Chapter 36

I hugged Esther until her crying and shaking died down.

            It took a while, but that wasn't an issue. I could have kept on hugging her till the end of days.

            It just broke my heart, how her grandmother had the gal to invite Esther's mother and her goddamn aggressor.

            How was any of that okay? Was Christian values actually forcing people to be in the presence of their aggressor, and being coerced into forgiving them?

            How was that fucking okay? How could Esther's grandmother do this to her? If she loved her, how could she do this to her?

            I could never have done something like this to Esther, and I'd barely known her for more than two months.

            I let her cry, and kept patting her back, whispering soothing words.

            Eventually, the crying and shaking died down, and I let go of her.

            I sat back in my seat, looking in her reddened eyes.

            She looked so heartbreakingly sad.

            It crushed me to see her like this.

            "I'm okay," she told me, in her smallest voice.

            "You sure?"

            She nodded. "Yes."

            "Do you want me to bring you home?"

            She nodded again. "Yes please."

            "Okay."

            I drove back to my apartment.

            But as I was driving, I had an idea.

            "I'm just going to make a quick pit stop, okay?" I warned Esther.

            She looked at me, her eyes still vulnerable, with a bit of confusion.

            Once I parked in front of what I hoped was the right store, I said, "I'll be right back, okay? Here's my phone. If you feel unsafe, or just not okay, you can call 911, or any of the speed dials numbers. I have my shrink in there. Also, one of my friends studying to be a shrink. He's under Alex. But it's really going to take just a few minutes, and the doors are all locked. You'll be okay?"

            "Yeah..."

            "Okay."

            I didn't want her to feel powerless. This was probably over kill. But I couldn't just leave her behind like this without making sure she had options to feel safe.

            I ran into the store and quickly got what I wanted.

            It took less than ten minutes, and I was safely back in the car.

             "Here," I handed Esther the bag. "You have mace, you have a siren that blasts a shrieking alarm that would make even someone not guilty run away. I didn't get you any knifes or weapons because if you don't know how to wield any of those, they'll more easily turn against you, than be useful."

            "Thank you..."

            "But in the spirit of knowing how to stab someone," I continued, "I do have a friend that's really good at martial art and self defense. I can have him come teach you some things. We could go to a dojo, where it's public so it'll feel safer. He also knows jiu jitsu, which is arguably one of the best things to learn if you want to know how to get out of getting pinned down on the floor. Or we could just register you to any self defense class you might like to learn."

            I didn't want Esther to be defenseless. I couldn't be around anymore, but I never wanted what had just happened today, to happen again.

            I wanted her to be able to sent her fucking aggressor into a coma instead of freezing in fear.

            I knew she didn't have any control over her reactions in a dangerous situation, and that a lot of people froze rather than had the instinct of running away or fighting back.

            But I wanted to give her the tools she could use to change her instinct of freezing in fear.

            I wanted that fucking man to be the one frozen in fear.

            I wanted him to be frightened of her. I anted him to pay for everything he had done.

            I actually wanted Esther's god to be real so that Carson McHugh could rot in hell.

            And eternity of torment would not be enough for him.

"Violence is not the answer," Esther said, in her small voice again.

"Of course, as it's been stated by many of our peers before, violence is the question. And the answer is yes."

"I don't... I..." she stuttered, not looking in my eyes.

Alright. We could table violence for a later conversation.

"Hey, it's okay. We don't need to do the self defense stuff. But you have the options, if you change your mind," I reassured her.

"Okay... but thank you for these," she said, showing me the mace and alarm.

"No problem."

Maybe I could hire private security for her.

I wondered how much it would cost.

I wondered if I had private security money.

My grandfather would know.

"All the doors at my apartment lock, so you can always hide in any of the rooms if you ever feel unsafe," I informed her. She's probably already noticed, but it was good to remind her.

Maybe I should get her a phone. I wondered if she would be opposed to it. It could be a flip phone if she had issues about like, smartphones. But I didn't think Esther had any religious hang-ups about technology. I was pretty sure she didn't have a phone just because she couldn't afford it.

Which broke my heart even more.

            How could anyone ever hurt her? All I wanted to do was create a protective cocoon around her.

I wanted to shield her from anything bad. I wanted to exterminate anything and anyone that hurt her.

            Honestly, I was still fucking fuming.

            I knew none of what had happened was about me, but I had feelings for Esther. And that meant I only wanted what was best for her.

            What had just happened was the complete opposite of that.

I felt so powerless against all of it.    

For now, all I could do was drive back home, and make sure Esther was safe.

When we were finally back in my penthouse, it was pretty much time for dinner.

Esther hadn't eaten anything.

I needed to fix that before I left.

"Do you have a favorite food?" I asked her.

"Not really..."

Of course she didn't. That did not surprise me.

"Anything you never got for yourself because you don't want to splurge?" I asked, trying to find something that would make her happy. "Like, that ridiculously expensive wagyu steak? Or some exotic seafood? Caviar? White truffles?"

"Do you want to buy me a meal that will bankrupt you?" she said.

I hoped the fact that she was making jokes, meant that she was starting to feel better.

Or that at least, I was a comforting figure for her, that she felt safe around me.

"The apartment if paid for. I can take a loan on it," I replied.

It was a joke, but it also wasn't. I could give Esther anything she wanted if she asked me right now.

"I don't need wagyu steak."

"You should still eat something."

"Well..." she didn't look in my eyes, while wringing her hands together. "I never really get sushi. I tried convenience store once... I assume it could have been better."

"Fancy sushi it is!" I announced.

She gave me a small smile. It was the biggest victory of the day for me. "Just normal sushi is fine," she said.

I ignored that. "The finest fancy sushi it is!"

"It's pointless to argue with you, isn't it?"

"Absolutely pointless."

So, I ordered sushi for us, while Esther changed into her comfortable clothes.

I did the same thing afterwards, and once our food was delivery, we set everything up in the living room, on the coffee table, and sat on the ground.

"Any favourite movie?" I asked, while passing her food.

"Do you have access to all the movies I the world?" she replied, and her tone was slightly teasing, so that warmed up my heart.

"There's this new magical thing called renting movies online. It takes away from the experience of browsing through Blockbusters for hours, but it's pretty convenient when you know exactly what you want to watch."

"We can watch anything?" she asked.

"Anything."

"Can we watch A Walk to Remember?"

I grinned. "So, your favourite movie also has to make you cry?"

"It's a good movie," she replied with a little pout.

I wanted to hug her again. I wanted her safely in my arms again.

"A Walk to Remember it is."

So I found her movie and played it on my television, while we ate expensive sushi.

In a different world, this could have been a nice date.

But in the real one, this was just me trying everything I could to wash away the awfulness of the day.

If the only thing I could ever do for Esther was to take all the bad things away from her, I would do it in a heartbeat.