Chapter 19

Tyler was sitting at his desk in our room when I walked in.

I'd been putting off running into him as much as I could. I had though he would have been at the library or somewhere else at this time. He often studied at Vanessa's place. It kinda surprised me that he was there.

He'd probably been waiting for me.

The problem was, I wasn't sure how I wanted to handle this just yet.

I was still annoyed with him.

The whole hypochondriac thing had been a cataclysm for something else. I could excuse his weird fears. But his last little episode had snapped something in me. And I didn't want to ignore it.

"Are you here to serve me our divorce papers?" I asked and threw myself on my bed, closing my eyes, my arm over them.

"Oh, so we're getting divorced?" Tyler asked. I heard his chair move in my direction.

"Unreconcilable differences," I said and yawned, my eyes still closed. "I love sleep, and you keep interrupting mine. Also, I haven't had sex in weeks because of you."

"Oh, poor Horn-Dog Nikki, he didn't get to have strangers play with his willy," Tyler replied, in a boohoo-poor-you tone of voice.

I scoffed. I didn't want to argue with my best friend. I didn't want to be pissed. But I couldn't help it. "You're slut shaming me and I'm disappointed. These should be my hoe years, I should be passing around town. And you're depriving me of this college experience."

"Do you want to have sex with a bunch of strangers that don't care about you?" Tyler asked, unimpressed.

I opened my eyes, and peeked at him from under my arm. He had his arms crossed over his chest and he was looking at me like a disappointed father. Often it was something comforting, to have him—and Vanessa—play the parents role in my life.

But in the last week, somehow, it was becoming annoying to me.

I was annoyed that he felt like he was allowed to tell me what to do and how to live my life, like he knew better than me, like he had some kind of life knowledge that I didn't have.

I'd lived through much more dramatic things than him.

He had no idea what it felt like to lose both your parents. He had no idea what it felt like to have your mother kill herself and think that you were part of the reason why she did it. He had no idea what it had felt like in that car, sinking in the water, thinking you were about to take your last breath.

He knew what I had lived through, but he had no idea how it felt.

He had no right to judge me.

"I want to be left the hell alone to make my own bad decisions," I replied.

"Sorry, I can't allow that."

"Can you please... just stop lecturing me like you're somehow better than me. I know I'm a mess okay. I don't need to be reminded all the time," I snapped.

"Hey, hey, where is this coming from?" Tyler asked, frowning, while I sat him.

I was still sitting on my bed, but part of me wanted to pace the room, or punch something.

"I'm just... I'm really tired okay?" I just said, and ran a hand on my face, trying to calm down.

"Alright, it's okay, you can be tired. And you should always tell me how you feel, you know this."

"I've just told you," I snapped again.

Maybe part of this resentment I was feeling lately was due to the fact that my friend were actually treating me like more of a child than their equal most of the time.

And as much as I liked having them care for me, I was a little fed up at the moment to be treated like I was somehow lesser.

For a second I thought about my relationship with Esther. She never made me feel like I was inferior to her.

Maybe that was why I was always looking forward to my time with her. I knew she wasn't judging me. I knew she wouldn't see me as a project to fix. I was her equal, a partner really—for a school project sure—but a partner nevertheless.

Maybe I was feeling this way with Tyler because I had a new friendship to compare to my others. And I was realizing that I wanted something else from my friends.

Support. Not lectures. Equality, not judgment.

"Look, if you don't tell me how you feel, or what you need, I can't guess it. I mean, I can guess, but obviously, I could end up being wrong. So you need to tell me," Tyler replied, in a patient tone that actually made me more annoyed if that was even possible.

"I have been telling you."

Tyler sighed. "You've been telling me you want to fuck around. You didn't tell me that you needed me to feel less like a parent and more like a friend."

I just stared at my hands, and didn't reply.

I felt like crying now.

What was up with that? As far as my medication and therapist knew, I didn't have bipolar disorder.

Why did it feel like my emotions were all over the place then?

"I'm sorry okay?" Tyler continued. "It's the Grayson I-need-to-take-care-of-people gene that kicked in. I suddenly felt paternal urges towards you because you used to be so quiet and alone and I've developed this violent need to always be crowding you to make sure you're not alone, and to take care of you all the time. And in the process, I've been... well smothering you I guess. So, I apologize for that."

