"The feelings aren't false,
But the words turn them into thorns,
I could've forgive you if you hurt (me),
But it was me who hurt you first."

♤

He convinced himself that she was lying. Bare breaths heavily escaping through his mouth. So far in the desert he stood shakily on his foot with heaving. Heart beating faster as if racing with his mind. Exhaling a cold, deep breath he began to strut away farther from the village under the dark night, making stars sigh; he was so hard on himself.

Gulping a big lump constricting in his throat. His shoulders slumped as they shook. He was feeling uncomfortable in his own clothes. The keffiyeh seemed to tightened on his neck and his shaky fingers reached upto the edges to loosen it, only to find it wet with his own cold sweats. Confusion laced eyes squinted on his own finger tips and they widened for fraction.

He never sweat. Loosening the edges his knees slumped against the sandy desert. Eyes didn't blurred with tears. But he was crying, every cell in his body was. What did just happen? He married her! Married a veiled woman, married someone who is so pious and pure, so away from sins. How could he marry someone who is opposite of her in all the ways, in all the senses of world? How could world be so injustice with her? How would he ever belong her, when he himself closed all the ways of pious clouds raining upon him;he wore a dark, heavy coat full of sins the world has ever seen?

For the first time in his life ever, he raised his head towards the sky. Eyes filled with questions. For the first time ever in his life he asked a question from God; why? Heart beating and aching in a way he never felt pain could exist.

"أول مرة في حياتي أرى شريراً يبكي."

"First time in my life, to see a villain crying." Kaif's amused voice hit his ears but he payed no heed to him.

Kaif smoothed the crinkles in his thobe and sat beside Baraq.

Baraq lost in his thoughts, ignored him.

His body stopped shaking and Layla's red rimmed, tear filled eyes snapped infront his eyes, making him clutch Kaif's neck tightly in his grip.

Groaning he tried to defend himself , but the sudden adrenaline rush made him stronger than Kaif. And he gritted through his teeth, "How could you ever go near to her"?

Kaif couldn't understand why suddenly he was all charged up against him but he knew, that this all was because of Layla.

"لا تقل أن برعم الحب قد أزهر في قلبك بسببها."

"Don't tell the bud of love is blooming into your heart, because of her."

The words made him halt his movement, something churned in his heart hearing someone else mentioning her. He slowly backed off. This wasn't love, obviously. He knows how love sounds like, how love smells like, how love feels like, what love is? He knows it all, for he has fallen in love before.

He knows what love is. The fresh wound reopened and he sat there on the the cold sand, caressing the memories, reminiscing them; of how he once laughed, of how he he didn't gazed at those stars shining down until she came, of how he bought the roses for her, of how he would wait for her in her room, of how he made her ride the camel, of how he once waited for her the whole night and of how she never bestowed him with her presence.

Nothing was changed, that time too, he was a sinner and this time too, he is a sinner. The only difference is that, back then he loved a sinner and now he was married to a pious woman. The only difference, which made him, the only difference, the reason why he ran off from his own village.

A chuckle erupted through his throat, felt so heavy in the air. A smile crooked onto his lips.

"The surprising part of the life is that, it will never let you have the thing you have always wished for. But, it will show you the mirrors of presents, gifting you the things you never thought, if it even existed. And most unbelievable part is, I experienced it too." The word 'experience' stayed for a long time in his mind. Something hit of and he remembered how she lost something dear to her too.

Why was everything reminding him of Layla?

Laughing on his own question he looked up at sky again; for the second time.

"No matter how much everyone tries, no one will ever know about your plans." Bits of chuckles erupted turning into heavy blown laughter. He laughed until he felt his tears dry and the feeling of cry faded away from his every cell. He laughed until his throat went dry. Long forgotten the Kaif behind. He laughed until the first ray of dawn caressed the sand of desert and reflected in his eyes. He laughed until he felt tired and when he stopped laughing a small tear slide down from the edge of his eye falling on to his cloth the same place where Layla for once in the night touched.

Kaif jerked up his body and rode on his camel away from Baraq and his village. Baraq sat there drowning himself into the serenity of sunrise. For the first time ever he was witnessing a sunset in his own land, the place where he was born and brought up. The only place where he learned the first lesson of betrayal.

Colours of emotions first time for ever reflected in his eyes. First time for ever he didn't felt everything and everything  at the same time. He wanted to hug someone gently and at the same time he wanted to run away from every possible & single touch of human in the world.

For the first time ever he was the victim not the culprit. For the first time ever. And the feelings of first times are always different. He could have felt numb but he didn't, instead he felt pain rising against his skin with every heart beat of it.

He was a sinner, but this time he felt it within every cell of his body.