words "I want to be your girlfriend". But it didn't feel right in the moment. I know he knows by now, anyway. He must know that I feel this way about him.

Tonight, I walked home from work and got in around 7:30P.M. Jakoby had texted me in the afternoon that he'd be at the studio late, but he wanted to see me. I don't know what "late" is, so I've been waiting for him to text again. Tonight, I'm going to invite him over and I'll lock us in my bedroom and we'll finally be alone. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Garrett is out with Bet, at least for awhile.

I'm making a sandwich when my phone goes off. I practically run across the room to fetch it and then I see it's a text from Garrett.

Staying at Bet's tonight.

My heart starts pounding. Hard. This is exactly what I was hoping for but suddenly I'm terrified. Am I actually going to have sex with Jakoby tonight? I mean, if he ever texts me back.

I change into a sundress - even though it's winter now, it's warm in the apartment - and wait. Waiting sucks, but I know he's likely still working. I pour myself a  glass of wine from the bottle in the fridge and drink it back, fast. I need a little courage tonight. Finally, just after 9P.M., a text comes in from him.

Hey, I know it's late. I can take an Uber if you want to meet me somewhere?

This is it. I have to tell him that my apartment is empty for the night and I want him to come over. He's going to know what this means, so I have to be ready. I'm ready, right?

Me: Come over? Garrett's gone for the night.

It feels like an hour passes as I wait for him to send his message back. I see the three little dots appear and disappear so many times. He's trying to figure out how to respond. Doesn't he want to be with me this way? It sure seems like he did the other day.

I'm feeling self conscious by the time my phone actually dings.

Jakoby: On my way

He's coming over. Okay, Ruby, don't freak out. Sure, it's been a long time since I've been intimate in this way. But I'm in control now. And it's Jakoby.

The code is 2355, I text back, so he can come right in when he gets here.

I'm more and more anxious as the minutes pass. I look through the cupboards but realize that we don't have any snacks. I am not prepared for this. But I have wine, so I pour two classes and sit back on the couch. I hear him in the hallway just before I hear the knock on the door. Jumping up, I fix my hair and walk towards the door.

There he is, wearing jeans and a long sleeved button up shirt. It's grey and it makes his eyes pop. His hair is sort of wild and he literally brushes it off his forehead as he takes me in. His eyes go down my body and slowly back up.

   "Come in," I say quietly.

He steps in and follows me through to the living room after stepping out of his shoes. We both know the last time he was here I was very drunk and he tucked me into bed and left. Tonight is going to be so very different.

"Wine?" he asks, looking amused.

   "I... I don't know. It's all I had here."

He reaches down and scoops one of the glasses up. As soon as he takes a sip, his expression turns more serious. "I was thinking about you all day," he starts and then takes another sip. "Like... I can't get you out of my head."

My stomach does a somersault but I keep my eyes on him. I already had a glass of wine so I don't need this one, but it's calling my name. I glance at it, pick up and take a sip all at once.

"Why'd you have to work late tonight?"

He rolls his eyes and huffs. "Because Doc has been giving me time to write and record some stuff... there was a lot of work tonight. Emails, paperwork. I had to go out and pick up the dinner order."

"Sounds like you were busy."

  "Yeah. And I was constantly distracted by thoughts of you."

I blush and then move across the space to sit on the couch. He follows and sits close to me. "What about me is distracting?" I ask, knowing what this will do to him.

Jakoby grins and finishes his wine, then reaches and takes mine out of me hand.   I had barely sipped any. In one fell swoop he pulls me into his lap.

"This."

Our foreheads are touching a moment later and I suck in a breath, realizing this is already going fast.

"Ruby... I want..." he says and let's his voice trail off.

What? He wants to have sex, or he wants me to be his girlfriend? I mean, both are good. I want both, too. But I wish he'd just say it.

"Hmm?" I ask, teasing him. My lips brush his but we don't kiss.

    "You sure no one's coming back tonight?"  he asks, careful not to say Garrett's name.

I nod and move my hips a bit, pressing into him. Jakoby grunts and suddenly pulls me off of him, stands, and scoops me up. He's not a big, strong guy by any means but he's a lot bigger than me and he's holding me against his chest, my legs wrapped around his waist. He knows where my room is and goes there, fast, and slams the door behind us.

When he puts me down on my bed, he lowers himself above me. He's breathing heavily and I know he's excited and maybe nervous too. And then his mouth crashes into mine, rough and full of want and demand. He's careful not to put his weight on me, so one arm is holding himself up beside my head, but he wants to be closer. I want him closer. He's thinking the same thing as he leans and falls to his back, pulling me with him so I'm on top.

"Just so we're on the same page here..." he breathes out. "We're going to..."

I let out a laugh at his eyebrows, which are shooting up. He doesn't want to say the words have sex. I want him to say it.

"What?" I tease him, sitting up, my legs on either side of him.

He's hard, beneath me. He wants me. No there's denying that.

"If you're not ready... just tell me."

