When Visenya fought for her seat on the council with Aemond, she was expecting it to be a Great Council.

She was mistaken. She was so mistaken.

Three years of pure boredom, fantasizing about how she was going to change things when she became queen. No one ever paid attention to the important things. They spoke of petty problems between lords but no one addressed the rising curve of starvation. No one talked about the leading rise in death because the common folk didn't have maesters or anyone to take care of them.

And it's not like she was even taken seriously. She was added to the council with no council of her own. No one stopped to explain things or help her, and if they did, it was in a demeaning way to make her feel stupid. Lord Lannister was the only one that didn't make her feel awful. He was sexist, sure, but he wasn't downright rude. 

She thought she would have an ally with Lord Beesbury seeming he liked Rhaenyra and was kind, but that was the exact reason he was rude to her. He viewed her legitimization as treason. So needless to say, he was never kind around her. 

Jasper Wylde dismissed everything she said on the basis of her lack of cock, Orwyle was just painfully loyal to Alicent, Criston Cole was ... well, that needed no explanation. 

"They say the Sea Snake is winning in his war against the Stepstones. An expensive war, I might add," Jasper said.

"Probably not nearing as expensive as the amount of wine Aegon has shipped from Lys," Visenya mumbled.

Aemond and Tyland snickered, and Visenya could tell that Alicent found it amusing. "I have never seen a prince consume so much wine, the cost of that is no such joke," Lord Beesbury commented.

"No, but apparently taking care of the dying children in our city is." Visenya deadpanned.

"Princess, we have discussed this matter. We do not have the resources necessary," Otto warned.

Aemond squeezed her hand under the table. They had both agreed to be complacent after the attack on the children. If Otto felt like he was losing control of Visenya, she was being too obvious. She needed to act dumb enough that he would not feel threatened.

"Right," She mumbled. 

"Remind me why she is here?" Lord Beesbury asked. 

No one responded at first. He was the only one not privy to the treasonous plans of installing her as queen. "Because unlike you, she remembers what she had for breakfast," Tyland spoke up with an uncomfortable laugh. 

Aemond frowned. "Did you even eat this morning?" He whispered into her ear.

She ignored him. "How come you do not ask Aemond that but you ask me, hm?" Visenya frowned. "I am the firstborn daughter to the heir, Aemond is merely a second son."

Lord Beesbury straightened his posture. "Your husband has more claim than you, or did you forget  your mother passed you in favor of your brother?"

Visenya tensed. "Trust me, I have not forgotten."

"It is a prince's duty to be interested in the council. Many princes go on to be members of the council to support their family member that sits on the throne. But I fear your intentions are less than pure. You have already defied the realm once before."

The table grew quiet and Visenya's fists were clenched so tight her skin was turning white. "Lord Beesbury, if you would like to accuse me of something more specific, go ahead." She spoke calmly, leaning back in her chair. "I'm waiting."

The old man stood with a scowl and was about to speak.

"Proceed with caution, Lord Beesbury," Alicent said. Thankfully, Visenya's 'submission' meant Alicent was kinder to her. She would need it to get where she wanted to be.

"I swore an oath to Viserys and he names his daughter heir. Her sitting in on the meetings made sense. But she named her son heir, not you and -"

"And where is my mother and little brother now, hm?" Visenya asked and looked around the room. "Heavens me, I can't find them."

"You make a mockery of this council, you do not even have a role!"

"Is Princess of the Realm not enough for you, old man?" Aemond asked while rolling his eye.

"You complain of me being in here, but where is that king you mentioned?" Visenya spat.

Lord Beesbury opened his mouth to speak then closed it. Visenya rose a brow and smirked at him. "That's what I thought. Sit down."

And he did.

-

Grey Ghost dipped through the clouds the wind rushing through her hair. Her place was in the sky, in the wind, in the clear air with no problems. She wished she could live on Dragonback and never worry about a thing. Her and Grey Ghost. But she had a family and duties.

Laenora was sitting in front of her, squealing in delight. They had decided to have a 'girl's day' and it was Visenya that wanted to take Laenora to see Rhaenys. Visenya hadn't seen her grandmother in over six months and in that time alone, Laenora had grown. She and Maegor seemed to grow more and more every day.

