That nightmare had shaken me a lot to be honest. And for a few days I was not feeling quite well to go about with my usual pranks or jokes. Maybe it was too noticeable because James took me aside today and asked what was wrong with me. Of course I just told him that I was homesick but I could see he knew that wasn't the case. 

Anyhow I was in the school grounds reading some of the 4th year books I had borrowed from Moony just to keep myself up to date with the studies because I kind of know literally nothing about magic and not studying is definitely not gonna help me (while the others were practicing for the upcoming Quidditch match). 

If I get back to my own time that is 1992, then the next year would be OWLs year or rather as Fred and George put it: the nerve wrecking Obliterating Worry Levels. 

Moony was scribbling an essay for Professor Binns and was continuously muttering about the anatomy of Hogwarts and the histories behind it (once or twice even enlightening me with a fact or two, such as how a student's heart froze when the Bloody Baron passed through her), "she had a palpitating heart, that's why. You shouldn't worry if any of the ghosts glide through you. But be prepared for an immersion in icy coldness. Besides its only the Baron who does that every now and then for his amusement." 

Okay... It was quite noisy out here and I noticed that even though Moony seemed to hate all the noise and chagrin in the previous match, he wasn't bothered at all now. I sometimes wonder why the hell am I so unnecessarily observant. 

Soon we were joined by Padfoot and Prongs who looked quite glad with the proceedings of their team's training. "Bet you anything the next match's ours," Padfoot remarked ecstatically. 

"Heard the new Slytherin seeker is a bit of a trouble though," Prongs muttered as if weighing the pros and cons. 

I saw how Sirius's face turned into a frown immediately, "he better watch out then." 

I spoke, "but that's what seekers do, right? Watch out for the Snitch." 

He elaborated, "I meant he better watch out for the victories or losses in Quidditch. Don't worry, Prongs, Reg's just an immature, I'm pretty sure there can be a single thing which he doesn't excel at. On second thoughts, you better inform Lucas to be prepared well. If we don't get the Snitch before Slytherin..." 

He left the sentence deliberately incomplete for a much desired effect. Trust him to be always unbelievably dramatic. However he turned to look at me, "Hey, what are you reading?" Within seconds he had taken the book. "Oh... Patronuses," he spoke, "loved that lesson in Charms, didn't we Moony?" 

Moony nodded, "of course. By the way Padfoot you know your Divination homework is going due, right? Two essays. And not to forget, another scroll which Professor Binns asked for about the Reforms made by previous Headmasters; especially Everard and Dilys?" 

Padfoot rolled his eyes, "it's Quidditch season. How do you expect me to complete everything along with all the commotion going out here? Tell you what, Moons, there are so many other tasks to accomplish in life that homework becomes merely an afterthought." 

Padfoot goes about on his own philosophy which is rather different from ordinary people. Moony shook his head as if disappointed and resumed scribbling his notes. 

"Hey I used to wonder whether your Patronus would take the form of Lily Evans when you first casted it," Sirius remarked over to James. 

"It is not possible for a Patronus to take a human form," Moony mumbled, "and it would have been weird watching Lily fighting off dementors." 

Prongs, however, was smirking, "she'd look hot though." Typical James Potter statement. 

Very soon Wormtail turned up and facing Moony and Prongs he spoke, "Minnie wants to see both of you in her office. Wonder what you did now, Moony. Though about Prongs I can have a fair idea." 

Moony sighed, "of course I did nothing, its you guys who are always causing trouble." 

Padfoot smirked, "don't forget; all the awesome ideas come from you." 

Prongs was so elated by the practice that he refused to believe that Minnie (McGonagall) would charge them with any crime, "it can be a Gryffindor Prefects Meeting. Come on lets go and get it over with." 

Wormtail led them away after sending a wink in Padfoot's direction who managed to keep his face straight though I could almost make out the slight threat in his eyes as if daring Wormy to voice out his thoughts. I don't know what's up with them. Seriously; and I think its about the hundredth time I have mentioned this.     

***

"What shape does your Patronus take?" Padfoot turned to me and asked as if genuinely curious. 

"I don't yet know how to even create one," I replied. 

He stared at me as if half in shock but then spoke, "never mind, its quite easy once you get to know how to create it." 

Interesting. I really was curious about Patronuses ever since Moony told me that they were helpful in fighting against Dementors. 

"Look," he took out his wand, "to create a Patronus, you have to focus on a happy memory. It should be strong, mind you. So you focus on the memory and when you think its strong enough to be projected, say the incantation. It's Expecto Patronum by the way." 

