WHITE ROSE

The cold wind coming from the horizon blew and kissed my skin with a very gentle touch.

I took a step forward closer to the sea water which was coming back and forth on the shore as it was forced by the current of the waves. Closing my eyes to feel the sea breeze, I slightly opened my mouth to taste the salty flavor it can give.

To see the ethereal beauty of the horizon painted with mixtures of different hues playing between blue and yellow, I released my eyes from being shut and see the rising sun that indicated the start of a brand new day. It was a good time to watch the sun rising as flock of birds in a v-shape form flew across the sky and into the endless horizon.

"I missed this place..." I whispered to myself before my lips involuntarily curved because of feeling nostalgic.

2, 190 days, 288 weeks, 72 months... 6 years.

It has been six years since I last had a sight of this natural beauty. It has been six years since I left this place.

Sa totoo lang ay hindi ko inaakalang makakabalik pa ako rito sa loob ng ilang taon na lumipas. Pero heto ako ngayon at nakatapak nang muli sa buhangin na madalas kong ipunin upang makagawa ng kastilyo noong bata pa ako. Sa buhangin kung saang unang beses kong naranasan na makipaghabulan. Sa buhangin kung saan niya ako isinayaw. Sa buhangin kung saan niya isinulat na mahal niya ako, ngunit agad ding nabura nang humampas ang alon sa dalampasigan.Sa buhangin na kahit tinatangay palayo ng tubig dagat ay bumabalik pa rin.

"I'm back..." I whispered once again as memories started to go inside my mind like waves crashing in.

I giggled when he hugged me from behind. Inangat niya pa ako at inikot-ikot dahil nahuli na niya ako sa ilang minuto naming paghahabulan sa dalampasigan.

"Hindi na kita papakawalan pa," sabi niya at hinigpitan ang kanyang pagkakayakap sa akin. "Lagi ka na lang tumatakbo palayo sa akin."

Muli naman akong humagikgik bago siya nilingon. Kahit mahigpit ang kanyang pagkakayakap na pumipigil sa aking pagkilos ay nagsumikap pa rin akong iangat ang sarili upang mahalikan siya sa kanyang pisngi. And as he was always startled whenever I kissed him on his cheek, his arms that was locking me in got loose and made me run from him again.

Mula sa pagkakabigla ay napangisi na lamang siya bago umiling.

I smiled and can't help but to stare at him with awe.

The sun's rays were directed on him that highlighted the color of his golden brown eyes. Even his bronze skin shined as little drops of water rushed down his body because we got wet from playing at the sea just a few minutes ago.

Hindi ako makapaniwala. Kahit na apat na taon na kami ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang ako ang mahal niya. Sa iilang babaeng kakompitesyon para sa atensyon at pagmamahal niya ay ako ang napaunlakan niyang suklian.

Akalain mo 'yon?

Sa akin ang lalaking 'to. Sa akin lang siya.

He raised his arms, telling me to come back to him. And because I loved him so much, I ran back to him and gave him a hug. Agad niya akong ikinulong muli sa gitna ng kanyang mga bisig.

I really loved running and being chased by him. Kapag hinahabol niya ako tuwing tumatakbo ako papalayo sa kanya ay kakaibang saya sa pakiramdam ang nararamdaman ko. Pero kahit naman hindi niya ako habulin ay babalik pa rin ako sa kanya. Ganoon ko siya kamahal.

"Birthday mo na bukas..." bulong niya habang pirming nakayakap pa rinsa akin.

Mula sa pagkakasubsob sa kanyang dibdib ay nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. Ngumiti ako at kinurot niya naman ang tungki ng aking ilong.

"Masakit, ah!" reklamo ko sa kanya at natawa na lamang siya bago kinagat ang kanyang ibabang labi para tingnan ako ng mabuti.

"Ano ulit ang gusto mong gawin bukas?" tanong niya sa akin na para bang handa niyang gawin ang ano mang kahilingan ko.

"Hmm..." I hummed as I think of what memorable thing to do for my twenty third birthday. "I want to go stargazing with you again and have a picnic by the sea. You can sing my favorite song to me again while strumming your guitar. I'll fall asleep on your lap while you rest your back on the coconut tree to sleep, and we will watch the sun rising in the next morning."

"We already did that for four consecutive years..." He chuckled. "Iyan pa rin ba ang gusto mo?"

Muli naman akong ngumiti at saka tumango. "Ikaw pa rin naman ang gusto ko at walang magbabago," sabi ko. "Kahit paulit-ulit ay hindi ako magsasawa basta ikaw ang kasama ko."

