Ruby

Wow. Spending thirty minutes in that cafe with Jakoby was enough to know that I really do have some sort of feelings for him. Weird, tingling feelings took over my body when I laid my eyes on him. I hope I hid it well. We agreed to be friends, which I should be able to handle. I learned a bit more about him tonight, like what his real job is and how long he's lived here. I want to know more, and that scares me.

I didn't tell him much about me. I want to keep my past hidden from him for as long as I can. But I did tell him that I would text him. And that I want him and Garrett to meet. I'm opening up my life to Jakoby and I know as soon as I give him a inch he'll take a mile. It's just his personality. I like that about him a bit too much.

But then I go inside the apartment and see Garrett and Bet making out on the couch - a movie playing on the TV that they aren't watching at all - and my stomach tightens. I don't know why I can't be happy for them. Maybe because it's not just sex anymore. It's not a one night stand. Those I can handle, for Garrett. Bet is slowly becoming his girlfriend and while I should like the idea of this, I don't.

"Sorry, awkward," Bet laughs and slides off of Garrett's lap as the apartment door closes. She fixes her hair a bit and looks at the TV.

    "Weren't you off at seven?" Garrett asks me, suddenly. "It's almost eight-thirty."

"Okay, Dad," I say with a laugh, but it sounds wrong and awkward. "I was off at seven. I met up with Jakoby for coffee, after work."

Bet smiles and claps her hands together. "That's so exciting! How did it go?"

But before I answer her, I notice the look on Garrett's face. He's torn. I know that look. I've seen it a lot on him, but not in awhile.

My stomach tightens but I ignore that and answer Bet. "It was nice. We just talked a bit and he walked me part way home."

"That's so sweet. When do we meet him?" Bet goes on. She's oblivious to the silent conversation Garrett and I seem to be having.

"Yeah. We should meet him," Garrett agrees without thinking about it.

He's holding my eye contact but not smiling. He's being possessive and it's a bit unnerving. To Bet, it probably doesn't seem weird at all. But I know what he's thinking.

"Um, this weekend? " I suggest, trying to sound casual. I cross through to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

    "We're free Saturday, right?" Bet asks Garrett.

Yes, they are definitely dating, even if he doesn't think so.

Garrett shrugs, not looking at me now. "I'm free. I don't know if you are, Bet."

Bet smacks him playfully in the arm. She doesn't see what I see. Garrett is trying to tell me that nothing more is going on between him and Bet. He's still trying to deny that they are more than fuck-buddies. But I saw his tongue in her mouth when I came in. I see how she's looking at him now.

"Okay. Saturday," I say quickly. "I'll see if that works for him."

    "Tell him he can come over for a drink. I'll get some beers," Garrett says. The aggressive look is gone but he's still not smiling at me.

I just nod and then tell them to have a good night, before heading down to my bedroom.

*

Garrett was the first person who ever loved me, besides my mother, and Ryan. Garrett saw me and knew I needed him. He let me fall in love with him. He allowed me to start to heal, with him. I still love Garrett, but it's different. Isn't it?  He's been pretty serious about not flirting with me or acting on anything since we stopped our fling, over a year ago. I mean it feels like it was a fling, now when I think back on it. He told me he loved me, but not the same way that I loved him. But he had sex with me - often - and let me feel my feelings for far too long.

I still put Garrett on a pedestal and I always will. He saved me. And he'll continue to, if I need him. But this is new territory for us. Him with Bet. Me - maybe - seeing what happens with Jakoby. I have been trying to tell myself I'm not jealous of Bet. But seeing Garrett's face tonight, I'm pretty sure he's already jealous of Jakoby and he doesn't even know him.

I don't know how things will go down. I just hope we end up okay on the other side.

*
I am walking up the path towards Ryan and Kaylee's adorable little house, with a white picket fence, the next evening, alone. Garrett had plans with Bet and Wally after work, that he didn't tell me about, but he let me take his car, at least. It's an hour drive to Canton, and I would have had to cancel dinner if I didn't have his car.