Okay... Might be easy but considering that it turns up in OWLs it must be rather advanced than I expect. He moved his wand in circles as if increasing the intensity of the spell and looking fully concentrated he cast it, "Expecto Patronum." 

A silvery form shot out of his wand and as it got distinct I saw that it had taken the form of a giant dog which circled us then swished past the trees gracefully before vanishing. A few of the students were pointing at it in amazement. 

"Wow," I breathed. 

He smiled, "Patronuses take the form of an animal which a person is most affiliated with. It is also a sort of mirror that reflects the personality of the caster. For example my Patronus is a black dog." 

Something clicked in my mind. 

"It takes the form of the Grim, an omen of Death, amusing right?" he laughed, "see how people misunderstand things, especially omens. If a Patronus (which is purely casted on strong happy memories) can take the form a Grim then how can they associate the poor animal with something so doleful as death?" 

The Grim. Death Omen. Giant black dog. Sounds familiar? Oh yes, absolutely.

"Hey why are you so silent? And here I thought you would have liked to cast it," he spoke. 

I shook my head, "nothing. Just thinking." 

He spoke, "why don't you try it now?" 

Alright. Let's see. I took out my wand. 

"Good, now think of a happy memory and let it fill you up. It must be powerful if you wish to create a corporeal Patronus." 

Now which memory should I think of? Now when I think about it, there were really very few times when I was completely happy. Very few strong memories if I could recall them. True, I was quite happy with the Weasleys but to create a Patronus even I knew that an emotionally strong memory was required. I focused on what I had in mind and moved my wand in circles just like I had seen him do it. 

Focusing on the memory, I spoke, "Expecto Patronum." 

Nothing happened. A silver streak came out of my wand and extinguished suddenly. 

"Try again," he encouraged me, "try with another memory." 

I had thought about the only time when I had felt an immediate surge of happiness; the day when Mom and Dad had freed me of the dreary asylum life. That was the happiest day in my life. I tried again this time focusing on the memory when I had crossed the barrier on Kings Cross and finally believed that Hogwarts was accepting me. "Expecto Patronum." 

The silver streak was slightly distinct this time but nothing more than that. Sirius had a thoughtful expression on his face, "any other memory?" 

I shook my head, "I don't know. Its just... I can't find any strong memory to begin with." 

He nodded, "I can understand. At times there aren't any strong happy memories. But if you concentrate, like really, then you can at least be able to create a non corporeal Patronus." 

I did want to create a Patronus. It would be downright hilarious to show Fred and George that I have learnt a lot instead of wasting my time and would definitely come in handy during the OWLs. But then the most crucial element in its casting was missing. A memory. Where do I find a memory powerful enough to cast the charm? 

"Keep practicing, I'll just be back." Padfoot went off towards the other three who had just come back. I stared at my wand closely. Why couldn't I do it? Why didn't I have a powerful memory? 

"Emotionally afflicted, dear?" Professor Trelawney's voice rang in my ears. 

Oh come on. I'm not emotionally afflicted. I'm just... Confused.  

***

That night in the dorm I was still thinking about my inability to create even a non corporeal Patronus. I was actually contemplating on it to keep my mind away from other things such as the horrible nightmare I had had regarding Sirius a few days back. No, I won't like to recall it again, thank you very much. 

I closed my eyes hoping to miraculously get hold of a memory that I could use. A while passed in silence. The Marauders were out and about somewhere on their trademark expeditions while I was alone in the dorm, books scattered on my bed, a few posters dumped over there as well (thanks to Marlene) and a lot of other stuff which usually came through Lily. 

I do wonder I'm getting a lot careless and irresponsible these days as often I don't even bother clearing up the mess there is (well partly because Padfoot doesn't mind and partly because company affects people and a 24/7 acquaintance at that is sure to bring drastic changes). 

I was still pondering on how to locate a memory from somewhere inside my head. Now when I think about it, I can't recall anything from the time when I was six or younger. There were black patches, gaps, inside my brain as if whole time periods which should have been there were not present anymore or forcefully repressed. Some people might think its normal and I don't know why I wouldn't quite agree with them. 

I might have been dozing off by now too tired of all the commotion (it has everything to do with Marlene, she simply can't keep her enthusiasms to herself and drags nearly everyone along with her to whatever she is practically fangirling over at the moment; this time it was her idea of an inter house music band and she was pretty excited to distribute the invites to her upcoming concert) as well as my brain wrecking evocation sessions. My eyes had dropped shut as they were feeling quite heavy and I figured that a little nap would possibly do no harm.

