Jakoby

I'm leaving the apartment to go meet Ruby when someone pulls open the lobby door, just as I'm about to push it. I step out of the way so the man can enter, but he freezes. His eyes drag down my body and he looks like he's in shock. I still haven't really looked at him - I'm just thinking about getting to Ruby.

  She's letting me back into her world. It's been two weeks since her accident. One week since we sat across from each other in our coffee shop and let out all out. And we're okay. We're better than okay. This week has been amazing and hard and eye opening all at once. But she's mine. My girlfriend. My love.

  Ruby moved to Canton a few days ago. The day she left, we cried together. But this is what she needs. She's only an hour away and Ryan and Kaylee have two cars - they are letting her borrow one tonight to come and see me. We are meeting at the movie theatre. We never did get to go on that date we planned. It was supposed to be the Sunday after she ended up in the hospital. A lot has happened since that night, but I'm so glad we are where we are now. Even though it means Ruby lives an hour away from me.

  "Jakoby?" The man asks me now, stepping back.

  That's when my stomach drops and I look up into his eyes. No way. This isn't real.

  "Uh, yes?" I say anyway. Denial is setting in.

  "Son... oh my god. I just knew as soon as I saw you."

  He is still just standing there with the door open. His hair is dark but greying a bit and he's got some facial hair and glasses. But he doesn't look all that different from thirteen years ago. The last time I saw him.

  "I have to go," I say quickly.

  "Jakoby. I came here after I went back to Akron... and found out..."

  I shake my head. This can't be happening. There's no way this is real. I just want to see Ruby - it's been three days and I miss her. I can't deal with this right now.

  "She's dead. Your mother. Why didn't you get a hold of me?" the man - my father - asks suddenly.

  "Why didn't I... seriously? You left me a long time ago. You didn't care about us." I say the words because I mean them but also because I want this conversation to end.

  "Of course I did. I cared about so much. That's why I left, to live in Nashville. I wanted to support my family-"

  "I can't do this right now. I have somewhere to be," I tell him, pushing past to go outside.

  "Jakoby." His voice is stern and he's begging me. "I'm staying at a hotel here for a few days. Can we meet up? Please?"

  I look at him right in the eyes and say the first thing I think of. "I can't."

  "Jakoby, please," he says again. "I just need to explain."

  "Oh, you do? Thirteen years later?" I'm getting more and more angry as the seconds pass.

  "Yes. Please, if you'd let me explain-" he tries to go on, but I interrupt.

  "I will take your number. I'll call you if I'm ready to see you again." He pulls a business card out of his jacket pocket and holds it it to me.

  I'm not going to call him. No fucking way.

*

"You have to call him," Ruby tells me, after I tell her about the encounter with my father.

  I knew she'd say this. I just had a feeling she'd push me to get in contact with him again. Maybe that's why I told her right away. Maybe I knew I needed the push.

  "I don't think I want to see him ever again," I whisper.

  We're in the movie theatre and the movie is playing. It's an English film but neither of us have seen it before. We aren't even here to watch the movie. It's more of an experience for us.

  "Well, if you call and let him explain, you don't have to see him." She smiles over at me.

  "I don't have to let him explain. He left us and it killed my mom." I wish we were doing this later, rather than during our date.

  "Okay. You don't have to. I think you should, though. If my mom was on my doorstep... "

  "Let's just watch the movie?" I suggest.

  I don't want to go into all of this right now. The way I feel about my dad is pure rage. I never thought I'd hear from him again, so seeing him today put me in a mood. Ruby's mom is in jail. She has the option of tracking her down and going to see her, but she hasn't. I don't think our situations are the same. My dad left and I never heard from him for thirteen years.

  Ruby leaves it be for awhile, but I'm not surprised when she turns to me and brings it up again, just before the movie ends. There's only a few other people in the theatre - but we're in the back row. We're not bothering anyone by talking during the movie.

  "You gave me a chance to explain, and I did something really bad, too," she says, looking up at me.

  "Not this bad. He never called, or came back to see us. He was just gone." I'm getting more and more angry now, so I take in a deep breath.

  Ruby squeezes my hand. "I can stay over tonight? And maybe tomorrow you could call him-"

  "Ruby, I don't want to see him again!" I yell, and then cover my mouth in embarrassment.

  Her eyes go wide and she looks straight in front of her. "Sorry. I shouldn't have pushed it."

  I reach for her hand and she lets me take it and hold it, but I can't stop thinking about my father for the rest of the movie. What could he want to explain? I don't know what he could tell me that could change my mind about how I feel about him. There's no way in hell I'd ever have a relationship with him again. But, still, I can't stop thinking about it.

  We're in the parking lot half an hour later, sitting in the small two-door car she drove from Canton in. It's running, because it's freezing outside, but we haven't gone anywhere yet.

  "I'm sorry for yelling at you in there," I say, quietly, reaching over to hold her hand again. It fits perfectly into mine.

  She turns towards me and shakes her head. "I deserved that. I was pushing."

  I sigh. "You're not wrong. I should probably call him."

  Her face lights up. "Can I stay at your apartment tonight?"

  "You don't mind sleeping on a mattress on the floor?"

  She giggles and leans in to kiss my cheek. "I'd love to."

  I am so happy that evening, having Ruby with me at the apartment, that nothing else matters. We watch half a movie before the apartment fills up with my three roommates. Johnny is cooking a full meal at 11P.M. when he gets home, so Ruby and I sit in the kitchen and talk with him until midnight. After he eats, he goes right to bed, so Ruby and I head over to my bed, on the floor.

  This should be awkward and weird - sleeping on the floor in the middle of the apartment with my girlfriend - but she just turn towards me and wraps an arm around my body. Her head is on my chest and she sighs. 

  "I missed you so much this week," she whispers.

  It's only been three days. She left on Tuesday and it's Friday, but I don't really care. I missed her too. Just knowing she's all the way in Canton hurts. I don't know how we'll do this, but we have to take it one day at a time.

  "How's it been in Canton?" I ask, talking into her hair.

  "It's okay. I'm just settling in. It feels like I'm visiting there, you know? And... it's weird. But I'm okay."

  "I wish you were more than okay," I admit.

  "I am tonight. With you. I'm amazing."

  I kiss her head and sigh. "Good."

  "I love you, Jakoby."

  "I love you, too."

  "Are you really going to call your dad tomorrow?" she wants to know, her voice tired and quiet.

  I squeeze my eyes shut because she can't see me do it. "I guess so."

  "I'll be by your side," she whispers and then I feel her breathing change.

  She's already fast asleep.