Chapter 9

All week long, I tried to be a good boy. I went to my yoga class every other morning, I didn't ask any of the sexy girls their phone numbers, I chewed my nicotine gums like a ruminating cow and I made sure my best friend had nothing to complain about.

On Friday night, when I would have usually gone off the rails, Ty and Van made plans for me.

We were apparently doing movie night at Vanessa's place. Vanessa wasn't living in the dorms anymore. She was a senior and she was living in her own apartment. It was tiny but cozy. If I was Tyler I would probably always live there. She had one bedroom and a space that doubled as a kitchen and a living room. It was maybe fifteen minutes away from campus and it was all hers. I mean, she was renting it, but it was still all her space. And that was nice.

It also smelled nice. Tyler and I didn't have a stinky room, that wasn't the problem. A girl's place just smelled different, like make up and scented candles.

With my mother gone for so long, I was definitely missing a feminine touch in any of the places I'd live in the past decade.

So that's how I ended up lying on the couch, with Vanessa's legs on my laps while her head was resting on Tyler's as we watched Disney Channel movies.

Yeah, Disney Channel movies. My friends definitely hated me.

"I don't understand the logistic of losing your queen chair at the cafeteria, and your boyfriend because you start wearing glasses..." I trailed once Geek Charming ended.

"You're not supposed to be thinking logically while watching Disney movies," Tyler answered.

I snorted. "Obviously."

"Hey!" Van said, giving little shoves to my knee with her foot, "Don't snob. I know you loved Starstruck. You can't convince me otherwise."

"Princess Protection Progam, he also loves that one," Tyler added, his eyes fixed on the computer plugged to the TV, going through the possible choices for our next movie.

"I hate you both. I can't believe this is how I'm spending my Friday night," I said, hugging one of the couch cushions.

"Oh and what do you usually do on a Friday night?" Vanessa asked, sounding not impressed at all.

Tyler answered her for me, "You rub yourself all over strangers. Do you want us to rub ourselves all over you?" He smooched his lips and shook his chest at me.

I threw the cushion on his face. "Please don't."

"Then rub my foot you dweeb," Van said, wiggling her toes at me while Tyler started up Lemonade Mouth.

About halfway through the movie, Vanessa said softly, "Tyler, careful, you're ripping my shirt."

I threw my head back, and made a pained sound. "First off, could you guys not do stuff that could get a shirt ripped off right beside me. Secondly, why do you even still wear that shirt? It has more holes than Swiss cheese."

It looked like one of Tyler's old shirt. When he was like, thirteen and hadn't gone through puberty.

Vanessa wasn't having it. "And what's that shirt you're wearing? Did you cut it yourself?" I might have had. It was a kind of tank top with big arm holes. It used to be an uncomfortable t-shirt. And now Vanessa was tickling the exposed skin on my side with her toes. "Did you make big arm holes to make sure everyone would see your slut tattoo, come on, show us that side boob tattoo you basic bitch," she teased, laughing.

"Where's the inspirational quote side boob tattoo at?" Tyler added, grinning, leaning forward to come tickling me too.

I slapped their foot and hands away. "I hate you both. So, so much."

They just laughed at my comment and went back to watching the movie.

I was complaining, but part of me also enjoyed being close enough to have friends that could tease me as naturally as these two did.

I stopped really focusing on the movie and looked at my friends. If I was being honest with myself, I was jealous of Tyler. He had the whole package deal. He had a great family. Sure, there was a rough patch when his mother left, but things were good now, and maybe his eldest sister was a bit annoying at times, but he had an amazing relationship with his other sister. And of course his dad was a freaking legend.

He had good friends. And he had the jackpot girlfriend. He had gotten the girl of his dreams. His first love. His only love.

Sometimes I wished he could have shared some of that good luck. Why could he have everything while I had... well really not that much.

I felt awful thinking that way, but there was no stopping my ugly thoughts.

Luckily, they nobody could hear my thoughts and my two friends were oblivious to me, they actually fell asleep on each other right beside me.

