Ruby

I still can't believe Jakoby and I are okay.

  We're actually more than okay, somehow. He said he loves me. He asked me to be his girlfriend. And I told him that I love him. God, I really do love him.

  The next day, I go to work at the museum after a full week off. So much has happened since the last time I was here. I was in a coma. I thought I lost Jakoby for good, and now I'm his girlfriend. Being back at work feels good and normal, but also so strange. It's like I'm trying to act like none of that even happened. My co-workers ask how I'm doing, and I wonder what all they know. I'm assuming they don't know that I overdosed. I wonder if my boss knows that.

  Jakoby comes in around my lunch break and brings me a coffee and a cookie. He's off today. We sit outside the museum on a bench, even though it's cold, for fifteen minutes before I have to go back to work. He kisses me and says he'll call me tonight. Things feels so good between us that knowing I'm going to ruin this again feels so wrong. I just hope he really understands.

  At the end of my six hour shift, I ask my boss, Julie, if we can talk. She looks concerned as she steps into her office, me following behind, and then she looks disappointed when I tell her that I am giving my notice. I quit. I am going to work two more shifts to finish up the schedule and then I am heading to Canton. I don't explain everything, but I tell her that I need to go stay with my brother for awhile, and she says she understands.

   I called Ryan last night.

   I was so worried about leaving Youngstown without getting to talk to Jakoby, but after our day together yesterday, everything was much more clear. I knew what I had to do. Ryan said of course I am welcome to stay with them. He's the one who suggested it a couple of days ago. They have an extra bedroom and even an extra car, so I can use it to visit Jakoby. Things will be okay.

  I don't know how long I'll stay in Canton, but I know I appreciate Ryan and Kaylee more than they'll ever know. The fact that we weren't even in each other's lives just a few months ago is crazy.

*

  When Jakoby calls me an hour after I get home from the museum, he sounds sad. Even his 'hello' doesn't sound like him. He must know what is going to happen in this conversation.

  "So, you're moving, aren't you?" he asks, because I haven't fully come out and said it yet.

  "I am." There's no point in beating around the bush.

  A heavy sigh comes through my phone and into my ear. "Okay."

  "You don't have to pretend you're okay with it," I tell him, sitting down on my bed.

  "I'm okay with it, because it's what you need," he says easily. "It hurts, though."

  "I will come back and see you as much as I can," I say, and I really hope it's true. My plan is to get a job and start a new life in Canton, but I won't leave Jakoby behind. I can't.

  "Two of my roommates have cars. Hopefully they'll be nice enough to let me borrow them to visit you, too," he says, but he still sounds defeated.

  "You're really okay with this? Being with me, even after everything that happened? Even though I'm moving an hour away?" I ask, my voice serious and quiet.

  He waits a moment or two before answering, and my chest tightens. "Well, the other option - you know, not being with you - sounds horrible."

  "Jakoby..." I say, but don't go on. I wish he was with me, not on the other end of the phone.

  "Yeah?"

  "I'm sorry about how everything happened. I know I already-"

  "Ruby, you need to get out of this town for awhile, and that's okay. I'll be here, playing the bar and going to the studio, and... I'll call you, every night," he tells me, and I really hope he means it.

  "You promise?" I ask, so I can hear him say it.

  "Yes. When are you leaving?"

   I swallow the lump in my throat. "Tuesday."

  "Like... in three days?" He's surprised by this. I guess I didn't tell him that I was planning on leaving so soon.

  "I have to finish up two shifts at the museum. And then... yeah."

  "Can I see you tomorrow?" he asks, now finally sounding hopeful. More like himself. Instead of getting upset that I'm leaving so soon, he wants to take the opportunity to use the time we have together.

  "Of course." I smile. "I work until 4P.M."

  "I'll be there," he finishes.

  I don't feel great about any of this, but I do feel less and less comfortable in this apartment as the days since I got back from the hospital pass. That's how I know that I'm making the right call to go stay in Canton, at least for awhile. I also know I have to face Garrett, eventually. But not tonight. Tonight, I stay in my room. I watch a show on Netflix and fall asleep early, because tonight I made a big decision for myself, and it feels like the weight of my world is on my shoulders.

*

  Garrett's in the kitchen the next morning, as I go out to leave for work. It's early on a Sunday, so I wasn't expecting to see him there. My stomach tightens, but this interaction is unavoidable. Avoiding his eyes, I slip passed him to make a coffee. He crosses the room and goes to the further side of the kitchen, leaning against the wall. He's been giving me space; I've been avoiding him all together.

  It's been four days since we've talked.

  He tried, when he picked me up from the hospital and brought me back here. I told him that I wasn't ready to talk to him. He tried again, a few times over the last couple of days. But I'm still not ready. I am not sure if or when I ever will be.

  My coffee is in my travel mug and I'm pressing the lid on as I turn away to put on my boots. It's going to be a snowy walk to work, but I don't care at this point. It's just what I have to do. Two more shifts at the museum. Two more days in this apartment.

  "Ruby." Garrett's voice stops me in my tracks.

  I've spent the past few days feeling so much anger towards him. I still feel it, but it's dissipating slowly. I'm moving onto not caring at all. There's been so much tension in the air in this apartment that it doesn't feel healthy anymore, for either of us. It definitely doesn't feel like home.

  I don't turn back, but I answer. "Yeah?"

  "Can we talk? Soon?" There's desperation in his voice.

  Finally I turn back and look at him, but I don't meet his eyes. I know what I have to do. "I'm moving to Canton, in a few days."

  Garrett looks heartbroken and hurt and sad. His eyes go wide for a split second before he drops his head and looks down at his hands. I can tell there's so much he wants to say, but he just nods. "Okay."

  And that's that. He doesn't try to argue about it, or ask questions. The answers are here, somewhere, if he really thinks about it. He has to know why I need to leave. I have no idea if Garrett and I will ever be friends again, but I do know that I need space from him now.

  And thank god it feels like he's actually going to give me the space without arguing or trying to keep me here. Garrett's never been a negative part of my life. He's always been my saviour, my heart, my friend. So, feeling this towards him hurts me, too. I know he cares about me a lot, even now, because he's choosing to let me go, even though he doesn't want that at all.

  And somehow, I feel thankful for that.