Simple lang naman ang gusto kong mangyari sa kaarawan ko. Kagaya lang nang nakagawian ay kasama ko ang pamilya ko sa umaga at siya naman sa gabi. Siguro nga'y hindi ko katulad ang iba na ang gusto ay may mga bagong karanasan bawat taon na lumilipas. I just really wanted everything to stay this way. Iyong akala mong walang nagbabago pero magugulat ka na lang at mayroon pala.

It might be the count of stars that you can see everytime you stargaze. It might be how dark the night was. It might be how we placed our picnic mat and the foods we eat. It might be a new guitar that he will use to play and sing a song for me.

Kahit papaano ay mayroon pa ring nagbabago.

Even if you try to keep everything moving constantly, you will still be able to see and realize the changes. It was not the moment you wanted to stay, but the feeling was what you were trying to keep. Kahit na magbago ang iilang bagay sa sitwasyon, basta nandoon pa rin ang nararamdaman para sa isa't isa ay iyon ang mahalaga.

We shouldn't let our two enemies in disguise as friends to run our lives. Destiny and fate can never be your loyal friends. Dadating at dadating ang panahon na magsisisi kang nagtiwala ka sa kung paano nila pinapatakbo ang buhay mo. Iisipin mo na sana man lang ay may nagawa ka para kahit papaano'y nahirapan man lang sila at nasabi mong lumaban ka. Kung hindi ka pa rin nagtagumpay, baka hindi naman pala para sa'yo talaga.

"Humayo kayo at ihayag ang mabuting balita ng Panginoon."

Agad kaming tumayo at pumalakpak habang sumasabay sa pagkanta ng choir ng simbahan. Ang kapatid ko na paborito ang kanta tuwing pagkatapos ng misa ay galak na galak sa pagkanta. Hindi ko naman mapigilan ang sarili na mapasabay sa kanyang pagkanta at pag-indayog.

Napapailing na lang sa aming magkapatid sina mama at papa na natatawa rin.

"Bakit hindi sumama sa pagsimba si Kieron, Aniela?" tanong ni mama nang kumain kami sa labas pagkatapos ng misa bilang salu-salo para sa aking kaarawan."Hindi rin ba siya pupunta rito sa handaan?"

Ang ibang kamag-anak naming ay rito na sa restaurant dumiretso para sa handaan. Iilan lang ang sumama sa pagsimba.

"May plano po kaming magkita mamayang gabi sa Conchas," nakangiti ko namang sabi. "Sasama rin po kasi siya sa mama niya na lumuwas muna sa kabilang bayan."

"Doon na naman kayo sa dagat?" nakakunot-noong pagsingit ng kapatid ko.

Tinapunan ko na lang siya ng masamang tingin bago muling ngumiti sa mga magulang ko.

"Kulang na lang ay mapatayuan na kayo ng rebulto sa Conchas dahil parang hindi na kayo umaalis doon," biro ni papa na dahilan kung bakit napatawa ang ibang tito at tita ko. "I bet you'll do stargazing and picnic again. After that, you'll watch the sunrise before you go home."

Nahihiya naman akong ngumiti dahil alam na alam na ng buong pamilya ko ang lagi naming ginagawa ni Kieron sa dalampasigan.

"Ang sabihin mo, Arturo, naiinggit ka lang dahil hindi natin 'yan nagagawa at 'di hamak na mas malambing si Kieron kaysa sa'yo." Inirapan ni mama si papa.

Mas lalong napuno ng tawanan ang kainan nang simulang pakitaan ni papa ng paglalambing si mama. Ang kapatid ko naman ay lumipat ng lamesa dahil tila nasusuka sa nakikita. Ako ay nanatiling nakaupo sa kanilang harapan at pinapangarap na sana'y hanggang sa pagtanda ay maging ganito kami ni Kieron.

"Aniela! Nandito na si Kieron," pagtawag sa akin ni mama mula sa labas ng pintuan.

I stopped from dealing with the monthly sales report of our small business and saved all the documents before getting my summer bag on the bed and going out of my room. Halos magulat si mama sa pagbukas ko ng pintuan kaya nanghingi ako ng paumanhin sa kanya bago tinakbo angaming hagdanan pababa sa tanggapan.

Papa was already chatting with Kieron who was looking so handsome as ever. He was wearing a white polo and brown khaki shorts. I can't help but to smile because even if we didn't plan what to wear for tonight, the universe conspired and made us wear a similar wardrobe as I was wearing a white knee-length dress.

He laughed when my papa told him an old school joke, but I knew that he was only faking it to show some respect to my father.

"May isa pa akong biro," pahabol pa ni papa.

"Ano po 'yon?" tanong ni Kieron kahit na alam kong ayaw na niyang makinig pa.

