Chapter Fourteen (Newell)

"Well, that didn't go as planned." I muttered as Xed and I walked down the street to the bus stop. Xed wore a grim expression, no longer as cheery as he was earlier. Having seen Daimonas break down took a toll on both of us, and I'm sure Daimonas hadn't meant it, but it was making things difficult. I was hoping to just grab him and leave, and I was tempted to go through with the plan until he started crying and I felt that foreign ache of guilt in my chest.

"I should've just dragged him out right then and there," I said as we stood by the bus stop where a homeless man was curled up under the bench and a woman was cradling her baby and her boyfriend was texting on his phone, "Goodbyes are painful." Xed gave me a sympathetic stare and I just sighed, folding my arms over my chest, glancing up and down the street.

"Well, whatever, it's done and over with. Right now, we'll go see Alora one last time and remind me to call Vladimir to inform him of our plans on our way back to the hospital." I informed, making Xed nod. The woman gave me an odd stare, but I ignored it as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"This thing has turned into quite a headache. I swear, when I get my hands on Hunter again..." My voice trailed as I could easily imagine ripping his throat open with my bare hands. I had faintly heard Hunter giving his arrogant speech to Starling and Xed through the haze of the poison. Who did he think he was trying to compare us? We were nothing alike.

Sure, we shared some common enemies and interests, but that did not make us alike. Hunter was a much more rugged, wild person and he didn't care who he hurt in the process of his goals. He even shot his own ally. Granted, I would have done that at some point in my life as well, but something had happened after a while. I was growing tired of trying to put up my defenses. By putting up walls around myself, I was creating more conflict and that's the last thing I needed right now.

The bus approached the stop a few minutes after us standing there and we got on board, Xed paying the fee to the Haight. We sat near the front for a quick get off. I was quiet as the bus took off. I glanced at Xed and he was just staring straight ahead, hands on his knees, ankles crossed. He sat with good posture, but he seemed almost robotic. It was strange to think that someone like this could actually be.... tender and gentle.

I'd seen Xed take on several vampires at once. I've seen him rip out hearts and strangle people with their own intestines. I'd even seen him eat once and that was definitely something to churn the stomach.

And yet, earlier... Thinking about it made me feel like I had butterflies in my stomach and I wanted to punch myself there. I could still feel the way his lips had felt brushing against my fingertips, the way his teeth very softly grazed my skin. The way his lips had felt against mine was an even more exotic and thrilling sensation. His lips were soft and strong, entrapping me. The way his tongue worked was swift and skillful. It made me wonder if he'd kissed anyone else and that sent an odd sliver of jealousy burning through my veins that I fought to contain. I didn't want to think about Xed kissing anyone else.

I only wanted him to kiss me. It was an odd feeling; this streak of possessiveness that didn't even want people to look at Xed the way I looked at him... Did I look at him in that way? I wasn't sure and I couldn't ask Xed. I'd already humiliated myself enough for a while.

I looked at Xed again, only to see he was already looking at me. I quickly looked away, but not before I saw him smile.

This was going to take some getting used to.

We arrived in the Haight minutes later and climbed off the bus. The police tape had been removed from the cauldron shop, but everything had been taken down with it and the shop was now for lease. I was having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that Hunter had killed the witches just to lure me out on my own. He normally didn't kill humans, and witches were humans. He'd grown up in the heart of Louisiana, just outside New Orleans, the city known for its magic and witchcraft and voodoo hoodoo.

We headed down the sidewalk to Alora's shop. The air was still thick and suffocating in her shop. It was a sort of aura that made me wonder if she merely had herbs hanging somewhere in a charm bag to ward off my people. It was just that repulsive.

Physically, her shop was still quite attractive with dim candles and lilac, purple, white, and black designs everywhere. It was just the aura that turned me off.

Of course, Alora was sitting inside at her small tarot table with her tarot cards piled up in front of her, along with a tea pot and three tea cups. Xed gave me an odd stare, which I returned, before we came inside, the bell toning overhead. Alora smiled.

"Ah, you're both looking well." She greeted.

"I was hit over the head with a cauldron, kidnapped, drained, poisoned. Yeah, I'm feeling fine." I answered, making Alora raise an eyebrow. Xed smirked as he came to stand beside me as I took my usual seat across from Alora. I folded my arms over my chest at her expression.

"Why do you look surprised? You seem to know everything." I deadpanned. Alora shrugged, picking up her tea cup to take a sip.

"I'm not psychic," She replied calmly, "I just look at your life and the way you act, and interpret what could happen."

"Then why do you call it magic?" I asked dryly. Alora smiled, putting her tea cup down before looking up at me.