   "Ready for what..." I ask again.

"Stop," he threatens jokingly, and pulls me down so he's kissing me again.

God, he's a good kisser.

And that's all it takes. Our clothes are everywhere a few minutes later and I'm hovering over him in just my underwear and bra, him in just his boxers, pants at his ankles. I run my hands down his bare chest, stopping at the top of the boxers. He groans and waits, breath baited.     When I release him from his underwear, he almost gasps. I do, too. He's bigger than I was imagining. I run my hand up and down it a few times as he moans my name.

And then he's gone, like he can't control his urges, and he flips me back to my back and kisses me harder than before. He pulls down my underwear and slips his fingers down my body, slowly.

"God, Ruby, you're so wet," he mumbles as he touches me.

I pop my hips up as he does this and bite my bottom lip. He turns me on so much but it's been a long time since I've given someone else control of my body. I'm silent, so he stops and looks down at me.

"Are you okay? Tell me if you don't want to-"

   "I do. I'm just... it's been a long time. And..."

"Ruby... I'm not going to hurt you. I'd never hurt you," he whispers and then kisses me again.

He doesn't even know about all the shit  that has happened to me. He doesn't know that two different men specifically took this from me against my will, when I was still a child. Men who were supposed to care about me. So him saying that he'll never hurt me is a big deal.

I relax slightly and pull his hand back to where it was. He grunts and touches me again.

"Jesus."

  "I want you to... fuck me, Jakoby," I tell him, and I mean it.

I don't know how else to tell him that I'm ready. His eyes glaze over and he grins and then sits up to reach for his jeans. He pulls out a condom and meets my eyes again as he slips it on.

"You came prepared," I tell him with a smile.

   "I... well ... I was hoping," he says sweetly.

He's careful with me, like he's being overly cautious because he knows I've been hurt before. He doesn't know how but he's trying to constantly prove he's not like other guys. I believe him, tonight. I've always believed him.

He kisses me the whole time and even though it doesn't last long, it's beautiful and amazing and we finish together, both of us yelling and panting and spent.

"Ruby... oh my god, that was..." He can't form a sentence. I don't blame him.

I reach up and brush some hair out of his face. "Amazing."

"Fuck," he grunts and then rolls to his back. "Yes."

I turn onto my side and look at him. His eyes are half open and he's definitely trying to take this all in. Once again I wish he'd just ask me to be his girlfriend. I wish he'd tell me he wants me to be his, because I know he wants that.

When he kisses me now, it's soft and almost... loving. Then he says he'll be right back and disappears out of my room. He's back a minute later and reaches for his boxers before slipping them on, then climbs back into my bed beside me. I pull the blanket up to cover my still naked body.

I want him to stay. I want him to fall asleep with me and wake up with me but I don't know what's going on in his head. He leans down and kisses my shoulder, leaving his lips pressed for a longer than a kiss.

"You're so beautiful," he mutters.

   "Yeah? You think so?"

"Yes I do. "

    "Do you want to stay tonight?" I ask, without thinking.

He freezes up for a split second, but I notice it. It's already after 11P.M. and we both have to work in the morning, but we can figure that out then, right?

"I have to go in the studio early tomorrow. Like... 7Am." He says this carefully, like he already know it's going upset me.

   "Oh. Okay." Yep, I'm disappointed.

"Ruby... I want to stay. Honestly. But I don't think we'd get much sleep... and I'd never get down to the studio on time," he goes on, and pressing another kiss to my shoulder.

Is that just an excuse because he doesn't want to stay over? Or is he afraid of the confrontation that could come from Garrett if he comes home? I'm nervous about that, honestly, but I still want him to stay.

"Okay. No worries," I spit out.

  "Hey... I..." He doesn't finish.

"It's okay."

He nods and kisses me again, just as softly as before. It's not fast and greedy now, it's kind. He keeps his eyes on me as I sit up and reach for my dress, then pull it over my head. Is he regretting saying he has to go?

When we are both dressed, we go back out to the main room. I grab my half full glass of wine and drink it back. Jakoby laughs and then pulls me in close to him again.

"That was seriously so... so damn good," he whispers into my hair.

  "Yeah?"

"Mm hmm. I can't wait to do it again," he says, and I am glad to hear that. "Let's go in a date soon."

  "Tomorrow?" I suggest. I really don't even want to wait til tomorrow to see him again. "I work til 4P.M."

"I should be off at six," he says, not answering the question.

   "Okay. Date it is," I finish. "Think of something good."

Jakoby grins and pulls me close again and kisses the top of my head.

This is exactly what I have been missing in my life. Someone to spend time with, who treats me like I deserve to be treated, and who genuinely cares about me. The way he looks at me really makes me feel like a whole person, finally.  It's so good. I just hope it's not too good to be true.

"See you tomorrow, Ruby," he says after kissing me again for a long time.

"Okay. G'night, Jakoby."

I let him go, even though I would do anything to make him want to stay.