"Alam mo ba kung ano ang kuko na laging nasa tubig?" tanong ni papa at kahit na hindi pa niya nasasabi ang sagot ay tumatawa na.

Sumandal naman ako sa barandilya ng aming hagdanan upang panoorin silang dalawa. Nakakatuwang makita na ang mahahalagang tao sa buhay mo ay nagkakasundo.

"Uhm... ano po?" nag-aalangang tanong niya kay papa.

"E 'di... kukodile!"

Humagalpak sa kakatawa si papa at iyon na ang senyales na dapat na siyang makisabay sa pagtawa kaya naman iyon ang ginawa niya. Hindi ko na rin mapigilan ang pagtawa habang pinapanood silang dalawa.

Napalingon sa aking gawi si Kieron. Pinanlakihan niya ako ng mata upang humingi ng tulong at ialis na siya sa sitwasyon kung nasaan siya ngayon.

I should save my love, then...

Humakbang ako papalapit sa kanila at kita kong guminhawa ang kanyang ekspresyon. Napatingin naman si papa sa akin nang mapansing wala na sa kanya ang atensyon ni Kieron.

"Nandyan na pala si Aniela," anunsyo ni papa at tumayo.

Tumayo na rin si Kieron upang salubungin ako at agad kong hinalikan sa pisngi bago ipinakita sa akin ang isang puting rosas na hawak.

"Happy birthday," he whispered on my ear before pulling himself away.

I smiled at him. Mayroon na namang nagbago ngayong taon. Noong mga nakaraang taon ay hindi niya ako binigyan ng rosas nang sunduin niya ako sa bahay.

"Take care of my daughter, Kieron," bilin ni papa kay Kieron.

"Makakaasa po kayo," maagap niyang sabi bago ako hinapit ang aking baiwang upang ilapit ako sa kanya.

I kissed my father on his cheek before Kieron and I went out of our house. Sa labas ay naroon ang kanyang bisikleta na madalas naming sakyan para mamasyal.

We only travelled for five minutes using the bicycle on our way to Conchas Beach. Walang katao-tao sa dalampasigan lalo na't madilim na. This was the time when you can really feel the tranquility of the seaside. Ang tanging maririnig mo lang ay ang pag-ihip ng hangin; ang paghampas ng alon; at ang pagtibok ng inyong puso habang magkahawak kamay ninyong tinatahak ang tahimik na tabing-dagat.

Naningkit ang aking mga mata nang makitang may nakapailaw sa madalas naming puwesto rito sa tabing-dagat. Our special place was lit by Christmas lights and small lanterns. Lying on the sand was a picnic mat where our food was placed in a way that was very appealing in the eyes. Beside it was a sand castle that we always like to build and also, destroy. And on the wall of the sand castle, I can clearly see my name written.

Habang papalapit nang papalapit ay naririnig ko ang tunog na nanggagaling sa speakers. Our favorite was playing on the speakers.

I have loved you since we were eighteen

Long before we both thought the same thing

To be loved and to be in love

All I could do is say that

These arms were made for holding you

I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were eighteen

"A-Ano ba 'to, Kieron?" naiiyak kong tanong sa kanya. "Bakit may pa-ganito ka pa ngayon?"

Lilingunin ko na sana siya ngunit agad siyang naglakad patungo sa kastilyong buhangin. Lumuhod siya roon at sinindihan ang kandilang nakaturok sa tutok ng buhangin.

He turned to me with a smile and laid out his hand for me. "Come here..."

Kagat-kagat ang aking labi ay lumapit ako sa kanya. When he reached for my hand, he held it tightly and made me kneel beside him.

Kinuha niya ang gitara sa tabi at nagulat ako nang nagsimula siyang tumugtog. He wasn't playing my favorite song but rather, a birthday song with a mellow tune that suited our romantic night.

"Happy birthday to you..." he sang in a very melancholic way that touched the deepest part of my heart. "Happy birthday... Happy birthday... Happy birthday, my love..."

Napatitig lamang ako sa kanya habang namumuo ang luha sa aking mga mata dahil sa sobrang tuwa. Kahit tapos na siyang kumanta ay paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang kanyang pagkanta sa aking isipan.

"Blow your candle now..." he said that pulled me out from being immersed on his eyes.

Ngumiti naman ako at napatawa dahil sa pagiging emosyonal. Pumikit ako ng mariin para sa aking kahilingan bago hinipan ang kandila na sinindihan niya para sa akin.

"What did you wish for?" he suddenly asked.

Nilingon ko naman siya. "Secret."

Kumunot ang kanyang noo at tinawanan ko na lamang siya bago muling hinalikan sa kanyang pisngi.

