Chapter 33

I didn't sleep well that night.

I'd probably drank too many virgin piña coladas, so I was full of sugar. I kept waking up because of nightmares I couldn't quite remember.

Princess Tyler was sleeping soundlessly beside me, and I just kept tossing and turning and the fact that he was so conked out was pissing me off just a little bit. I wanted to shake him so I wouldn't be the only one suffering.

There was a heavy feeling in my throat. I didn't remember the nightmares, but something about them lingered in my brain, making me feel claustrophobic.

I wasn't feeling super great, and I had to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths and close my eyes, and think about five things I could see but it was dark in the room, and I couldn't really see anything.

So, I thought about Esther instead, even if I couldn't see her.

I thought about her in my apartment. I wondered if she was sleeping, or having a restless night like me.

I thought about what she dreamed of. I wondered of she had nightmares too.

I wondered how she could be so forgiving, and somewhat hopeful regardless of what had happened to her.

I thought about how much I liked her voice.

I wished I could call her in the middle of the night just to hear it.

I wished I could get up and go see her.

I imagined it. Going over to my apartment. It would be quiet because she would be sleeping, but the apartment would smell slightly different, slightly like her.

I wouldn't even need to see it. Just that small confirmation that she was there and changing the fabric of a space that held sad memories, but also happy ones.

I thought about Esther until the sun started to rise.

Sleep never came, but at least I could breathe again.

Around six in the morning, I decided to get up and head to the cafeteria to get coffee and something to eat. I wasn't going to sleep, so I was going to need to run on caffeine today.

I was sitting in silence, my hands cupping my cup of coffee when Chloe appeared in front of me.

She looked like she hadn't gone to sleep yet. Her reasons for not sleeping were, I assumed, quite different from mine.

"How are you doing?" Chloe asked, sitting in front of me, "You've been missed," she added, reaching for my bagel.

For some reason, this annoyed me. I didn't usually have an issue with sharing, but I was tired and cranky and I didn't want anyone to eat my food.

But I kept my complaining to myself and instead just replied, "Have I?"

"You have."

I just nodded. I was too tired to come up with anything witty to say. And honestly? I didn't see the point. I liked Chloe enough, but she represented something about me, a broken part of me I wanted no part of anymore.

I didn't want to go party. I didn't want to fuck around.

I just wanted to rest for a little while.

And potentially have Esther read me the entire seven volumes of In Search of Lost Time.

"I figured we might see you again soon since you're allowed to have extracurricular activities again," Chloe continued with a little smirk.

I frowned at that. Was I too tired and not understanding her right?

"What do you mean?"

"Tyler texted me. Said I could answer the phone again if you called... if you know what I mean," she continued, still grinning.

She still smelled like alcohol, and with the way her eyes were slightly out of focus, I could only assume she was still tipsy from her night out, so that was probably why she wasn't picking up on my frowning.

"Tyler gave you permission to sleep with me?"

"Not against whatever kind of kink you guys have, by the way," Chloe continued, basically ignoring me.

Ye.ah. No.

"Here, have the rest," I told Chloe and pushed my coffee and my food in her direction, getting up.

"Where are you going?"

"Dealing with the pain in my ass," I grumbled and left.

I almost knocked the door back into the wall, when I got back to our dorm. Tyler jumped awake at the sound.

"Did you tell Chloe she could sleep with me?" I asked point blank.

Tyler sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Well, good morning to you too sunshine."

"Did you pimp me out to Chloe?" I continued, ignoring his chirpy tone.

Tyler shrugged, unaffected by my annoyed tone. "I didn't pimp you out to Chloe, I just told her the sex ban had been lifted."

I crossed my arms over my chest, glaring at him. "And since when exactly have you decided to lift the sex ban?"

"After our talk. I figured you were right, and you should be the one making the decisions for yourself, even if they might be wrong."

Somehow this all sounded logical and okay, but for some reason it was making me furious.

Why exactly? Because he'd pushed Chloe in my direction and I had absolutely zero interest in her now that I knew my feelings?

Or because my best friend rarely had normal intentions when he did... well basically everything.

I narrowed my eyes at him, studying him. "I feel like this is a trick. It can't come from the goodness of your heart. It's probably part of some weird ass bet your father has come up with."

Tyler let out an affronted gasp. "What do you take me for? I'm the best friend anyone could ever hope for."

I pointed at his face. "See, this is making me even more doubtful."

Tyler just shook his head. "You doubt my sincere intentions?"

"Something stinks."

Tyler scrunched his nose. "Might have farted, sorry."

I let out an exasperated breath. "Shut up, you know what I mean."

"Give it a second, the smell should hit you soon," he just continued.

I threw my head back. "Christ almighty give me strength to not murder him."

"Don't you just love me in the morning," Tyler said with a grin and starting to make fanning motions with his hands, like he was pushing air in my direction.

Or scent.

Nope. Noooooope. I was not dealing with that. I turned back to head out, but not before calling out, "This isn't over. I know this tactic seems to be partly working right now, but I'm not as easily distracted as you are. We're talking about this again."

"Oh yes, keep going daddy, show me who's in charge," Tyler said in a wicked voice.

"Fuck off."

"TAKE ME DADDY!" Tyler shouted just as I shut the door behind me and as one of our floormates yelled, "YOU GUYS NEED TO SHUT UP!"

What a lovely morning.