Athleticism (pretty sure that's a legit word)
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Hey Wattpad! So talking about another one of my traumatic experiences:
A girls' sports event.
I am TERRIBLE at sports. Like, so, so bad. You have no idea. I'm pretty sure my parents have had me try every sport in existence, and I am equally crap at all of them. I have no balance, no endurance, and absolutely no physical strength whatsoever. Also, I have no hand-eye coordination, which is basically what sports are when all the sweaty people are removed.
I can't catch to save my life. It doesn't matter what it is, it could be a fricking pillow, and my reaction would still be to yelp like the wussy I am, and shield my face.
....It's a natural instinct, ok?
I am also horribly unfit; I get winded going up the stairs. And at this point, I don't even want to try to get fit.
I would end up drowning in a pool of my own sweat and tears.
Running is the thing of my nightmares. I ran into a room at top speed once, to get the last cupcake, (so worth it) and was gasping for air. Every time I run, my lungs at just like:
Lungs: *wheeze* Oh *wheeze* Gods
Lungs: Why the *pant* fudge r u running
Lungs: *sob* WE WERE NOT MADE FOR THIS
Me: *runs around another corner*
Lungs: *screaming*
Even as a kid I HATED tag with a vengeance. All the other kids would be like:
Other kids: OOH LET'S PLAY TAG
Me: Again?
Other kids: YAAAAAAASSSSS TAAAAAAG
Me: U know it's just a game grown ups made to trick us into exerci-
Kid: *tags me*
Me: -____-
So yes, seeing as how much I clearly lack any decent physical ability, my mom decided it would be fun to sign me up for a girls' sports day/camp/whatever the fudge they labeled that torture.
I nearly died.
First of all, it was during the summer, so it was, like, a million degrees; the sun was merciless, and there was no breeze or shade to be found. And so all of the girls who were signed up for this torture were forced to exercise in weather like that. Yay.
I mean, bad enough I actually have to exercise, but couldn't you at least have dun it inside, where there is AC?
Nope apparently not, so I was forced outside, sheilding my eyes and hissing at the sun, made to wear some shirt about girl power that was way too big for me, and actually *mini heart attack* exercise.
I had to do softball, basketball, volleyball, tennis, football (soccer), golf (I didn't even know that was classified as a sport), and....
FLIPPING TRACK AND CROSS COUNTRY.
That would've been bad enough on its own, but no. No, they had to make us into teams, so not only was I letting myself down, I was letting down a bunch of strangers who looked like they wanted to brain me with their golf clubs.
Speaking of GOLF, I'm pretty sure that was actually my best sport, as all we had to do was see how far we could hit a golfball. And I was actually pretty good, until I accidentally hit a golfball straight into a coach's face. Yep.
Anyways, I don't even want to mention track and cross country, because, well, if I get winded from running into a room, you can only imagine how that wentz.
Volleyball was pretty terrible, again, we were on a team, and I was miserably failing because of my fear of "LARGE OBJECTS FLYING AT MY FACE". I would just hit the dam thing away from me, not even caring where it wentz. As you could guess, that resulted in several more minor injuries.
Basketball was probably one of the worst.
I am a smøl bean.
There is a reason basketball was designed for tall people.
The net was Way higher for me then everyone else, so I had to struggle to manage a basket, while everyone glared at me, because I was holding up the line with my failure. (You had to shoot a basket to be able to move on) It was terrifying. All of their frustration at me was stressing me out, so I was freaking out even more and failing even more, until the coach finally told me I could let the next person (the girl who is probably going to murder me in my sleep) go. I gladly did, and then did the walk of complete humiliation to the back of the line.
And then they made us do teams. -___-
And I won't go over anymore because this is definitely long enough already. Anyways, hope this made you feel better better about your own physical abilities, and if you actually want to hear more of my athletic failures, please comment below.
Love you all! 💙
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