"To you, it's magic. To me, it's all natural, common sense. I pick up on everything from people. I'm a good people watcher. My magic comes from that." She explained. I frowned thoughtfully, averting my eyes and making a mental note of that when Alora sighed, making me glance up.

"And unfortunately, this will be our last day together," She said, making me cock a brow and she smiled, scanning us up and down, "Judging from your reluctance and slow moving actions as well as the tension in your shoulders, you'll be leaving San Francisco at least by tomorrow."

"Good deduction." I responded. Alora smiled.

"I've been at this for years. Where do you plan to make your home now?"

"I can't very well tell you that in case someone comes looking for us."

"You're right to be cautious. I'd give up any sort of information on customers if it meant I'd be paid well."

"You and I both." I returned, taking a sip of the tea. I paused to frown into the cup at the flavor, then looked up at Alora, who blinked, then gave me that mischievous smile again.

"It's a special green tea. It's for good luck and healing." She responded. I shrugged, taking another sip. Xed gave me an uncomfortable stare, but I waved it off and kept drinking. Alora hummed thoughtfully.

"I should hope you and your companions will remain safe. It's a big world out there." She said, putting emphasis on the word big, making me narrow my eyes. She smiled at that.

"No matter your size." She added. I rolled my eyes and finished the tea.

"I take it you won't be telling me what I wish to know." I said. Alora tilted her head sweetly.

"I already told you and gave you what you want to know." She answered. I scowled.

"I hope I don't run into more witches like you." I said dryly as I stood up to depart. What a waste of a trip. Part of me was tempted to still kill her, but the last thing I needed was an angry mob of witches and her supplier coming after me. For now, I would lay low and let her carry on with her business.

"You probably will," Alora replied cheerfully, "New Orleans is the heart of magic. Good luck to you, and may the gods be in your favor." I only nodded as a response before I gestured for Xed to follow me and we departed from Alora's shop. I sighed as we walked down the sidewalk.

"That was an utter waste of time," I admitted, making Xed nod in agreement, "Well, at least now we can contact Vladimir and get back to the apartment. We need to do some last minute scans of the room to make sure there's nothing left behind for them to follow us by." Xed nodded, then handed me my cell phone. I flipped it open and went right to speed dial for Vladimir's number. There were a few rings before the phone picked up.

"Vladimir Gothica speaking."

"Vladimir, it's Newell. We... ran into a bit of a problem."

"Wonderful," Vladimir exclaimed, his voice oozing sarcasm that made me roll my eyes in irritation, "Then why are you calling me? The last thing I need are cops coming to my home again."

"Again," I started to ask, then shook my head and decided I couldn't care less about Vladimir's life, "Never mind. Look, we're packing up and leaving San Francisco. We're going to New Orleans to shake them off before we take a plane to London."

"I take you're going to call Alaric for the fake papers?"

"Indeed. I'm just telling you so you can change the account name so the banks don't get suspicious."

"Call me when you get your new IDs then. For now, I'll shut down your account. But get to the bank in the next half hour, take out enough to get you from here to New Orleans. Hurry, or you might be on foot."

"All right, I'll call you later." I hung up and handed the phone back to Xed as a bus arrived.

"Did you hear that?" I asked him. He nodded. I sighed, and we got on the bus again to head to the bank. At least this time we would have money. I wasn't sure I could carry that much luggage from here to New Orleans, and to have to walk through the desert? The thought made my skin crawl, but thankfully, there was a train route that went right through there to New Orleans. It was a straight shot and I was eager to get out of dodge.

While I was grateful to Starling for saving Daimonas' life, he'd just gotten us into a bit more trouble that we didn't need. I hated having to leave Starling behind as well. We had just been reunited and I was interested to see how his life was going-- and why Vladimir ever thought it was a good idea to give Starling to a person like Dr. Kavanaugh. The man seemed strict and disgusted with Starling. And while Starling didn't dress or act like a gentlemen a lot of the time, he was still a decent human being that deserved to be treated with respect.

We stopped by the bank and I made a withdrawal, trying not to seem too suspicious. Of course, while I was the one that was making it, the account was under Xed's name. We took another bus home and I was relieved to be back. It was just uncomfortable and eerie that the apartment was basically cleaned out now. Xed and I had made the place spotless, vacuuming and sweeping up every bit of evidence we could. I'd even wiped own our hand prints, which I would make sure to do before we left again as well.

I went to the sofa and sat down. Xed followed and sat beside me. I kicked my shoes off and leaned back against the sofa, closing my eyes and trying to sort things out. I was a stickler for timing.