It's almost 6P.M. and my stomach is growling as I knock on the door. Kaylee flings it open a minute later. Her orange-red hair is down and she's wearing an apron. She's so cute and sweet it hurts my teeth.

"Get in here!" she tells me, grabbing my hand. "No Garrett?"

I sigh, stepping into the house. "He had plans. Sorry."

"No it's fine, it's just you two are usually always together."

Once again I sigh, and then follow her towards the kitchen. Ryan is wearing his work clothes and stirring something on the stove.

"Hey Rube," he says to me so casually you'd never know we only came back into each other's lives a bit over a month ago. "How's your week been?"

I smile and wave as he crosses the room to hug me. But I just think of Jakoby and Garrett and how I'm so nervous for them to meet. I have a lot to tell Ryan and Kaylee tonight. I'm glad Garrett's not here, in a way.

"Good. Um, I met up with Jakoby for coffee last night."

Kaylee squeals again and Ryan looks amused and also surprised.     "I'm going to change. Hold that story til I get back," he tells me.

Fifteen minutes later, Kaylee is serving dinner - potatoes and gravy and roasted chicken - and we are seated around their table in the kitchen. It smells amazing and I'm exciting for the meal, but they can't wait to hear about Jakoby.

"Okay. Your date?" Kaylee begins, jabbing her fork into a potato.

    "It wasn't a date," I say right away. "We're friends. But we had coffee and talked a bit."

"Progress. So, he'll take you on a date next?" she goes on, as if this is perfectly normal.

    "I have a confession," Ryan spits out. He's avoiding my eyes. Kaylee and I wait. "I saw you with him. At the mall, that day we met up."

I swallow hard and think back to that day. Yes. I talked to Jakoby for five minutes before I walked over to Ryan's table. It was his birthday.

"You saw that? I didn't tell you that was him,"  I tell my brother.

    "No, but I could tell. He had stars in his eyes when he was talking to you," Ryan goes on.

"Eeeek," Kaylee squeals.

    "He did not. I was a bitch to him that day. I was nervous because I was seeing you for the first time..."

"Well, I saw his face, Rube. It was adorable, and it was so obvious he was happy to see you." Ryan goes back to eating as casually as ever.

    "Anyway," I go on, getting Kaylee's attention again. "We sat in the coffee shop for half an hour last night and talked. And he walked me home."

"Date!" Kaylee shouts. Ryan laughs, shaking his head. "When can we meet him?"

    "Jesus, Kay. They are just friends," Ryan says and rolls his eyes in my direction.

"Exactly," I agree. "And I have to get through Garrett meeting him first. This Saturday."

Kaylee looks confused, but Ryan doesn't. It's like he somehow knows something she doesn't.

"What's wrong with Garrett meeting him?" she asks, while cutting up some chicken.

Ryan clears his throat. I just stare at him. He shrugs at me but then grins. He and I always had a very close connection. We could practically read each other minds, and now is no different. We had to be close when we were kids. I protected him, and he tried to protect me.  But he was just a little kid.

"Garrett's protective of me," I tell Kaylee, but I'm looking at Ryan.  "I just want him to be nice."

    "Garrett's like the nicest guy there is," Kaylee tells me, so serious. "No offence, Ry."

Ryan shrugs again, and then laughs. "None taken. But what's the story with Garrett, and you?"

I blink a few times and try to act like I didn't hear him. I do not want to talk about this tonight. I'd rather never talk about that actually, especially not with my brother.

"What do you mean?" I finally ask Ryan, pretending to be very interested in the rest of my dinner.

    "You two are friends. Roommates. But you were obviously more than that at some point, right?" he goes on.

How the hell does he know this? Did Garrett tell him? No way would Garrett go around telling my brother that he used to have sex with me, when I was nineteen.

