Chapter 24

Esther was standing next to me in the elevator taking us to my penthouse being unusually quiet.

She'd gone kind of wide eyed when she'd seen the building I was heading towards.

This was not a cheap place to live at. And this was the penthouse.

Being a Titchen had some perks.

I did feel like I was scaring her off a little bit though, when she was realizing just how seriously loaded I was.

I didn't want things to change between us, but I also knew that money often did that.

And I had no idea why I was overthinking this. I was just helping my friend. She needed a place to sleep. There was nothing more to think about.

Once we reached the top floor the doors dinged open making Esther slightly jump in surprise, and I remembered this must be a lot more unsettling for her than it was for me.

I should really be making her feel comfortable.

"Welcome to my place," I announced as the doors opened.

I stepped inside, took my shoes off and left her enough space to get her bearings.

I turned to look back a her.

She stood there for a second, staring at her feet, like she wasn't sure what she should be doing.

I always took my shoes off, because it had always been a habit in my family, but I wouldn't make a big deal if she felt more comfortable keeping hers on.

"You don't have to take your shoes off if you're uncomfortable," I reassured her.

"Oh... no it's okay," she said in her small voice, and when she did I realized her socks weren't matching.

Had she been worried about that? Such a small, insignificant thing.

My heart broke even more for her.

I headed to the kitchen with my plastic bags from the convenience store, to put everything away.

Esther followed me like my little shadow, not making a sound.

Once I was done putting the last thing in the fridge, she cleared her throat, and asked, like she was trying to break the silence, "You live alone here?"

She sat on a stool on the other side of the island, waiting for my answer.

For a second, I realized the craziness of this whole thing.

Maybe I shouldn't trust her like this. Maybe this was all a very elaborate ploy to steal all my stuff.

Honestly though? I didn't really care. If she decided to steal the television, I wouldn't cry about it. The only thing I cared in this penthouse were my plants, and the few trinkets left by my parents, and I doubted any of that was worth anything.

And even if we hadn't known each other for very long, strangely, I trusted Esther.

I didn't trust people easily, so that must have meant something.

"Yeah, both my parents are dead, so it's just me," I admitted a lot more easily than I would have though possible.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she replied automatically.

I smiled softly at her. "Thanks."

"I knew about your dad," she admitted, looking a little sheepish. "You know, that time at the cafeteria."

I rolled my eyes, thinking back at the unnecessary scene. "Ah, yes, your altercation with Air-Head Sills."

"Yeah... so I kind of knew about your dad. Not about your mom though. Sorry," she said again.

I wasn't the kind of person that got angry over people feeling sorry for me. I felt sorry for me.

I shrugged. "It is what it is."

I filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove, taking out two bowls of instant ramen. Esther didn't object, so I assumed this was her giving me the okay to feed her.

"Is it recent?" she asked me.

"My father, yes. My mother no," I replied, while taking cutlery out, and glasses for water.

"It must be really hard on you."

I shrugged again. "At least I have good friends. And I still have family. But it does feel sometimes like... like I'm just floating in the middle of the ocean with nothing to hang on to, and nothing to swim towards."

I kinda frozen when I realized I'd just said that out loud. I was here to comfort her, not the other way around.

This didn't seem to scare off Esther though, instead she just nodded and said, "Yeah, I kinda understand that."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her, in a gentle voice.

She looked up at me at the question, her sad eyes behind her big glasses.

I wondered what she looked like without the glasses.

"You're already being kind enough to let me stay here. You don't have to be my therapist too. You've already done more than enough," she said in her small voice, staring at her hands.

The kettle started to whistles just then. I took it off the stove and poured water in the two bowls. I pushed one towards Esther. She took it in her hands, cupping it.

"You know, I'm kind of new at this whole friendship thing, but from what I understand, it's not transactional. You don't have to do one thing nice for the other to do one in return too," I told her, giving her a small tentative smile.

She chuckled humourlessly. "I wouldn't know honestly."

"Not too many friends?" I said, already knowing the answer.

"No."

"It's okay. I really just started to have friends. I understand," I tried to reassure her.

Maybe I didn't look like it to her. But this whole not being alone thing? It was brand new for me.

"Thanks," she replied, and started to stir her ramen, staring at them.

I kinda wanted to hug her then. She seemed so small and so sad.

I didn't know what to do to make everything better for her.

I took a deep breath, and said softly, "I also understand that if you don't want to talk about it, that's absolutely fine. But I am here if you want to. And it's not... I'm not going to judge or think any less of you, whatever it is you have to say."

I kinda wanted to be a girl at the moment, because I was sure that if I'd been a girl it would have felt easier for her to share whatever it was she was going through.

If some of my suspicions were right, this was not something you wanted to talk about with a guy when you were a girl.

You were not a safe place. You were another perpetrator.

Esther just nodded, staring at her noodles, and then started to eat.

At least, there was that.

It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

We ate our ramen in silence. I didn't want to push her more, and she didn't look like she wanted to say anything more.

Once we were both done, I cleaned up quickly.

"Anyway, let me give you the big tour," I said making a motion around me and kind of spinning on myself.

This made Esther snort a laugh, so that was a definite win in my book.

She got up and followed me.

I showed her the rest of dinning room by the kitchen and took her to the living room. I showed her the rooms; my parents, mine, and the guest one that would be hers.

I'd already change the sheets after Trey had been here, so it was all clean and ready for a visitor.

Something caught her eyes thought, before she could walk in to inspect her room.

A picture on the wall in the hall.

"Are these your parents?" she asked softly.