When I was sure they were really sleeping, I snuck outside and went to sit on the sidewalk in front of Vanessa's building. They night was surprisingly warm for the fall. The sky was black and I couldn't see any of the stars because of the full moon lighting it up. The street was quiet. There were no cars cruising around here at two in the morning.

I wasn't one hundred percent sure why I took my phone out. Okay, well, technically I knew why, but I wasn't about to admit it.

Chloe answered one the second ringing tone. She didn't even say hello and just greeted me with a, "sorry, I got specific orders from Tyler that I was not allowed to say yes to any booty calls from you this weekend."

I was going to throttle Tyler Grayson. "Are you serious?"

"Hey, if you don't listen to him, Vanessa could slap you and that's a freaky scary thought," she told me.

"So. No?"

"Sorry lover boy," Chloe answered and hung up.

I was kind of angry at my friends suddenly. What right did they have to meddle so much in my life? It was fine to tell me to snap out of it, it was another to start cockblocking me left and right.

I was still staring at my phone when I felt someone coming behind me, and then Vanessa was sitting beside me. "If you really want to go out and find some random girl to have sex with I'm not going to stop you. But let me ask you. Is this really what you want? Why do you even want to have sex now?"

Seriously, I loved my friends, but sometimes I hated them a little bit too. I didn't need to think this much. "To not feel alone," I answered softly.

"I get it, you've been alone all your life and you're tired to be now. And I also get that being with me and Tyler might make you feel like a third wheel sometimes, but allowing yourself to believe that you're alone when we're there with you, when you're not actually alone, is just you being melodramatic. It's just a sex addict excuse."

I frowned, staring at my shoes. "I'm not a sex addict."

"Maybe not, but you use sex the way an alcoholic or a drug addict does. You use it to shut yourself out from the world and that's not the reason why you should have sex. You should have sex to share your world with someone else."

I snorted. "Not everyone was lucky enough to find the love of their life at sixteen though."

"I don't get why you're in such a hurry," she pressed.

I wanted to laugh at that. She should have known. "Because everybody can die anytime... because every body leaves." Me, everybody leaves me...

She pressed her hand against my bicep. "Tyler and I, we're never going to leave you. You know that, right?"

I raised my head to the sky and looked at the stars, smiling ironically. "I thought the same thing from my dad. I thought he would never leave me."

"If you spend your whole life being scared Nik, it's really not going to be a good life."

I shrugged. I felt so much younger than her at the moment. Sure, she was older than me, but it was a different kind of feeling, like I had decades of catching up to get to her point. "I just don't know how to feel any differently. I just know that drinking and banging any girl that's willing makes me stop feeling all of this for a little while. For a little while everything is okay."

"Come here." She wrapped her arms around me, hugging me. "You've survive so much rough stuff Nik," she said against my shoulder, "you've lived through so much pain. You should be proud of it. You should become stronger from it because whatever life has thrown at you, you've survived it. Don't let all that crap make you weaker. Remember it, and become stronger."

I got out of her embrace and smiled at her. God, my friends were such saints, dealing with my dramatic life crisis all the time, dragging me away from the edge, over and over again. I smiled softly at my blonde friend. "You know what Van?"

She smiled back. "What darling?"

"You'll make an amazing mom."

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A/N: Hey everyone! If you haven't seen it yet, today is my 9 year anniversary on Wattpad and the seventh year anniversary of "I Sold Myself..." being completed. With that in mind, I decided to make today a day of celebration. I've already uploaded an Adventure a little earlier today, I've just done a livestream on my instagram page (I'm at kaygiard, the livestream will be up for 24 hours if you want to watch it) and I have more surprises for you guys today. :D 

Keep your eyes open! <3

Oh and also don't forget that my Wattpad Block Party post will be up tomorrow. It'll be a Jayden POV story (Blake's brother Jayden). I'll put the link to the Block Party in my external link. Make sure to check for my post tomorrow. :D