Chapter 32

I was dragged to dinner with my friends that evening.

A small obsessed part of me wanted to find a reason to go back to my apartment and spend more time with Esther, but I also knew she'd already spent almost all day with me. I shouldn't be so greedy just because I'd finally figured out my feeling.

Just because I wanted to see her all the time didn't mean she wanted to see me all the time.

It was going to be slightly difficult to navigate what I wanted and what I should actually be doing when it came to liking Esther.

So, I went to dinner with my friends, which was a super fun moment to be reminded that they'd all figure out how to ate their significant others, and I was probably going to stay single and pining for Esther for the rest of my life now.

I drove to the restaurant with Tyler and Vanessa, like a kid following his parents. Blake, Lexi, Alex, Travis and Josh were already there waiting for us.

They'd chosen a sushi buffet as our spot tonight, because everyone around that table was a bottomless pit of hunger. Lexi mostly.

I'd tried for us to go to a fancy restaurant once, I'd even offered to pay, but Lexi had almost chewed my head off, so I'd never tried again.

"Where's Daphnee?" Vanessa asked, before even greeting anyone else.

"Work. She should be here any minute," Josh replied,

"Work, suuuuure," I said, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

Josh narrowed his eyes at me. "What does that mean?"

I just shrugged, while everyone chuckled at my antics.

Fucking around with Josh was always encouraged. But also, I knew his girlfriend was pregnant.

I wondered when they were going to announce it. Also, maybe I needed to remind my friends of the basic of contraception. That baby couldn't have been planned. Daphnee and Josh both had too many issues with their parents to want to become ones this early in their relationship.

We all greeted each other as I grabbed a menu and started to scan it. The buffet wasn't an open bar kind of thing. You had to order what you wanted.

"Nikki doesn't look like like he's dying even if we cut off all his vices. What gives?" Josh asked, stinging back.

"I've seen the error of my ways," I said without looking up from my menu. I was firmly salmon when it came to my sushi. A California roll basic bitch. Tuna also. But mostly salmon.

"I thought he'd be more of a mess. Maybe shaking for a cigarette," Josh continued.

"Oh, I'm definitely shaking for a cigarette," I replied a little absentmindedly.

It was kind of funny though, because I hadn't been thinking about smoking. I couldn't remember the last time I had a craving for a cigarette.

"You look good," Lexi said with a smile.

I knew what she meant by that, but I couldn't let it pass.

I smirked at her boyfriend. "You heard that Blake? Remember this moment. The moment where your girlfriend started to be mine."

Blake just rolled his eyes, his arm thrown over Lexi's shoulder. "I'm so very worried."

I nodded. "As you should be. I'm irresistible."

"And it helps now that you don't smell like an old ashtray," Tyler pointed out.

"Nikki does smell good," Josh agreed before taking a sip from his glass of water.

"He does," Alex agreed, while everyone sitting around me started to lean in and sniffing in my general direction.

I raised my hands, swatting them away. "Can y'all stop sniffing me please?"

"What did I miss? Why are we sniffing Nik?" Daphnee asked, coming up to our table, and then she just grabbed my head and kissed the top of it, sniffing me, giving me a shit eating grin afterwards.

Everyone laughed.

I glared at my friends. "I feel like a baby his parents are sniffing."

"That's 'cause you're our little baby," Vanessa crooned, pinching my cheek.

"Can we start eating already? So I can leave faster?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"Nikki loves the attention," Josh teased.

"Loooooves it," Travis agreed.

"Leaaaaave Nikkiiiii aloooooone," I whined, making them laugh.

We sent out our first order after that, while we caught up with each other. Blake, Lexi Alex and Travis were busy with college just like Tyler, Vanessa and me. Daphnee had started to work in a hospital on top of finishing up nursing school. Josh was gonna travel to England soon to meet with investors for new different art projects.

Everyone was busy. But it was nice to take a breather and hang out together.

The table overfilled with food.  I noticed Daphnee staying away from anything raw. I didn't mention it but wondered if others noticed it too.

Mostly, we ate like we were ravenous animals that hadn't been fed in weeks.

I thought about Esther alone, in my apartment. I hoped she was eating well. I wondered what she was eating.

I wished she was here...

I looked at my friends all coupled up sitting around the table, all seemingly sickeningly in love.

