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A L I C E

ALICE DUNLAP COULD NEVER recall a time where she'd felt safe, ever since the start. She was not safe when she was left to her own devices, exposed to the elements. She was not safe now that she was behind both walls of reinforced metal and untouched walls of a suburban house that'd not been through the same wear-and-tear as the rest of the world.

She did not feel safe whenever Aaron entered the barn, imposing the illusion of a safe life on people who'd, so far, seemed to travel backwards down the evolutionary ladder. They were not civilized like he was. They no longer had the privilege nor the resources to care about things as mundane as the curb appeal of their house.

Despite Alice being showered, groomed and sitting under air-conditioning, she held her knees closely to her chest, silently stewing like the beaten animal that she'd become. While most of the group slept scattered around the living room of the house that they now owned, she sat against the dormant fireplace, curled up underneath a woven blanket, trying to allow herself to get some rest.

Earlier in the night, Alice noticed Rick stirring around before finally standing from his spot on the floor, draping his blanket over a sleeping Carl, and heading into the kitchen. Carl slept alongside Noah, who the boy had become well acquainted with.

Because the girl'd cleared her path of both Carl and Noah, the two boys easily gravitated towards one another. Although she was uncomfortably lying in the metaphorical bed that she had made for herself, it still left room for a bit of jealousy. She was a little hurt despite the fact that she was the one excluding herself.

Alice Dunlap had nonchalantly been avoiding Noah knowing that he once lived in that place, and that the both of them escaped when no one even should have. Any one of their limited encounters was reduced to a couple of passing words surrounded by a guilty tension and a resentment for their own survival.

The girl picked at the torn cotton padding of her cast, which was to be removed the next morning by a real doctor. She had no idea how much time had passed since she'd seen her own wrist, let alone what was actually wrong with it. The well-worn casing was a constant reminder of the blonde girl who'd once shared the injury.

Much like Beth, Alice felt like she had died. She died and went to an afterlife where she smelled of almond scented body wash and sat underneath the crisp breeze of air-conditioning. As if her newly-acquired luxuries surpassed her wildest dreams and became things that could only be found in the richest parameters that the post-mortem subconscious was possible of imagining.

The only thing keeping the girl down on earth was the pit of fear that'd permanently instilled itself in her stomach. Much like the rest of the world being left in ruins, that feeling was something from the outside that was never going to go away. She was never going to go away, no matter how badly she wanted to. She was going to live to see what would happen to this place—how such a delicate, untouched corner of the earth would succumb to the fall that it was always meant to.

And with the only consistent thing in her life—a downfall of a future—keeping its hold on Alice, her exhausted, twitchy eyes fluttered closed. She could only snap them open a few times before they ultimately shut and her head began slumping to the side.

The jolt of her body as she fought for control over her own head was enough to wake her, only for a few moments, which allowed her to shimmy her body down onto the hardwood floor. It was not comfort or peace that'd allowed Alice to succumb to her exhaustion, but being surrounded by the likeminded group that she knew could handle anything that would inevitably make its way in.

☆

The muscles strained and the bones cracked in Alice's cast-less wrist as she overturned her palm, stretching out her fingers. She would've preferred to dwell on the pain of her achy, raw hand instead of the play-date that she and Carl had been sent off to.

It hadn't occurred to the girl, until then, that she and Carl had been lumped so closely together. It would've made sense to think that two people of similar ages that'd been forced to survive together would be friends. But what Alice Dunlap and Carl Grimes had was anything but a friendship.

Nobody—from the group or Alexandria—would have any idea that the two had such a complex history. Is that what all of it was now? History? Now that they'd been granted a new start—with new people, behind new walls—were the two finally becoming untied? Did she even want to lose association with the boy?

Alice almost killed Carl a couple of days ago, and now the two were being ushered down a dust-less hallway that would lead them to more teenagers.

They followed behind a boy, Ron. He led them to a room, chatting their ears off about school. The last thing that had crossed Alice and Carl's minds since the outbreak was their education. The nervous boy could've considered himself lucky that Carl found it in himself to participate in the banter and fill the awkward silence.

More and more corners of Alexandria's privilege unveiled themselves as the three teens finally stepped into the dreaded hangout spot. The foreign, animated sound of video games coming from the small TV in the corner died down, as five sets of eyes quickly began darting around the room.

Two more teenagers—ones that were obviously manicured and well-adjusted—awaited them. One of which, more-so than the other, caught the attention of both Carl and Alice.

"Guys," Ron started as he used his hands to motion across the room. "This is Carl and Alice. Carl, Alice, this is Mikey and Enid."

"Hey," Mikey said.