"Alright..." I just replied.

He was making me feel like a petulant child now.

Again.

There was really no winning here.

"And I don't think you're a mess Nik. I think you're so much better than me actually, that's why I'm always pushing you. It's because I think you can achieve so many wonderful things and I don't want you to waste opportunities because you've lost faith in yourself."

It kinda suck when the person you were mad at made more sense than you.

Couldn't he just argue with me childishly too so I could feel better and superior for once?

"Come on, let's get out of here and do something fun?" Tyler suddenly said, getting up from his chair.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not gonna go get a purity ring with you."

Tyler laughed. I smiled a little. "Shut your beautiful mouth you . We're going to the arcades."

"Why?" I asked, but still got up.

Clearly, I wasn't going to stay mad forever. I didn't actually want to be mad at Tyler after all.

I didn't like feeling like this.

"So we can play games."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're better at video games than me."

"You're a quick study," Tyler said with a shrug, grabbing his wallet and his phone.

"You just want to kick my ass, don't you?"

Tyler grinned. "Maaaaybe,"

"Watch out Grayson," I told him, following him out of our dorm.

"Shaking in my boots Titchen."

I drove us to the arcade while Tyler put ridiculous songs on the stereo, trying to lighten up the mood.

When we got to the arcades, we spent a ridiculous amount of money playing every game we could. In the end, I held my own pretty well. I had fairly good reflexes, so that helped a lot.

The longer we played, and joked around, the more I stopped feeling like shit.

I was annoyed with myself for having been angry, but I was also annoyed with myself for letting it go so easily.

I really was such a mess. That was probably why it bothered me so much when it felt like people were pointed out.

Truth hurt the most.

We were sitting at the little restaurant now, eating hot dogs.

"Sorry for earlier," I said.

"Nothing to apologize for. You were just telling me how you felt, and it was completely valid. So, really, don't worry about it. I can admit when I did something wrong."

"Thanks..." I trailed, staring at the table.

"And if you really want to sleep around, you know you can, right?"

"I don't want to sleep around," I snorted.

"I don't know, you made it sound like you reaaaaally missed it," Tyler teased me with a grin, before taking another bite of his hot dog.

I missed smoking more if I was being completely honest, and that was a hundred percent because of the nicotine, and not because I like smoking more.

"I don't think I want to sleep around. But I don't think I should be in a relationship either."

"So? You changing major again? Theology to become a priest?"

"Shut up," I groaned.

"Father Titchen, yes I could see it," he nodded.

"Shuuuuut uuuuuuup."

"Forgive me Father for I have sinner," Tyler started to joke.

"Ohmygod, shuuuut uuuup," I whined, throwing unopened packets of ketchup at him.

"Relationships are complicated you know. It's fine if you don't feel ready to be in one. You don't need a girlfriend or a boyfriend to have your shit together. I think it's actually better to know yourself before you get in a relationship."

"See, you're doing it again, giving me a fucking lecture," I said, laughing, throwing another packed of ketchup at him.

He laughed with me.

We smiled at each other.

Regardless of the times he annoyed me, I was lucky to have Tyler Grayson on my side.

___________________

Ohmygosh. I hadn't realized. It's been more than one year since my last upload. 0_0

Okay, now I feel really really bad for Nik. SORRY NIK! 

So! If you didn't know, today is my Wattpad birthday. And this is one of the many presents I have for you guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though there was no Esther. We'll see her in the next chapter. I actually have uploading plans for the next few weeks, I'm gonna talk about it in my Wattpad Birthday livestream tonight at 8PM EST (at instagram.com/kaygiard) and I have plans for this story. No uploads for over a year is definitely not something I want to repeat. 0_0

Also, there's one specific thing I'm still not sure about this story, about Esther's back story. I think I'll talk about it the livestream tonight and you guys can tell me if you think I should go with the worst possibility or if I change her back story a bit and make things a little less awful for her. XD

Anyway! SORRY AGAIN! And thanks for being patient with me and coming back to this story. I really REALLY missed Nik.

See you guys again soon! <3