I wondered how it would be like if I ever brought Esther with me. For now, I didn't really want to share her with anyone, a little selfishly on my part. But one day it would be fun to introduce her to my friends. I wondered if they would like her. I wondered if she'd be able to open up with them the way she did with me.

I allowed myself one second of fabulation. Where I'd bring Esther as my girlfriend and she'd get along with everyone. Smiling at her. Holding her hand under the table.

And then I shut down that daydream real quick.

"What are you thinking about?" Vanessa asked softly, leaning towards me.

I shook my head, trying to make my expression as neutral as possible. I wondered what she had seen. "Nothing."

Her gaze lingered on me for a second too long, before she went back to eating.

It was infuriating how clueless but also hyper aware my friends were. You could never let your guards down.

After a embarrassing amount of food had been consumed, as we stepped out of the restaurant, Alex asked, "Can we go to a bar for more drinks? Or are we still cutting off Nikki?"

"We can go to a bar. I can take virgin piña coladas," I said.

I didn't feel the usual urge to drown my sorrows. I wasn't magically completely happy and healed of all trauma, but my mind was fixated on other things now.

On a soft, gentle feeling growing in my chest anytime I pictured Esther's face in my mind.

"He's allowed one drink though, is he not?" Lexi pointed out.

I chuckled at her tone, like she was worried I'd be sad for being left out of the drinking.

"I'll drink virgin piña coladas with him so he doesn't feel alone," Daphnee said, slipping her arm around mine.

I smirked at her, knowing exactly why she wouldn't be drinking. "No, don't worry about it, you don't have to follow me in my sobriety," I told her.

"Nonsense, I'll gladly support you," she pushed, giving me a look.

"Uh huh," I nodded, the amused smile not leaving my lips.

We all set out to a nearby bar, walking there to help with the digestion.

Eventually Daphnee let go of my arm and jumped on her baby-daddy's back.

I was staying back a little, and Blake was beside me. There was no one that close to us, that wasn't in a discussion and that would be listening to us, so I asked, "how's the head?"

"It was a good week actually. I've been trying to be more careful. You're new doctor kinda yelled at me."

"She does that a lot. Glad she reached out."

"Thanks Nik."

"That's what friends are for."

I looked at him sideways. Regardless of a lot of shitty things in his life, Blake was a fairly positive guy.  But I knew things hadn't always been like this.

I knew before he started to date Lexi, and before he got the help he needed, it was different.

I wondered how bad it had gotten. How it had been.

I wondered about pinning for a girl you thought you could never have.

I figured that if I asked him about it while being slightly insulting, he wouldn't look too deeply into the reason behind the question.

"Genuine question, because you're so enamoured by your girlfriend that you look like the kind of dude that's totally on-board the Romeo double suicide plan, but how did you manage to function before Lexi accepted to date you?" I asked.

Blake laughed. Lexi looked back at the sound, grinning at him, before continuing her conversation with Alex.

"Poorly," Blake admitted. I ran a lot. Was gloomy a lot. The whole needed medication for being bipolar but not taking any didn't really help my whole mental state, but generally speaking, for the Lexi thing... I just suffered really."

"And you were okay with that?"

He shrugged. "No, but what was the other option?"

I snorted. "I don't know, talking to her?"

"I had no idea if she was going to reject me. Actually, she kinda rejected me a bunch of times. I was just persistent."

I nodded. "Stalker behaviour, got it."

Blake chuckled at the comment. And then looked at me with a weird grin. Fuck. "Why? Anyone out of reach you fancy? Is the Is-Nik-Gay bet about to have a happy denouement?"

"Just curious."

"Uh huh."

He did not look convinced

"I mean it."

"Sure."

"Lexi darling!" I shouted. "Has Blake told you—"

Blake covered my mouth with his hand, shutting me up before I could say anything else.

I shoved him away playfully and laughed, before quickening my steps and catching up with Tyler and Vanessa at the front.

Looked like Blake's secret was gonna stay his for a little while longer. And Esther was going to stay mine too.

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Hello hello!
Sorry, I fell asleep before finishing this chapter so I worked on it at work. XD I copied this chapter from my iPad instead of my computer, so hopefully the layout isn't all fucked up. :S
Oh! And I wondered, have I ever used Esther's last name? Like, have I mentioned it before? I can't remember. XD
Alright! See you guys next week!