Ruby

Garrett is pretending everything is fine between us, so maybe everything is.

   When I got home from Canton, he was watching a movie, alone. He gave me a big smile And asked if I got his text. I told him not to apologize, that it was fine. Then he invited me to finish the movie with him and asked how dinner with Ryan and Kaylee was.

   I didn't ask about how his evening was, because I was pretty sure he didn't have plans. He just didn't want to go with me to dinner. Garrett likes to avoid confrontation at all costs. That's something he picked up as a child in the system. I mean, I am the same way. We'd rather forget it happened and go on as usual, pushing the awkwardness down and down until it's not there anymore. Not sure if that's the best solution for us, but it's always worked so far.

   Now, it's Saturday morning. Now, even though Garrett and I are pros at pretending things are just dandy, we have to do this get-together tonight, with Jakoby. I'm feeling a mix of every emotion there is. Excited to see Jakoby, which surprises me. Nervous for how Garrett will act. Proud of myself to actually be stepping out of my comfort zone. And so on.

   I make my way to the living room after my shower, a bit after 9A.M. I'm dressed in shorts and a tank top and my wet hair is down. I keep feeling the urge to change it again, but for now it's dark brown, a few red streaks throughout.

   My stomach growls as I smell something good and soon realize Garrett is making breakfast. There's a plate of scrambled eggs on the table and some toast and pancakes. He cooks when he's trying to fix something. His back is to me as he speaks.

   "Hungry?"

   "Always," I answer with a smile.

   Garrett turns slightly and looks me up and down before turning back to flip a pancake. I wish he wouldn't look at me like that. I wonder if he knows how he still affects me, sometimes.

   "I thought since you're off today we could have this big breakfast together and just hang out," he says, his back to me again.

   That sounds so nice. I worked a lot this week and the awkwardness between us really affected me. Since he apologized in the text Wednesday night, we've been good. Or we've been pretending to be.

   He's putting a full plate in front of me a couple minutes later and then he pulls out the other chair and sits across from me. His green eyes meet mine and then he starts eating. This man is like a part of me, but I've been able to separate us over the last year. I've been okay with him not being mine. I didn't have a choice. I joke with him about how he likes to have one night stands. But now? Everything is changing, and I can feel it in the air around us.

   "So, is Bet coming over tonight?" I ask, and look down at my plate so I don't see his reaction.

   He grunts and shoved some eggs into his mouth. "You invited her. So I assume yes."

   "You don't have to act like she's not your-"

   "Ruby, she's not." Garrett stops me.

   I nod. "Well, you need to tell her that."

   "No, I don't." He's so serious and holding my eyes with his.

   When I blink, he looks away and then drinks back his coffee. Things have never  been this tense between us and I really wish I knew how to fix it. He was obviously trying to fix it with breakfast, but I brought up Bet. I messed this up.

   "Sorry," he mumbles. "I didn't mean to snap at you. How's the pancakes?"

   "Good."

   He swallows hard. I watch his chest rise and fall for a minute. "She's coming over at 6P.M. She's bringing chips and stuff and some beer."

   "Cool," I say, and then nod.

   "What should we do all day? Just us?" he wants to know, his lips curling up at the sides just a bit.

   My heart swells and my chest loosens a bit. I relax and eat some more eggs. He watches me, waiting.

   "Grey's Anatomy marathon?" I finally suggest.

   Garrett grins and agrees without saying anything.

*   

As the clock changes over to 5P.M., my stomach is in knots. We spent all day carelessly watching Netflix and got through half of the second seasons of Grey's. When I'm able to block everything else out, being with Garrett is the best. If am not thinking about how I used to crave him and if I had a hard day, he was the only one who could make me feel better - I'm okay. But those few hours of peace together had to end, and my phone alarm goes off. Our little pretend world is disrupted.

   I jump up and tell Garrett I'm going to get ready. He nods, trying to keep a happy face, for me.
I've never gotten dressed to try to impress anyone before, besides Garrett. When I was eighteen, everything I did was with him in mind. Would he like this dress? Will he kiss me if I wear lipstick? And then we had our few months of whatever it was we were doing, the first few months I lived here. I didn't have to do anything for his attention. I always had it. We wanted each other and we had it. Then, after it ended, I only wore baggy clothes and purposely tried to seem like I didn't care what he thought. It was a weird few months until we got past that.

   Now, I try on two different outfits. I have no idea what I was wearing the first few times I met Jakoby. Well, that's not true - I know I was wearing my blue dress on his birthday, when we bumped into each other at the mall. He wrote about it in the song.

   Your blue dress. Those pink streaks in your hair. You look at me like you don't even care.

   At the bar, for his gig, I wore jeans and a cardigan. So now, I don't know what to wear. The third outfit wins, but only because I'm sick of changing. It's a white crop top and my favourite jeans. Casual. Cute. I add a tiny bit of mascara and brush my hair before heading back out to the main living space.

   I guess I was in my room for awhile because Bet is there. She's in a pink dress and her jet black hair is pin straight and just hitting her shoulders. She's like model-pretty. I remember the first thought I had about her when we met was "she's the prettiest girl I've ever seen".

   Her mouth drops open when she sees me now, though.

   "You look hot, girl. Jakoby's going to be drooling when he sees you."

   I shake my head and blush a little, making sure I don't look at Garrett. He's in the kitchen pouring snacks into bowls and he's already drinking. Half his bottle of beer is gone. But when he does turn and look at me, he smiles his real, sweet smile. Relief washes over me.

   "Bet, did you bring up the cheese balls?"

   She covers her moth with her hand and gasps. "Damnit. Left them in my car. Be right back!"

   She crosses the room and tears the door open. Everything Bet does is loud and wild, it's just her way. The door closes again behind her and I turn away from Garrett. I don't want to be alone with him. As if we didn't spent all day together, alone. He doesn't talk to me the whole time she's gone, which is only three minutes. I watch the clock.

   My hands are sweaty and I wipe them on my jeans just as Bet pushing the door open again. She's holding a massive bag of cheese balls. They are My favourite snack and Garrett knows this.

   "God, I love these," Bet says loudly a minute later as she pops the bag open.

   "Me too," I say, crossing the room to grab a few out of the bowl.

   The next ten minutes are as normal as can be. Bet is her normal bubbly self and when she giggles and hugs Garrett, he lets her. He wraps an arm around her waist, even. I notice but I force myself to not feel anything about it. I'm only nervous because Jakoby will be here soon.

   Bet goes over to Garrett's laptop and plays some music, just as my phone buzzes. I reach for it and see there's a text from Jakoby, as I expected.

   Be there in a few minutes.

   My hand is shaking as I type back. Okay. It's apartment 203.

   Alright, see you soon :)

   "He's almost here!" I say out loud, and then start pacing the room.

   Bet laughs. "What are you worried about? It'll be fine!"

   I nod, trying to convince myself.  "I don't know. This is new to me."

   She walks across the main room towards me and pulls my hand until we are both sitting on the couch. She's the same age as Garrett but she seems younger, most of the time. Now, she looks me right in the eyes and has a serious look on her face.

   "You are beautiful. And awesome. And Jakoby's lucky to have a cool girl like you."

   "We're not really,.. you know..."

   "Still. Whatever you are or aren't. He's lucky. Remember that!"

   And then she jumps up again right as there's a knock on the door. Panic strikes me for a moment but I force myself to stand and go towards the door.

   Taking in a deep breath, I reach for the door handle. This is it.