I came to stand by her, looking at the photo. My parents wedding photo. "Yeah..."

"My mom has very bad taste in men," Esther suddenly admitted, while looking at my parents.

"What about your father?" I asked, curious.

"I never knew him. And I think it's better that way," she said, still staring in front of her, and not looking at me. "My family... we never had any money. My grandmother lives in a trailer. My grandfather died a while ago in a car accident, so she raised my mom on her own. But she didn't have a lot. My mother wanted to move away, so she... did everything she could that could get her out of there."

I could guess. I could assume. I could come up with a scenario where this wasn't something good for Esther.

I could understand how it felt to have a mother tat failed you.

"We're not our mothers you know. And we shouldn't have to pay for their sins either. Even if sometimes we do," I told her, looking at her. She looked back at me, her eyes glossy. "My mom... she had deep depressive episodes. That's actually why she met my father. She was in one of his colleagues' study. She tested some anti depressants. Anyway... one day the depressive thoughts turned suicidal. And she decided I needed to follow her in those plans." I swallowed. This felt strange to admit to someone new. But I wanted Esther to know I understood trauma, even if ours were different. "I survived. She didn't."

I could feel the sympathy in her eyes, and I hoped that she could see it in mine too. "It would be nice if all mothers protected their children instead of hurting them."

I snorted a humourless laugh. "Really nice. But some people shouldn't be parents."

Esther nodded. "Yeah, definitely."

"Do you need... like a lawyer or something? You know. Whatever it is your mother and her boyfriend did."

She shrugged. "I guess it's mostly settled now..."

"But if you do need a lawyer... well, my grandfather is a ruthless shark when it comes to law, and if I asked nicely enough he'd say yes to represent you."

There was no doubt in my mind that if I asked for my grandfather for help, he would give it. It was actually a nice realisation.

"You don't need to do anything more. This is already too much," she replied, gesturing to the apartment around us.

"That's just the thing though. I feel like I'm not doing enough" I replied, scratching the back of my head. "I feel like I need you to tell me where your mom's boyfriend is, and I need to call in all those I'll bury a body with you favours I've been gathering lately."

Esther chuckled, and I was glad to have accomplished that. "You have a lot of those?"

I nodded, making a face. "I have very questionable friends."

Esther smiled, but then her shoulders dropped. "It won't change anything. You know. I've made my peace with it."

"You're much more magnanimous than I am."

She half smiled. "I try."

"Does this help?" I asked gesturing towards the cross hanging around her neck she was playing with in her hand.

"A little," she said with a shrug.

"My family has always been very pragmatic. There was never room for religion," I said.

I also wanted to add that too many conflicts and too many atrocities were made in its name for me, but this probably wasn't the best time to argue with her about faith.

It made me curious, honestly, for anyone in these days and ages to still believe in a god.

I wasn't religious, but I was curious as to why she was.

"My grandmother was always very religious. And... humans' souls shine too bright for me to not believe in something. Regardless of the awful stuff that happened to me, some good happened too. Seeing the worst of people shouldn't erase the best of people. As a matter of fact, it should make the best shine even more brightly."

I smiled softly at the way her eyes had shined while she had explained this.

Even if it didn't make sense to me, I could respect it. "I think you have a much kinder heart than I do."

"My anger won't change anything. My anger only punishes me more. It's better to just let it all go."

I laughed this time, throwing my head back. "Yeah, okay, you're a saint, so this all makes sense."

Esther smiled at me. It warmed my chest in an unfamiliar way. "We have a very limited time on Earth. I see no reason for living it while being angry."

"I wouldn't know. I'm almost always angry," I admitted, and chuckled.

She smiled, looking slightly amused. "You hide it well."

"I'm either angry or tired. You mostly see the tired side of me because we have morning classes."

"The tired side of you is a good version of you then," she said, still smiling softly.

It wasn't a compliment. Not really. Not exactly. So, why was I starting to blush?

Jesus, I had zero social skills.

And suddenly for some very weird reason, I was hyper aware that I was alone in my home with Esther.

I wasn't sure exactly why it felt like some big deal, or like something strange or weird, or... just... I didn't know really.

I had no idea what I was feeling.

I was probably just really worried for her, and overwhelmed.

I didn't have a lot of new people here. That was probably why I felt kind of restless.

I cleared my throat.

"Anyway!" I started to ramble to cover my sudden weird thoughts. "That's your room, and you have a bathroom with everything you could need. Feel free to use everything in there. And you can also eat everything in the fridge. I'll come back with more food tomorrow. And with another key so you can come and go as you please. For now, if you need to go out, you can just ask the doorman to let you in after, I'll give him a heads up. Also, you can use the phone if you need to call anyone. And you can answer it, there's caller ID so you'll know if it's me."

"Thank you, Nik... you really didn't have to do this," she said, her arms wrapped around herself.

I wanted to go buy her more clothes and I wanted to hug her and I wanted to tell her everything was going to be already.

But I didn't really know that. That was the problem.

"It's my pleasure, really. I don't like to see my friends suffering," I admitted.

"You're a really good friend," she smiled at me, her eyes still sad.

"You're a good friend too," I replied. It didn't feel quite right though. We were friends, but we were something else too. Comrades in bad mother traumas? Something more, for sure. "Alright. I'll leave you alone now. You must be tired," I said and started to walk away.

She followed me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She walked me to the door, and it felt all sorts of strange for some reason.

Once I was in the elevator, going down, I took my phone out of my pocket, and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Grandpa? Can I ask for a favour?"