"He's my best friend," I say with as much conviction as I can. "He took me in when I was living in a shelter."

I've told Ryan and Kaylee this story, but I left out the part when I fell in love with Garrett. I was young and he was my knight in shining armor, so to speak. There's a lot to our story that Ryan and Kaylee don't know yet.

"But you two were together at some point, no?" Ryan goes on anyway.

    "Ryan, stop," Kaylee tells him, seeing that I'm uncomfortable. She swats at his arm but he just shakes his head and smiles at me.

"Sorry. I just assumed. And I thought that's why it would be weird for Garrett and Jakoby to meet."

    "No. It's fine. Garrett's dating Bet," I say quickly. Am I just trying to convince myself of this?

Kaylee nods, believing me. But Ryan just shrugs like he doesn't.

We finish our dinner and then Ryan takes the dishes to the sink while Kaylee and I head to the living room to hang out for a bit. We just talk about her college classes and I tell her about the new attraction coming to the museum next month. I really enjoy her company. I feel really lucky to have met her and have her in my life in this way. I didn't even know that I really needed a friend like her.

It's after 8P.M. when I decide to head out, since I still have to drive an hour home and it's the middle of the week. Kaylee has classes tomorrow and Ryan has work. I do, too.

"Thanks for dinner. It was so good," I tell Kaylee as I give her a hug.

    "Of course. We'll come to you next week. Let me know what day works?" she answers, hugging me back.

"Of course. I'll order pizza," I tell her and she laughs, releasing me from her arms. She knows I'm not much of a cook.

Ryan strolls back into the front hallway just as I'm putting on my shoes. He's grinning that goofy smile he has and gives me a quick hug. "Thanks for coming, sis."

"See you soon," I tell him and then turn and head outside.

It's cold tonight and I zip up my sweater as I go down towards the driveway. I'm inside Garrett's car - it smells exactly like him - and it's running for a minute to warm up, before I pull out my phone and look at it. I haven't even checked it since I got to Canton.

There's two new texts.

Garrett: Sorry I was being a jerk last night.

I haven't seen him since then, when I went to bed and he was still with Bet, in the living room. He went to work early this morning - his co-worker picked him up - and I left before he was home, to come to Ryan and Kaylee's. I'm glad he's decided to apologize but it's not necessary. Yes, it was awkward last night. I just hope we're okay now.

The other text is from Jakoby.

I know you said you'd text me, but I couldn't wait. So, hi.

A smile spreads across my face immediately. I know what I should reply to Garrett, but I leave that alone for now and focus on Jakoby.

Me: Hi. Are you free Saturday to come over for a beer? To meet my roommate ?

The three dots appears a moment later. I'm still just sitting in the running car in Ryan's driveway.

Jakoby: What time?

Me: Whenever. How's 7pm?

Jakoby: Sounds good. Should I bring anything?

Me: Just some tough skin. I will tell him to be nice but I can't guarantee it.

Jakoby: I can't wait

Smiling again - or still? - I shift the car into reverse and pull out of the driveway and then start the long drive back to Youngstown, thinking about Jakoby. His dark, wild hair. His piercing eyes. That smile, that really does something to me. But honestly, the way I feel when I think about him is what really gets me. It's new. Like, maybe something I haven't even felt before. I tried to ignored it at the museum, the first time we met. At the mall, I was sure it was a random coincidence, but still I was intrigued. And then, outside the grocery store - that was when I knew. There is something special about him.

Garrett taught me to drive in this very car that I'm now driving down the highway. I was nineteen, and he told me I needed to learn to drive, to be more independent. We were together all of the time, then, besides when he was at work. He kept me close, he kept me safe. He paid for me to go and do the drivers test, too.

My whole life in Youngstown is based around Garrett and maybe it is time to branch out a bit. He'll still be there for me. We're roommates, after all. But he's the one who told me to give Jakoby a chance, a week ago, so I think that's exactly what I'm going to do.