If Xed and I went to bed now, we'd get plenty of sleep to get up about five thirty in the morning. We'd shower, wipe the place down one last time, then head downstairs with our stuff. We'd take a bus to the hospital to get Daimonas, probably spend a few minutes there trying to get him to come with, then take another bus to the train station. I wasn't quite sure when the trains left, but most of them left in the morning. Surely we'd be in time for at least one of them. The longest I was willing to wait was half an hour before the hospital decided to check up on Daimonas and realized he was gone.

"All right," I decided, making Xed glance at me, "Let's head to bed and then get up around five thirty to get cleaned up here and go for Daimonas. After that, we'll head to the train station and go to New Orleans. We'll grab the nearest hotel long enough for me to figure out when the first flight to London leaves at the nearest airport." Xed nodded. I got up with finality, heading to the room to undress and change into a large t-shirt. Xed came in after me, taking off his shirt and pants. He politely waited until I was in bed before he took off his underwear and got under the covers.

I climbed into bed and turned off the lights, but I was certainly not ready for sleep. I was difficult to get rest with all the things racing around in my mind. Would we make it in time? Should I have scheduled a longer time for Daimonas to say goodbye? Another part of me wanted to lift the ban I gave Daimonas on conjuring money, but that would only make more trouble for us. Nothing was more suspicious than three relatively poor young men paying 40k right up front. Xed would also not be able to talk his way through questions and paperwork. He couldn't read or write English, nor could he speak. It would be a problem.

And this was already a problem. Alaric was going to demand for something in return for making more fake papers.

I sighed, rolling over on my side and clenching my fists, grinding my teeth. It was hard to calm down and sleep. I was still riled up and nervous about trying to get away from humans. They may not be the strongest species, but they were intelligent and relentless. They would hunt for us even after we left the country. It may take years or decades for them to finally back off and assume we'd been killed or left the country.

Another reason why humans pissed me off.

I squeezed my eyes shut, then froze when I felt a hand touch my cheek. I blinked my eyes open and even in the darkness, I could see Xed kneeling by my bedside. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what he was doing.

This whole relationship was entirely new to me. I'd never been in a relationship before. I didn't know what to do or how to act, especially when Xed and I couldn't do very much. Even though he said it didn't matter whether we could have sex or not, I felt like he was just saying that so as not to upset me. It did upset me in all honesty, the fact that we couldn't do anything. I'd had plenty of dreams in which I had sex with Xed, but in all my dreams, I wasn't stuck in this damned body.

Thinking about it was humiliating and upsetting.

Xed picked up on it, though, and gestured for me to scoot over. I looked him in disbelief, but my body obeyed his gesture anyway and I scooted over, making room for him on the bed. He pulled up the blankets and laid down beside me. I held my breath, waiting to feel his naked hips, but much to my disappointment, he was wearing his underwear.

Right. Disappointment.

We just laid there on the bed, side by side, not saying a word. And suddenly, I had the urge to laugh, so I let a chuckle escape and Xed turned to me questioningly. I shook my head, rolling over so he had my back.

"It's nothing." I said, not wanting to tell him that I thought this situation, and relationship, was ridiculous waste of time. Neither of us were going to get what we wanted. I wasn't going to have Xed for the rest of our lives, as much as I wanted it. And Xed wasn't going to get the pleasure he deserved.

I felt his arm wrap around me from behind and held my breath as he pressed my back up against his chest. I felt his nose burying in my hair, heard him breathing deeply. I felt heat rise to my cheeks and thanked the gods that the room was pitch black, otherwise, he'd see me looking even more embarrassing.

Wasn't he embarrassed, I wondered. Wasn't he disgusted? I was so tiny, he could easy just pick me up and carry me around. To others, I looked like... like a child. Xed was a man. A full grown man that could have anyone in the world he wanted. Why did he want me of all people? I was cruel and stubborn and OCD and obnoxious and small and disgusting. Why would he want to touch me?

I held my breath as I felt Xed's lips brush my ear. I felt his hand rubbing up and down my chest, but not going up my shirt, where I really wanted it. I wanted to feel his bare hand against my skin, his fingers brushing my nipples. Hell, I wouldn't mind it if his hand went even lower and held me there. A gasp escaped my lips as I realized I was holding my breath as Xed touched my chest and kissed at my ear.

I could feel my groin harden at the attention and beg for more. I squirmed, reaching up to grab Xed's hand to stop him. I couldn't let this go further. I didn't want to lose him when I had just managed to make this thing complete... or did he really want to touch this body? Why would he?

"Xed," My voice sounded quiet, like a whisper, which didn't make sense when it was just us two in the house, "Xed, wait..." He instantly obeyed, his hand hovering over my stomach. I shivered at the way his fingers felt against my skin and unable to stand it anymore, moved his hand lower. Humiliation burned deep inside me and somehow it still managed to fuel the erection in my underwear. Gods, I was disgusting. I struggled to breath at Xed's hand just touching me over my underwear alone.