When they landed on Driftmark, Laenora waited for Visenya to climb off before she did and landed in her arms. Visenya's leather riding trousers and tunic seemed more loose than usual but she still enjoyed the freedom of not wearing a dress. Laenora was in her own age-appropriate riding gear, begging Visenya for ones that matched her own. 

"I still think Vhagar is better." She smiled and extended her arms for Visenya to hold her. What an ornery shit like her father. 

"I am not holding you now," She said with a grin.

"Please, Mama!"

With big wide violet eyes and the face of her father, she could not say no. She lifted Laenora into her arms but once she caught sight of Rhaenys walking out of the castle, she was squirming free. "Grandma!"

Rhaenys met her run in the middle, getting on her knees to hug Laenora. "My sweet Lae."

Rhaenys had been there for Lucery's wedding but made herself invisible with RHaenyra around. When Rhaenys met the twins and learned Laenora's name, she was moved to tears. She held on to Laenora as if she were a piece of Laena and Laenor. 

"Mama and I came riding on Grey Ghost! He is so big but Vhagar is bigger."

"Keep going, child, and I will leave you here," Visenya spoke.

"We wouldn't mind that now would we?" Rhaenys smiled and picked Laenora up.

"Nuh-uh, but Vhagar is still better than Meleys."

"Nevermind, you have to go home with your mother."

Visenya laughed and wrung her hands together. Rhaenys had always been the one to visit them in the capital but she hadn't been to Driftmark since she tried to escape before her wedding, and then before that ... that was why being here made her uneasy. More so now than ever.

"You've lost weight, Visenya. Is it safe to assume Laenora shan't be a big sister soon?"

Visenya shook her head. "I am not ready for another baby." And yet she didn't know why. 

Visenya walked into the hall and stopped, her eyes going to the fireplace. Last time this wasn't so hard. She was very much so struggling. 

"Laenora, would you rather play out on the beach?" Rhaenys asked her.

She nodded and the women followed her to the side of the island that had a more friendly coast without a violent tide. Rhaenys sat down at one of the patio tables where Laenora was playing in the sand without a care in the world. How nice it must be. "What troubles you?"

"I don't know," She mumbled.

"I don't buy that. You are struggling."

She looked at her hands while she spun the rings on her fingers. "When I was younger, I knew I wanted my children to be held by my father before anyone else in the family save for whoever my husband would be. But I was utterly alone when I gave birth. Not completely, I had Aemond. But I wanted my father there to tell me I was going to be a good mother. I thought that by keeping her name Laenora to honor him, it would make me feel better."

"And it has not?" Rhaenys asked.

"No. It's almost made it worse. Like I want him to meet her. She is perfect and he would love her. My only good parents can't be here to teach me how to be just as good a parent. I keep thinking about him. I don't dream often but when I do, they are nightmares. I'm not eating well and I keep getting flashbacks to those low times in my life."

"Like when?"

"When he first died, I was lone on Dragonstone. I would scream and cry at random times and I would go days without eating. That's how I coped. The event of losing him was traumatic but sometimes the after is just as bad. Because when I think about how I felt and how my life was, it cripples me with depression. The pain and loneliness I felt those years ago, that sometimes hurts worse than the actual day I lost him."

Rhaenys nodded. "The way you had to grieve was traumatic. The feelings and pain were traumatic. I know. I don't really think about the day I lost him anymore. When I feel my worst, it's because I remember how much it hurt."

"Like my chest, when I would cry, hurt so much I wanted to claw my heart from my body," Visenya agreed. "My last conversation with him was here. The last time I saw him was here."

Laenor glanced at Rhaenyra and then back at Visenya. "Let me talk to your mother. We sail back for Dragonstone in the morning, so go check on your brothers. If they are with Rhaena and Baela, I give you permission to do anything else. Just try not to take any more eyes."

"So why did you come? I have no problem flying to you."

"Because when I'm with Grey Ghost, it clears my head. But I wanted to spend time with Laenora because she is so attached to Aemond. I am ashamed to admit that it makes me jealous. She gets a father that is so good to her and he is actually the man that created her. Sometimes I am jealous of the better life I have given my children. Does that make me a bad parent?"