***

"I'm telling you once and for all; you're a nasty brat," a blonde girl was speaking to a toddler who had the same shade of hair as hers. It seemed as if I was watching from a distance and that's a big improvement because usually the dreams I have are narrated in first person point of view that is things actually happen to me and I don't think I'm much fond of it. Not at all. 

"Even though you might just be a baby," the girl resumed barely five years old or younger. 

"Bad Thia, very bad," the toddler giggled. 

"Would you like some beans?" the girl, Thia apparently, offered though I could unmistakably notice the mischievous glint in her eyes quite akin to the spark which the twins exhibit when they're planning to prank Percy. 

She gave an orange bean to the two year old who gladly put it in his mouth. Soon after his face turned slightly green, "ew vomit." He reached out towards the brown one, I understood that those were Every Flavoured Beans and he had thought that the brown one would be chocolate. 

"Its not chocolate, Dumbo. Earwax," the girl stated after he had put the bean in his mouth and soon afterwards he spat it out. 

"Thia's mean to me," he pouted. 

He was so adorable and so was the girl both with blonde hair and sparkly eyes; the boy had greyish blue while the girl had green ones quite like my own. It hit me suddenly, all this was slightly familiar. Almost like a suppressed memory. But how could that be possible. I don't remember... 

However I stopped my thoughts from taking hold of me as a tall beautiful woman stepped out, "Cynthia darling why don't you come downstairs? Aunt Bella is here to meet you. And come here son, what were you eating?" 

The girl smiled, "nothing Mom. I accidentally gave him a vomit and an earwax flavored bean." 

She burst into peals of laughter as the boy made another face, "Thia not good." 

But then seeing his expression she hugged him in order to cheer him up, "aw Dumbo I still love you even if you are a rude little person."

***

I sat up alert as the door opened. Padfoot stepped in, "oops, should have knocked. Didn't know you were sleeping." 

I shook my head, "I wasn't sleeping actually. Just dozed off for a while." 

I couldn't help but think of the two siblings I had seen. And I couldn't help but think that the Cynthia girl was quite a lot like the girl in my family photos back at Russia. It couldn't be possible that I had another family before my real parents (those in Russia of course). But how could I figure it out? Everything was already very muddled up without me worrying about Cynthia and Dumbo. I could however give one thing a try. 

"Hey Padfoot, how about I try creating the Patronus again?" 

He turned to face me, "that's great. So you finally found a memory?" 

I nodded slightly, "yeah, sort of." Concentrating on whatever I had seen I took my wand and moved it in circles focusing completely on the tiny little scene. "Expecto Patronum." 

I felt a weird sensation as if something was filling me up. Retaining my concentration I focused as hard as I could determined to get the charm right. 

This time the memory expanded from what I had seen earlier to flashes of the two siblings playing together and the girl annoying her brother then bursting into peals of laughter. 

"Nasty little toddler," the voice rang in my ears again, "wonder why Dad's so fond of you. But you're not that bad I guess." 

There was a gentle shove at my hand and I opened my eyes to see a silvery form shooting gradually from the tip of my wand. Quite subtly the silver form circled us growing distinct eventually. Sirius was gazing at it in wonder while I was curious to see what form it would take. 

"A Thunderbird," he remarked, "how beautiful." 

Sure enough, it was a Thunderbird. Silvery and elegant, it swooped all over the room and hovered for a while flapping its magnificent wings gracefully before vanishing into a crackle of thunder. 

"Great," he patted me encouragingly, "I would say you have passed the test. Ten points to Miss Kat for accomplishing the Patronus charm." 

I smiled as well. Performing the charm was difficult but it felt really good. As if someone had filled up a light inside me. Something that could lift souls from deep despair even. But then of course its a Patronus and will therefore have such qualities being able to fight off Dementors and all. 

And I'm glad of one thing; if now I ever have to come face to face with a Dementor, I would have something for protection. A Thunderbird Patronus. As well as a memory which doesn't make any sense despite the fact that I was half assured about the Cynthia girl being me. But who knows obviously? 

"If you ever have bad dreams again do not spend whole weeks pondering over them," Sirius added as an afterthought which surprised me, "dreams are just dreams. They don't normally come true." 

Yeah. I think so too. The nightmare would better stay as a nightmare instead of turning into a prophesied reality (one of the aspects I hate about being able to have a tiny connection with the future). 

Even though how he guessed that I was having nightmares was beyond my understanding.

***