"Hi," Enid said, not bothering to make eye contact with anyone in the room.

The girl sat on the bed, lacking a care in the world about the two guests standing in the doorway as she continued to flip through her comic. She had long, shiny brown hair and lips so plump that Alice finally remembered what someone hydrated looked like. If it had not been for the women in Alice's group, the strange girl would've also been a reminder of what someone pretty looked like.

From what little the girl had seen of herself, she did not look pretty. Her face was still bruised from the hospital, healing with a yellowness that tainted the rest of her face. Not to mention Alice's inability to form a facial expression.

Alice's eyes flicked towards Carl as she silently hoped that the boy hadn't also noticed Enid in the same way, but it was too late. The boy's gaze was locked on the girl, switching back and forth from her unbothered demeanor to the comic in her hand. He seemed intrigued.

Not only was this girl aesthetically foreign in the concept of the new world, she'd now caught the same eyes of the boy that Alice had become so used to having on her. And Alice felt the absence of his gaze—a horrible emptiness burrowing deeper and deeper into her chest.

"Enid's from outside, too," Ron continued to speak. "She just came a few months ago."

Alice had finally learned something about the girl, and the lone fact was one too many. Another layer had been added to the girl who she thought had this community—this safety handed to her. But now Enid and Alice had something in common—some things in common.

"Oh, um," Not a dragging moment passed before Carl reached into his back pocket. He pulled out a crumpled comic, outstretching it between the two other boys. "Is this y—yours?"

"Sorry," Ron started. "We didn't know you guys got that house."

"We mostly just hang out up there and listen to music." Mikey chimed in. "That's Enid's."

The words echoed within Alice's ears as the amount of similarities between her and Enid was surpassed by that of Enid and Carl's.

An appreciation for comics was something that she and Carl never shared. The girl preferred novels although she had never found the time to read any, since the prison. She felt that comics suited the boy's low attention span and his inability to feel safe sitting still for long periods of time. Knowing what she now knew about Enid—and what she already knew about the outside—it was safe to assume that the strange girl felt the same way.

Enid plucked the comic from Carl's hand, still not lifting her gaze as she tossed it onto the bed, right next to her.

"Wanna play some video games?" Ron offered to Carl more-so than Alice. "Or Mikey's house has a pool table but his dad's kind of strict about it, so..."

"It's okay," Mikey chimed in. "He's at work."

It was as if the boy knew exactly the right spots to hit. Neither Alice nor Carl had the luxury of working lights, air conditioning, let alone a video game console while they'd been out fighting for their lives. But Mikey and Ron could've never known how rare it was to still have a father in existence or to take part in a community where work was still a thing.

The silence echoed as the other three waited for Alice and Carl to make a decision. So much humanity had become viscerally frightening to the two.

Alice had hoped that Carl would once again answer for her, as he had been this entire time. She could not remember the words—if any—that she'd muttered since Ron swept them away.

But Carl was silent, and so was she. "Um,"

The sweat began to seep through Alice's pores throughout the ringing silence. She hadn't felt so embarrassed since the day she first spoke to Carl, back in that rainy prison corridor.

Everyone had become so locked into their own state of survival that these social feelings—not so dire in and of themselves—had simply become obsolete. But with community came humanity, and with humanity came the superficial worries of an awkward silence.

☆

Alice Dunlap did not belong in Alexandria. Or, at least, she didn't want to belong behind these walls, with these people, living under these rules. And the last thing that the girl wanted to do was follow in the footsteps of Carol, but the lady had a point. These people craved a perception of her group that did not align well with reality.

If these people wanted a show, that's exactly what Alice was going to give them—before this place would meet its inevitable end, of course.

She'd been placed in a house and even given her own room. The girl had arrived to her new room greeted by the neatly folded pile of clothing given to her by the Alexandrians.

Those clothing items, of which, she'd finally dressed herself in, in preparation for the welcoming mixer that she was being forced to attend. Her damp, freshly-washed hair tussled around and the dangly tassels of her necklace clanked around as she crawled along her bedroom floor. The girl—in compliance with the charade—was all dolled up only being able to wish that she had no place to go.

Alice gently pushed a small bag between the mattress and the bed frame. The bag contained the only thing that mattered to her: her gun.

She'd clung tightly onto the weapon, as her only means of comfort in this strange place, and kept it hidden underneath her shirt while the rest of the group handed theirs over. As for the girl's knife, that was accounted for and kept on her at all times.

The girl unknowingly bit down on her tongue as she focused on staying quiet. Smuggling a firearm should've seemed like a common occurrence to the girl, but this community was already getting to her. She felt guilty, but not towards the Alexandrians—towards her own people. They'd handed over their weapons but she couldn't find it in herself to do the same.

