Chapter 31

I hung around the Lego section of the Target, until a soft voice I was quite addicted to asked behind me, "Did you find a set you like?"

I turned and grinned at her, happy to see she'd actually put stuff in the shopping cart. "When I was younger, I used to try to do a human anatomy set, starting with a skeleton and adding organs and muscles."

"How did that work out?"

I scrunched my nose, admitting defeat. "Poorly. I'm good at drawing, but I haven't gotten the hang of Lego sculpting just yet."

Esther looked at the boxes behind me, "It could be a fun exhibit, if someone recreated great works of art in Lego."

I knew Lego had their own big constructions in their shops and museum, but I wondered if they'd had something like that anywhere.

"Future art project of yours?"

She shrugged. "I never had Lego. Anyway, I think I should focus on passing my classes before I start a random art project."

"Why? Procrastinating by doing something absolutely useless instead of studying on working on your projects is a college rite of passage," I teased her.

She rolled her eyes at me, and for some stupid reason, it made me all giddy, this ease she had around me. "I'm fine with skipping that one."

"Alright, but once the semester is over, we're coming back here, and you're picking a Lego set," I said, unable to help myself.

So what if I wanted to make plans with her in the future? I wasn't asking her to marry me. I just wanted to make sure that then end of the semester would not mean the end of whatever was beginning to blossom between us, even if it was just friendship she'd be willing to offer me.

"Don't make plans too quickly. Maybe I'll do something wrong and make us fail our final project and then you'll want nothing to do with me," she said, and her tone of voice was just particularly pleasing, and if I was a cat I was pretty sure I would be purring.

And like that was possible.

"If we're failing, it's gonna be because of me, so the Lego set is going to be the least of my peace offerings."

Esther chuckled. The way her eyes shone happily make me feel strange things in my chest. It wasn't exactly unpleasant.

"Let's try not to fail."

"Let's." I agreed. "So? What next?" I asked, gesturing to the rest of the store.

"I think I grabbed everything I needed."

I frowned. "What? So quickly?"

There was stuff in that cart, but not nearly enough to satisfy my need to take care of her. I wanted it overflowing. I wanted to need to push a second cart.

"I don't need much."

"It's really useless to tell you to splurge, right?"

"Right."

I let out a sigh, still smiling at her. Little Mini-Mouse. "Okay. Well, while we're here, might as well grab some food, and then I'll drive you back home."

Home. It was so strange that my home was hers at the moment.

I liked it a bit too much.

I grabbed a few things I thought she might need in the food aisle, with her complaining about it all the while. I was happy she was comfortable enough with me to be vocal.

I was pretty sure it was the kind of thing I'd never take for granted.

Afterwards, I drove her back to my apartment. She was in her head, and quiet at that point, but I didn't push it.

I understood that a lot was happening to her all at once.

I helped her carry her stuff back up once we got home.

I put away the food, and Esther carried her clothes and stuff to her room.

It was nice to think of the guest room as hers. It was nice to think that this was her space right now. It was comforting to me. To know she was somewhere safe, with plenty of food.

Once she came back in the kitchen, I stretched my arms over my head, and let out a sigh. "Well, I already know you're gonna say now, but do you think you need anything else?"

She smiled at me, that small smile of hers. "I kinda feel like saying no, just to contradict you, but no, I don't need anything else."

I smiled back at her. "Alright, well, I'll leave you alone now."

Though, I really didn't want to. I wanted to find some stupid reason to hang around with her a little bit longer. I waned to convince her that we should watch a movie together, or maybe an entire season of a TV series.

I wanted to make her food and watch her eat it.

I wanted to sit at the table across from her while we both studied for our classes.

I wanted her to read a dictionary to me, just to listen to the sound of her voice.

But I also understood these were all things I wanted. I shouldn't be selfish when it came to my time with Esther. It shouldn't be about what I wanted. It should be about her. She'd already given me more time with the shopping. I couldn't be greedy for more. Even if I really really wanted to be.

"Thank you for today," Esther said to me in a small voice, following me to the front door.

"You're welcome. If you need anything you can always call me. And you can use the computer in my room. The password is on a post it on the screen."

"Very safe, very private."

"The safest. The privatest"

She chuckled at my made-up word. "Thanks again."

"Anytime."

For you. Anytime. Anything.

We waved goodbye to each other as the door of the elevator closed in front of me.

Once I got back to my dorms, Tyler was already there, lying on his bed.

"Hey," he said, not looking up from his phone at me.

"Hey," I greeted him, changing into sweatpants.

"You know, you've been weird lately."

I turned around to see him staring at me with laser eyes. I felt like I needed to cover myself.

"Weird? Weird how?"

"I don't know? Especially cheery?"

"So, it's weird if I'm happy?"

"A little yeah."

I'd been dodging him a lot since he and Vanessa had implied something was going on between me and Esther.

At the time I had found the idea ridiculous. But now... well it was kind of annoying to admit they had been right.

"Don't worry, it's not one of those cases where the depressed person is suddenly happy because they've decided the day they're going to off themselves so everything feels suddenly lighten," I rambled.

"Well, I wasn't worried about that but now I am!"

"You don't need to."

He sighed, sitting up. "Then, what's up?"

"Does anything need to be up? Do I need a grand reason to be in a good mood?"

Tyler tilted his head, studying me. "For a normal person, I'd say no, but for you, I have to say yes."

"I'm just trying out being happy for once. I feel like it suits me."

"It does," he grinned, his stupid grin. "It's nice when you're not a moody queen."

I scoffed. "Who's the fucking moody queen?"

He rolled his eyes. "You. I just said it. Do you need your ears checked?"

"Dumbass."

The thing was, he was right. I was happy.

And I knew exactly why. But I wasn't about to admit to any of that to him.

If I told my friends about my feelings they would start to meddle. I knew them. They wouldn't leave it alone. I also didn't want to give them the satisfaction of having been right about Esther.

What I had with Esther was precious. I wasn't sure exactly what it was, or what it would become. It wasn't love just yet. But it could be. It could be so easily. Even if she never reciprocated my feelings, I could love her so easily.

But this thing, these feelings, they were mine. Mine and Esther, if she wanted them. I wasn't quite ready to share them with anybody just yet.