Chapter 28

I was the first to arrive in class in the morning, sitting alone at my and Esther's usual table.

Professor Connor was looking at me like I had grown a second head.

"Should I be worried, or should I be pleased that you're so early?" he asked me as he was setting up his things.

This wasn't the first time I was on time in class. It wasn't the first time I was early either.

It wasn't a good thing that my professor still saw this as an odd behaviour. It shouldn't feel weird to not have fucked up for once.

I'd spent most of my life not fucking up. It should have been my default setting. Fucking up should not have become so usual.

"Not worried at all. I'm the picture of a model student," I replied with a grin, before taking a sip from my coffee.

He looked at me with narrowed eyes. "Suuuuure. Did you do something wrong? You know you had a short critique to hand in today, right?"

"Yes, all ready," I replied and grabbed it out of my bag, shaking it.

"You know what they say about people suddenly changing. That it means they're gonna die," my professor said, after I got up and walked up to his desk to give him my work.

It wasn't that sudden.

So, maybe I was in a good mood today, and maybe I was early, but he really shouldn't be making that much of a deal out of it.

"Who's they?"

"You know, the proverbial they," he replied, making a general waving hand gesture, while taking a quick look at my report.

I shook my head. "Never heard this. Who says this?"

"They."

"You mentioned."

He rolled his eyes. I was annoying him. This was slightly pleasing. Old-Nik never would have enjoyed annoying his teacher like this, but I was a new man.

"You know what I mean," he said.

I wasn't about to make this easy for him. "No."

"Yeah, these responses make more sense. Smartass," he replied, shaking his head, but he was smiling a bit too.

I grinned. "Thanks."

"That critique better be good," he said, while I went back to my seat.

"If you enjoy reading about someone shitting on a performance art piece, you're gonna have a grand time," I replied as I sat down.

"Why didn't you just pick another one of the art pieces then, if you didn't like this one?"

"Oh, no, no, I love shitting on things I don't like. It's my bread and butter."

"You know, I had one of you teachers from when you were pre-med telling me you were a quiet, non-confrontational, model student. I can't believe anything that teacher says now."

I grinned, trying to hide the pang I felt being reminded of my pre-med years. "What can I saw Professor Connor, you brought out the best in me."

The class started to fill out slowly after that.

Every time someone came in, I'd sort of jump and looked back, waiting for someone in particular.

Professor Connor was looking at me with a weird grin that I really had no idea what it meant.

Finally, when half the class was filled, Esther walked in.

She headed for our table, and I don't know why exactly I felt a sense of relief, like I was still thinking she might sit somewhere else.

Nothing would happen if she didn't sit beside me in class.

I just really wanted her to.

"Hey," I greeted her, as she sat down.

"Hey," she replied, with a small smile.

"Did you sleep okay?" I asked, while she took out her notebook.

She shrugged, not looking in my eyes. "Not really, but it's not because of your apartment. It's just... you know. Me."

I wondered if she had nightmares, and if she had trouble sleeping in general. I wondered what she thought about when she couldn't fall asleep.

I wondered about a lot of things when it came to Esther.

"Didn't have any trouble to get to school?" I asked, since I'd been a bit worried about that.

"No, it was fine," she replied in her small voice.

I knew you could get a bus pass when you were a student, so I hoped she had a bus pass and hadn't had to walk all the way, but then it felt way too nosy to start asking her if she needed money for bus passes and I didn't want to scare her off. I was lucky she'd just agreed to stay at my place and not on a bench.

It felt like Esther did not want to have to rely on anyone.

Which made sense when she was surrounded by unreliable people.

But I wanted to be someone reliable to her. I wanted to be someone she could turn to if she needed help.

I had no idea what this felt like something so important.

I always wanted to be someone my friends could rely on, but it felt deeper when it came to Esther. She just kind of brought that in me.

Honestly, I didn't see how someone could not want to take care of her when looking at her.

I wanted to ask her how she really felt, and I didn't really want to be in class right now. I wanted to be back in my apartment, with her.

She'd changed her tops, but not her skirt, so I assumed she'd brought some clothes in her bag, but if she was going to stay any time longer at my place, she was going to need more of her stuff.

If it was up to me, it would be all of her stuff permanently in my penthouse, but I was unfortunately not the one who got to decide that.

"Do you have anything to do after class?"

"Maybe some studying. Why?"

"We could get you some more stuff, whether it be from you grandma's or we could just buy it."

She froze a little bit at the offer. I wonder if it was the grandma part, or the me buying her stuff part that bothered her. "You don't need to do that for me. I could do it myself."

"I know, but as I've mentioned before, you're allowed to ask for help, and I really want to help. And I'd honestly be worried if you want to your grandma's alone, even if your restraining order might be in effect."

"We can talk about it after class..." she whispered, looking down, and I didn't press it.

Anyway, class was starting.

Surprisingly, Esther didn't start taking her notes right away. She waited for a moment.

Her pen had rolled a little closer towards me and her hand brushed on mine when she went to pick it up.

I felt a weird, pleasant sort of zing in my hand, a sort of tingle I could still feel after flexing my fingers once or twice.

My cheeks somehow heated up, and when I took a furtive glance towards Esther, there was a hint of pink on her cheek too, but she hadn't recoiled from my hand, which kind of felt monumental to me.

This was why it felt like my world was spinning around.

Not because of the fact that for some unexplainable reason I was thinking about seeing her legs now, and thinking about the fact that she'd probably spent all day yesterday in my clothes, and thinking about how I wanted to hear her voice, and how maybe my apartment smelled like her and I shook my head to snap out of it.

Esther noticed the movement and gave me a little furtive glance, smiling.

It did odd things to my heart, when she smiled like that.

I tried to concentrate, but it was a lost cause.

I looked sideways at her again, and my eyes fell on her lips, and it was all I could think about. I couldn't even hear Professor Connor speak, all I could think about was her lips and her legs and was the class getting hotter? My heart was beating faster and I wonder how it would feel to k—

Ohfuck.

Why, oh why, was I thinking about kissing Esther? In the middle of the class? When I knew what had happened to her? When I knew kissing me, or anyone was probably the last thing she wanted to do.

I'd wanted to kiss people before, I'd wanted them, but... I'd never... it had never felt this deep, this visceral need to do it.

But it was more than just wanting to kiss her.

I... liked her.

How had this never occurred to me? I thought about her all the time, I wanted to be with her all the time, I wanted to take care of her, I wanted her to be happy...

I wanted her.

Jesus fuck.

I'd never liked anyone before, I realized, I hadn't known what it felt like.

Maybe I'd been in denial of it too, because I hadn't wanted to give my friends the satisfaction of being right.

But so many things made more sense now. All of it made sense.

I liked her.

I liked Esther.

It was absolutely ridiculous to have this realization here, sitting in the middle of an art class. This was the kind of revelation you had elsewhere. Somewhere meaningful, because this was something that would turn my world on its axis.

But now that I knew, there was no going back. 

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Hello my lovelies!

Happy... Wednesday. XD I think I'm gonna have to re-think my uploading schedule a bit. If I have a busy weekend, I'm not able to catch up with my writing... Anyway. Yeah. ight change it. It's still gonna be weekly, but maybe just another day.

Also, well, I took my time writing this chapter because I wanted it to feel right. This is the beginning and I wanted it to be sweet and just perfect. So yeah.

Did you guys like it??

Anyway! Gotta go to work now! Love you guys»! See you all next week! <3