Alice removed these thoughts from the forefront of her mind as she carefully removed her arm from under the bed skirt, putting the fabric back into place.

A sharp knock at the door made the girl stand to her feet, nearly stumbling to a taller stance. She quickly passed her hands over the thighs of her pant legs, smoothing out any signs of distress from where her body had previously strained them.

The girl briskly walked to the bedroom door, frantically looking around before opening it. She was met with Carl Grimes.

He continued to go hatless as he had been, upon the group's arrival. It was a little weird seeing the boy in such a civilized state. Alice soon figured that Carl might have thought the same of her.

Alice had not thought much about the boy since earlier that afternoon. Trying to figure out what to do with her gun was enough of a panicked distraction from something else causing her so much anguish.

The girl even thought about asking Carl to help her with her dilemma, but he seemed too engulfed in other things aside from her. Normally, the girl would have been provided at least some comfort knowing where the boy was at all times, but now that he'd been disappearing so frequently with everything that was going on within the walls, it became easy to rid her mind of his plague.

Alice Dunlap had finally realized that, before, she never once needed to ask the boy for his help. He was always just there, fixing things that the girl didn't even know were broken.

Seeing his face as he carefully studied her new appearance did not bode well in keeping him off of her mind. With all of Carl's attention being elsewhere for the past few days, it was strange that he'd willingly gone to the house she'd been assigned, traveled up the stairs and knocked on her door.

Alice hoped that maybe he'd come to talk to her—to check in with her. The two had hardly exchanged words since they'd stepped foot in those gates.

She fought the small smile that danced upon her lips as she waited for Carl to take a jab at her new look. It'd been a while since the two had been comfortable enough to mess around with each other.

"Come on," The boy lifted his eyes to meet hers. His voice was inhaled within a short, exasperated sigh. "Noah's waiting for us downstairs."

The girl's jaw slightly clenched at the mention of one of her replacements. She knew, deep down, that wasn't what Noah was, but he sure felt like one.

Every bit of childish hope inside of her soon diminished and the dread of having to attend this mixer—alongside all of other teens she'd not been meshing with—soon took over. She tried not to show her disappointment on her face, but there was no telling what she looked like to Carl, in that moment.

The girl quickly tucked her chin down, lowering her gaze and briskly shouldering past Carl, leaving him in her dust. Not only was Alice Dunlap approaching the torment of the evening ahead of her, but the remnants of her troubled past were right on her heel.

☆

A slight breeze whirled around the wind chimes dangling from the stoop, just above the porch steps. The freshly-watered grass of the mowed lawn glistened in the moonlight, which illuminated the empty street. The only noises cutting through the serenity were the muffled chatter coming from the inside of the house and Alice's heel anxiously tapping away at the creaky wooden step underneath it.

Although it was all a blur to the girl, the half hour of attempting to socialize took everything out of her. She found the perfect moment to duck out of the mixer and ground herself atop the steps of the back porch.

It all became too much.

Alice Dunlap had watched people die in front of her and this party was what she couldn't handle. She was pathetic. And she pitied herself for being so pathetic, which was also pathetic.

She'd lost her parents, her brothers, Beth, Tyreese and now possibly Carl—whatever he was to her—and somehow she was still considered one of the lucky ones. She made it. She lived to see the life where she lived behind walls, had running water and electricity, and got to sleep in a warm bed at the end of a protected day.

The girl didn't know if her struggle of acceptance towards Alexandria was from a place of disbelief or self-sabotage. Was this all too good to be true? Did Alice Dunlap even deserve the luxuries she was granted?

Normally, in her overwhelmed state, Alice might've cried. But there was nothing left. She didn't feel anything—not truly.

The girl sighed, running her hands through her head of conditioned hair that was now tangle-free and a bit thinner, lacking the knots that used to give it its shape. She took deep breaths, trying to make sense of all of the conflicting things that she was thinking about herself.

A shuffling noise gently sounded against the pavement across the street, making Alice's ears perk and her hand instinctually reach for her knife.

The girl panicked when the holster she reached for was just an empty pant pocket. After her hand aimlessly patted around, her head whipped towards where her knife would have been and she began to panic when she realized that she left it in her room, amidst the Carl situation.

This wouldn't have been the first time that she was left defenseless, disgruntled and alone on a dark porch, due to Carl Grimes.

She turned back towards the noise, gently creeping behind the railing of the small porch. Her squinted eyes spotted Carol just as the lady quickly looked over both of her shoulders and turned the shadowy corner behind a house.