I wished that if he really was for me, show me a proof that we can be together 'til eternity. But if not, let my enemies end this love that could only hurt me somuch in the end. I've already invested toomuch feelings for him, and if he wasn't for me, it'll be hard for me to bounce back and take everything back. I loved him, but I still believe with how hard reality can slap us right on our face if our dream wasn't really for us to have.

"Kung ayaw mong sabihin, pwede bang ako na lang ang humiling?" tanong niya sa akin.

In a split of second, my heart shifted its beat from a slow rhythm to an upbeat melody. Punong-puno ako ng kaba at pag-asa habang hinihintay ang kanyang kasunod na sasabihin.

"This is my wish, Aniela..."

He destroyed the tallest tower of the sand castle he made where the candle was also placed.

My eyes widened when I saw a black velvet box hiding inside those fine white grains. I can taste the blood from my lips from biting it too much while watching him open the box for me.

"Aniela Gaille Geminiano..." he called my name in a sweetest way that he can as he showed me a ring that symbolized an eternal love because of its round unending structure. "Please make my wish come true and say yes. Be my wife for the rest of my life. Be my Mrs. Villaflor."

Nagsiunahan naman sa pagtulo ang aking luha bago ako tumango bilang sagot. "Yes, Kieron..." I put my answer into words. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

I swear that I saw a tear escaped from his eye as he slid the ring on my finger and pulled me for a hug.

"I love you so much, Mrs. Villaflor..." he whispered like it was the truest thing he ever said.

The cold wind blew once again, and I opened my eyes to stop myself from reminiscing these old memories. I heaved and exhaled a deep breath before I turned my back to wander around the beach once more.

My feet stopped from moving when I saw him as soon as I turned around. Napaawang ang aking bibig at muling nagtubig ang aking mga mata dahil sa nagbabadyang luha.

It has been six years since I last saw you, my love. Pagkatapos ng hirap na pinagdaanan, makita lang kita sa aking harapan ay ayos na ang lahat.

Humakbang siya papalapit at napapikit ako ng mariin na dahilan kung bakit tuluyan na rumagasa ang luha sa aking pisngi nang daanan niya lamang ako. He just passed right into me.

Kahit nahihirapan ay ginawa ko pa rin siyang lingunin. Lumuhod siya at maingat na inilagay ang puting rosas sa buhangin. Nang umabot naman ang tubig-dagat sa kinalalagyan no'n nang dahil sa alon ay hinayaan niyang tangayin ito papalayo sa pampang.

"I miss you so much, Aniela..." he quietly said that was followed by his silent sobs. "Sobrang miss na miss na kita, mahal ko."

As soon as I heard his heartbreaking confession, tears bursted like waterfalls as I kneeled down behind him.

"Namimiss na rin kita..." sabi ko kahit na alam kong kahit isigaw ko pa 'yon ay hindi niya ako maririnig. "Sobra pa sa sobra..."

He broke down and let his tears mixed with the sea water.

"Hindi ko pa rin matanggap..." iyak niya. "Bakit agad mo akong iniwan noon?Hindi pa sapat ang apat na taon kasama ka."

Even if I knew that it was impossible, I opened my arms wide to embrace him but my hands and arms just passed through his body. Ilang beses ko pa ulit iyong sinubukan pero hindi ko pa rin siya magawang yakapin upang mapawi kahit papaano ang sakit na hanggang ngayon ay nararamdaman niya pa rin.

My two enemies really did grant my wish during my twenty-third birthday. He was for me because he proposed to me and gave me a ring as a proof of an eternal love. But he was also not for me because, maybe, someone else deserved him more than I did. That was why destiny and fate took me away as I drowned in the sea a day before our wedding and let me escaped the pain that awaited me.

Napaatras naman ako nang may pumalit sa aking puwesto. Siya ang yumakap sa mahal kong nasasaktan dahil sa aking pagkawala dahil hindi ko na iyon magagawa. She was there when he was also drowning, not in the water, but in pain. She made him fall in love again. But she was also hurt because she can't get him to forget me completely.

Kieron, even if I wanted you to always remember me, but please... just forget me.

The wind blew hard towards our way that made the white rose he let the sea took, came back to him. He stopped for a while and stared at the rose that was now resting on the sand. Slowly, he took the rose and kissed it for a few seconds.

"Still so selfless, Aniela..." I heard him whispered.

He bit his lower lip and tightly held the stem of the rose before he turned to the new love of his life.

"Kieron..." she whispered his name so tenderly, and I can already tell that she loved him so much.

Gently, he held her hand and placed the rose on her palm. "From now on..." he trailed and looked straight into her eyes. "I'm completely yours."

I smiled and nodded while watching them because it was for the best thing. I didn't to hold them back. They both deserve to be happy.

My mission is done now. Take me back and let me rest in peace.