And then Xed breathed softly in my ear. His hot breath against my ear, his tongue touching my earlobe, his rock hard muscles against my back, his big hand between my legs.

I moaned and arched my hips into his hand, unable to stop the desire that set fire to my blood. Each buck of my hips reminded me that I was disgusting and making a huge mistake, but I couldn't stop. It felt unbelievably amazing and hot.

I couldn't take it anymore and came, gasping hard and gripping Xed's hand, curling up a little. A lump formed in my throat, but I swallowed it hard as I finally relaxed. We both laid there in absolute silence as I let the humiliation swallow me. I wanted to disappear into the blankets and never be seen again.

I can't believe I just did that.

I pushed Xed's hand away from me and he went to grab my arm, but I quickly scooted out from under the blankets, getting to my feet. Disgust tortured me when I felt the wetness between my legs. I heard Xed moving on the bed, but I cleared my throat.

"Bathroom." Was all I said before I quickly went to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I pressed my back to the door, breathing hard. I shuddered, reaching up to run a hand through my hair before I went to the shower. I stripped off my clothes and turned the cold water on, stepping inside and letting it hit me like a blast of ice. I held my breath, squeezing my eyes shut as the ice cold water splashed own on me.

I had to rein in my control, my desire. I was embarrassing both Xed and myself. I wasn't this kind of person. I had never been this kind of person. I had control. I've always had control. Well, when I was angry, maybe not, but at least I could contain my desires and most of my emotions.

Now it was like they were all coming out at once and there was no way to stop them.

Maybe this relationship was a bad idea. Maybe we shouldn't do this after all.

Everything was going to fall apart, and if Xed left while I was feeling this way?

Everything I had done up until this moment would have been for nothing.

Knocking on the shower door made me jump and whirl around to see a blurry version of Xed standing on the other side, his hand against the door. I immediately covered myself, turning my back to him and looking down, gritting my teeth.

"What are you doing in here? Get out." I ordered. Of course all I got was silence, but to make sure he was gone, I turned to look over my shoulder, only to find him still standing there. I scowled, then gasped when he opened the door.

"Don't come in!" I snapped. Xed hesitated, then reluctantly shut the door. He didn't leave, however. At least, not before he placed a hand to himself, then crossed his arms over his chest, then placed a hand on the shower door. My cheeks flushed and I watched him depart, closing the door behind him. I sighed, rubbing a wet hand over my face, then slicking the hair back so I could stare down at the water as it went down the drain.

Even after that, he still managed to tell me he loved me. I was still wary about whether it was the truth or whether I was just hoping for too much again. I shook my head and rinsed my body off before I got out and grabbed a towel off the rack nearby. I dried myself off and came into the bedroom to find it dark and Xed now laying in his bed. I hesitated, nibbling my lower lip.

I probably hurt his feelings. He might have misinterpreted my disgust as directed towards him, but it wasn't. Xed was far from disgusting. He had a body that I would kill to have. I would say it wasn't fair, but I had learned long ago that life was never fair. People hated you no matter what you had. Even if I had become the thing my parents wanted me to be, my father still would have learned to hate me.

I sighed, going to my suitcase and taking out a t-shirt and folding up the towel and hanging it in the bathroom to dry.

I was just new to this, I tried to tell myself. This is completely new. Not used to this. Get used to it. I'd grow accustomed to becoming poor. I had learned not to ask too much, that was very true. As a child, I had everything I wanted. Even after I had created Zephyra, I had people bring me coffee and do what I say, for fear of threatening me. After I escaped in Italy, however, things had changed. I had no money and plenty of enemies. I learned how to be careful. I learned to enjoy even the most tasteless blood and how to make a box into a bed.

If I could do that, I could do this too.

I wasn't a coward.

I took a deep breath and shut off the bathroom light, plunging the room into pitch darkness, save for the alarm clock that sat on the nightstand. I crept over to Xed's bed, hesitating.

Maybe I couldn't do this.

What if he didn't want me there?

Then he wouldn't have crawled into bed with you earlier. A voice reminded me. I nodded to that, taking a deep breath and pushing back the blankets. I climbed under the blankets and pulled them over me, holding my breath when I felt Xed's warm body next to mine. I'd slept next to him plenty of times in the past, but for some reason, this moment seemed much more different, more meaningful.

I slept with my back to Xed's, just savoring the warmth beside me.

I wasn't alone. Xed was right here. He'd always be here. He won't leave anymore. He may have left before, like everyone else, but unlike them, he came back. He kept repeating I love you, so I wouldn't doubt him.

I wished it was easier. If I weren't in this damned body, things would be so much easier...