"No," Rhaenys chuckled. "Because I know that under that jealousy, you are relieved."

"Very," Visenya sighed. "I want Laenora to have good memories with me too. Mother never took me flying on Syrax. I want her to look back and remember both of us fondly, not just one. She is my daughter and I would do anything for her. I want her to know she is loved."

Rhaenys smiled. "This is such a funny moment for me. I had this same conversation with your father."

"What?" Visenya asked with a smile. 

"He was so scared. He kept asking me how to be as good a parent as I was and I laughed because no parent ever believes themself to be a good one. We do what we can with what we have and as long as we go in it with loving intentions, I think the rest figures itself out. You love Leanora and You know what you want for her. There is no instruction manual on how to be a parent. Every day is equal parts terrifying and joyful. You will feel like the biggest failure and their biggest supporter. But my sweet girl, Laenora is happy. She is so loved. Just look at her."

Visenya looked over and she was right. Laenora was making castles in the sand, not a worry on her face.

"When you were three, you looked like you were a ghost. You were happy around Laenor but other than that, there was no happiness on your face. You have already given your children a better life." Rhaenys squeezed her hands. 

Visenya felt her eyes well with tears. "I killed a man for her. I would kill armies for her. Why couldn't my mother make me feel that loved? She wouldn't kill a fly for me. I want him here, Grandmother. I want him to hold me and tell me he loves me because I can't get that from anyone besides my husband!"

RHaenys looked pained her outburst and her sobbing.

"Why can't I feel happy? I have two children I love more than anything and I have a husband that would burn down kingdoms for me and my happiness. But I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't stop reliving that last time we spoke in my head because it's the last memory I have to hold on to."

"Let me talk to your mother. We sail back for Dragonstone in the morning, so go check on your brothers. If they are with Rhaena and Baela, I give you permission to do anything else. Just try not to take any more eyes."

"You aren't well, Visenya, you need to rest. Not eating or sleeping isn't helping. Have you tried to talk to Aemond about this?"

"No, he worries too much already. And he hasn't stopped worrying about the twins since the attack. We have lived three years always looking over our shoulders. Putting them in their own room was hard enough."

"What kind of relationship can you have if you can't be honest about the deep and dark stuff?"

"Let me talk to your mother. We sail back for Dragonstone in the morning, so go check on your brothers. If they are with Rhaena and Baela, I give you permission to do anything else. Just try not to take any more eyes."

Their last conversation was haunting her, day in and day out. 

Visenya looked into the Rhaenys' eyes and truly looked for the first time in years. She had always been there to comfort her since she got married but she was seeing a broken woman behind her own eyes. A woman that lost both of her children and even her husband. Rhaenys hadn't had Coryls by her side in eyes and she couldn't imagine being that alone.

"Is Baela not here anymore?"

"She has been visiting Dragonstone for a fortnight. I cannot leave for Vaemond might try to take the Driftwood Throne."

"Rhaenys, Grandmother, you look lonely. You could come to stay with us or we could spend time here."

Rhaenys pat her hand. "I chose to stay with my pain. Even though this place is painful, there is also peace. They grew up here. Their giggles filled the halls as children. This is not home to your or your children, and King's Landing is not home to me. You have a chance to build a new family, I cannot bring my children back. As long as I get to see my beautiful little Laenora and Maegor, whom I hope you bring next time, I will be happy. Because while they do not share direct blood, I see him in you. He helped shape you to be who you are, and that bleeds into your children."

"I wish I looked like him. I wish I could see him in the mirror, I wish you could see him when you look at me."

Rhaenys smiled fondly, studying Visenya's face.

"I do, sweet girl."

This chapter was kinda hard for me to write because I have been dealing with a lot of grief lately and my own trauma. I just wanted to put a lot into this because it felt like it needed to be said. If you are alone, grieving, or dealing with your own trauma, you are seen and loved. You are not the only one feeling it and so many understand the pain. When I lost my grandmother, sometimes the worst of it came from grieving. The pain I felt was traumatic. And ya know what? Trauma sucks ass.