Alice let out a huff, attempting to settle her rapid heartbeat, but something about the woman seemed off. Carol had always been off, ever since she came clean about what happened to Elliot. But, upon being introduced to civilization, the sinister woman adapted a camouflage that only the abominably sheltered could have fallen for.

The girl sucked in a breath, scanning her tongue over her teeth, as she quickly hopped down the porch steps. She swiftly looked around to make sure nobody could see her before she began jogging to where Carol disappeared to. Her necklace and belt buckle jingled a bit as she ran, but that didn't slow her down.

She pressed her back up against the wall of the house, slowly peeking around the corner.

Alice didn't know exactly what she was expecting, but it was not the sight of Carol climbing in through the armory window. The girl's eyebrows furrowed and she angrily shook her head as the woman, once again, disappeared.

Alice began to remove herself from her cover, but right as she did, Sam Anderson seemed to have had the same idea. She quickly recoiled behind the wall again.

The boy followed behind Carol, climbing his way into the armory. Alice had no possible idea as to what business those two had in there, but she was going to find out.

She slowly crept up to the outside of the armory, lurking just outside of the window, knowing that Carol and Sam would have to go out the same way they came in. Everybody who paid attention to the right things knew that the armory doors were to be locked at night. Alice had carefully evaluated every method of getting her gun back, before she settled on never turning it in, in the first place.

Although the voices were muffled, Alice could hear Sam and Carol speaking. She could not quite make out what they were saying, as they seemed to be far away from the window.

The girl placed her shaky hand against the wall before pulling her eyes just over the window sill. Just as Alice finally got a look at the two, Carol seemed to be leaning over Sam in an intimidating manner, walking him into the corner by the window.

Her eyes, only for a moment, widened at what was happening. That was before she realized that the two were coming straight towards her.

Because Sam's back was turned to Alice and Carol was focused on what she was saying to Sam, the girl was successful in quickly ducking back below the window, removing herself from their line of vision. Her breaths were shaky and she slowly clasped her hand over her mouth, trying to sink into the quietness of that corner of the neighborhood.

"Because, if you do," It was then that Carol's muffled words to the boy became audible. "One morning you'll wake up, and you won't be in your bed."

"Where will I be?" Sam asked.

"You'll be outside the walls—far, far away—tied to a tree." The woman continued to lowly speak to the boy. Alice's eyebrows furrowed and she took in a sharp breath. "And you'll scream and scream because you'll be so afraid."

The girl's hand slightly lowered from her heavily-breathing lips, as her body would not allow a sound to exit them—not in this moment.

Carol hushed her voice even lower, making Alice lean more into the wall, in order to hear. "No one will come to help because no one will hear you. Well something will hear you. The monsters will come—the ones out there—and you won't be able to run when they come for you. And they will tear you apart and eat you up all while you're still alive. All while you can still feel it. And then afterwards, no one will ever know what happened to you."

Alice's eyes darted around rapidly, not having anything to focus on while her ears became overwhelmed and overworked.

"Or you can promise not to ever tell anyone what you saw here and nothing will happen." Although the woman's words became quieter and quieter, the disturbing clarity with which Alice heard them never faltered, as Carol seemed to be leaning closer and closer to the little boy. "And you'll get cookies—lots of cookies. I know what I think you should do."

Once Carol's threat was delivered—and seemingly well-received by the silent boy—Alice began delicately moving herself backwards, along the wall. The soft grass wasn't in the kind of state to crunch, and the girl made sure that she moved in silence as she slowly pulled herself around the corner of the house.

Her mind raced a-mile-a-minute as she finally allowed some shaky breaths into her lungs. Her back was pressed against the wall of the house, the condensation from the humid atmosphere slightly dampening her clothing.

For a moment, she was thankful that Elliot was too sick to be approached by Carol in such a manner, back when everything happened. She was relieved that he was killed in his sleep, not having to live through whatever terror Sam was experiencing.

But, Alice Dunlap would never truly be relieved or thankful about anything surrounding her brother's death. At the end of the day, he was still murdered for having the same virus that she survived. At the end of the day, he'd never get a life behind these walls. At the end of the day, her brother's story was cut short, left without even the slightest chance of a happy ending.

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4019 words
January 25th, 2024
9:55 PM

A/N

hi guys!

once again I'm so sorry for not updating for over two months. I've had this chapter completed (or so I thought) for a long time and then I added that last scene and tweaked it before I finally felt content with it. I also started on the next chapter to get a jumpstart so I don't leave you guys hanging for so long again!

I finally have structure set up for the next few chapters and really have the details worked out so I know which direction this fic will go.

stay tuned and hopefully the next chapter will be out in a few weeks!!

I love you guys !!

☆vote if Sam is in deep shit ☆