you've always wanted me to learn from you

and i have, i have

but not quite what you wanted me to

let me count what i have learned as i

L

A

U

G

H

listen to me cry

listen to me roar out these words

this waterfall of truth amongst lies

let me speak as this world blurs...

i have learned not to flinch as i did

when you touch me

i have learned to stand as still as i ought to, rid

of tears, only To stare you down with these dry eyes of what could be

i have learned how to weather your words

how to ride the storm in cursed silence

i have learned to rise above your absurd,

i have learned to make a sort of sense among nonsense

i have learned how to make you scream

push that button and get the result

that's what i've seen

is this what it is to be "adult"?

i have learned how to hide

how to run

i have mapped out the ways to which i can sail away, to which i can Ride

the churning waves my own way, To my own wind and sea and sky and sun

i have learned more of what not to do than what to do

can't You see? can't You? i am being forced into a cage

of so-called "sense" and being squeezed out runny on the other side, ruined and blue

but at least i am free and able to tape these shattered pieces back together with word and page

at least i can pretend to be fine

after all, that's what i've learned to do,

here in these confines

with You